Special Deceptions (The Coursodon Dimension Book 5)

by M. L. Ryan

  “Don’t mind if I do.” Fred settled in, leaning toward me. “For a moment there, I thought I was a goner,” he joked, inclining his head toward my still-glowering minders.

  “You obviously breached the exclusion zone,” I teased.

  “Far be it from me to push the intangible boundaries of a security detail. I can only imagine what they would have done had I mistakenly bumped into you.”

  “Good thing you didn’t. I believe they have orders to kill anyone who dares make physical contact, even if it’s an accident.”

  Fred glanced conspiratorially at the guards, prodding my wrist with his index finger. “Ha, I’ve managed to touch you, right under their noses, and I still live!”

  He smiled, and I realized he didn’t resemble Alex as much as I’d thought the night before. Perhaps the muted illumination of the ballroom skewed my perception, but in the light of day, only his overall build and coloring were similar. He was definitely handsome, but lacked Alex’s rugged masculinity. If I had to come up with a descriptor, I’d say he was beautiful. The observation reminded me I neglected to ask an important question. “I didn’t catch your name yesterday.”

  “I didn’t throw it.” He grinned, but then his expression softened. “My name is Boklym.”

  He extended his hand, and we shook. “I can’t believe I never introduced myself,” he said, releasing me and running the hand through his thick, blond hair.

  “Don’t worry. I was so focused on not making a complete fool of myself, even if you had, I’d probably have forgotten it.”

  “You were kidding about never having waltzed before, right? You danced like you’d done it all your life.”

  “If that’s the case, it’s only because you knew what you were doing. It was like I couldn’t do it wrong.”

  I had a similar experience once in college. Some friends dragged me to a country bar with live music, where everyone was doing the rhythm two-step. As the designated driver, I was too sober to attempt the twists and twirls required to partake in the dance until the club’s resident instructor took pity on wallflower me. The way he wrenched my hands, I had no choice but to spin at the proper time if I wanted to keep my wrists from breaking. Not that Boklym used the same brutal teaching technique. In fact, he was a most gentle shepherd, but the overall sensation of just going along for the ride was identical.

  “I think you give yourself too little credit, but I’m happy if I made your evening more enjoyable. Speaking of which,” he continued. “I meant what I said last night; I’d be honored to take you on a tour of the area.”

  The fact that he was an invited guest in the palace suggested he wasn’t a rogue axe murderer, but really, I didn’t know Boklym from Adam.

  The reasons for my hesitation must have been obvious. “Invite anyone else you’d like to go along, even your entourage,” he added, motioning with his head at the guard-filled table next to us.

  Not going alone made the decision simple. “I’m sure Tannis would love to join us.”

  “Fantastic. What if I call for you and your future sister-in-law around ten in the morning? The mountains to the south are lovely this time of year.”

  “Sounds like a plan.”

  Boklym stood. “Tomorrow then,” he announced with a smile. He turned and grinned at the guards, who glared back in return, and nodded at Myrjix, who finally returned from the bathroom.

  “Who was that?” she asked as he passed by her.

  “That was Boklym. I met him last night at the palace. He graciously volunteered to show Tannis and me around.”

  “Sounds like fun. Do you wish to take in more of the village or are you ready to return to the palace?”

  I had no interest in shopping, and after eating such a huge meal, a nap seemed in order. “Let’s just go back.”

  She relayed our plans to the guards, and Myrjix and I waited for the cars in front of the restaurant. The security detail lingered near me, standing back just enough to make it seem like they weren’t there for protection. The limo drove up, and a guard opened the back door while the others glanced furtively about, ever vigilant in case a villager decided to go postal or a hoard of zombies dropped from the sky.

  Sliding across the seat, I blew out one long, dispirited breath. There weren’t groupies following me in Jjestri, but my life still wasn’t exactly mine. I needed drivers and security details who manhandled harmless members of high society. I consoled myself with the knowledge that, if nothing else, I sported one badass tattoo, even if it was on my arm.

