She faltered as their emotions washed over her. Her gaze met Cade’s. He didn’t move, but the look in his eyes gave her an anchor, steadying her.
“From this day forward, this planet shall be known by the name you have chosen. Azaana.”
The Suulh word for freedom.
CHAPTER SEVENTY-THREE
JONAREL SPENT the entire evening watching Aurora. And he had come to one inevitable conclusion. She was in love. But not with him.
The man in question had been by her side most of the night. Not because he had inserted himself there. Because Aurora wanted him there.
Observing her with Ellis was worse than being sucked dry by a relquir. Much worse. Every time she touched Ellis, Jonarel wanted to strip the man’s skin from his bones. He hated Ellis with the force of a supernova, and trusted him even less.
But that did not matter. This was about Aurora. It always had been. And he was losing her. Which placed him at the dead center of a no-win scenario.
If he sabotaged her relationship with Ellis and somehow convinced her to choose him instead, overriding her judgment, he would be manipulating her and betraying her trust. What kind of future could they hope to have together if they started that way? He would have her by his side, but to keep her there, he would have to destroy the very qualities he cherished about her—her independence, her confidence, and her empathy. He would hate himself every second of every day. And she would grow to hate him, too.
But if he did nothing, his options were far worse. He would be betraying his father and his clan, and leaving Aurora vulnerable to another rejection by Ellis. He had witnessed the devastating results of their last breakup. It had taken years for Aurora to recover. He could not stand by and watch that happen again.
And if Ellis actually stayed? That presented the greatest threat of all, one that could destroy everything. His father would not allow that scenario to proceed for long. He would step in and do whatever he deemed necessary to separate Ellis from Aurora. Permanently. But if something happened to Ellis, and Aurora discovered that Jonarel had known about the danger and had not warned her, she would never forgive him.
She was a powerful ally. He did not want to find out how powerful she could be as an enemy.
His father had stated that Aurora had no choice in the matter. Jonarel disagreed. There was only one choice that mattered. Hers. But was he prepared to stand against his father and clan, and the yearnings of his own heart, so that she would have the right to make it?
He was brooding over that quandary when the object of his contemplations approached him.
Her expression was cautious. “Hi.”
“Hello.”
She gestured to the doors that led to the back deck. “Care to join me?”
Always. “After you.”
The warm breeze carried the sweet scent of the nearby vegetation and the faint notes of salty sea. He wished he could draw comfort from the soothing surroundings. Instead he was trapped at the center of a frozen lake.
Aurora sat on the steps that led to the pathway. He settled in next to her, but far enough away that they were not touching. He needed that distance right now.
She stared into the darkness. “I talked to Cade. He and Justin are going to visit the Council headquarters and see what they can learn about the Admiral’s disappearance while we’re having a chat with my mother.”
She had provided several key pieces of information in that sentence, but he pounced on the one that was most relevant to him. “We?”
She met his gaze. “That’s right. If you’re willing, I’d like you to go with me to see my mother. Mya’s coming, of course, and I’ve asked Kire, too. But your presence will give more weight to what I have to say. It might tip the scales in our favor.”
He would gladly follow her to the edge of the galaxy and back. “Of course. I will do anything you ask of me.” And Ellis would not be joining them. That helped.
Her gaze searched his. “I didn’t want to make any assumptions. I know you’re hurting. And it’s my fault. I’m sorry.”
Of course she would know. She could sense everything he was feeling if he allowed it. And he was not hiding his emotions at the moment. But he did not want her to suffer, too. “It is not your fault.”
She sighed. “It sort of is. And even if it’s not, that doesn’t make it easier.” She looked away, curling in on herself. “I hate this.”
He swallowed. She was torturing herself. And that was torturing him. “Aurora, stop.” He slipped his hand over hers and pulled her around to face him. She kept her head down, so he tucked his finger under her chin and applied pressure until she met his gaze.
Silent tears tracked down her cheeks. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
He used the pads of his fingers to wipe the moisture away. “I know.” He might be in Hell, but that did not mean he wanted her to join him there. “I do not want to hurt you, either.”
“Can’t help it. You hurt, I hurt.”
He held her gaze. “I understand.” He brushed a tendril of hair off her forehead. She had worn her hair loose tonight, the waves trailing like spun gold over her shoulders. “That is another reason I want you with me. As long as I am by your side, no one can hurt you.”
She frowned. “Meaning Cade.”
He nodded. “I do not trust him.”
Her eyes got that far-away look that meant she was tuning into his emotions. “I can understand that,” she said softly. “But do you trust me?”
“With my life.”
Tears gathered in her eyes again. “Oh, Jonarel.” She gripped his hands in hers. “I wish…” She trailed off, her expression bleak.
“I know. So do I.”
She was silent for a long while as they stared at each other. Her tears fell onto the dark fabric of her tunic. But eventually she pulled on the mantle of control he knew so well. “So, you’ll come with me to see my mother?”
He nodded.
“Thank you.”
She leaned forward just long enough to brush her lips against his cheek before rising and heading into the house.
