Forced Out of the Darkness

by Jackson Jr, G. Wayne

  “Mother, look I have been busy and I don’t have time for your judgmental attitude.”

  “Who are you talking to like that boy? You have been hanging around those funny people and they have helped you lose your right mind.”

  “Mom, they are not funny people. They are my friends. If you don’t like them you don’t have to hang around with them. I am tired of your venom that you continue to use towards gay people.”

  “See, those funny people have you choosing them over your own family. How dare you disgrace your father’s good name for the likes of these abominations.”

  “Listen to me, Mother. Your son is one of those ‘funny people’ and until you can respect my partner and me as men, then there is not much more that we need to talk about. I am not going to have you disrespect anyone that I am dating. It is your decision, you can respect me or you can lose me, but one thing you will not do, you will not disrespect my friends and definitely not the man that I am involved with.”

  “I know you did not just disrespect me. Do you remember who I am? I am your mother, the only mother that you have, in case you have forgotten. Because you obviously have had a lapse in judgment, when are you going to bring me back my Jeep? You have had ample time to find you something decent to drive.”

  “Mother, because I take a stand and am not accepting your condescending attitude and disrespect, you want Dad’s Jeep back? You have four vehicles at your house that you can drive and you know I don’t have the money to buy a car now. Yolanda is taking most of my pay for child support and I am making barely enough to live by. Can you just give me two more months so I can find something to get me to and from work?”

  “Just two months and you bring it back to me. And Monti?”

  “Yes Mother.”

  “Don’t you let those people tear up my Jeep, and I mean that.”

  “Good-bye Mother.”

  Monti hung up the phone and was mentally exhausted. He could not think about a car right now, he had to fix things with Cameron. Here Monti was sitting outside of Cameron’s townhouse and the only thing that separated him from the man of his desires was a locked door. He knew that Cameron had to be there because he saw the candle still flickering in the window. Monti got back out of the car and knocked on the door again and rang the buzzer a few more times. With still no answer, he went back to his Jeep and said a silent prayer.

  God, please give me the strength to get through this. I need to talk to Cameron tonight to make it better. I made a mistake and I don’t want this night to end without me making this right. Please just let me talk to him tonight and make this right. I will work on myself and try to be a better person. Please God, if you are listening to me, get me in his house. Amen.

  Monti picked up his phone and tried reaching Cameron on his phone again. There was still no answer just the voicemail. Frustrated, Monti punched the steering wheel of the Jeep causing the horn to get stuck. Monti tried to get the horn to stop blowing but it was jammed. He knew what he had to do. He popped the hood of the Jeep, got out of the Jeep and took off the cables to the battery. The horn stopped blowing. He stood there under the hood of the car defeated. He knew that if he did not talk to Cameron tonight, it could mean that he’d be single again and would have lost the best thing that happened to him in the past few years. Tears formed in his eyes as he connected the cables back to the battery and closed the hood. He could not move so he just stayed there in front of the Jeep hunched over in the dark.

  * * * * *

  Cameron stirred in his sleep as he smelled the scent of a freshly extinguished candle. He looked up and saw that he had fallen asleep with the candles lit. As he sat up in his bed, he heard the sound of a horn blowing. He got out of his bed and went towards the window to blow out the candles but the noise of the horn made him curious. As he got closer to the windows Cameron knew that the sound of the horn was right outside of his building. He looked outside the window and with sleep in his eyes he thought he saw Monti’s Jeep outside. He wiped his eyes and focused on the Jeep. He saw that the hood was up and there was a figure that was standing underneath the hood. Cameron walked to the bathroom and grabbed his bathrobe and headed down the two flights of stairs to see what was going on.

  As he got to the bottom of the stairs, he looked out of the window and saw Monti facing away from him hunched over the Jeep. “What is going on?” he thought as he opened the door. “Monti?”

  Monti thought he was hearing things as he looked up slightly. He scratched his head and heard his name again this time a little louder. He turned around slowly to where the voice was coming from. Out of the darkness of Cameron’s now opened front door, emerged Cameron in his bathrobe.

  “What is going on? Did your Jeep break down?”

  Monti walked towards Cameron with relief on his face and embraced him right there in the night air. He picked Cameron off of his feet and held him close. He did not say anything, he just held him. As tears escaped his eyes and ran down his cheeks. Cameron was a little bewildered and did not know what had happened to Monti since the last time they spoke.

  “Monti, what is wrong? Say something.” Cameron said as he felt Monti’s tears on the back of his neck.

  “Cam, I thought that I lost you. I am sorry for what I did today. I could not let today go away without telling you to your sexy face that I am sorry. I don’t want this relationship to end because I did some stupid shit. I just told my mother that if she didn’t accept me as a gay man and respect the man that I am with, I’d keep her out of my life period. Can you please forgive me?”

