Down to the Bone

by Mayra Lazara Dole

  I draw the outline of a stone path leading from the back porch to a pond surrounded by a semicircular hedge of white gardenia plants. Overlooking the pond, I paint a seating area with wooden benches.

  To the left of the pond, I sketch a tall trellis threaded with climbing red roses.

  With large strokes I paint tall, skinny Alexandra palms in a row on one side of the pond, and red salvia plants circling them.

  I sketch the exotic palms he showed me in different locations. I fill in splashes of color by adding pink, orange, red and yellow flowers in circles all around the palms.

  “¡Maravilloso, Shai!” Marco messes up my hair. “I’m off to show Angel. I’m taking Jaylene. She’s a computer expert and knows how to computerize the sketch. She’ll place it on a CD portfolio for a more professional feel while Angel and I work out an estimate.”

  I walk him to his truck, but don’t see Marlena anywhere in sight.

  He calls to Jaylene with a whistle and a wave of his hand. They climb into his truck, and Marco searches into my eyes. “Look.” He points to his wife’s car. “My wife let her come in it to see you. I’ve told Marlenita how outstanding you’ve become at drawing landscapes. She’s proud of you.”

  “Great.”

  “Don’t do any digging or lifting today. Take an hour off to hang out with Marlena, then come back and water the plants. Tell her to take care of the car. And remember, don’t make plans with her in the mornings this week. I know you two are old friends and dying to see each other. But this is business and I need your total focus. Don’t let me down.” He takes off.

  I see Marlena walking toward me in long hurried strides.

  She reaches me, “Scrunchy,” and spreads her arms wide for an embrace. I take a few steps back. What an awkward thing to call me after what she did.

  “Not even a hug?” Her eyes show concern.

  I shake off my anxiety and give her a quick hug then back away instantly. She smells exactly the same as when I last saw her at the airport: watermelon candy.

  “I’ve missed you,” she says. Confusion stirs within me. She’s missed me?

  “Come on,” I tell her. “Let’s go to the back so we can talk in private.” She follows me as she lights up a cigarette, which grosses me out, but it’s not the time to talk about that.

  She leans against the back porch. “You’re more beautiful than ever. I can’t believe I’m here with you again. It’s been so long.” Her eyes become cloudy. “Why didn’t you call me back? Why wouldn’t you text me? I’ve been dying to see you, and it’s been hard giving you your space. I broke down today and just couldn’t stop myself from coming over.”

  I feel my muscles tightening around my jaw. “I wish you hadn’t.”

  “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know what I was doing when I broke up with you. As time went on, I realized you were right. Love of any kind is a good thing. You made me think long and hard. I’ll never forget the lessons learned.”

  “Good for you.”

  I don’t want to stay on the topic of us and ask her about her life. She gets to talking about how much freedom she’s got now that she’s not living at home. She asks about me. I tell her I just broke up with London but he still thinks we’re together. “He never takes me seriously.”

  She tells me she’s pregnant with a girl. “I’d like to call her Elless, a secret name no one will decipher. The name is comprised of your initials: L and S’s, for Shai Sofia Lorena.”

  I gulp hard and try not to show any emotion. “That’s such a pretty name.”

  She states she’s happily married without drama or emotional upheaval, but she can’t forget me.

  “You’re always on my mind. Even though my life is great, I can’t stop thinking about you. Rick’s been offered an excellent job in Miami with triple the pay he’s getting in Puerto Rico. We’re thinking of coming back. If we do, I’ll be going to U of M. They accepted me!”

  “Great,” I state with a half smile. I definitely don’t want her back here, now that I’m getting my life together.

  “I told my family I prayed every night so you’d find a boyfriend and you did. They think you’ve changed too. No one hounds me anymore. They believe I’m in love with Rick, and what I went through was a phase of confusion. This means you and I can be together again.”

  “Really? Don’t I have a say in this matter?” I let out a nervous chuckle. “What if I’m not interested in you anymore?”