Jonarel remained on the steps for much longer, collecting his wayward emotions before he followed. His father tracked him down as soon as he stepped into the room.
His expression was grim. “Aurora has been crying. Is there a problem?”
Jonarel looked his father in the eye…and lied. “No. Everything is fine.”
CHAPTER SEVENTY-FOUR
JUSTIN’S HEART was an anvil in his chest.
He’d spent the last hour with Raaveen, Paaw and Sparw, sitting out on the upstairs balcony, talking about everything and nothing. But he’d said what he’d needed to say. Every painful word. He’d told them how much they meant to him, and how much he was going to miss them.
And they’d echoed it right back at him, surrounding him with gratitude and love as they’d wrapped him in their incredible energy.
His eyes were still damp. He swiped at them as he headed down the stairs. Captain Hawke had sent him a message asking him to stop by her room before he turned in. Not a problem, since there was zero chance he would sleep tonight.
The door was partially open, so he knocked softly on the doorframe.
“Come in.” She looked up from her datapad as he entered.
“You wanted to see me?”
“Yes, I did. Have a seat.”
He settled into the chair next to hers, the only other item of furniture in the bare room.
She set the datapad on the floor. “I spoke with Raaveen during dinner, and she told me about the stealth pod lessons. And the Galish tutoring. That was a wonderful idea. They really enjoyed learning from you.”
He didn’t need to be reminded. And he really didn’t want to talk about the teens right now. He already felt like a human punching bag and her comment hit him like a blow. But he respected her too much to walk out. “I enjoyed teaching them. They have a lot of natural talent.”
“I know. And I want to encourage tha
t.” She studied him. “You mean a lot to them.”
Bam! Another punch to the gut. He had to swallow a couple times before he could respond. “They mean a lot to me, too.”
“I can tell.” She paused, her gaze assessing. “They’re hurting right now, you know.”
Oh, yeah. He knew all about hurting. “I know.”
“And so are you.”
He flinched. Of course she’d realize that. According to Cade she could read emotions like he’d read words in a book. Even without that talent, his appearance would give him away. His eyes were probably still red from the blubbering he’d done upstairs. He met her gaze. “Yeah.” He sighed. Might as well tell the whole truth. “I love those kids. The thought of never seeing them again is ripping me apart.”
Compassion shone in her eyes. “I can understand that. They’re easy to love. And you’ve shared some intense experiences recently.”
An uppercut this time. Was this torture ever going to end?
“I don’t want to add to your pain. Or theirs. In fact, I’d like to help if I can. But first I need to know how committed you are to doing what’s best for them.”
Finally, an easy question. “I’d give my life for those three.”
The corners of her mouth lifted slightly. “I believe you. And I think they’d say the same thing about you.” She folded her hands in her lap. “Things are a little shaky right now, especially after encountering that carrier.”
No argument there.
“We have a lot to accomplish, and I’m going to need help to keep things moving forward. After we leave, one item that will be critical is keeping in close contact with Raaveen. However, depending on what I learn from my mother and where that takes me, communication may not always be easy.” She held his gaze. “I have a proposal for you.”
Justin’s heart thumped in his chest.
“I want you to establish and maintain a communication link with Raaveen. If anyone can set up a secure system that won’t compromise the secrecy we need to maintain, it’s you.”
The air suddenly got thin, and he had to concentrate very hard on breathing in and out. Had he heard her correctly? “You want me to keep in contact with Raaveen? On a regular basis?”
She nodded. “That’s right. And if any issues arise, it will be your job to alert me. Immediately.”
“What about Emoto?” He felt like kicking himself the moment he asked the question, but it was a valid point. She already had a communications specialist on her crew. A good one.
“Kire’s going to have plenty to keep him busy without worrying about what’s happening here. But if you don’t think you can—”
He cut her off. “I’ll do it. Absolutely.” He’d agree to anything if it allowed him to maintain a connection with the kids. Doing something that was in his wheelhouse was an unexpected gift.
She smiled. “Good.”
He hesitated to push his luck, but he couldn’t ignore the question that was banging around in his brain. “Will I ever be able to see them again?”
Her brows drew down. “I don’t know. I wish I could say I have all the answers, but I don’t. I’m winging it.” She held his gaze. “What I can promise is that if I see an opportunity to get you back here, I will.”
His throat tightened, but the emotion coursing through him wasn’t pain. She’d just offered him the moon. “Thank you, Captain.”
“You’re welcome. And one other thing.”
“Yes?”
“As far as I’m concerned, you’re a part of my crew, regardless of whether you’re on the ship. From now on, call me Aurora.”
CHAPTER SEVENTY-FIVE
AURORA’S FINGERS tapped out a syncopated rhythm on the arm of the captain’s chair. Snippets from her conversations with Cade, Jonarel and Justin collided with visions of the impending confrontation with her mother, creating a vortex that left her unsettled.
