The Hit List

by Nikki Urang

  “That’s not what I meant,” he says.

  I can’t believe what I’m hearing from him. “I’m trying to give you the benefit of the doubt here, I really am, but you’re making it hard. You played with my feelings to get me to trust you.”

  He leans back against the wall. “Why are you so mad about this? You don’t trust me. You never did.”

  “Because you told me once that you don’t lead girls on. And that’s exactly what you did to me.” I shove his shoulder.

  “And what do you think you’re doing to me?” he asks.

  “Seriously? You initiated all that shit. I just went along with it, thinking maybe I was something special to you.”

  He looks down at the floor. “You’re just my partner.”

  I nod. “That’s how it’s going to be?”

  He doesn’t answer me. He doesn’t even look at me.

  Anger rages through me. “Fine. I’ll see you later, partner.”

  I throw the door to the studio open, letting it bang against the wall. This is exactly why I never should have trusted Luke. He might not be physically leaving me, but he’s closing himself off. That’s probably worse.

  THE HIT LIST UPDATE

  November 2

  I’m just going to dive right in here, since half of you don’t read this shit anyway.

  #18 38 points

  #2 35 points

  #10 34 points

  #11 31 points

  #1 29 points

  #19 26 points

  #17 25 points

  #3 24 points

  #6 21 points

  #15 20 points

  #14 18 points

  #5 18 points

  #7 16 points

  #16 16 points

  #9 15 points

  #12 14 points

  #4 13 points

  #13 12 points

  #8 ---------

  Sadie Bryant 15 points

  Brielle Watkins 14 points

  Samantha Jameson 13 points

  Rachel Barrons 12 points

  Rebecca Hemsworth 11 points

  Noelle Sanstrohm 10 points

  Courtney Turner 9 points

  Jessie Freeman 8 points

  Ashlynn Jenkins 7 points

  Kate Williams 6 points

  Happy hitting!

  ~THE HIT MAN

  18

  Luke stands in front of me at the barre. It’s been twenty-four hours since we talked last. I would have been happier with any other spot, but there weren’t any. I can’t stand being anywhere near him. He does his part by ignoring me, which only makes me angrier.

  In just under an hour, I’ll have rehearsal with him again. I’d rather have all my teeth pulled without any Novocain. There have to be other options, other students who are just as unhappy with their partners. Maybe we could switch. Twelve days isn’t a whole lot of time to learn a new dance, but I can do it.

  I focus on my battements, not wanting to wait until afternoon practice to talk to Luke about changing partners. If we can get this out of the way, he can go talk to Miss Catherine right after rehearsal and I can have a new partner by lunch. The thought lifts my spirits a little.

  “Luke,” I whisper.

  He either doesn’t hear me or he ignores me.

  “Luke,” I say louder.

  Nothing.

  I glance at Miss Jasmine to make sure she isn’t watching me before I deliberately miss a kick and scoot closer to him. On the next battement, I extend my leg and kick him right in his arm.

  “Ow,” he growls. But then he’s silent.

  So I do it again on the next battement.

  He turns his head to the side. “What do you want?”

  I continue with the exercise, my next kick sailing out past his arm into the empty space next to him. “You have to tell your mom you don’t want to partner me anymore.”

  “No,” he says.

  “Why the hell not?”

  It’s much louder than I intend and Miss Jasmine looks up at me. “Is there something wrong, Sadie?”

  “No,” I mumble.

  “Then you won’t mind if we continue with the exercise.” She narrows her eyes at me.

  “Go ahead,” I say, waving my hand in a gesture for her to continue.

  Across from me, I see Brielle’s mouth fall open. Miss Jasmine’s face turns the slightest shade of pink in either frustration or embarrassment. I’ll be in Miss Catherine’s office again by the end of the day, but I don’t care.

  I can’t believe Luke said no. Why wouldn’t he want to switch partners? It’s not like our rehearsals will be anywhere near pleasant from now on.