  10

  As predicted, Pixie was highly displeased with my new body art. So much so, that it took the better part of a half hour for him to form a coherent sentence. When his ability to speak returned, the first words out of his mouth were, “Only women with loose morals and no prospects have such adornments.”

  “I think it is awesome,” Tannis opined. “I’m may get one of my own tomorrow.” She managed to cover the smirk that emerged when he fell into a chair and jammed his head between his knees. His dizziness likely developed from his perceived inability to keep us rabble-rousers in check.

  I planned to let him stew on his own narrow-minded, stuffy juices a while longer, but realized we had gone too far when Myrjix had to find a bag for him to breathe into to prevent hyperventilation.

  “Which do you want first, the good news or the bad?” I asked, directing my question to the parts of his face the ballooning brown paper didn’t cover.

  Pixie moved the sack from around his mouth and sputtered feebly, “The good,” before replacing it and continuing his inhalations.

  “The good news is, it’s only temporary,” Tannis relayed. “The bad news is she has to form-bend to get rid of it.”

  I’d explained the method to my tattoo madness to her earlier; she thought my plan was brilliantly Machiavellian. Particularly the part where I’d go get another one right after my transformation erased the current ink. In truth, my plan was more about reveling in the impermanence of my choices rather than assuring regular bends. Previously, the scariest part of getting a tattoo was the knowledge that it was going to be there forever. I had enough trouble committing to marry Alex, and I loved him. I had no such illusions about everlasting devotion to a design etched into my flesh. Now, I could indulge every spur-of-the-moment whim without any remorse.

  Only Pixie’s eyes were visible behind the brown paper pouch. They shifted upward, a tell Sebastian taught me usually meant processing of information. I imagined my PA considering all possible scenarios, including how he might benefit from Tannis’ disclosures. Eventually, he sat up, crumpled the bag, and let it drop to the floor.

  “You don’t have any upcoming events that require attire which would leave your… artwork… exposed,” he glowered, emphasizing “artwork” like it was a dirty word.

  “I thought you cancelled all the other obligations you roped me into?”

  He folded his arms across his chest. “I did exactly as you asked, but there were a couple of happenings the king wanted you to attend that I could not beg off.” Anticipating my next question, he added, “Such as the annual Klydilap festival at the end of the week. He thought you would find it interesting.”

  “What’s a Klydilap?”

  Tannis answered. “It is a native mammal with a short, prehensile snout. The Jjestri have a yearly celebration where people dress up like them and generally act silly.”

  The animal sounded a little like the South American tapirs in the human dimension. They were cute in a weird sort of way, but an entire national day devoted to an herbivorous pig with a mini-trunk seemed a bit over the top. “Is it really worth seeing?” I asked, wondering why Uncle Fry would want me to go.

  “Well,” Tannis continued. “Along with a snout able to grasp objects, the males also have a very large penis capable of the same trait.”

  Visions of what a Klydilap could accomplish with such an appendage flashed through my brain, as did the partying Jjestrians masquerading as them.

&nbs
p; “It is quite unlike anything I’ve ever experienced,” Pixie added, gazing into the distance.

  “I’ll bet,” I agreed. “I can definitely understand why it shouldn’t be missed, but I need tomorrow completely free. Tannis and I have plans.”

  He cocked one eyebrow, but he didn’t ask for details. “As you wish. I can juggle some things, but the tattoo must be gone by the family banquet Tuesday night. You are going to wear the cap-sleeved flare dress that belongs to the princess.”

  I didn’t know a flare dress from a muumuu, but if it was one of Tannis’, I was certain to love it. The time frame worked for me as well. It was Sunday, and I’d made another appointment for re-inking on Wednesday morning. A bend could easily be fit in early Tuesday before the family get-together. Truthfully, I couldn’t imagine Uncle Fry or his queen caring one way or the other about a tat, but maybe Pixie was simply covering all bases in case someone who regularly gossiped with Alex’s mother was attending. It occurred to me that “PA” could stand for “protecting one’s ass” just as easily as “protocol aid.” Maybe more so.

  Thrilled with negotiating skills that accorded me everything I wanted without giving up anything in return, I gave myself a mental pat on the back. Still, I decided it was safer to let the little guy believe he’d won.