  “Monti, of course I forgive you. I don’t like what happened and don’t like how it happened but I forgive you. Can you forgive me for not being truthful to you? I wanted to do something to surprise you, I just did not have time to do this before I got home. You really told your mom that?”

  “Of course I forgive you.” Monti said. “I will work on this and I can promise you that I will not do something like this again. We have to be in this thing to win it and I am going to do my part to keep you happy and to support you in whatever way that I can.”

  “Question for you…”

  “Anything you want to know.”

  “Why are you out here under the hood of your Jeep?”

  Monti laughed. “Oh yeah. I came to apologize to you and let you know how much of a fool I was. When I got here I called you, but your phone went right to voicemail. I knocked on the door and rang the buzzer but you did not answer the door. I came back to the car and out of frustration, I hit the steering wheel and the horn got stuck. I had to unhook the cables from the battery so that it would stop.”

  “Oh, so that is why you were under the hood when I looked out of the window upstairs.”

  “Yeah, that’s what happened.”

  “Come on in.”

  Once inside, the two of them talked about the situation and both made commitments to keep the lines of communication open. Cameron then asked Monti, “Can I ask you a personal question?”

  “Sure, you can ask me anything.”

  “What happened to you in your past relationships that make you harbor such insecurities?”

  “Hummm…well the last few people that I dated were not faithful to me. They all cheated on me.”

  “Who…your wife or the guys that you have dated?”

  “All of them.” Monti said. Cameron could see the hurt that came across his face so he reached out and held Monti’s hand.

  “Did you do anything to provoke these actions?”

  “No, what do you mean?”

  “People don’t just cheat for the sport of it. Most people don’t. There are generally some underlying reasons for it.” Cameron explained.

  “I have heard that before.” Monti admitted.

  “Monti, men cheat for a few reasons. They cheat because they do not wish to be fully involved with the person that they are with currently. They cheat because they want to know that they still got it. Sometimes they cheat because they were cheated
on or if there is a lack of sex in their relationship. You have to be able to keep the spice in the bedroom and the communication open.”

  “I did keep all that going. They just weren’t relationship material.”

  “If they weren’t relationship material, what does that say about you? These types of people are what you have been attracting?”

  “You may have a point, maybe it was my fault I don’t know. What I do know is that they hurt me and I don’t want to be hurt anymore.”

  “You have to realize that I am not any of your exes. It is unfair to me and our relationship that you are comparing what others did to you to what we have now. It is also unfair to you that you are allowing your past baggage to stop you from enjoying a good and healthy relationship now.”

  “I know…that is why I kept telling you that I had some issues that I had to work on.”

  “In order for you to be able to address those things you have to expose them for what they are. Only when you are completely open and vulnerable will you be able to address everything.”

  “I don’t know if I am ready to do that right now.”

  “You should be trying to move towards being whole because you are setting us up for failure if you are not able to be transparent and true.”

  “I don’t even know how to start.”

  “Where did your insecurities and feelings of inadequacies start? What happened to you as a kid or as a teenager that opened the door for you to get to this place?”

  “My relationship with my dad.”

  Monti shared with Cameron how he always wanted to please his dad and how it seemed that nothing he did was good enough for his dad. He did not get reassured by his father and since then, he had been seeking reassurance by people in his life. The two of them were able to have a semi-honest conversation. Monti was not able to share his private moments in the bookstores and in the park. He felt that this was a first step that he had taken in the direction of being whole. He sincerely wanted to address all his issues and he felt comfortable talking to Cameron but not completely ready to tell about the times that he had stepped out of their relationship. They talked until they both fell asleep on Cameron’s couch, where they first slept together.

  The next morning Monti woke up at 4:00 am. He gave Cameron a kiss on his forehead as he tipped down the stairs. He had to get to his house and get ready for work. They had a good talk and Monti was confident that he had salvaged the relationship. He knew that he was on thin ice and he knew he had to keep on the straight and narrow.

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  Merging Two Worlds

  It had been a week since Cameron and Monti made up. They were doing well and every day Monti brought more clothes and items from his place to Cameron’s. They decided that they wanted to make more of a significant relationship. Monti’s lease was coming up and it made more sense to consolidate their finances. They were finding ways in which their items would be intermingled in Cameron’s townhouse. Cameron made room in the walk in closet for Monti’s main clothes. He cleared out the room on the first floor for Monti’s workout equipment and more clothing. They were also spending more and more time together.

  Cameron was out shopping when he stopped at a furniture store and fell in love with a bar. He wanted that in the house by the holiday so he purchased it, and scheduled the furniture company to deliver the bar and set it up in two days. He called Monti and after work the two of them went to the liquor store near Cameron’s house and purchased enough liquor to fill up the bar. Cameron always wanted to have a fully stocked bar but never took the time to buy one. Now that he had one coming he wanted to put it to good use real soon. They had purchased the anchor liquors like Vodka, Rum, Gin and Tequila. They bought both top shelf liquor and then mixer type. They bought cordials like Baileys, Kahlua, and Cointreau. They made sure to pick up some Sangria glasses and a glass vase for presentation. Working with the airline, Cameron was well trained in the art of presentation.

