Chasing Forever

by Pamela Ann

  “Anyhoo, I want you to be the first to know that Luke and I are trying to adopt a baby,” he announced the second he slid on the stool before me.

  His news shocked me. The couple had given no indication that they were baby hunting. Besides, the word baby alone already made me feel guilty about the one Amelia was carrying.

  “That’s exciting news. I’m truly glad for you, Chad. You’ve come along way. You deserve all the happiness in the world.”

  His dark eyes misted a tad. “I’m not sure I tell you enough, but I’m fucking happy to call you my friend. You don’t judge me; you just accept my craziness as if you approve of the likes of me. You don’t care that I’m gay, or that I’m black, or that I have a wacky sense of style and a wackier train of thought. Thank you for making me a part of your family.”

  Oh, man, I hadn’t been trying to make him cry, but his eyes sure had misted a bit. Chad… when I first met him, I thought him obnoxious. However, the more I got to know him, the more I saw the true person inside. And after I heard all the horrors that had happened to him, I was the one who felt honored to be his friend. He was right, though. He was my family, more than the ones I was blood related to.

  “I didn’t know you were quite so hormonal, too, my friend.” Throwing a light joke, my spirits lifted a little when I saw him smile.

  “We’re trying to adopt a baby girl. It’s been a month, and I’m trying to not lose hope, you know?”

  “If it’s meant to be, you’re going to have your baby girl. Don’t stress on it.”

  He nodded, sipping his coffee as he regarded me. “What’s going on with your own baby? I know you don’t talk about it much, but I’m curious as to where your head is at, at the moment.”

  The baby. My heart constricted as I pictured a tiny baby girl with blue eyes and wisps of blonde hair. A tiny version of Lucille Connelly. I was never going to have that with her. Best to let the dream go amongst everything else.

  “I won’t shy away from my fatherly duties if the child is truly mine. I just hope that Amelia will not give me a hard time when the time comes.”

  He made a sour face at the mention of her name. “I’ll support you all the way.” He made a long, dragging sigh. “I just wished, you know, you did things differently… instead of agreeing to everything she and your mother orchestrated.”

  How did I explain the dark cloud that hovered above me? There were no words to exactly explain the ceaseless numbness I was going through... “I’ve regretted it more than anyone would know, but as much as I would like to dwell on this enormous mishap, I’d rather focus on moving forward.”

  There were moments where I wanted to keep berating myself and ponder about all the “what ifs”, but I had realized that doing that wouldn’t achieve anything. I could at least be thankful for having enough sense to get out of it as early as possible, and before things got even more complicated.

  Chad looked thoughtful a moment. “You’re right, boo. You’re a good man. As much as you would do the right thing, it’s killing you inside. If it were another woman, I wouldn’t agree to this, but since we’re talking about that Spanish tramp, I’d even go as far as serving those papers to her just so I could bask in her discomfort,” he said with no ounce of jest in him. He meant each word, of that there was no doubt.

  I smiled at his serious face. “I appreciate the offer, but my lawyers have it handled.” Chad was a passionate man, and when someone crossed him or anyone he cared about, he launched with all of his claws out.

  “Good.” He sipped his coffee before he slammed it back down on the counter. “Now, Mighty Knightly mentioned something about you starting a Hedge Fund firm. Let’s get to that, shall we?”

  I smirked, grateful for this bugger in my life. “Yes, sir.”

  He gave me a scathing look. “Madam, Toby. Duh.”

  Of course, how dare I forget about that teeny bit. “Apologies, kind, bitchy Madam.”

  He simply rolled his eyes at me before I saw him gather his laptop from the nearby sofa.

  My friends, they were an awesome breed for sure.

  After hours locked in the study, Chad somehow became my assistant, willing to call, email and fax whoever was needed. It was surprising to know that Blake had made sure that this chap was here to help out since the very man himself wasn’t available to give his intellectual insight. I supposed it was an amazing thing I had gotten a financial whiz as my best friend. He certainly came in handy when I needed answers to my trivial questions.

