Down to the Bone

by Mayra Lazara Dole

  “¡Ay, Dios Mío! You’re going to kill me. Jaime better never, ever, ever find out.”

  I take a deep breath and calm myself. “Then that’s your deal. I see Pedri, or I tell the world the reason why. I won’t live a lie any more, Mami.”

  23—Sex Goddess & Lezzie Nun

  I rush home from my mother’s and fling the back sliding doors of Viva’s house open. The smells of roasted pork and cebollitas saturate the yard. Gabriel is hanging out with his usual bunch of adorable viejito friends, barbecuing, playing dominoes, and listening to son music. Viva and her incredible open-minded metaphysical girlfriends are playing canasta, an old Cuban card game.

  “¡Hola!” I boom.

  Everyone bursts out singing, “Happy bird-day to you . . .”

  Viva rushes to me with opened arms and gives me a bunch of besitos on my cheeks. “Happy bird-day, Shylita!”

  Neruda and Sai Moomi—the fatty bulldog mutt I gave Viva for her b-day—leap up and down, barking.

  Tazer, Elicia, Jaylene and Rosa greet me with hugs and good wishes. “Gisela’s on her way,” Jaylene lets me know. “They kept her at work longer than expected.”

  We’re all talking about what happened with my mom when Soli and Diego walk outdoors. “Sorry we didn’t make it on time. Traffic was terrible.” She rushes to me. “Happy B-day, Shyly!” She spreads her arms around me. I’m surprised she’s not with Paublo.

  “Wazzz shakin’, little bird.” Diego lands a soft kiss on my forehead.

  I fling my arms around him. “Hey! I’ve missed you. So glad you could make it.”

  Viva lifts in the air a lopsided white frosting cake with chunks of pineapples, shaved coconut and cherries. “The first cake I ever make and it be organic. For Shylita la mariposita!”

  I blow out the candles and make a secret wish. I hope Mami one day accepts me, and Gisela and I keep getting along great.

  Gabriel starts serving slices of cake on paper plates to everyone lined up in front of the picnic table.

  While everybody talks fast and gesticulates, as most Cubans do, I whisper into Viva’s ear with a mouthful of the moistest cake I’ve ever tasted, “Hey, don’t forget to use condoms.” I love to bother her.

  She slaps my hand. “Ay, Shylita, you is such a pain in thee butt. You know I is decent. Me no hooking up with Gabriel until we is married.”

  I lick my fingers. “Mmmm. This is so yummy.” I sniff her. “Are you becoming a chef behind my back? You smell like garlic and chocolate.”

  “No. I is getting a cold so I eat raw garlic and blow-dry my nose with your hair blower.” Her belly bulges out and so does her butt. She’s on a diet and promised everyone she’d stop eating chocolate, her passionate addiction. She swears up and down and all around, “Me don’t eat no chocolates.”

  Neruda paws her and a turrón de chocolate wrapper flies out of her dress pocket.

  “Oh, and what’s this, a salami sandwich?”

  She grabs it from me, throws her head back, and shows all her tiny teeth when she laughs, just like Neruda.

  With a swing of the hand, I call Soli to me. I need to talk to her in private. We run indoors.

  I wrap my arms around her. “I’ve missed you so much! I couldn’t wait till you got back home.” We’ve texted a lot but it’s not the same. I’ve never been so happy to see her.

  “Shylypop, you on drugs or what?”

  I’m out of breath. “Wass up with you and Diego? What happened to Paublo? I thought you guys were in the Keys together?”

  She fidgets with her nose ring. “I kept a secret from you. I knew it would make you happy when you found out.” She delves in. “I left early from Papaya’s that night. I knew London was going to give you a promise ring and want a committed relationship with you. I needed so badly for you to say no. I couldn’t bear thinking you’d marry him. As Paublo and I were leaving for Key West, we bumped into Diego. I couldn’t stop talking to him. Before I knew it, Paublo left me there.”

  “So what else could you do but vacation with Diego, right, Hootchi Momma?”

  “That’s the best luck I’ve ever had! Diego and me got to talking. He broke it off because I wasn’t serious about him. He said I have too many guys after me and I didn’t treat him special.” She tilts her head. “He sure was right, Shylypop. I kind of took him for granted. I don’t ever want to lose him again.”