  “Did you want to invite someone over the house for the holiday? We are going to have enough food for a couple more people if you want to invite someone.”

  “I can see if my boy Dee is doing anything.”

  “Cool, it will be nice getting to know some of your friends.”

  “I’ll call him today and see.”

  Cameron still wanted to meet Monti’s friends. He had met his children who were nice. His mother was someone that Cameron wanted to avoid. He knew that she did not agree with their relationship; however his relationship was with Monti and not Mrs. Burroughs. She did not have to come to his house nor did she have to agree or bless the relationship. Cameron was not ashamed of the relationship but he did not have to be subjected to the hypocritical beliefs of the black church upbringing that Mrs. Burroughs represented.

  Cameron grew up in the church but still had issues with how the church dealt with issues like homosexuality, which caused him to cultivate his own relationship with God outside of the Church. Cameron was a good person and loved God. He had a relationship with God and the God that he served was not a God of hatred and nastiness. He served a loving God and he wanted to make sure that people who saw him could see the God in him.

  Monti was also an active member in his church and was well known throughout the congregation. Though he continued to attend his current church, after talking to Cameron, he decided to remove himself from the praise team and other prominent positions in the church for ‘personal reasons’. He needed to be a general lay member while he worked on his issues. His pastor didn’t want him to step down but respected his wish that he needed time. Cameron and Monti were both on spiritual journeys but they kept their religious practices separate from each other. Would they both have the spiritual strength to withstand the hidden secrets that Monti held?

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  Let the Game Begin

  On the Thursday before Labor Day, Monti was headed back to his office when he was stopped by one of his employees.

  “Hi, Mr. Burroughs how are you doing?”

  “I am doing well Wilma. What about you?”

  “I am well. I am excited about this weekend. My family meets every other year for a family reunion on Labor Day. This year it is going to be at Belle Isle. I was wondering if I could leave about an hour early so that I can go and check on the hall that we rented this year.”

  “Sure. The only thing I need for you to do before you leave is brief me on what needs to be passed on to the second shift.”

  “No problem, Mr. Burroughs. Thank you very much.” She said as she turned to walk away. “Oh, yes. Mr. Burroughs. I am sorry I was so excited that I forgot to give this to you.” She handed Monti a manila envelope.

  “What is this?” Monti questioned.

  “I don’t know. A man asked me if I knew who you were. I told him that you were my supervisor. He told me to give you this. He said it was something very important and that you would want to see it.”

  “Do you know who this man was?”

  “No, I have never seen him here before.”

  “What did he look like?”

  “He was brown skin and kind of tall. He looked like he was a little taller than you. He had a baldhead and just a moustache. He was a big man. His chest was big like he worked out all the time. He also had broad shoulders.”

  “Did he say his name?”

  “No Sir. He didn’t.”

  “Ok, thank you Wilma.”

  Monti didn’t know who would bring something to him that fit that description. He took his keys out and unlocked his office door. He closed the door behind himself and sat down at his desk. He looked at the envelope and saw the words:

  For Monti B’s eyes only

  “Who would bring something like this to my job?” Monti thought. Monti took a letter opener off his desk and opened the envelope. He reached in and pulled out a note and read it.

  Monti,

  I gave you my motherfucking phone number so you would call me. You ain’t called me yet
. Are you ready to play my game? You are not as down low and secretive as you think you are. People know who you are. I give you till noon to call me. You will pay one way or another. If you don’t call me just be ready to live your worst nightmare.

  Calvin

  “Who the fuck did this guy think he was?” Monti said. “Who the hell was Calvin?” Monti thought about it and could not think of who this was. “How can I call someone when I don’t know who they are?” Monti said.

  He pulled out his cell phone and started scrolling through his contacts. The problem with this was that Monti didn’t put people in under their correct names. He put them in under what he knew them as. Yolanda was in under ‘The Evil One’. He scrolled through and could not find anyone under Calvin in his list. He started back from the top and tried to associate all the contacts with the name Calvin and nothing came to him. He thought about the description that Wilma gave him but that did not make him remember anything. Monti was getting frustrated because he could not figure out who this was. He got pissed and said, “Fuck this stupid childish motherfucker.” He tried to put this thought in the back of his mind as he looked at his watch. It was only 10:00 am, so he just went about his day. He was not going to let this control his day. He had 4 hours left in his day.

  Monti had to go for a mind-clearing walk around the hospital. He knew that he had to clear his head and sort out what was going on. In order to think about the situation, he had to take a breather. He walked to a place where he found peace. He headed to the chapel where he could think. He spoke to employees and visitors as he passed them. He was on a mission to be able to sit in peace for a few moments to clear his head. Once he got to the chapel, he slipped in unnoticed and sat in the back to ponder what direction should he take and how he should handle this mystery person.