  Though my life was shit and my love life in the gutter, my friends were always there to count on. The small blessings in life were the kind of positivity I could focus on.

  I was just in the process of shutting my laptop off when I heard a loud thud coming from outside. Chad and I gave each other a knowing look before we abruptly stood up to check what the commotion was about.

  Striding next to me, Chad was giving a less subtle grunt as we reached the foyer. The loud banging kept on as I yanked the door open. When I did, why wasn’t I a bit surprised that it was Amelia?

  Sighing at the sight of her small, protruding belly, I gave her a tired look. “Need you bang my door as if you’re calling on death?”

  I had known this was coming, but I hadn’t expected it quite so soon.

  She sucked in her breath before spitting a nasty look towards Chad then at me. “I am not signing those damn papers!” she screeched before she brushed past me and strode inside my home, uninvited.

  Shutting the door, I barely heard the click before I spun around and felt the heavy slap of her palm smacking against my unprepared cheek. I riled from the sharp pain. Though I knew she was going overboard, I had to consider that she was hormonal and irrational. Touching the hot, tender spot of my cheek, I gently rubbed it as my temper started to build nicely.

  “Aw, hell to the motherfucking no! Don’t you fucking dare touch him, you stupid, little shit!” Chad growled behind me. I gave him a pleading look to step back.

  Amelia’s dark eyes looked possessed as she shook with fury. “What? You left me to be with a man? Are you gay now? Is that why you left?” she screamed into my face. “I don’t fucking care! No man is leaving me again, you understand? I won’t fucking let you!”

  Oh, she really was taking it there. “Amelia, you must control yourself,” I gritted out as I mentally coached myself to remain calm.

  She gave me a scathing snort. “Fuck you. Fuck all you British, cold men! I made one fucking mistake, and now I have to deal with all this bullshit!”

  I was almost sure she was referring to Blake Knightly. “Hence the divorce.”

  She went berserk with that comment. “There will be no divorce! I’d rather die than make that happen. You won’t leave me—i won’t let you!”

  Some said that the Spanish temper was something to admire. That at times, women deemed to be sexy, like how Penelope Cruz had been in Vicky Christina Barcelona. That might be true for some, but I assure you, there was nothing sexy about a raving banshee that was going out of control.

  It took every ounce in me to sound calm and patient since I was raving mad within, however I knew lashing out wouldn’t solve anything. “Well then, I suppose we should let the courts decide that, won’t we?” I gave her a stern, undeterred look. “Can I get you some water? You look like you’re about to faint.”

  She fumed silently, sending iced daggers at me.

  We were in for a long battle, I supposed.

  +++

  “Dude, that bitch is crazy!” Chad could hardly contain himself as he took short breaths, shaking his head.

  I couldn’t agree more. Her visit had only served to seal my fear that she wasn’t going to give up without a fight. Amelia would rather drag it out, maybe out in public to seek sympathy, thus making my family pressure me further. It was what she had done in the beginning. And since my mother was all for fame and fortune due to Amelia’s family connections and common aspirations as my family, the two had gotten along more than well. They
had become best buds, even to the point where my mother had called her the daughter she’d never had.

  Slumping on the nearest sofa, I slung my head back with my eyes closed as I felt the heavy throb of my pulse on my temples. My blood pressure was skyrocketing because I was beyond mad, yet I couldn’t do much about that. As Knightly’s close friend, I had learned to keep my temper after I had witnessed the bastard get in trouble with that fiery Italian blood running through his veins. I had only ever witnessed him lose it completely with Sienna—it was like a champagne bottle being shaken before the cork popped, blasting all the contents out in one big explosion. He and I were so much alike, but the only difference with me was that I sort of knew how to pull back and control my temper when need be.

  Had I been like Knightly earlier with Amelia, even though I wouldn’t dare to lay a hand on a female, she could’ve gotten hurt through words. You see, I had a lot of resentment, so considering that, I had a let go of a lot of aggression, but I would attempt to hold it back until she gave birth.

