Saving Wishes

by GJ Walker-Smith

  ***

  I parked the Ute on Gabrielle’s street, worried that the sound of the engine would wake her. The porch light cast a dull but helpful glow as I tiptoed down the veranda to his window, rehearsing what I was going to say – if he let me speak. Adam didn’t owe me one second of his time.

  I swept the curtains aside as I climbed through. Something was amiss. My eyes adjusted quickly to the darkness of the room. My mind took longer.

  He was gone.

  I sat on the edge of the bed, concerned that the sound of my body crashing to the floor would wake Gabrielle, but the hallway light came on, telling me that she was already up.

  “He’s gone, Charli,” she said, rounding the doorway.

  I lifted my head. She looked nothing like someone who’d just been woken by an intruder. She looked like she’d been expecting me.

  “Not for a few days,” I insisted.

  “He changed his flight. He left this morning.”

  I frowned, trying to work out the timeline in my head. Adam must have left town the minute I got through obliterating him. And Gabrielle’s absence from school made sense. She must have driven him to the city.

  “You let him go?” My tone was unfairly angry. I had no one to blame but myself.

  She ventured into the room and sat beside me on the bed. “No,” she corrected. “You let him go.”

  Gabrielle Décarie was harsh but honest, painfully so sometimes.

  “I had to,” I told her.

  “He left something for you.” She handed me a small white envelope. “I’ll be in my room if you need me,” she said, exiting as quickly as she’d appeared.

  Maybe she anticipated a meltdown, or an hysterical woe-is-me tantrum. Truthfully, I was capable of both at that point – simultaneously if the need presented itself.

  I tore open the envelope and the opal pendant fell into my lap. I picked it up, dangling it in the air, pondering whether it meant anything anymore. I turned my attention back to the envelope. I’d torn the note inside. Piecing it together, I read quickly.

  Charlotte,

  I know you love me. I’ve never doubted it. That makes the end OK.

  Adam

  Air flooded my lungs. I no longer felt like I was barely alive. Adam had seen through me. I loved him and he knew it. It wasn’t a happy ending, but it was one I could live with. I was bruised but not wrecked. Better still, I hadn’t broken him.

  27. Escape

  Keeping busy made time pass faster. Life after Adam would have been unbearably slow otherwise. Even after four weeks, I caught myself thinking of him every time I sat still – so I made a point of never sitting still.

  Weekends were easier. Occupying myself was easier.

  The Parisienne was spending more and more time at our house. It was nowhere near as insufferable as I expected it to be. She clearly loved Alex and we rarely ate sandwiches for dinner any more. On the downside, sharing a bathroom with her was a nightmare. Gabrielle’s assortment of beauty products was mystifying to say the least.

  The minute I stepped out the front door I knew that Saturday was perfect. The morning was cold and dewy and bright. Inspired, I balanced precariously on a stepladder, taking pictures from the veranda.

  “Charli, what the heck is this?” asked Alex, stepping outside and waving something at me.

  Every now and then Gabrielle left something behind. Today it was an eyelash curler. Even after I’d told him what it was, Alex looked baffled.

  “So what’s it for?” he asked.

  “Does the name not give you a hint?” I asked.

  “Clearly not. What are you doing?”

  “Come and see,” I said. I pointed to the eave. Alex looked up and I saw his expression transition from interest to wonder. A huge spider had made its home under the eave, weaving the most intricate web I had ever seen. Drops of dew beaded through it, glistening in the morning light.

  “I told you spiders were gifted,” he said exultantly. “I’ll bet her name is Charlotte.”

  “Of course it is,” I drawled, laughing.

  It felt good to laugh. It occurred to me that I hadn’t done it in a while. There were too many things I hadn’t done since Adam left, and I was beginning to realise that was a mistake. No one had died. I’d spent weeks trying to convince myself that no one had even been hurt.

  “Alex, can we surf today?”

  “Are you serious?” he asked, taken aback by my request.

  “Deadly.” He’d been working seven days a week, so a morning in the surf would be good for him. He’d advertised Nicole’s position, but the only person to apply was Lily Tate. He wasn’t that desperate yet.

  I assumed he’d keep the café closed that day, so I was surprised when he told me that we had to stop in on the way to the beach to open up.

  “Who’s working?”

  “Nicole, just for the day,” he said, wryly. “I offered her double pay.”

  There was a time that Nicole would have done it for free. “That was so nice of her,” I said.

  “Don’t be cynical, Charli,” he admonished. “It’s a small price to pay for a day at the beach with my kid.”

  If I had been jealous of the time Alex spent with Gabrielle, which I wasn’t, spending time at the beach with him would have placated me. It was our thing. The Parisienne never went to the beach, probably worried about getting sand in her Manolo shoes.

  I wasn’t a winter surfer by choice, and surfing in warm water, wearing as little as possible, ranked high on the list of things I’d never done. Every time I dragged on my restrictive thick wetsuit I thought about it.

