Forced Out of the Darkness

by Jackson Jr, G. Wayne

  Cameron went on to work, though his mind was not there for it. Cameron was on automatic as he went through the motions of work for the three flights he had that day. He was reserved and aloof. He had two days to process this and he vowed to not call Monti during this time. He needed to do some soul searching about this relationship again. Six weeks ago it was the A4A account, now it was this.

  Cameron knew that his relationship with Guy, though only just over two year, was a healthy one. He knew he was loved and gave love freely. He knew Guy was secure in both himself and his relationship. He did not add worry to Cameron’s plate, if there were ever any worry he had. He was the perfect partner for Cameron, but Cameron wanted what Cameron wanted and when Guy was not able to leave his life in San Diego, Cameron broke it off. If only Cameron had learned patience and the power of love, he would have still been with Guy and would feel love even through the distance. Cameron’s heart hurt…maybe he made a mistake.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  F orced out of the Darkness

  “What did I do?” Monti asked himself as he paced the floor of his condo. He had just gotten home from work and he was in a panic. He knew that Cameron was a good guy and that he would be a good partner. Monti was stressing because he wanted to call Cameron to make sure that he was ok and that he was still committed to the relationship. Monti’s mind was all over the place. He knew that he sent his guy to the world angry, upset and possibly single. Monti did not know what to expect from Cameron. They had been together for close to 4 months now but it was still new for him.

  “I know I just broke up with him right before work and that was a bad decision, but when I texted him he did not respond.”

  Monti was in a bad headspace and he knew that this was going to be a long two-day wait to see if Cameron would talk to him again. He thought about going to Cameron’s place to set up some surprise for him when he returned to show him that he loved him and wanted to be with him, but he did not want to risk being rejected. How could he explain what was going on and how could Cameron understand what Monti was going through?

  The thought of uncertainty was giving Monti a panic attack. He was starting to become confused because he thought something terrible was going to happen. He was at home in a place where he felt safe but he started to have chest pain as his heart started pounding harder and harder. After about ten minutes, his symptoms began to subside and he started to get more mental clarity so that he was able to complete rational thinking.

  “I need a drink.” Monti thought as he changed his clothes. He went into the closet and picked out a pair of jeans freshly pressed from the cleaners and a button up flannel shirt that he also had sent to the cleaners.

  Within fifteen minutes, Monti was changed and in his Jeep. He was headed to a place on the east side of Detroit called Capers. Capers was a neighborhood joint that had been a fixture on Gratiot for over twenty years. Though it is situated in a nondescript building that looked seedy, they were heavy handed in their pour and Monti needed a heavy drink right now. He didn’t want any food tonight but he wanted to numb his brain for the time being. The small steakhouse offered giant fish bowl sized glasses that held more than 45oz. Monti would need all seven shots of tequila that made up their “Shady Lady” margarita.

  Monti pulled into the restaurant parking lot that was small and manned by this caramel colored security guard named Michael. Michael was quite familiar with Monti as he was a regular and would bring his current dates to the restaurant. Typically one or two times a week. Initially, Michael liked Monti and wanted to get to know him better but the constant stream of dates that Monti had was a turn off to Michael. Michael had a friend that knew Monti and would keep him up to date on Monti’s relationship status. Michael knew that even though Monti was supposed to be in a committed relationship many times over, he was still running the streets and sleeping with anything that would look his way longer than the simple what’s up. Michael knew that a relationship with Monti was not possible so he dismissed the thought and decided to remain cordial. Michael spoke to Monti as he got out the Jeep.

  “Hey Monti.”

  “What’s up sexy.” Monti replied trying to lay on the charm to Michael. Monti always wanted to holler at Michael but Michael never expressed interest beyond friendship; however that was not going to stop Monti from trying. He loved the chase and Michael was a master of evasion.

  “Thanks man for the compliment. How are you doing tonight? No new date?”

  “No man, I am flying solo tonight. What time you get off? You wanna hang with me tonight? You know I always wanted to kick it with you since I first came here.”

  “Oh dawg, I work late tonight and won’t be out of here till after they close. I got about 6 more hours to go plus you know I am looking for more than a hook-up and hook-ups are all you seem to know about.”

  Monti saw that he was still not getting anywhere with Michael so he told Michael he would see him after he was finished having a drink or two. Monti gave Michael the bro-man daps and went inside. He sat at the bar and ordered a “Lime Shady Lady” while he struck up conversation with the bartender. He did not know this bartender but thought he might as well get to know her some more even if he was not remotely attracted to her.

  Monti was enjoying his drink and wanted to try to figure out the thing going on in his head. “What can I do to make this right?” he questioned himself. “What will make Cameron see and understand what I was going through?” He continued to try to make the situation make sense in his head. He knew that this was going to be a problem because he could barely understand it himself. How would he expect Cameron to understand it. This was going to be the third relationship that Monti messed up. He was feeling alone and worthless again. The tequila began to talk to him as he began to relax some more. The depressive qualities of the liquor began to numb Monti of the realities and his limited rationalizing capabilities.