  Even though I had a lot of colorful things to say to Amelia, I couldn’t hide behind the fact that I, too, was a reckless moron who had succumbed to a scathing woman with different intentions. Though at that time, I’d had no idea she had been involved with Knightly months before. She was in love with him, but the moment Sienna became more than a friend, Knightly didn’t have eyes for anyone else. Amelia, distraught and broken from losing the man she was in love with, had thought it would be the ultimate revenge to spite Knightly by dating me. And dear, old, idiotic me hadn’t had a clue that she used to shag my best friend until that eventful Christmas week in France.

  It had been an absolute shock. I had not dated anyone that was Knightly’s before; the same went with him towards me. It was a respect thing—a code between brothers that shouldn’t be crossed. Not only had I been ashamed to have Lucy see me with another woman, I’d also had to come to terms with the fact that Amelia had used me to get to him.

  I had apologized profusely to Knightly about my mishap, however he hadn’t been worried about that. In fact, he had been more worried about her conniving behavior. He’d warned me about her, and I had paid heed… for a while anyway. Nevertheless, after weeks on end, I had become lonely again. So, when she’d spotted me drunk and belligerent, she had immediately come on to me. At the time, I had been drunk, lonely and hadn’t been thinking with the right brain. That one night was all it had taken to bring me all these nightmares—one fucking night.

  I had made tons of mistakes, but I was trying to fix it all. I just hoped that it wasn’t too late.

  One could only hope.

  Chapter 8

  Toby

  “You ought to celebrate your impending freedom, mate,” Clive Barrington said as he handed me a glass of cognac.

  Impending freedom… was still just impending. God only knew how long this could take now that she was out for blood.

  Taking the glass, I drank a couple of gulps, finishing it like it was water before I studied the reflection of the lighting on the glass. There I sat, thinking that I could be very much fucked from here on out if she were to go public with this information. All the while, Clive was somewhat rambling about marriage and so forth when I heard him say, “My cousin should’ve stopped that rubbish from coming. You weren’t fucking thinking—all you cared about was the good shagging.”

  Yeah, this man was surely related to Knightly, although they were opposites. One liked the media while the other stayed out of it. One was light, the other dark. Both contrasted in so many things, and most of the time, they bickered like old ladies; but I knew, deep down, even with the competitive streak these two had going, they cared deeply for one another.

  Clive was a couple years older than us, however the age sure didn’t stop everyone from comparing him to his magnetic cousin. He was living in the shadow of his kin, and deep down, I knew he resented Knightly for being so perfect all the time.

  Knightly sure as fuck wasn’t a saint—more like a devil incarnate if you were opposed to him. Apart from that, he did come close to the word perfect. The man excelled in everything. Surely one couldn’t hate on a man like that, could they? Unfortunately, yes; there were quite a few who hated him for just that reason. I wasn’t one of them, but sometimes I worried that he might just make the wrong kinds of enemies—ones that would inflict not only financial pain but personal as well. I prayed that it wouldn’t come to that because I would not even think twice about putting my life on the line to save his. He had been there for me through thick and thin, and would I gladly pay that back with gratuity.

  “…hate this rubbish…” Clive trailed off, looking depleted.

  “What’s rubbish?” I managed to ask, though I was far from interested. The man had called me earlier to catch up and drink at a private club somewhere in Chelsea, and since Knightly had been gone awhile, I’d missed having a chat with someone. Sure Chad was there, but he was more of a girl than a man—though a man couldn’t look man enough as Chad went. So, yeah, he would connect more with Lucy or Sienna when it came to gushy bits and all those talks about clothes, male models, his thrilling sex life, and the lot. I hadn’t a clue about that, which forced me to accept Clive’s invitation because I needed some sanity back.

  “You know, when you’re ready to be in a committed relationship and it never happens? I think the universe has some twisted conspiracy to fuck me good in the arse,” he muttered, completely ticked off.

  “Universe. Right.” I shook my head, thinking that this bloke had finally lost it. It was safe to think that this man might probably have been in worse mental shape than I was.

