Chasing Forever

by Pamela Ann

  She had one of my dress shirts on, looking demure and yet provokingly enticing as she nervously played with one of the buttons with her thumb and finger. “I hope you don’t mind, but I snooped a bit the first week we started dating.”

  Women. Why am I not surprised? “Did you now…” I mused. God, I loved the way she blushed and how her eyes would spark blue fire each time she felt like she was being challenged.

  “Certainly. You were in the shower when I took hold of your wallet and pulled out your I.D. I swear it was only for age verification, nothing more.”

  “Oh, really?” The magnetic energy that surrounded us as we stared into each other was electrifying. Tantalizing.

  “Yes, birthday boy,” she murmured, shyly looking up as her eyes flickered back and forth, as if searching for some truth in me. “The other night, I heard your conversation with Blake on the phone.” She nervously paused. “I don’t particularly know what’s going on with your family, but I just want to let you know that I’m here for you, too. If you need someone’s ear to listen to your grumbles, or to have someone to empathize in your situation, or to have someone to ease some of the stress with, I can be that person for you. ” She took a deep breath while her eyes flashed with momentary fright. “I love you… I have for quite some time now.”

  Literally, my heart skittered about at her confession. How often had I held my tongue from speaking those very same words each time I made love to her?

  Countless.

  And how long had I pined for her to feel the same way?

  Way before she had noticed I existed.

  Yes, I had been captivated the very second my eyes found her. She possessed me in ways I had never thought possible.

  A part of me wanted to tease her and question specifics about when she’d realized she was in love with me, but my emotions were quite too profound to even comprehend anything. “You own my heart, Luce. In every which way—it’s yours.” Cradling her cheek, my mouth delved into her lips, kissing her with such hungered passion that I felt completely and utterly undone.

  I was hers.

  She pulled back a little, gazing up at me with pure love shining in her depths. “Don’t break my heart,” she murmured with evident vulnerability.

  She’d had boyfriends before I had come along, but for some reason, I felt like Lucy was giving me something precious she hadn’t given any man before—something greater than her love—and I felt undone

  “I can’t promise you that, but I can guarantee that I will put you above everything else and promise that I will always stay truthful to you.” That was better than a promise any man could deliver to a woman. Promises were meant to be broken. Vows, on the other hand, mostly came from the heart, as did mine.

  She merely nodded before giving me a small kiss on the lips. “You’re mine, Mr. Watson.”

  Watching her lick her bottom lip, I let out a low, deep growl. One that sounded as if my body was revving up for another round. On the bed. On the piano. The kitchen. I wanted her everywhere with her body spread out, naked, lustful, until I’d had my fill. Until I had finished unleashing this rotted need to experience her fully—body, mind and soul.

  It was a madness of nonsensical emotions, but who could truly define a person being in love anyway? It was like an obsessive lunacy—nothing had ever been enough to appease a man’s appetite.

  A man could never appreciate love until he had experienced it himself.

  And I was that smitten man, driving blindly into the unknown darkness on cruise control.

  Chapter 4

  Toby

  Present

  “I want a divorce.”

  Amelia snorted, unfazed while giving me a nasty glare before looking away. She was carefully putting her make-up on, readying to leave to meet her friends. “Like that will ever happen. I’m pregnant. You can’t leave me,” she said nonchalantly, as if what I was demanding was of no concern to her.

  Amelia was a bitch, I knew that quite well. Each day I was seeing the rotten side of her and I couldn’t stomach the stench of her blackened heart. Her dismissive attitude did not help with my mood. She liked to provoke me to see if she had the capability to make me lose my cool, but I hadn’t gotten that temperamental with her. A part of me felt bad for her—at one point in time we were somehow comrades in our broken hearts and unrequited love—but I could only endure so much before all Hell broke loose, and when that day ever arrived, I wouldn’t hold back an inch.

  Glaring at her reflection, I shrugged before striding towards the walk-in closet, yelling, “Too bad ‘cause I’m packing as soon as I can.”