  “Ballsy. I think I’m rubbing off on you,” Brielle whispers across the barre.

  I raise my leg for another kick and aim right for his elbow.

  “Stop,” Luke hisses.

  “No,” I counter.

  He sighs and does his best to ignore me, but I can see the muscles in his back and shoulders tensing in frustration. I smile to myself, glad that I’m annoying him as much as he annoys me. The kicks aren’t that hard, not even enough pressure to leave a mark, but for someone who’s trying to concentrate, it’s probably one of the worst things. I launch another kick into his arm.

  “I swear to God, Sadie, if you don’t stop that…”

  “What? You’ll be a dick to me again?”

  Another kick.

  “Knock it off. Right now.”

  “Or what?” I challenge.

  Bad idea.

  Luke whips around and grabs my upper arm, dragging me away from the barre and out of the room. I look back at the stunned faces as he shuts the door behind me. I’ll definitely be back in Miss Catherine’s office soon.

  “What the hell is wrong with you?” he yells.

  “What the hell is wrong with you? You’re the one who’s all over the place,” I yell back.

  He runs his hands through his hair. “I’m sorry I offended you, but it’s not my fault I’m not attracted to you.”

  I stare at him with my mouth open, fuming. “I might believe you if you hadn’t been trying to have sex with me since I set foot on campus.”

  He opens his mouth to say something, but is interrupted by Miss Catherine.

  “You two, in my office. Now.” She turns and stalks back to her office.

  “Good job. If I get expelled, I will kill you.” I glare at him and fight the urge to slap him. Getting kicked out of The Conservatory makes the last three months of my life an enormous waste of time.

  “Watch it. They take threats seriously here.” He moves to put his hand on my lower back.

  “Don’t touch me,” I hiss.

  His hand jerks back and a look of surprise and sadness crosses his face. I walk toward Miss Catherine’s office and he trails behind me. Sitting down in the chair I use every time I’m here, I cross my arms. Luke takes the chair next to me.

  “I don’t know what’s going on with you two, but you need to fix this now. Not only are you interrupting your own class, you’re interrupting the entire school. Sadie, I could hear you yelling from my office.”

  My face heats up, wondering how much she heard. “Sorry.”

  “I really don’t want to see either of you leave this school, but if you continue having these disruptions, you’re not going to give me any other choice.” She turns to me. “What’s the issue?”

  “I want a new partner.”

  This is it. This is my chance to fix everything that’s gone wrong with Luke since I’ve been here. We weren’t meant to dance together. We might have been able to pull it together for tryouts, but that’s been the only time.

  She sighs, running her hand over her mouth. “I can’t assign new partners unless you have solid proof that you can’t handle it.”

  I stare at her, wondering how yelling in the hallway isn’t enough and what I need to do to cross her line.

  Miss Catherine looks between us. “Is there any harassment going on? Has anyone been hurt? Those kinds of things.” />
  I lean forward, putting my hands on her desk. “I can make that happen if that’s what it takes.”

  Miss Catherine narrows her eyes at me. “Not funny, Miss Bryant.”

  I sigh, leaning back into my chair with a feeling of defeat. What am I supposed to tell her? He’s helped me become a better dancer. I’m the one who let my heart get involved. I don’t think that qualifies under her hurt category.

  “You have to think of the bigger picture. If I break up you two, I have to break up another partnership so you both have someone else. That’s not fair when there isn’t a legitimate reason for it. I’m sorry you don’t get along, but you’ll have to stick it out until the end of the semester.” She crosses her arms over her chest, leaning back in her chair.

  “That’s not an option. I need a new partner.”

  Luke shrugs. “Get over it. You’re not getting one.”

  “No one asked you,” I yell.

  Miss Catherine holds up her hand. “Stop. Like it or not, this partnership got you into Fall Showcase. Your only other option is to forfeit your spot. You have twenty minutes left of class. Go talk, avoid each other, do something, but in twenty minutes you better be in that studio with Miss Tasha ready to rehearse. Try not to kill each other.”

