It's a Wonderful Death

by Sarah J. Schmitt

  “Take a look,” he says, swiping his hand through the air. The haze fades back as if someone is sucking in a deep breath. What remains is a movie screen–size patch of clear air.

  “RJ Jones, this is your moment,” my spirit guide whispers in my ear, his breath unexpectedly hot against my skin. “Don’t screw it up.”

  Images begin to flash and I don’t need him to remind me about the details. I know exactly when we are. It’s my sophomore year and I’m trying to impress Dave, the varsity quarterback with an arm like a laser-guided missile. We’re standing in the hallway near my locker after school on a Friday. I can tell because I’m wearing the horrid varsity cheerleading uniform, which means I must still be passing all my classes.

  I remember this day because tonight, after he wins the big game with a last-minute touchdown pass, Dave is going to kiss me. Even now there’s a flutter in my stomach. Not because I like him anymore. He’s kind of a jerk, but he’s also ridiculously hot. More importantly, he liked me.

  “Why isn’t the universe doing that yanking thing?” I ask. Trevor is looking down the hall, his eyes following something or someone. I follow his gaze. That’s when I see him.

  I watch as the gangly figure comes closer. His arms are full of books and the top half is threatening to topple to the ground. Not a single thing is different from my first timeline. I thought the park incident was supposed to have a ripple effect.

  “I thought things were supposed to change after what I did for Abby,” I whisper.

  “They only change if you do,” is his dull response. “Looks like you didn’t learn your lesson.”

  I look back at the group. He’s right. Everything is the same as I remember it. Well, one thing is different.

  Felicity and I really were best friends during our sophomore year. Not frenemies, but honest to goodness friends. We did everything together. But now, she’s giving me a death stare. I rack my brain thinking what I could have done to her. At first, I draw a blank, but then, like the last piece snapping into a puzzle, I remember. During the summer, while she was away visiting her grandmother, I was forced by my parents to give back to the community, meaning I worked as a camp counselor for the Parks and Rec day camp along with Felicity’s boyfriend, Jacob. One night, after a particularly brutal day of herding kids around from one activity to another, several of us headed out to a fellow counselor’s farm for a bonfire.

  Jacob was a junior and while I thought Felicity could do better, he had a car and I needed a ride. So, after a quick shower and change of clothes, he picked me up and we headed out to the country. I should mention that this was the first time I’d ever been offered a beer and I didn’t want anyone to think I was a baby. So I took it. It was so gross I almost puked. But Jacob, being the gentleman that he was, got me a wine cooler. Some gentleman. Before the end of the night, my best friend’s boyfriend was trying to kiss me. Okay, not trying. I actually let him.

  The next morning, I felt horrible and not just because of the pounding headache. I couldn’t believe what I had done. And, in an effort to be the good friend, I confessed everything to Felicity. She was mad, to say the least, but eventually she said she knew I didn’t mean it and she wasn’t mad. In my gut, I knew she was lying, but I wanted to believe it was true. She broke up with Jacob. He hooked up with someone else and ended up a baby-daddy before graduation. In hindsight, I probably saved her, but judging by the evil eye she’s giving me now in the hallway, I don’t think she sees it that way.

  The clatter of books slamming to the floor catches my attention. My head snaps back and there he is, his beet red face hitting hard against the ground.

  “Nice job, dork,” Dave laughs, kicking one of the books down the hall.

  The entire group erupts in laughter.

  “Seriously,” Felicity says, a sneer spreading across her face. “You almost scuffed my Louis Vuittons.”

  He tries to gather up his things, but only succeeds in dropping his glasses. I close my eyes as the heel of Dave’s shoe smashes them. The crunch sounds like a bomb going off in my ears, followed by hysterical laughter bouncing off the rows of lockers.

  The boy’s face is on the verge of breaking into tears as he picks up his last spiral notebook.

  “I can’t watch,” I whisper.

  Trevor snorts. “Why not? Isn’t this the perfect life you’re so eager to get back to?” he asks. “This is my favorite part.”