  I was a rational man. Compared to my best friend, Knightly, I could be mistaken for a saint. I wasn’t the one with a flaring temper, but leave it to Amelia to fuck with my head to the point that rationale went out the window.

  Pressing the button on the side drawer to automatically open the cabinet door that held my luggage, I impatiently waited as I listened for the quiet, swift sound of it opening when I heard the Spanish she-devil emerge, mouth loaded with foul ammunition.

  “And do what, mi amor? Go back to her?” she sneered, rolling her dark eyes at me. She was wearing a long, silk red dress that strategically hid her blossoming belly. Amelia loved to wear red—probably because she loved to provoke raging bulls, like me for instance.

  “She’s gone.”

  Her words affected me, of course they did, and she knew it. Nevertheless, it had taken me quite some time to realize that, if I was going to be miserable forever, I’d rather do it alone, without having to deal with this rubbish. Due to my brokenness, I had let my parents bulldoze me into marrying her. I had also let myself succumb to her advances even though I had known she was all sorts of bad news. However, I wasn’t that shattered, weakened man any longer because, after that one night with Lucy, I had somehow regained my conscience. It was like the heavy fog had been lifted, and I could see clearly for the very first time since she had dumped me.

  “I’ll have my lawyers contact you,” I said as I pulled out my phone and started texting the lawyer my aunt had given me. She had never favored this marriage to begin with, so when I had mentioned that I was thinking about divorcing or annulling the marriage, she had immediately got the ball rolling.

  My aunt was lovely and adored Lucy like she was her own daughter. Since she and her husband couldn’t bear children, they’d treated me like I was their own. As shitty as my parents were to me, my aunt and uncle had given an overabundance of love and affection, fulfilling what my parents had lacked in any department. So, even though I would get wrath from parting ties with Amelia’s powerful family, my aunt’s approval was enough to push me into putting things into motion.

  “I’m going to fucking ruin you, and you won’t ever see this child. Never!” she growled, almost launching herself at me with those long, red lacquered nails that reminded me of a witch.

  The baby. I was still on the fence with that one since rumors had started circulating after we had announced our nuptials that she had been sleeping with a married man, though she’d vehemently denied all of it, of course. Therefore, I had been left to wonder.

  “Try threatening me when I get the DNA results, stating this child is truly mine. The second you give birth to that child, I will make sure to coordinate the testing myself. I’m done playing mind games with you. It’s game over, Amelia.” Blake had suggested this, only confirming the doubts I’d had to begin with that Amelia was capable of that kind of viciousness. She was, after all, a woman scorned—too heartbroken to think straight—and would do anything to try and hurt me. Hurting me would indirectly wound her main target—my best friend, Blake Knightly.

  The results could be doctored, and I needed to make sure that the baby was mine before I negotiated visitation rights. If it was mine, I was going to be a part of his or her life, whether she approved or not.

  “I won’t let this happen.” She was shaking in rage. “I won’t let you pigs ruin me again. I will see to it!” />
  “You came on to me so many times after I had declined you—you wouldn’t take no for an answer. I am fucking done with your hissy fits.” I zipped up my things and looked over whatever else I needed to get before I gave her one last look then immediately departed, leaving her on the verge of combustible fury.

  Threats, big or small, wouldn’t sway me.

  This had started with Lucy and it would end with Lucy, that was all I could be certain of.

  She might think she didn’t want me, but she had at one point. She certainly had in Rome. Though she wouldn’t admit to it, I had felt her giving me her all. With each kiss, with every touch, each moan, and with each intensifying stroke of her tongue; the woman with whom I had made love that night had been with me all the way. I had no doubt that it was my Lucy that I had held that night. One night with her had been all I needed to free myself of this burden—the regrets I had carried for quite awhile.

  And I would surely get her back.

  It would take some time, but I would eventually make her love me again.