  As he became less rational, Monti began to realize that he was not the problem in his past relationships. Instead of being the antagonist, he was the victim of cheating. He did not take responsibility of his previous failed relationship when he was sober and now that the liquor impeded his judgment even more; his finger pointing was even more prominent. He knew that in the timeline of his marriage, he was the first to step out on his wife. He justified it by saying that Yolanda did not take care of her wifely duties. Had she allowed him to live his life outside the constraints of his marriage, they would be together. It did not matter that she took him back time and time again for his infidelities with the countless men who Monti passed off as women. What she could not wrap her head around was that she married a gay man whose mask was beginning to crack and reveal the true essence of her husband.

  Monti was skilled at pronoun twisting, as most men on the down low are. They keep this side of life tightly wrapped. When they get caught or a piece of infidelity surfaces, they twist it into being another woman, as Monti did. He married not out of love but out of obligation. Monti was that little boy that wanted to make his Dad proud so he would do everything in his power to give his father what he thought he wanted; in order to get the approval of the Burroughs Patriarch. Even after the wedding, his father did not affirm him. After the two adoptions, no affirmation was found. Even after fathering the first son, there was no affirmation. Monti consciously gave up seeking for affirmation from his father by the time the second biological child was born; however subconsciously the little boy was still working behind the scene searching for affirmation.

  The boy inside Monti found affirmation through his many sexual conquests. When people would comment on his physique, his wit or his sexual prowess, the boy inside him was fed and affirmed. This became Monti’s method of affirmation and security. Early on, Monti was forced to become someone whom he was not, which happens to many young black gay men who, through the unspoken or spoken, take on lives of straight men who have attractions for other men. Once they adopt this life, they become enveloped in living a lie and w
ill go through leaps and bounds to protect the secret they have tightly locked up inside of themselves. The worst thing that can happen is that they meet an out gay man, who can see through the façade, who want something more than the DL guy is willing to give. This guy will out them for the satisfaction of seeing their lives crumble, just as Shaun did to Monti by calling his wife, solidifying the demise of their marriage.

  Monti, through the help of the tequila, was searching for affirmation. He wanted someone to tell him that it was going to be ok. He wanted to know that his boyfriend understood him and would help make him know that his lapse in judgment was forgiven. He wanted his brokenness mended. Cameron was trying to sort his own thoughts and feelings out and he was not able to give Monti the affirmation that he desperately needed.

  Monti paid for his drink and headed out of Capers. Feeling falsely empowered, he approached Michael once he was outside. “Hey Michael.”

  “Yeah, what’s up Monti?”

  “You know I been looking at you for the longest time man.”

  “I have seen you out and about.”

  “I been trying to holler at you since we first met. When are you going to give me a serious look? I meant what I said earlier. You are a sexy man and I am still feeling you.”

  “Monti, I would never look at you like that. You are not even committed to yourself. How are you going to commit to anyone else? Behind you is a trail of destruction. You are too arrogant to even realize that you have a life full of unresolved issues. You would never be able to open up and have me in your life because the truth can never live in your darkness. You got a lot of darkness lying beneath your surface and you better be honest with yourself before you are forced out of your darkness.”

  “Man, fuck you. You don’t know nothing about me. You are just some second rate rent-a-cop.” Monti slurred.

  “Exactly, the truth of what you think of me comes out. I don’t give of myself to the likes of you. I will wait for my right guy to come along who will be true to me. Do you need me to call a cab for you?”

  “No, I am fine.”

  “Ok then, you have a good night and be sure to drive safe.”

  “Who the hell does he think he is? He knows nothing about me.” Monti, fueled with his insecurities, emptiness and tequila headed south on Gratiot to East Seven Mile. He made a right on East Seven Mile and drove towards I75. He crossed I75 to Woodward Ave and made a Michigan left turn. He turned into the parking lot at Palmer Park. It was dark outside and in the depths of the park would the darkness of the park meet the darkness that lied within Monti’s soul; the place where the non-affirmed boy desired affirmation. Monti exited his Jeep and headed to the tree line.

  He remembered that there was an area deep inside the trees where some of the trees had fallen. The city had not cleared them out so it made the perfect place for an exhibitionist to have sex out in the open with the light of the moon, while others could watch in the darkness of the trees. Tonight he needed to be wanted and he knew just how he would get the attention that he so desired. What better place than under the moonlight sky. Monti headed deeper into the woods, passing guys hiding behind tree trunks looking for a potential suitor, towards the clearing. As he walked around towards the clearing, he saw that there was a good audience.

  He walked onto his moon lit stage and leaned up on a tree that had fallen. He started rubbing his chest slowly as he glanced into the darkness as if he could see through the darkness. He was looking for any movement or sign of interest in the darkness. He could hear movement in the darkness but could not see anyone yet. He was writing his own screenplay and needed a supporting actor to play out the scene he had created in his head. As he continued to rub his chest, he opened his button down shirt one button at a time, allowing his chest to become exposed to the moon rays. He tilted his head back as he pinched his nipples.