  The presence of Adam in my life had sometimes clouded the importance of my never-done list. Those tiny dreams were creeping back in. I felt nothing like I had when Mitchell skipped town. Adam Décarie had left me intact. I missed him terribly, but it wasn’t paralysing. I would love him forever, but refused to be consumed by it. I was coping; and that was the best I could hope for.

  I could have spent the entire day at the beach, but this was a rare day off, and Alex had made lunch plans with Gabrielle.

  “Why don’t you come?” he asked, trying to include me.

  I shook my head. “No. Nic’s probably bored out of her mind at the shop. I’ll hang out there and you can pick me up later.”

  Alex didn’t press the issue, dropping me at the café as requested. He’d hardly left my side in the first few weeks post-Adam. It was beyond irritating, and things finally came to a head in the form of a huge blow-up one afternoon. My ranting finally convinced him that the only reason I was in despair was because he was following me around like the misery police.

  Nicole wasn’t alone at the café. I should have known. I hadn’t managed to catch a moment alone with her in weeks. Ethan sat at the end of the counter drinking a bottle of water and reading a magazine – neither of which were probably paid for.

  “Quiet day?” I asked, ambling towards the counter.

  Nicole smiled. Ethan barely glanced at me. “If you’re here, can she go?” His flat tone made me want to slap him, and the way he referred to Nicole as she made me want to punch him in the head.

  “No. She can’t. But you can.” I didn’t care that I was rude to him. We were past all niceties when I found out he’d been mentally spending the proceeds of La Coccinelle.

  He sneered, and Nicole worked quickly to smooth things over. “I’m happy to stay,” she insisted.

  Ignoring the fact that Ethan was still there, I mentioned the travel brochures Alex had collected for me a few days earlier.

  “They’re out the back. I’ll show you, if you’re interested.” I wasn’t sure if she was. She hadn’t mentioned the trip in a long time.

  “Great. Go get them,” she urged, too enthusiastically to be believable.

  I could hear muffled whispers while I was out the back, and when I returned the tension between them was palpable. Nicole joined me at one of the tables and I tried my best to make-believe Ethan wasn’t th
ere.

  “I thought we could start in Fiji or New Caledonia,” I said, pushing the brochures across the table.

  “Yeah, whatever you think.”

  “Or if you want to go the other way, we could start in Bali,” I suggested, trying to engage her.

  “I really don’t mind. Whatever you want to do.”

  I heard Ethan’s condescending chuckle but didn’t bother turning around. My eyes were locked on Nicole who was looking past me, towards him.

  “Do you have a problem, Ethan?” I snapped.

  “I just think you could do better than that. If you want resort beaches, go to Queensland.”

  “Where do you think we should go?” asked Nicole, showing more interest in his ideas than she had mine.

  “Somewhere like Dungeons in Cape Town. Waves are huge there.”

  “What do you think, Charli?” asked Nicole.

  I laughed at the absurdity. A million lifetimes wouldn’t provide us with the skills to surf monster waves. “I think he’s an idiot for even suggesting it,” I scoffed.

  “Who’s an idiot?” asked Mitchell, barrelling through the door. Obviously supersonic hearing was a Tate family trait.

  “Ethan,” I replied. “He thinks Nicole and I should give Dungeons a crack.”

  Mitchell pulled a chair across and straddled it, resting his forearms on the back. “Yeah, if you want to get your pretty heads mashed,” he teased, shooting a quizzical look past me in the direction of Ethan.

  My friendship with Nicole had suffered because of her relationship with the twit at the counter. I wondered if Mitchell was feeling the sting too – he and Ethan were lifelong friends.

  “Are you here for Ethan?” I asked hopefully.

  “No. I came to see you, and I’ve got about ten seconds to explain why.”

  He didn’t get a chance to explain, nor did he need to. A second later, the complete trinity of Beautifuls filed in.

  “Charli, you’re out of hibernation. How nice for you,” purred Jasmine, dumping her massive handbag on the table next to ours. Perhaps she carried her witchy tools in it. It seemed plenty big enough to hold a cauldron and small broomstick.

  The junior Beautifuls sat, and Mitchell shifted his chair closer to Nicole, to avoid Lisa who had edged ridiculously close to him.

  “I’ve been here all along,” I pointed out.

  “Oh, that’s right,” she said, putting her forefinger to her cheek and tilting her head as if she was thinking hard. “It’s your boyfriend who left. I should have known you wouldn’t be able to hang on to him for long.”

  Her words were like a blunt knife through cold butter.

  “I did alright, thank you,” I said dryly.

  “So did we. We got his beautiful car,” she said.

  “Really? All I got was an expensive boat and his body…for free.”

  Nicole covered her mouth to stifle her giggle. Mitchell laughed out loud. Lisa started cackling because he did. And Jasmine told them all to shut up before turning her attention back to me.