  I’ve never heard Soli being so emotional about a guy. I hug her. “I’m so psyched, Soli. It’s about time you find someone you really love; it’s such a great feeling.”

  “Here.” She hands me a gorgeous purple photo album decorated with colorful dried flowers. “Mima and I made it before I left for the Keys. I have it on CD, but you know how old-fashioned she is. Mima thought it would look prettier as a real gift.”

  “It’s so beautiful!”

  They’d arranged our elementary school pics in order. I leaf through pages of us making funny faces, my pulling on her pigtails, and sticking my tongue out behind her back. Memories of sweet times fill my mind.

  “Catholic school warped our brains, Shyly. Look at us now. I’m a sex goddess and you’re a lezzie nun who was thinking of marrying a guy.”

  She never ceases to make me laugh. I can’t wait to tell her what I’ve been dying to say.

  I squeeze her to me. “This is the best birthday present ever.” I take off one of the silver bracelets Papi gave me for my seventh birthday and hand it to her. “Just never lose it.”

  “What’s gotten into you, Shyly?” Her smile radiates as she places it on her wrist. “I’ll keep it forever. I know it’s special.” She looks smack into my eyes. “So, did you hook up with Gisela that night? That would be amazing news.” She snaps off her nose ring with a wild-eyed expression and places it in her dress pocket.

  “I’ll tell you later.”

  Dark clouds roll in and everyone rushes into the back porch. Thunder rumbles loudly and rain starts to pour. I go around opening all the windows. The electricity shuts off momentarily, along with Gabriel’s music. All you can hear are hard raindrops, tipi-tap-tipi-tap, and Chuchito, our next-door neighbor’s parrot, shrieking, “Happy bird-day to you!”

  “Tell me now!”

  With a huge smile plastered on my face, I fumble around the CD rack for a specific tune from the dramatic drag queen, Ambrosia, and stick it into our CD player. I take a brush from the coffee table, hold it over my mouth like a microphone, and sing along to an archaic song, while waving one hand in the air:

  “Is it love or lust?/Or, is it just . . . /Another girl I text?”

  Something inside me suddenly snaps, and I can’t hold it in any longer. If I don’t say it, I’ll explode.

  I leap up, throw my head back, and trumpet over the song, “I’m dating Gisela! I told my mom about it! I’m going to be with whoever I want from now on.” I lift Soli up in the air and swing her around. “You know how much I hate labels. But Gisela makes me feel as if I want to shout ‘I’m a homo, dyko, lesbo! I’m a tortillera!’”

  “Wahooo! You finally came to your senses, Shyly.”

  The thump-thump of the rhythmic beat and the raucous stream of wild music sets Soli dancing, showing off her bouncy butt and fly moves.

  Everyone comes around us and claps to the beat.

  I pull Soli to me, spin her around and around, then let her loose. I swirl and twirl, like a vertigo machine. I take hold of her and steer her.

  Soli follows the swinging motion of my body. “Tell me everything that happened while I was gone.” Her teeny, perfectly lined-up dreads are bouncing all over the place. “I’m glad you told your mom. What did she say? I guess this means you had sex with, er . . . I mean, made love with Gisela, right, or are you just dating?” She can’t stop asking me questions. “Tell me! Tell me all the juicy details.”

  I stay quiet. I love to keep her in suspense.

  Everyone starts dancing. Nerudi and Sai Moomi run around us in circles, barking, grrraaawwff-oof!

  I don’t say a
word until Gisela knocks. Finally, the moment I was waiting for.

  “Come in!” I yell. She walks in, and I throw my arms around her and kiss her lips. We smother each other’s faces with kisses. “I could hardly wait to see you again.”

  “Me too!”

  “You two sure know how to keep a secret!” Soli blasts.

  We all get into the groove of the music. Gisela undulates her hips, turns, and moves around me with arms graceful as a butterfly.

  I grab Tazer’s arm and pull him to us. Viva joins Soli, Gisela, Tazer and me in a dance by the wall I painted of her and her favorite saint, Santa Barbara. They’re floating in neon-pink lounge chairs on aqua blue ocean waves, wearing small, square tangerine-colored sunglasses, and eating grapes.