  I turn back just in time to see Dave swing his arm around me. “What do you say, RJ? Is this loser bothering you?”

  I get ready to jump into my body. Nothing happens. I hear myself say, “He so is. Scurry along, little cockroach.”

  Again, the crowd laughs like a pack of wild dogs.

  “Maybe I should squash him,” Dave says. “I think I would be doing the world a favor by ending him.”

  I look back at Trevor. “I know who that kid is. He’s the guy that kills himself in the bathroom.” A second ticks by. And then another, as realization dawns on me. “We didn’t make him do that, did we? I mean, we didn’t force him over the edge, right?” Trevor looks at me with empty eyes.

  I turn back to the scene. Now, instead of laughter I hear cackling. I can see everything through the boy’s eyes. And I can feel how he feels. The humiliation. The embarrassment. The anger.

  “Send me in. I have to stop this. It’s probably gone too far already, but I have to try.”

  “Not my call,” he answers. There’s grit in his voice. “The Fates are calling the shots. If they want you to go in, you will. Until then, you’re stuck with me.”

  The scene changes before I can answer. This time the same boy is sitting on a bench in the quad scribbling furiously on a sketchpad. There’s a flash of movement off to the side and then it happens again.

  But this time, when the pull comes, I’m ready.

  Chapter 17

  The jolt doesn’t seem as bad as before and it only takes me a few seconds to adjust to my physical body. I even manage to avoid screaming—which is a good thing because once my brain and body connect I realize I’m walking next to my English teacher.

  “If you can get me the paper by Monday, I can give you partial credit,” Ms. Walters is saying.

  “Uh, sure. Thanks,” I mutter, as memories from the new lifeline begin to replace the old ones.

  She stops in the middle of the hall, forcing a freshman to swerve in order to avoid a collision. “RJ, this is important. If you don’t pass my class, you’re going to be on academic probation. That means no cheerleading. No homecoming dance. And you will be kicked off the court. You will be barred from all school activities of any kind, period. You need to take this seriously.”

  Oh right, I’m failing three classes. “I know, Ms. Walters. I’ll get it done. I promise.” I don’t know why, but there’s a part of me that cares about disappointing her. Maybe something is different about me. Who knows, maybe I am evolving.

  “Monday morning,” Ms. Walters repeats before slinging her heavy bag and walking toward the parking lot.

  I take a deep breath before heading toward the next stop on my road to redemption.

  As I walk silently up behind the boy with the sketchpad, I wish I could remember his name. “Um, hi.” Pathetic conversation starter, I know, but it’s the best I’ve got under the circumstances.

  He wraps his arms protectively around his sketchbook. “What do you want?” he growls.

  “I, uh, I thought we could talk.”

  “What? Are you here to make fun of me again? Where’s your ogre of a boyfriend?” He glances around the quad nervously. I can’t blame him. It wouldn’t be the first time one of my friends set him up for public ridicule.

  “About that. I’m sorry.”

  He snorts. “No, you’re not. If you were sorry, you would have stopped them.”

  “I should have. I wanted to. I really did, but—”

  “But what?” he spits. “Don’t patronize me. You saw old Daniel sitting alone and thought you’d get in a f
ew more low blows to let me know just how much of a waste of space you think I am.”

  Daniel. That’s his name. But he has a point, and I don’t have an excuse. “What are you working on?” I ask, trying to save this conversation and my chance at getting my life back.

  “None of your business.”

  Clearly whatever I’m supposed to change isn’t going to be easy. I crane my neck to get a better look. “Are those your drawings?”

  “How do you know about them?” he asks defensively. I notice his grip on the book tighten slightly.

  I shrug. “I was sitting behind you last week when it was raining.” He keeps staring at me. “You know, when everyone was hanging out in the auditorium before school.”

  “Yeah, I think I got hit by a couple spitballs from your boyfriend.”

  “He’s not my boyfriend,” I say defensively. He gives me a curious look. Okay, yes, earlier today I was probably hanging all over him in the hall, but that was then. This is now.

  “Right. He’s just a friend. Look, what do you want from me?” he sneers.