  +++

  “This is your mother. After what you did to our family, you can at least have the decency to take one of my calls. Your father, grandmother and I are all disappointed in you.” She sounded like she was trying to hold her temper but failing miserably. “You have shamed us all beyond belief. How could you do this to me? How dare you do this to your family?” She made a sniffing sound before pausing and then her evil voice returned. “Fix this or we will disown you.” And at that, she disconnected from my voicemail.

  My mother reminded me a lot of Amelia. She, too, had been having a ball, calling and leaving voice messages at ungodly hours. I tried to delete as much as I could, yet sometimes, I couldn’t spare my energy for idiocy.

  Normally, since I was based in Marbella, I should be heading straight to Blake’s villa that overlooked the Mediterranean Sea. It had been my residence for over a year now, but I simply didn’t want to be in Spain any longer. Not only was I homesick, thoughts of permanently moving back to England had been taking precedence as of late.

  I just wanted my home. I wanted to be near Lucy.

  During a quick call to Blake, in which I only gave him the small version of what had happened with my farcical union of a marriage, I told him I was heading home. And since I was already in the process of eliminating a lot of things in my life, I quit my job as the financial head of Knightly Industries. I used to love it, but now, I felt like I needed to head in a different direction. Somewhere that I could have more growth, learn the ropes on my own.

  Maybe it was time to pursue my dreams, one at a time.

  I had always wanted to have my own Hedge Fund firm. Following that dream was as good as any. I had nothing to lose and everything to gain.

  The main goal at the end of this trail was to have Lucy back. For me to accomplish that, I had to attain something of my own—a sense of worth, enough to feel deserving of standing by her side. I had done enough damage to the both of us. I hoped, sooner rather than later, that I could be on my way to fixing this. And I would, however first, I needed to be a free man. Free from all of those leeches that were latching onto me, draining me of everything that I was—Amelia, my family, and all the other bad influences in my life. Starting at the beginning, I needed to wipe everything out. It would be difficult to get there, but I would accomplish it. I had one goal in mind, and she was more than worthy to suffer through Heaven and Hell for.

  Chapter 5

  Lucy

  “Look at you—you look like shit.”

  I didn’t have to look up to know that it was Chad who had joined me. I was at the nearest café from my flat in Covent Garden, and for some brilliant reason¸ this prick had just managed to hunt me down. Wasn’t he supposed to be in New York with Luke, his other half?

  I had to close my notes along with the schoolbook I was studying. I had exams coming and his interruption wasn’t welcome. Besides, after the crazed bitch-slap he had given me, I wasn’t sure if we were still on speaking terms.

  “Geez, good of you to stop by uninvited.” Sarcasm laced my words, but the mocha-skinned man barely rolled his eyes at me, unfazed by my coldness.

  “I don’t need an invite to see you, so get over it.” He reached out to take my half-eaten pistachio biscotti and munched on it. “It sucks to be here in London without Sienna. I feel like something’s missing in my heart.” He annoyingly sighed before having the audacity to take a sip of my cappuccino, too.

  Really? This was not the time to mess with me. Surely this bugger hadn’t come to see me only to be melancholy about not having Sienna around. I knew those two were close, but sometimes I wished he’d give me the same attention. I missed him, too.

  Masking the hurt in my eyes, I directed a glare at him. “To what do I owe this pleasure, Chad?”

  He flicked the crumbs off the side of the table, looking at me with pure consideration. What I saw in his eyes sort of broke my heart. He was concerned about me; those dark eyes had somehow reached inside me and simply knew what gutting pain I was going through. It completely undid me.

  Choking back the heavy lump in my throat, I looked away from the intensity of those dark eyes, hoping I could hide from it.

  “He’s finally divorcing her. I flew in the moment he called.”

  No wonder. He was here to the rescue. Since Sienna was on her honeymoon with Blake, Chad needed to make sure I was not going bonkers.

  “Don’t feel guilty; it’s not your fault, baby love.”