  “I know you still love me, Scrunchy.” The sides of her mouth curl up in a confident smile. “Love between your first girlfriend never dies. I still adore you with all my heart. I’ve never stopped thinking of you. Stay with London. You’ve got to go back with him. We’ll go on double dates and no one will need to know our secret. When Rick’s not home, we’ll make love. I really miss being with you. There’s no one like you.”

  I turn my face away from her, not sure how to respond.

  “You’ll baptize Elless and be her godmother. We’ll be together like we always dreamed of.”

  Before I can respond, she grabs my arm and pulls me with her inside the house. “My uncle said these people are away two weeks. I’m glad the door was left open for him to come and go.”

  She puffs the cigarette and walks a few steps toward me. “So. You haven’t missed me?”

  My insides tremble. “I . . . I . . . I did at first but not anymore.” I take a few steps back from her. “The cigarette stinks. It’s terrible for Elless. Put it out.” I’d never date or even be remotely attracted to anyone who smoked. That’s disgusting.

  “I barely smoke. I’m just nervous about seeing you and stole one from my aunt,” she says with eyes as beautiful as gleaming daggers. She presses her lips against mine for a sensual kiss.

  I allow myself to let go for a moment, but then separate my mouth from hers. “I can’t do this right now.”

  She flicks and shoots the cigarette outside the open door a few feet away from her. Marlena’s mannerisms have changed so drastically I barely recognize her. It suddenly hits me she’s wearing a blouse I’d given her for her birthday a while back and violet pants that match the color of her eyes. She’s gained weight and being a little pregnant looks stunning on her.

  “Let’s go for a drive. We need to get some fresh air. My uncle told me I could steal you away for an hour only. He’s such an obsessive businessman. I can’t believe he wouldn’t give you the day off to spend time with me.” She peers into my eyes. “I heard about your crash and couldn’t stay away. I’m glad you’re still alive and looking better than ever. I don’t know what I’d have done if I would’ve lost you. I’d never forgive myself for not telling you everything stuck in my heart and for not apologizing.”

  We walk out the back door as she talks about how I should stop riding bicycles on the street. “It’s so unsafe. I hope you learned from this . . .”

  I climb into the passenger seat and wave to everyone. “Back in a few!” They wave back.

  We fall silent as she heads into back roads without the usual traffic jams.

  We drive down the Rickenbacker Causeway with the turquoise sea on our right. To our left, the water is speckled in surfboards with colorful masts. Windsurfing is something I’ll miss doing with London. In order to break the silence, I tell her all about the water sports I’ve gotten to love.

  I stop talking and fill my lungs with the smell of the ocean’s saltiness, but it doesn’t soothe me.

  “I’m taking you to Rick’s mom’s house. She won’t get home from work until six. He’s off with his uncle, fishing.” She talks about her fun life in Puerto Rico, clubbing on weekends and how she wishes she could be dancing with me instead of Rick. “Remember when I didn’t know how to dance and you taught me?” I nod. “You taught me how to kiss, too. I can’t believe I had the guts to kiss you that day at your house. I had such a crush on you. It took me a whole year to muster the courage to get that close. I’m glad you didn’t push me away. If it wasn’t for me, you’d probably be in lo
ve with a boy right now.”

  I shrug. “Maybe.”

  “You don’t sound like you anymore, Scrunchy. What’s happened to you? Why aren’t you excited to see me. How do you feel about us?”

  “How can you expect me to be ecstatic? What we had was beautiful.” I make sure to focus on the past.

  Once we get onto the main road I turn on the air conditioner and she flicks on some tunes. I always imagined us driving together, blasting music and holding hands, heading toward hidden secret places all over Miami to make love. I was never happier than with her. So much has changed.

  The city thickens around us as we speed on toward Kendall. She places her hand on my thigh. I place it back on the steering wheel.

  We get to a squat, pastel pink house and she parks inside the garage. She cuts the headlights into the darkness and everything becomes cavern-like.

  But I can see her ears and neck flush. “I’ve got the keys to the house,” she murmurs in her sexy, dripping-in-honey voice. “We can be together. We’ll be safe here.”