  “I’m glad you’re here actually. I’ve been hearing a story about you and I’m dying to know if it’s true.”

  I tried to anticipate where she was headed but there were too many possibilities.

  “I heard a rumour that Alex isn’t actually your brother. I heard that’s he’s your daddy. Is it true?”

  Even if she’d been capable of showing any tact, there just wasn’t a nice way of wording the question. I was suddenly the sole focus of everyone in the room.

  My eyes drifted to Nicole and she half smiled before quickly looking away. It was a gesture that didn’t sit well with me. I suspected she’d let the cat out of the bag.

  Speaking to Alex before verifying the rumour was probably the right thing to do, but as usual, my mouth got the better of me. “Yeah,” I confirmed.

  Lisa’s gasp broke the silence. My eyes darted across to Jasmine who stood grinning like she’d just fired off a successful headshot.

  “Wow, Charli,” spluttered Mitchell, drawing my attention back to him. He looked positively green.

  Ethan – incapable of anything more intellectual – laughed.

  “It’s not a big deal,” I told them.

  “It’s a very big deal,” insisted Jasmine. “He’s totally off my to-do list.”

  Apparently I wasn’t the only one who kept a list.

  “Mine too,” said Nicole, giggling.

  “He’ll be thrilled that parenthood has made him less appealing,” I snapped.

  “Who’s your mum?” asked Lisa.

  “Maybe Alex slept around,” suggested Lily, brainstorming. “Maybe he doesn’t know who her mum is.”

  There was a longer silence than before. “Lily, did someone drop you on your head when you were a kid?” asked Nicole at last.

  “Me,” admitted Mitchell. “A couple of times.”

  Everyone except Lily erupted in laughter.

  “So is that it then?” I asked. “Do you have anything else to torture me with today?”

  “No. That’ll do for now,” Jasmine said, reaching for her witchy bag.

  “Is that all you came in for?” asked Nicole, frowning at her.

  “No. I came to tell Mitchell to hurry up. We’re supposed to be going to Sorell to pick out a birthday cake. We’re not going to wait in the car all day.”

  “Just go,” ordered Mitchell, pointing towards the door. “I’ll be out in a second.”

  I waited until I was sure all of the Beautifuls had vacated the building before speaking. Even then, I couldn’t be sure Nicole wouldn’t relay the conversation later. I hated the new uncertainty I felt for her.

  “So. What do you want to talk to me about?” I asked, leaning back in my chair and folding my arms, staring him down from across the table.

  “I need you to do me a favour, Charli. If you do, I’ll never ask you for anything else, ever again,” he promised.

  Nicole leaned forward, hanging on every word.

  “What?” I asked, already worried.

  “I need you to come to this stupid birthday party with me on Saturday,” he said desperately.

  “What? Like a date?” asked Nicole, looking strangely at him.

  “No chance,” I declared.

  “Everyone in town is going except you,” Ethan chimed in from across the room. “It’s the only way you’ll score an invitation.”

  “Please, Charli,” begged Mitchell.

  “Why? I’ve never wanted to go.”

  “Because if you don’t come with me, I’m going to be lumped with loopy Lisa and my sisters. I can’t handle that by myself.”

  The grin that crossed my face must have looked positively evil because he retreated.

  “Come, Charli. It might be fun. You need to get out,” encouraged Nicole.

  I failed to understand why everyone was accusing me of hiding away. I’d done far more hiding when I had Adam around.

  “Oh, fine,” I muttered.

  “Good girl,” beamed Mitchell, jumping across the table to kiss my cheek. “It’s black tie, don’t forget.”

  “I don’t own a tie,” I teased.

  “So wear a dress then. Wear nothing, for all I care.” He was already heading for the door.

  Nicole and Ethan left soon after Mitchell and the Beautifuls. There wasn’t any point keeping Nicole there as long as he was around. I suffered through the last few hours of the working day, then sat on the steps waiting for Alex. I wasn’t nervous about telling him that I’d let the whole town know he was my dad – until he arrived to pick me up.

  “Do I need to close up?” he asked, leaning across to open the passenger door for me.

  “No, I’ve done it already.”

  “Did Nic stay all day?” His tone suggested he didn’t think she had.

  “She left at three. Everyone was gone by three,” I babbled, struggling with my seatbelt.

  Alex clicked it into place instantly.

  “What do you mean, everyone?”


  “The Beautifuls, Mitchell, Ethan…everyone.”

  He kept his eyes on the road while he deliberated. “Are you okay?” he asked finally.

  I looked out the window at the trees whizzing past. He was playing misery police again, questioning my emotional state, knowing that Jasmine would have taken her best shot at me.

  “I told them you’re my dad,” I confessed.

  From the corner of my eye I could see his knuckles whiten.

  “How do you feel about that?”

  “Relieved. How do you feel about that?” I asked, turning it back on him.

  Relaxing his pose, he glanced across at me. “Lucky,” he replied.