  While on tippy-toes, Viva wiggles her bootie out of control. “I no tell Soli that it was Giselita you be seeing. I wanted her to be surprised.”

  “Sneaks!” Soli laughs.

  I tell them in full detail what went down at my mom’s, then pull Tazer closer to me. “I’ll hang with you in the streets now. Sorry I was so dense to not have done that before. Will you ever forgive me?”

  “No apologies. I totally get it. Tomorrow, we’re hitting the town!”

  An intense emotion takes hold of me as I wrap myself in Viva’s and Soli’s arms. “I love you guys. You’re my family.”

  Viva’s smile glistens in the dim light of the living room. “You is my little daughter, Shylita. Your mami will come around. You will see, mariposita.”

  “Sisters for life,” Soli remarks.

  I glance out the window and see the humidity fog begin to lift. I look at all my friends and Gisela’s smile and feel a fog lifting from me, too.

  A mild breeze with the smell of rain fills the room. I feel warm and deeply loved. This is where I belong. Finally, I feel understood and loved, right down to the bone.

  Glossary of Cuban Pronunciations

  Abuela ah-boo-eh’-la grandmother

  Apartamento ah-par-tah-men’-to apartment

  ¡Ave María! ah-veh mah-ree’-ah Cuban exclamation similar to “Holy Mary!”

  ¡Ave María Purísima! ah-veh mah-ree’-ah poo-ree’-see-mah Cuban exclamation similar to “Holy mother of God!”

  ¡Ay! i oh!

  ¡Ay, Dios mio! i, or ah’-e dee-os’ me’-o oh, my God!

  Ay, gracias a Dios i, or ah’e grah’-see-ahs ah dee-os’ oh, thank God

  ¡Ay, madre mía! i, or ah’-e’ mah’-dreh mee’-ah’ Cuban saying similar to “Oh, my goodness!”

  Ay, mi madre i, or ah’-e’ me mah’-dreh Cuban saying similar to “Oh, my goodness ”

  ¡Ay, Santa María madre de Dios! i or ah’-e sahn’-tah mah-ree’-ah mah’-dreh deh de-dee-os’ oh, holy mother of God!

  Balsa bahl’-sah raft

  ¡Bárbaro! bar’-bah-ro Cuban saying similar to “Fantastic!”

  Barrio bar’-re-o Latino neighborhood

  Bella bel’-lyah Beautiful

  Bene fine, in Italian

  Besito beh-see’-toh little kiss

  Bocadito bo-cah-dee’-toh finger-food, appetizers

  Bolero bo-leh’-ro a Spanish dance and musical rhythm

  Caca cah’-cah poop

  Cacharro cah-char’-ro old jalopy

  Cafecito cah-feh-see’-toh Cuban espresso shots

  Café-con-leche cah-feh’ cone leh’-cheh Cuban breakfast drink of espresso, milk, and sugar

  Caldo cahl’-do broth

  Caliente cah-lee-en’-teh hot

  Casquito de guayaba cas-kee’-to deh goo-ah-ya’-bah guava in light caramel

  Cebollitas seh-boh-yee’-tahs fried onions

  Cha-cha-cha sensual Latin dance with complicated rhythms

  Chica chee’-cah Cuban saying for “girl,” literally means “A little girl”

  Chorizo cho-ree’-soh sausage. Cuban slang for “penis”

  Churro choo’-roh long, deep-fried doughnuts with sugar coating

  Claves clah’-veh Latino musical “sticks” that keeps the rhythmic timing in beats for the band

  Comemierda! co-meh-me-err’-dah Cuban slang/obscenity with similar meaning to “Asshole!” literally means, “Shit eater”

  Come stai? Italian for “How are you?”

  Croqueta de pollo cro-keh’-tah deh poh’-yo chicken croquettes

  Croquetica cro-keh-tee’-ca little croquette

  Degenerada deh-heh-neh-rah’-da degenerate

  Descargamos des-car-gah’-mohs we jam (as in a “jam” session with a band)

  ¡Dios mío! de-os’ mee’-o my God!