  Nodding towards the oncoming waitress for another glass, I muttered under my breath, “Maybe you’re bound for twosomes for the rest of your life. Don’t count yourself unlucky, you bastard.” He had gone on for years with two women by his side, so why was he being so whiny?

  He snorted before grabbing the nearest bottle of champagne that was chilling in the silver bucket and taking a quick swig at it. “I liked her too much, yeah.” He paused, deep in thought, brows furrowing. “Too fucking much.”

  “Who?” I had no idea the bastard had been interested in one particular woman. I mean, he sure was with women all the goddamn time, but to be so gutted by one woman? It was unheard of.

  “Stella…” he said the name as if it was hurting him to say it. “Stella von Berg.”

  Stella… oh, right. “The lonesome heiress.” I met her once a couple of years back in one of those social gatherings. She was gorgeous, but she was somewhat of a shy type. I’d had no idea that Clive liked the shy types. “She declined your ravishing advances? She must be nuts,” I mused. His forlorn face made me feel for the damn prick. Fuck. He sure was truly gutted.

  “No point really. She was married to Callum Kensington. Had no idea then—stupid bastard. Why the fuck was he so fucking lucky? Not like he wasn’t a blasted horny fucker like the rest of us! I doubt he even likes her that much. Bet he kept her to spite me all these years. Stupid cunt.”

  Callum Kensington was the man he was up against? Yeah… “Good luck with that, mate. Kensington is a tough opponent.” It was best to let go of that dream.

  He raked a hand through his hair, tugging it. He looked like he was at war with himself. “She’s a good girl. She deserves to be happy, and that cunt makes her happy, I guess.”

  It was good that he was coming to his senses. The last thing we needed was to save him from his rotten unrequited love. Knightly didn’t need to have to go and protect his cousin by having a go at it with Kensington. If that day ever came, I was sure the stocks would probably plummet a tad, and we didn’t want people losing money. Especially not since I had just started my firm. That would be quite the bad luck.

  +++

  The next day, I was surprised when Chad announced that we were having lunch with Lucy.

  I had missed her tremendously, however I wasn’t sure if I could face her at the moment. Lucy was the only person
in the world I was scared of, and with good reason. She had the capability of breaking me in two with her mean words alone. I needed a couple of more weeks until I could face her without having a problem with my pretend mask slipping off. I needed to learn how to fight this hunger I had for her. It didn’t help that, each time I saw her, I wanted to ravish her on the spot. I was sure she wouldn’t welcome that.

  “I’m quite busy at the moment. You guys go right along without me.” I focused my attention back on the screen before me, but when I heard Chad clear his throat with his fingers tapping on my desk, I looked up and gave him a patient expression. “Yes?”

  “You can’t bullshit a bullshitter.”

  Right on. “Good to know. Anything else, Chad?”

  He pouted like a petulant child with great persistence. “You’ve been cranky for the entire day. She might lighten your mood.”

  “Well, didn’t it ever occur to you that she might be the cause of why I’m cranky right now?” Let’s face it. I was a miserable fool. The whole divorce battle with Amelia was not progressing as I would’ve liked, and knowing Lucy was in love with another man… neither was a sure recipe for pure bliss.

  He blew out a breath. “God—you need to go jackoff or something!”

  “Still ineffective.”

  “Seriously?”

  I shrugged. “So will you leave me alone now?”

  “Fuck that. Maybe I could convince her to sleep with you. Would you like that?” he teased, winking.

  Chad was a bit mad, but still… just the thought of having her for a night had already gotten my blood roaring. The tightening of my pants sure didn’t help, either.

  “I’ll see you later, mate.”

  Chad sighed, knowing that I wasn’t going to be convinced. “Fine. But I’m inviting her out to party with me tonight. Up to you if you want to tag along, beeotch.”

  Last year, I used to find it amusing that Chad used these sorts of tactics on Blake to get Sienna back. Now that he was doing the same thing with me, I wasn’t quite sure if I liked it at all.