  Flashes of our last conversation disappoint me. I remember her clearly dumping me.

  “I’m not into being with you any more, Marlena.”

  She goes on and on about how sorry she is she treated me so badly. “I was so confused. You mean everything to me. I swear. I just needed out of my house. Once I got my freedom from my parents, I was able to think better. I’ve come to my senses. Come on. At least lie in bed with me to talk. Give me a second chance to prove to you how much I’ve changed.”

  She reminisces about our past together, revealing her most intimate feelings about me. I melt a little, but then she throws around details about how she thinks of me when she’s having sex with Rick. My stomach turns and I want to cover my ears.

  Her stare pierces me but I won’t allow her eyes to have such a grip on me. “Don’t you remember everything we did while your family was away?” She goes on to talk about our sensual encounters and how sweet everything was. “We didn’t know what we were doing at first, but eventually, with all our experimenting, we became experts in . . .”

  I turn off the CD player and interrupt.

  “It’s too bad you’ve got to lie to Rick like that for the rest of your life. You could divorce him instead of betraying him, you know.”

  She plays with the car keys. “I’ve got a baby on the way. I can’t divorce him. What I feel for you is pure love and I can’t help wanting to be with you.”

  I feel a wave of tenderness sweep over me and let out a genuine smile. She takes my face in her hands, leans into me and presses her lips against mine. We end up in Rick’s mom’s bedroom.

  Our world spins into a mouth-watering blur . . .

  ***

  Everything felt so rushed. Marlena was very aggressive. Her kissing was harsh and desperate. My old Marlena is completely gone. We’d make love for hours back in the day. This took about twenty minutes, as if she needed to get something heavy out of her chest. She was rugged and forceful and, don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed every delicious, exquisite second, but it was so different and fast that it’s as if she’d been replaced by another person.

  We stretch out on the bed under the covers to talk about details of what we’ve been through since we last communicated. As time ticks by she doesn’t hold my hand and isn’t as affectionate as she used to be. I guess it’s because Rick isn’t that way and she’s gotten used to him. I place my arm under her neck and pull her closer; it feels weird to be this far apart after having been so intimate.

  “Rick can’t make love to me the way you do. You’re the best. Our bodies belong together.” She talks about the times her uncle, aunt and cousins left to Key West for the weekend. I’d buy votive candles and fill her room with them to make sure it was dim while I worshipped her body. She says Rick isn’t romantic. “He doesn’t even like taking baths with me. Remember when you used to massage my back in the tub and even wash my hair?”

  “Those were incredible times.”

  “Guys aren’t into that. I’ve missed your touch so much. There’s no one for me but you, Scrunchy. I’m so sorry this was so hurried. I’m nervous about being with you again and getting you back in time. I’m also sorry I hurt you. Please forgive me.”

  “I forgive you.” I fill her face with soft kisses.

  I turn my body toward her. She plops a leg over my thigh and everything feels so familiar. I smooth her hair away from her forehead and kiss the tip of her nose. “What will you do about Rick?”

  She brushes her fingers over my arm and it gives me goosebumps. “I have to go back to him tonight as if nothing’s happened. I won’t want to be with him after being with you, that’s for sure. You’re so passionate and fierce and yet so tender. You kill me. I needed this time with you so desperately. Tonight, having sex with him will be hard. I mean, I like it, but it’s only physical.”

  Something inside me snaps. I pull her closer to me for a last, long, deep, make-out session. Time ticks by. I separate my mouth from hers. “I can’t be with you again unless you break up with him.” I don’t need her in the way I used to, and it surprises me. She’s got a husband and a baby on the way. What am I doing here? I was taken by the moment and don’t regret it, but who am I kidding? This relationship won’t work. I can’t imagine going backward, but I also don’t want to hurt her like she did me.

  “You know I can’t leave him.”

  I repeat so she gets it, “If you stay with Rick, I’ll be dating a girl I like.”