  Elefantico eh-leh-fan-tee’-co little elephant

  El hijo de puta el ee’-ho deh-poo’-tah the son of a bitch

  El mes que viene el mess’ keh ve-eh’-ne next month

  Empanada de carne em-pa-nah’-dah deh car’-neh meat pies

  Enamorada eh-nah-mo-rah’-dah in love

  Espiritu y santo es-pee’-re-to ee sanh’-toh spirits and saints

  ¿Estàs loca? es-tah’s lo’-cah are you crazy?

  Fabuloso fah-boo-loh’-so fabulous

  Factoría fac-to-ree’-ah Cuban slang for “factory”

  ¡Fantástico! fan-tahs’-tee-coh fantastic!

  ¡Feliz Cumpleanos! feh-lees’ coom-pleh-ah’-nyos happy birthday!

  Flan flahn a custard-like dessert

  Fricasé free-cah-seh’ fricassee

  Fricasé de pollo free-cah-seh’-deh-po’-yo chicken fricassee

  Frijoles free-hoh’-les beans

  Fuiqui-fuiqui Cuban slang for sounds bed springs make when a couple is having sex

  Gracias grah’-see-ahs thank you

  ¡Gracias, Dios! grah’-see-ahs dee-os’ thank you, God!

  Guarapo goo-ah-ra’-po cane juice

  Guayabera goo-ah-yah-beh’-rah a man’s shirt popular in Cuba and Latin America. It has four front pockets and two vertical lines of alforzas (ten vertical pleats that pass from above the top pockets down to the bottom of the shirt)

  Hasta luego ahs’-tah-loo-eh’-go goodbye

  Hola oh’-lah hello

  Hola, mariposita oh’-lah mah-re-po’-see-tah hello little butterfly

  Invertida in-ver-tee’-dah inverted, twisted, a derogatory slang Cuban word meaning “dyke” (tortillera)

  Jamon y queso hah-mohn’ ee keh’-soh ham and cheese

  Jesucristo heh-soo-crees’-toh Jesus Christ

  Jugo de melocotón hoo’-go deh meh-lo-co-tohn’ peach juice

  Jugo de naranja hoo’-go deh nah-rahn’-hah orange juice

  La chiquitica más linda del mundo lah chee-kee-tee’-cah mahs leen’-dah dehl moon’-doh The prettiest little girl in the whole world

  La familia lah fah-mee’-le-ah the family

  La jungla cubana lah hoon’-glah coo-bah’-nah the Cuban jungle

  La luna lah loo’-nah the moon

  La semana que viene lah seh-mah’-nah keh vee-eh’-neh next week

  La Virgencita María lah veer’-hen-see’-tah mah-ree’-ah the Virgin Mary

  Limonada lee-mo-nah’-dah lemonade

  Machaso mah-chah’-soh macho man

  Malta mahl’-tah non-alcoholic malt drink

  Mamey mah-may’ reddish orange sweet custard-tasting fruit in the shape of a small football with thick brown skin

  ¡Mami, por favor, por favor! mah-mee’ por fah-vohr’ mami, please, please!

  Mandarina man-dah-ree’-nah mandarin

  Mañana mah-nyah’-nah tomorrow

  Mano mah’-no literally means “hand,” Cuban slang for “man.” Example “No man! Hey man!”

  ¡Maravilloso! mah-ra-vee-yo’soh marvelous!

  Maricón mah-ree-con’ “Fag” or “Queer”

  ¡Maricónes de mierda! mah-ree-co’-nes day me-err’-dah full of shit faggots!

  Mariposita mah-ree-po’-see’-tah little butterfly

  Mariquita
mah-ree-kee’-tah literally means “plantain chips,” Cuban slang for, “sissy”

  Medianoche meh’dee-ah-no’-cheh literally means “midnight.” Cuban sandwich made with sweet Cuban bread, spread with mayonnaise and mustard to which ham, pork, Swiss cheese, and dill pickle slices are added

  Mercado mer-cah’-do market

  Merengue meh-ren’-geh the joyful, lively music and dance from Cuba, Puerto Rico, and the Dominican Republic

  Merenguito meh-ren’-gee-toh a confection of sugar and egg whites

  Mijita mee’-hee-tah term of endearment meaning “My little girl”

  Mijito mee’-hee-to term of endearment meaning “My little boy”

  Mis santos mees-sahn’-tohs my saints

  Moi French for “me”

  Muchachita moo-chah’-chee’-tah term of endearment meaning “Young girl”