Returning to the Starhawke hadn’t provided the sense of peace she’d expected, either. Without the distraction of the Suulh to keep her mind occupied, she was on edge. It wasn’t a sensation she enjoyed.
She was glad she’d talked to Justin, though. The emotional cloud that had hovered over him and the three teens yesterday had evaporated. Unfortunately, she couldn’t say the same for Jonarel.
“Clarek to Hawke.”
She jumped, revealing just how high-strung she’d become, especially around her chief engineer. She touched the comm panel. “Go ahead.”
“Final engine checks are completed. All systems ready on your command.” Jonarel almost sounded normal. Almost.
“Acknowledged.” Her voice sounded odd, too. She didn’t anticipate the situation improving over the next few days, either. Might as well get this show on the road. “Kire, notify Siginal and Raaveen that we’re departing. Kelly, take us out.”
“Aye, Captain.”
The image on the screen shifted as the Starhawke taxied out of the bay and accelerated toward open water. Aurora usually loved this moment, but as they soared upwards, breaking the grip of the planet’s gravity and hurtling into space, the dominant emotion flowing through her body was apprehension, not joy.
Confronting her mother about the past rated the top spot on her list of least favorite things, partly because she’d failed every time she’d tried. Her mother took stubbornness to a whole new level. And it didn’t take much to set her off.
Aurora’s one hope was that having Jonarel and Kire there would tip the scales in her favor. They would give weight to her request. And that was important. Her mother needed to understand that this wasn’t just about her anymore. Many other lives depended on the information she was withholding.
The lift doors parted and Cade stepped onto the bridge, heading in her direction. As he slid into the chair to her left, his eyes narrowed. “You look tense.”
She didn’t even try to deflect the comment. “That’s because I am.” She didn’t need to explain why, either. She could see the understanding in his eyes.
“Have you decided when you’re going to contact your mother?”
“I’m not.”
His brows lifted. “You’re planning to just show up on her doorstep?”
“Mya will alert Marina as soon as we reach Earth. She can pick us up at the transit station. But I don’t want to give my mother time to think.” She knew better than anyone how her mother could stonewall if she worked up a head of steam. Catching her off guard was the best strategy.
“Are you sure you don’t want me to go with you?”
She appreciated the offer, but he had his own task to accomplish. She shook her head. “You need to focus on locating the Admiral. I’ll be fine.”
“Will you?”
She held his gaze. “Yes. It’s time to go home.”
A gentle smile touched the corners of his mouth. “Okay. But I’ll be waiting for you at HQ when you get back.”
She was already looking forward to that moment. “Good to know.”
She shifted her gaze to the glitter of starlight as the ship approached the jump window. She had no idea what revelations awaited her when they reached the other side, but she wouldn’t be facing them alone.
And that made all the difference.
Aurora must confront the secrets of her past in THE HONOR OF DECEIT, book three in the Starhawke Rising series, coming soon!
CAPTAIN’S LOG
FREE Starhawke Rising Prequel
Before Aurora Hawke became the captain of the Starhawke, she served on the Argo with Celia Cardiff. Read the story of their first adventure together in COMMANDER, available exclusively to my readers. Get your copy here!
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The Soundtrack
I write to music. It’s a ritual. If I don’t hav
e music playing, the silence is deafening. But it can’t be just any music. Each story has its own soundtrack that sets the tone, draws me in, and keeps the words flowing.
The problem with having a particular soundtrack for each story is that after I’ve associated a piece of music with a book, I can’t use it again. I tried. It was an epic failure.
After I completed The Dark of Light, I loved the soundtrack I’d chosen so much that I put it on when I started this book. It didn’t work. I kept thinking about the story I’d just finished, not the one I was beginning. After a couple days of struggling, I changed the music to something else and presto! The story found its groove.
If you’d like to experience this story the way I did, listen to the soundtrack for Captain America: The First Avenger while you read.
Justin and the teens
I never intended for Justin to be a major character in this series. When he was first introduced, I cast him as Cade’s best friend, somebody who was going to be his first officer. Justin filled that role well. But he wasn’t critical. Certainly not somebody who would have a point of view.
But Justin had other ideas. From the moment he showed up on the page, he couldn’t be ignored, not because he was pushy or flashy, but because something about him got to me. I found myself wanting to know more about who he was and what his relationship was to the other characters in the story.
I had little tendrils of that in The Dark of Light, but when I got to this book, Justin really wouldn’t get out of my head. No matter which direction I went, he was there. He wanted to be heard. He had an important story to tell.
This ended up being a turning point because I hadn’t pictured the three teens becoming important characters, either. In book one, much like Justin, they were placeholders. I didn’t know much about them. But very quickly in the writing of this book, it became clear that they had a lot to say, too. And they were bonding with Justin.
So I ended up with these four amazing characters, none of whom I’d anticipated being part of the larger narrative, but who demanded that they be given their story and their time. They had grown to be so much more than I had ever imagined, which is one of the great delights for an author—to have your characters stand up and say, “You will pay attention to me.”
The Chains of Freedom (Starhawke Rising Book 2) Page 26