  Storming out of Miss Catherine’s office, I put as much distance as I can between myself and Luke. He doesn’t try to stop me. I stop when I reach the coffee stand on the third floor. Sitting down next to the window overlooking the courtyard, I focus on forgetting about Luke and our partnership. Whether he likes it or not, we are not partners anymore.

  A shadow falls across the table in front of me when someone walks up beside me.

  “Go away, Luke. I have nothing to say to you.”

  “Good thing I’m not Luke then, huh?”

  Brandon’s voice makes the hair on my arms stand up, but I don’t have the energy to fight with him. “What do you want?”

  “You seemed pretty mad when you left Miss Catherine’s office. I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

  I keep my eyes glued to the road outside. “Why do you care?”

  His chair scrapes across the tile and he sits down beside me. “He shouldn’t treat you like he does. You deserve better.”

  To think that he could be referring to himself is laughable. He’s not a decent person.

  “Shouldn’t you be in rehearsal or something?” Or somewhere else far away from me.

  He shrugs. “I’m on a break.”

  He reaches out to grab my hand, but I pull away before he can touch me. “Let me know if you change your mind.”

  I sink back into the chair as he disappears into the stairwell.

  Twelve days. I can make it through twelve days.

  19

  Miss Tasha looks especially chipper when we walk into the studio twenty minutes later. I’m angrier than I was before. The thought of spending the next three hours in practice with Luke makes me feel violent. He looks like he might be feeling the same way.

  “We’re going to work on a new piece today. The concept of this dance is about revenge and forgiveness. Luke, you cheated on Sadie and you’re trying to earn her forgiveness. Sadie, you’re hurt and angry that Luke cheated and you want revenge. In the end, you earn each other’s forgiveness and love each other. Basically, it’s boy loves girl, girl hates boy.”

  “I can handle that,” I say, glaring at him. “Hating you is my specialty.”

  “I think you missed the part about forgiveness at the end,” Luke says.

  “I didn’t miss it. I ignored it.”

  “Okay,” Miss Tasha says. “Let’s get warmed up and then we’ll start.”

  I do my best to ignore Luke for the next half hour while I warm up. I catch him watching me in the mirror occasionally. I want to snap at him, but that will only make things worse. He’s made it clear that he’s not going to give up this partnership, no matter how bitchy I get.

  “Ready?” Miss Tasha asks.

  “Whatever,” I say.

  “Why don’t we try one you guys are already comfortable with?”

  She pushes play on the iPod stereo and the familiar strains of our duet for Fall Showcase blare in the room.

  My body stiffens the second Luke touches me. And Miss Tasha sees it. She stops the music after ten grueling seconds.

  “What’s wrong, Sadie?” she asks.

  “I can’t dance with him.” I can barely stand to be in the same room with him right now.

  “Can’t or won’t?” he challenges.

  I ignore his response. It’s never been won’t and he knows it. I’ve always tried, but at some point, I have to stop doing the same thing over and over and try something new.

  Miss Tasha puts her hands on her hips and stares at me. “Try harder.”

  I nod at her. I need to just get through this and prove that everything we’ve been through doesn’t have an effect on me. Easier said than done.

  She plays the music again and I manage to loosen up enough to get through the dance. Every touch makes me cringe inwardly as I remember Luke’s words, as I feel just how fake his emotions really are.

  “That was better, but I can still feel the tension in this room. It’s not the right kind of tension. Let’s try a new lift that’ll be in your next dance. Come stand over here, Sadie in front.”

  I do as I’m told, but make sure to leave a lot of space between us.

  “Closer,” Miss Tasha says, pushing us together.

  I stumble backward into Luke’s chest. I can feel his warm breath on my neck. His hands close on my hips to keep me from falling. I push them off when I’ve regained my balance. I can see the hurt expression briefly cross his face in the mirror, but I don’t really care. It’s not real anyway, just another part of his act.