  “You drive a hard bargain,” I conceded, adding a sigh to highlight my apparent capitulation. Despite the jubilation undoubtedly coursing through his tiny veins, Pixie did an admirable job of appearing tastefully subdued. I appreciated his not rubbing his perceived victory in my triumphant face.

  “Nice job, Hailey,” Tannis declared as we watched Pixie depart. “Remind me never to play poker with you.”

  *****

  Boklym showed up promptly at ten the next morning. Using the marqizobaz adjacent to the palace, he escorted Tannis, two King’s Guards, and me to the rolling, green slopes of the Pritgybitan Mountains. As Boklym explained, the Gybits—as the locals called them—spanned approximately twelve miles across what in the human dimension was the southwestern part of Ireland.

  “Gotta love magical transport,” I noted, taking in the verdant terrain. “I know we are still in Jjestri, but when you mentioned beautiful mountains to the south, I didn’t imagine you meant a completely different land mass.”

  He laughed, flashing a brilliant smile. “I come here often. See that over there?” he said, pointing to the east. “That is the highest peak on the island.”

  I nodded politely, but it was three thousand feet, tops. It may have been the tallest thing around, but it would be considered a hill where I grew up. The area was lovely—a few small lakes interspersed in the valley, fed by a peaceful stream—but with few trees to break up the stark landscape. We wandered around, with the guards trailing behind, taking in the sights until we made it to a ridge overlooking one of the lakes. Almost immediately, two more people arrived, each carrying the handle of a rather hefty basket.

  While Boklym supervised the newcomers as they laid out an oversized blanket and set out our picnic, Tannis and I strolled to the edge of the bluff to get a better view of the scenery.

  As soon as we were out of earshot, Tannis leaned in and admitted, “You are right. He is wonderful.”

  “I doubt I said, ‘wonderful,’” I argued. Interesting, maybe. Perhaps humorous. Actually, I couldn’t recall exactly what descriptors I’d used other than he was a great dancer.

  She shrugged her perfect shoulders. “Whatever word you used, he’s delicious.”

  “We don’t even know him,” I snapped. “He could be a total jerk or worse.”

  Tannis’ eyes narrowed. “Calm down, I was just making conversation.”

  I didn’t know why I jumped down her throat, except Boklym putting things down her throat came to mind, the thought of which I didn’t like one lick. Why that bothered me was a mystery, however. When I stopped to think about it, they seemed to make a perfect pair.

  “Sorry, I guess constantly having buff babysitters around is making me paranoid,” I said, nodding toward the ever-vigilant guards.

  In fact, I knew Boklym was not dangerous. I wasn’t foolish enough to go off with a virtual stranger, even if accompanied. When I accepted the invitation, I asked the head of the King’s Guard to check him out. Within hours, a detailed report told me more than I ever wanted to know about my dance partner slash tour guide: he was the son of a longtime acquaintance of Uncle Fry who served in the Jjestrian version of the legislative body and ran the family business developing arcane methods for waste management. An only child, Boklym was sent to boarding school in Drryxi and finished his education back in Jjestri. Never arrested or confined to a mental institution. Left handed. Besides an excellent dancer, he was an accomplished sculptor and enjoyed horseracing, as well. A normal, harmless aristocrat. The information fell short on the question of whether he was a jerk, but I figured Tannis and I wouldn’t be in physical peril if he turned out to have glaring personality flaws. I was getting the hang of this cloak and dagger stuff. Sebastian would be so proud.

  After an elaborate lunch, the three of us sat on a soft blanket, sipping Jjestrian wine and making small talk. Tannis wasn’t overtly coming onto Boklym, but she didn’t hide her obvious attraction, either. Inexplicably, her attitude grated on me, and I couldn’t figure out why. Which ramped up my annoyance even more. I probably just miss Alex, and I’m projecting onto Tannis and Boklym, I reasoned, trying to make sense out of my perplexing irritation. The long-distance TA was great, but I obviously needed to actually get some.