  Her voice rises. She separates herself from me a little and starts arguing, wanting me to be with her and only her. “You can’t go and date another girl after what we just did. That’s so insensitive. It’s not like I’m seeing another girl. Rick is a guy, for crying out loud! He doesn’t count.”

  I glance at my watch and spring up. “Damn! We left almost two hours ago.”

  “Shit! Let’s go! I don’t want my uncle to get any ideas. Hurry!”

  We leap off the mattress and start reaching down for our clothes littering the floor. She sits at the edge of the bed and quickly puts on her pants one leg at a time, as I hurriedly slide everything on.

  “You’re into another girl, eh?” The corners of her eyes sag. “Who is she?”

  “No one yet.” I don’t want to talk about whoever I’m going to date, especially after our beautiful time together. It’s not right. “All I’m saying is I’m entitled to be in a relationship too if you stay with Rick. It’ll be terrible for me. I need to date other girls until I find the right one. You have Rick and next year you’ll have Elless. I want somebody of my own, too. Four’s a crowd.”

  She flings her arms around me. “Please don’t date other girls.”

  I help her up. My heart breaks. “I’ve got to.” I embrace her as hard as I possibly can. “You still mean the world to me,” I murmur. “You introduced me to love. You were my very first girlfriend. I’ll never forget you. Never.”

  My cell rings, and she separates herself from me. “It’s probably my uncle.”

  I check a text from Marco. Shai. Where are you?

  “Tell him I took you to Ft. Lauderdale to meet with an old friend of ours who moved away.”

  I text him back. ur niece took me far 2 meet with an old friend of ours. I told her not 2, but u know how she is. we’re headed back. soon!

  We make the bed as meticulously as we possibly can and leave the room exactly as before we messed it up. Although we’re completely dressed, we decide we should scrub ourselves down with lots of soap.

  After a quick, frantic shower, we brush our hair and head back to the car. As she drives, she stays on the subject.

  “I can’t leave Rick. Elless needs grandparents, uncles, aunts and cousins. I wish you’d reconsider. No matter who I’m with, I know you’re the only one for me,” she repeats. “I mistakenly thought I was the only one for you, too.”

  “You did? That’s so weird. I would have never known by your actions. I can’t do it.”

&nb
sp; We drive in silence all the way back to the house I’m landscaping. No one’s in sight. It seems they’ve gone out for lunch as a group.

  Marlena won’t leave me yet. I still have her scent around me and don’t want her to go, either.

  We climb out and with dragging hearts, walk to the backyard, where she feels safer. A large wooden fence around the property keeps neighbors from seeing us. We stand under the large mulberry tree.

  Her eyes become two sad saucers. “If you won’t be with me, I might talk Rick into not getting the job here. I can’t live in Miami and see you around with your new girlfriend.”

  “Yeah. That’ll be as weird as my seeing you arm-in-arm with Rick.”

  Marlena belongs with her family. Hiding our desire for one another from Rick isn’t the life I want to live. I can’t see myself doing that to him behind his back or accepting that she has sex with him every night but he’s the only one who gets to sleep on the same bed with her and build memories together as a family.

  The sun glares on her face. She stares at her hands, then at me. “You’re the only girl I’ve ever loved and want to be with. I’ll never be with another girl, ever again. I wish that were the same for you.”

  I’ve got to end this now or it’ll be too hard. “Let’s stop this. I’m one hundred percent sure I’ll never be with you again unless you and Rick aren’t an item. I’ve got to go.” I fling my arms around her for a final embrace. “You should leave now. Take good care of Elless. Maybe one day in the future, we’ll be able to be friends.” My eyes begin to water. “Bye.”

  I break away from her and walk away, wiping tears from my eyes with the palms of my hands.

  I get to the pile of coral rocks and look back at Marlena. She’s standing as if she were in shock, still not believing my unexpected reaction.

  Finally, she walks through the gates, climbs into the car and without looking back, drives away.

  20—Temptation

  Last week, after I succumbed to Marlena’s advances, I had to face Marco after the crew came back from having lunch. “Where’s my niece?” he asked.