  I can’t believe how hard it is to think of the right thing to say. “I guess I just wanted to talk.”

  “What? Did you lose a bet?”

  Wow. He really is hostile. That’s when I realize I don’t know the first thing about trying to make amends with someone who doesn’t at least pretend to like me. I take a deep breath. “I came over here to say I’m sorry and you …”

  “You said you were sorry. You can go now.”

  A sharp whistle from across the quad makes us both turn. “RJ, come on.”

  I stifle a groan. Felicity is sauntering toward us with Penny and Lyndsey in tow.

  “Are you coming?” she says, looking straight through Daniel to me.

  “Coming where?” I ask, shifting uncomfortably on the cold cement bench.

  “Did you forget? We’re all going to Marinara’s for pizza. Dave’s waiting for us.” Her lips spread into a sneer. “Who’s your friend?”

  She’s not going to let this go. “Uh, this is Daniel,” I answer.

  “Huh. I thought his name was Splatter.”

  I jump up from my seat. “What did you say?”

  She takes two steps toward me until we’re less than a foot apart. “Well, that’s what my stepbrother calls him. Dave thinks he would be better off as splatter on the pavement.” I sense Daniel tense up at her words. Did we really do this to him? Did we really make him so scared that just the mention of Dave makes him nervous?

  “Shut up,” I try to say in an even, calm voice. I fail miserably.

  “What’s gotten into you?” she says with venom oozing off each word. “He’s a nobody. Why are you defending him?”

  “Because he’s not a nobody.”

  “Relax. I didn’t know you had a new BFF.”

  I shake my head in disgust. “At least he’s real,” I mutter.

  “Excuse me?” Felicity says over Penny’s gasp. “You know what, forget it. I hope you enjoy your downward mobility. It’s going to be a lot of fun to watch.”

  I move even closer. “Are you threatening me?”

  “Who would ever threaten the queen?”

  “Well, maybe I don’t want to be the queen anymore.” From the far reaches of my mind, I feel the urge to take it back and I wonder if it’s the old me struggling to regain control. I bet this is what it feels like to be taken over by an alien body snatcher.

  She gives me a tight smile and gleefully says, “That can be arranged.”

  “Oh, big deal. Now I have to find another place to sit in the cafeteria. I think I’ll live.”

  Her smile widens, but it’s far from friendly. “Oh, I don’t think that will work. We can’t have you becoming a social martyr for the losers of the school to rally around.”

  I give her a look of shock and then start to laugh.

  “What?” she asks, crossing her arms in front of her chest.

  I try to stop laughing. “I’m just surprised you know what a martyr is.”

  Without missing a beat, Felicity leans close. The smell of her peppermint gum is so strong my nose starts to tingle. But her breath is still better than Claudia’s. Why do mean girls like to get in your face so much? And then I remember doing the exact same thing when I’m trying to intimidate someone. I also remember it being highly effective. “You would be surprised at what I know.”

  Behind me, I hear Daniel stand up. “Forget it, RJ. You don’t have to defend me.”

  I swivel around to face him. His face is bright red and he’s slumping over, broken. The sadness in his eyes tugs at my heart. I turn back to Felicity but she’s walking toward the parking lot, her cackle grating on my nerves.

  “Dang it,” I say, turning back to Daniel who’s shoving his sketchbook into his bag.

  “What?” he asks, wiping his face with the back of his hand.

  “Well, I can’t be sure, but I think Felicity is off sealing the coffin on my popularity and there’s a very good chance that Dave is going to leave me here without a ride home.”

  “Your friends would do that to you?” he asks.

  I shake my head. “I wouldn’t exactly call them friends, not anymore, anyways.”

  “Still, you didn’t have to get in a fight with her.”

  “Are you kidding?” I say with a laugh. “I’ve wanted to tell her off for a year. You just gave me a good reason.” My words ring with truth and I can feel my new timeline finally catching up with me.

  He smiles and takes his sunglasses off to clean them.

  “So, do you have a car?” I ask.