  The weather, which started out sunny and mild, began to change as the afternoon wore down. I hadn’t brought raingear, and when the sky grew threatening, it seemed like a wise choice to call it a day. We packed up the dirty plates and leftovers into the basket, but I was uncomfortable leaving everything. Boklym assured me the basket-bearers would return soon to tend to the mess.

  “Pretty fancy caterers,” I commented as we started our hike back to the marqizobaz. “Do they normally deliver to the middle of nowhere?”

  “They do if you pay them enough,” he answered with a grin. “It was extravagant, but I wanted something memorable for your first visit to one of my favorite places.”

  “And we thank you,” Tannis responded. “Everything was extraordinary: the locale, the food, and the company.”

  “I’m glad you both had a good time.”

  Determined to prove to myself any jealousy I felt earlier was a fluke, I’d concocted a number of schemes to encourage a relationship between Tannis and Boklym by the time we’d arrived back at the palace. Not that any of my previous attempts to fix people up ever ended successfully; my assessment of what my friends needed in a partner usually differed considerably from what they really wanted. Once, I fixed Rachel up with a guy I used to work with, thinking they’d get along because they both dressed well and enjoyed fine dining. The day after their first date, both called to ream me out about my couldn’t-be-farther-from-the-perfect-date choice. Turned out Cole thought Rachel was a superficial gold digger, and Rachel found Cole to be self-absorbed and obsessed with expensive spa treatments. To this day, I couldn’t figure out why theirs wasn’t a match made in heaven.

  When we arrived back at the palace, Tannis rested her hand on Boklym’s arm as she thanked him for the fun day. In turn, he smiled and gave her elbow a squeeze. They parted, and with her sentry in tow, she walked toward the private palace entrance.

  Boklym turned to me. “I very much enjoyed our outing. Would it be too presumptuous to extend our day to dinner?”

  “Not at all,” I answered enthusiastically. “I’m almost positive Tannis isn’t busy.” Just what I was looking for—an opportunity to further my matchmaking machinations. I’d accept the invitation for both of us, and then find some way to beg off. Tannis and Boklym could then spend the evening without a third wheel.

  Boklym paused, and then added, “I know an excellent spot that specializes in Jjestrian cuisine. I will pick you up around eight?”

/>   “Eight it is.”

  He nodded, moving toward the marqizobaz.

  “Oh, wait,” I called out. “What should we wear?”

  “Don’t go to any trouble, it is quite casual. I’ll be wearing jeans.”

  “Sounds like my kind of place.” I was relieved the restaurant wasn’t fancy; two nights in a row of dress-up was a bit much for my informal sensibilities.

  *****

  “I’m a little tired. All that fresh air, I suppose. You go ahead without me.”

  My intricately woven plans were unraveling by the second. Instead of me making excuses to remain in the palace, it was Tannis who was backing out.

  “You’re going to pass up spending more time with Boklym?” I argued. “You two seemed to hit it off.”

  She shrugged. “I guess, but once I thought about it more, I realized he’s really not my type.”

  Could have fooled me. This presented a problem; I’d only accepted the invite for her sake. In a last-ditch effort to change her mind, I pleaded, “It will be more fun if you’re there.”

  “Come on, no sense you missing out on a good time because I don’t want to give him the wrong idea.”

  I was tempted to call Boklym, but it seemed rude for both of us to decline. After all, it was my fault for not asking Tannis before I agreed.

  Boklym arrived on time, accompanied by another guy whose job, I assumed, was to keep me engaged while he chatted up Tannis at dinner. When told she wouldn’t be joining us, Boklym was too polite to suggest we do it another time when she could attend. Too bad—I could have avoided the evening without having to cancel. Still, the complete set of tires was now back to an awkward threesome.

  I pulled Boklym aside, and, with as much tact as I could muster, inquired about the yet-to-be introduced extra.

  “Oh, Golpim isn’t a friend,” he clarified, gesturing toward the muscular fellow standing behind him. “I hope you don’t mind, but I thought you and Tannis would feel more comfortable with private bodyguards rather than your usual King’s Guard detail. Nothing against the guard, but they can be a bit off-putting in public.”