  He could feel that he was not alone in the depths of the woods. He knew that there were other eyes there and that fueled his scene. The thought of being watched turned him on. He felt his manhood start to swell. He let his hand slide down his hairless stomach to pay attention to his stiffness. As his hand reached his pants waist, an image from his peripheral emerged and was moving quietly and slowly towards him. The image continued to move towards Monti as he slowly rubbed up and down his crotch that hid his engorged sex. “Can I help you with that?” asked the deep manly voice of image, in Monti’s ears, from behind.

  The man breathed on Monti’s ear and moved to the side of his neck. Monti tilted his head back, exposing his neck some more, as an affirmative sign to the image that he was open to the advance. The man’s lips and tongue met Monti’s neck and began to lick and suck his neck, which brought goose bumps to Monti’s neck and arm. Monti exhaled a light moan signaling told the man that he was doing a good job arousing him. The man then brought his left arm about Monti’s body and found his naked nipple. He grabbed Monti’s muscular pec in the cup of its hand while the fingers squeezed his now erect nipple. Monti grabbed his own dick through his pants and could feel the wetness of his arousal through his pants. The guy came around Monti and stood before him, this is where Monti was able to see the image of this man who was slightly taller than him. The man was equal in stature to Monti. He had a chest that was slightly larger than Monti’s. He was also bald and hairless.

  Monti put his arms around this guy, pulled him into him and began to feel his muscular back. They began to kiss and both of them could feel the lustful energy between themselves. Monti’s arms slid down his back and rested upon his firm ass. Monti knew that this guy spent a great deal of time in a gym somewhere based on the firmness of his ass and the fullness of his chest. When Monti’s hand cupped his ass, Monti felt this guys back curve as if he was welcoming Monti’s hands on his ass. Monti wondered what else he would welcome on or in his ass.

  The guy pulled away slightly to get on one knee as he expertly released Monti’s pheromone soaked manhood from his pants. Before Monti knew it, his manhood was deep in this guy’s wet hot mouth as he gave Monti some of the best head he had gotten in a long time. Monti played with his own nipple with one hand while putting the other hand behind this guy’s head. He looked up at Monti and said, “Fuck my mouth, Papi.”

  The image played out before him with a fellow gym rat on his knee servicing his aching manhood and feeding his affirmation starved inner self-turned Monti on to the point where he wanted to stay in this space for a long time. This guy had no problem swallowing Monti to the back of his throat. He had very little gag reflex as he sent Monti to the limits. He continued to service Monti until his moaning was drawing more voyeurs. He looked up at Monti and asked “You want some of this ass, don’t you Monti?”

  “How the hell did this guy know my name?” Monti wondered; however the pull on his manhood brought him back to the scene and at this point he did not care about it, he wanted to feel this guy in a deep way. “Hell yeah,” was all Monti could get out. This guy reached into his pocket and pulled out a packet of lube, and a condom, opened it and made sure he was ready. He put the condom on Monti’s sex as he stood up and bent over the fallen tree. Monti walked behind him, grabbed his waist and slid his manhood into this guy’s eagerly waiting ass. He moaned as he felt Monti inside him.

  He wanted to get Monti for a while and now was his time to get him. Rumor had it that Monti frequented the park and he had come to the park frequently in hopes of catching him there. Tonight, he was leaving the park in yet another failed attempt to catch Monti when he saw Monti pull up. He turned around, parked and quickly followed Monti back into the woods. He had been plotting about getting Monti for many months especially after his cousin David broke up with him. He knew a whore when he saw one and knew that they had more in common than David realized. He had warned David, time and time again, that Monti was not good for him and that he would fuck him over. He had to have insurance that Monti would play the game he set up.

  Monti felt his nutts tense up and he knew that he was close. This gu
y knew the way Monti was breathing and talking that he was getting close. “Where do you want this shit, Bitch?”

  That only turned the guy on more as he threw his ass back on Monti. He clenched his ass tight around Monti’s stiffness, trying to milk his nutt right out of him.

  “Where ever you wanna give it to me.” he replied between breaths.

  Monti pumped him harder and smacked his ass, as sweat dripped on the guy’s back. Monti was so into the moment he did not see that in the darkness there was a small red light pointing in his direction. He continued to fuck his mystery man until his legs buckled on him. He pulled his sex out of the guy’s ass and took the rubber off as his cum erupted from his stiffness onto to the crack of this guy’s ass. This triggered the guy, who was already stroking his equally hard sex, to release his seed, which fell to the ground. They both heard a couple other guys in the darkness reach climax from watching them. Monti smiled to himself because he knew that he gave a good performance. The mystery guy hoped that his buddy got the information that he would need later on, but if not, he was sure that he could make a repeat performance another night.

  Monti wiped himself with the napkins he had in his pocket and gave one to the guy so that he could do the same.

  “How did you know my name?”

  “Don’t worry about that right now.” He said as he pulled his pants up. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a piece of paper with a number written on it and said, “Call me sometimes. We have some business to handle.” He then walked away and disappeared into the darkness. Monti pulled out his cell phone and opened it to get some more light. He saw the phone number with the name Calvin written under it. “Who the hell was Calvin?” He thought as he put the number in his back pocket.