  “I’m just trying to help,” he says.

  “I don’t need your help.”

  Miss Tasha seems to be ignoring the interaction. “Luke, you’re going to lift her by the waist over your head. Sadie, you’re going to kick your right leg up into a split as he lifts you to help with the momentum. Once you’re completely upside down over his head, I want you to put your hands on his waist for balance. Stay in that position for five seconds then Luke, you can slowly help her over and Sadie, you’ll land behind him on both feet. Understand?”

  We nod at her in unison. A new lift is definitely something I don’t want to try with him right now, but I don’t really seem to have any other options at this point.

  She smiles at us. “Good. Let’s try this.”

  I take a deep breath as Luke’s hands close around my hips again.

  “Ready?” he asks.

  I catch his gaze in the mirror and nod again.

  He gives my hips a quick squeeze and I jump. My legs move effortlessly into a split and in a second, I’m above his head with my hands on his waist. I start counting in my head.

  One.

  It’s not as bad as I thought it was going to be. I close my eyes and focus on the numbers. I can get through this. I can stay here for five seconds.

  Two.

  His fingers dig into my hips as he tries to hold me steady and keep both of us from toppling over. It reminds me of the lift that almost landed me on an operating table and ended my career. A shiver races through my body, radiating outward from his touch. Every muscle in my body tenses as I try to remain still. Any more movements and he’ll drop me. Just like Patrick.

  Three.

  Tears prick my eyes at the memory of our last real conversation. His hurtful words. That he’d never meant to treat me like I was special, that he was only trying to get me to trust him. My body shakes and my hips turn slightly in his grip. Just like Patrick.

  Calm down. Calm down. Calm down.

  Four.

  He loses control as soon as my hips turn. I feel myself falling, but everything’s in slow motion. The way my hands are positioned on his waist gives me no ability to catch myself. Terror pools in my stomach at not being able to stop the
movement. My back slides down Luke.

  Five.

  His hand closes briefly around my ankle as he tries to catch me and he twists his body to keep me safe, but it’s not quick enough and my ankle slips right through his grip. I throw my arms out to catch myself, squeezing my eyes shut.

  Another pair of hands grabs me, fingers closing around my arm and digging into my waist. I land on my right foot, my left foot losing grip on the floor and sliding underneath me. The hands lower me to the floor gently.

  When I open my eyes, Miss Tasha stands in front of me, breathing heavy. She reaches out a hand to help me up.

  I grab it and pull myself onto my feet. “Thanks.”

  “Are you okay?” Miss Tasha looks worried.

  “Yeah.”

  No. I’m freaking the fuck out. That could’ve been really bad and it only proves that I can’t do this with him. I glance over at Luke. I’m pissed at myself for losing control, but I’m more pissed at him for making me this way in the first place. I glare up at him.

  “This is why I can’t partner with you, okay? I don’t trust you anymore.” He’s hurt me beyond what Patrick ever did. At least Patrick didn’t try to hide the fact that he didn’t want anything to do with me anymore. Luke lies straight to my face instead of talking about the issue.

  Luke looks like I punched him in the face. “I’m sorry,” he says, backing away from us.

  Miss Tasha pats me on the shoulder as she walks past me. “Take a water break. Walk it off. We’ll try again in ten minutes.”

  Adam and Brielle sit on her bed when I open the door. Her laptop is open in front of her. They both stare at me.

  “You look rough. What happened?” Brielle asks.

  “Luke.” And every other bad thing in my life that feels like popping up into my consciousness today.

  She nods as if no further explanation is needed.

  I stretch out on my bed, wishing I could just go to sleep. I don’t have to think about all these confusing feelings when I’m sleeping.

  “Okay, so what about Nathan or Brandon?” Adam asks.

  “What are you talking about?” I turn toward them.

  “The Hit List.”

  I stare at them. “About who’s running it?”

  Brielle glares at me. “Duh. They’re not on the list, are they?”