  His head snaps up and when I see his eyes, my heart skips a beat. “Why?” he asks with suspicion.

  “Um, well,” I begin, but I can’t break eye contact with him and it’s distracting. “It’s just that, um, like I said, Dave was supposed to take me home.”

  “So, you need a ride?” he asks, and I think I see a smile starting to form.

  I give him my most sincere smile. “Kinda. I mean, unless you want to leave me, too, which I would totally understand, seeing as how my people make your life a living hell on a daily basis. It would be a fair retaliation.”

  “Huh,” he says. “But I thought they weren’t your people anymore?”

  I laugh and look down, my flirting skills kicking in. “I guess not. I’m in high school limbo.”

  “Welcome to my world,” he says, and even though he’s smiling back at me, I can still feel his pain.

  “Daniel, I am really sorry. For everything I did and everything I didn’t do. It wasn’t right.”

  “Forget it,” he says, looking away as a blush spreads across his cheeks.

  “No. If I can help it, I won’t forget.”

  He looks back at me. “What do you mean, if you can help it?”

  I force a nervous laugh and reach out to touch his arm. For a moment, I think he’s going to pull away, but he doesn’t. “Never mind. So, about that ride? Think you can help a stranded girl out? I would hate to hitchhike. Today doesn’t seem like a good day to die.”

  I mean it as a joke, but his eyes cloud over and I know where I’ve seen them before. But it couldn’t be who I think it is. “No,” he says, a slow, mischievous smile spreading across his face and I think he’s going to tell me I can find someone else to act as my chauffer. “I don’t think it’s a good day to die, either. Come on.”

  “Seriously? Thank you so much. I’ll pay for gas,” I offer, giving him my most pitiful look.

  It must work because he laughs. Not one of those uncomfortable ones people give when they want to disappear. But a laugh that starts in the gut and rumbles through the body until it bursts past the lips.

  As we walk toward the parking lot, I ask, “What’s your middle name?”

  “Why?”

  I shrug, trying to play it off like it’s a random question. “Just curious.”

  He gives me a quizzical look before answering. “It’s Trevor.”

  Chapter 18

>   Like the last time, the silver cord tightens and pulls me out of my body and the nanosecond it takes to get back to the Afterlife is all I need to put two and two together.

  “Daniel!” I scream, searching the mist in desperation. “Where are you? Daniel. Trevor. Whatever your name is. Answer me.”

  “He’s not here, dear,” a calm voice says behind me.

  I spin around, eager to know what is happening. Did I change things? Is he still dead? But all the questions disappear when I meet the baby blue eyes of my Grams. Without a word I hurl myself into her waiting arms and hold on tight. All the emotions I’ve been holding back rush forward. It’s been so long since she died and there are a lot of things I want to say to her.

  I start with the most important. “I love you,” I say, as the words trip over each other and mix with sobs. “I’ve missed you so much.”

  She strokes my hair. “Shh, child. There is no need for tears.”

  Her words only cause me to cry harder. She pulls me closer and begins rocking me like she did when I was a child, and, for a brief second, I wonder if staying here, with her, wouldn’t be such a bad idea.

  “It’s a horrible idea,” she admonishes me.

  I look up at her in surprise. “How’d you know what I was thinking?”

  Instead of answering she asks, “Do you remember when you were a little girl and your mother would bring you over after school?”

  “Yeah, you always had cookies ready for me.”

  She nods. “And as you got older, you started to play a little game, didn’t you?”

  My eyes grow wide. “Yeah, but I never told you about it.”

  “No, but you did, didn’t you?”

  I nod, speechless for a moment. “I would, uh, try to predict what cookie you were going to make. I thought I was psychic or something.”

  Grams shakes her head. “Sorry, my dear, you are completely normal. But you and I do have a connection I’ve never been able to explain. I always knew which cookie you were thinking about.”

  “That’s so weird. Maybe you’re the mind reader.”

  Grams throws back her head and her familiar laugh fills the air. When she’s done, she smiles at me. “Maybe we both have a sixth sense when it comes to each other.”