  Damn him. Why did it seem like he just knew what to say? Was he intending for me to cry because, seriously, I was on the brink of it. Maybe tears would make me feel relief…

  “I had no idea,” I croaked out, blinking back the unshed tears.

  “We all knew this was coming,” he murmured soothingly. “The only question was when he would do it. We all have been perfectly aware he did it for the wrong reasons. Amelia had a weird hold of him… but I think Rome made him snap out of it.”

  Rome. God, thinking about Rome hurt. Thinking about him was too much. I had spewed lies, hoping he would secure his marriage, but the result had backfired on me. What happened now?

  “How is he?”

  He shrugged. “Why don’t we go and find out?”

  Was he crazy? No. I wasn’t ready to face him. Not yet. “I can’t handle that right now.” There was no point in denying anything to Chad. He was just too perceptive and knew too much to be lied to.

  He nodded, eyeing me with understanding.

  Reaching out for my coffee, I took a small sip before carefully placing it back on the small, white saucer. My mind raced on, recalling everything as I took in the news. He was divorcing—dissolving his marriage. He’d be a free man again. Would he seek me out? And if he did, what would I do? Was I ready to be with him? Was I ready to take on the hate and wrath that came with it?

  “Why didn’t you ever beg, Luce?”

  Chad’s question brought me out of my reverie as I frowned at him. “Excuse me?”

  “You heard me. Why didn’t you ever beg him not to do it? You fucking love the man. What the fuck? I just don’t get it. I want to understand why you were being such a cold-hearted bitch.”

  Whoa. I had never heard him talk to me that way. Was he angry at me?

  “What makes you think—?”

  “You could’ve saved you both from this heartache. Neither of you are happy, so I want to know why. Why push away the guy who worshipped you like you were made out of gold? Why push him away when you couldn’t live without him?” He paused when he saw me about to argue with him. “You’re not happy. You’ve only been miserable since the moment you left him, love.”

  Would he understand if I told him that I had done it for Toby? That I hadn’t wanted to come between him and his family? That I hadn’t wanted to put him in a position where he had to choose? Toby was a good man. He loved his family. Even though they were dysfunctional at best, they were his family. They needed to sort that o
ut themselves. I cared for him too much to put him in an awful position.

  “It’s hard to explain,” I started. “I did love him—, more than anything.” My heart was his. Forever. “Sometimes, love makes you do things. Things that you hope will be for the best… my intentions were faultless. I needed to put him first before my needs…” My throat constricted, thinking about the searing pain I had endured after walking away from him. “I realized that our own best interest doesn’t necessarily solve anything. Sometimes it turns out for the worst and backfires. A miniscule problem could grow into something bigger, something that’s hard to control.” I had bit off more than I could chew. Not only guilt was festering me into ruins, thinking about the baby placed an acrid, vile taste in my mouth.

  “Love makes us do crazy things. I mean, look at Mighty Knightly and all the shit he had to pull off to be with Sienna. But one thing stood out, and that’s the only thing we should learn, which is never to fucking give up, Lucy. I look at you and I already see defeat. What happened to your backbone? You took part in this mess, at least bitch up and be there for the man you’ve fucked over. He needs you.”

  “I don’t know…”

  “I’m not asking you to be back with him. All I’m asking is for you to show your face. You don’t even have to say anything. Just be around, show that you care, even if it’s killing you inside.”

  Could I do that? Could I stomach seeing the hate in his eyes?

  “Toby might not be too pleased about that.”

  “Trust me on this; that man is nuts and bolts loony for you.”

  +++

  “Lucy?”

  I looked up and clashed eyes with him.

  “Would you like to have dinner with me?”

  Was he really asking me this or was I dreaming?

  For weeks, I had secretly lusted after him, dropping subtle hints that I was more than interested, but he hadn’t taken the bait. Last week, I had been convinced that he saw me just as a friend from school. After all, he and Blake Knightly were sought after by all of the women in our school and he could have a pick of whoever took his interest.