Forfeiting Decency

by Rachel Schneider

  Kip takes the pan from me, easily shifting the bottle of pinot under his arm, and shuts the truck door as I get out. “She knows something happened between us, but doesn’t know what or why. Not for a lack of trying, either.”

  I smile. “Figures.”

  We head up the stone walk toward the wooden front door. The house is a deep red brick, situated on a cul-de-sac in the back of the neighborhood. It’s not like the mansions I used to live in, but it’s not exactly cheap either. Lilly must have gotten a good job.

  “She’ll forget about it,” he says dismissively.

  I’m not so sure. “Is she still mad? You know, about us?”

  He pauses, turning around to look at me. “She was never mad at you.”

  I snort. “Have you forgotten the mustard?”

  He shudders, but I pretend I didn’t see it. “She has underlying hurt that I kept it from her. It’s easier for her to direct it at you instead of dealing with me about it. There’s a part of her that doesn’t want to ruffle my feathers.”

  “I can’t say I blame her.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “Well, you’re kind of overbearing.”

  He frowns. “No I’m not.”

  I make a face. “You’ve always been a tad controlling.”

  “You would have never learned how to ride a bike if I hadn’t pushed you,” he says, a challenge in his words.

  “Riding a bike isn’t vital to my existence, Kip. It’s not like you instilled life-altering knowledge.”

  I ignore his cocksure smile and push the doorbell. Everything about this night has me on edge, but I can’t quite put my finger on why.

  “Stop worrying,” Kip says, nudging me with his free elbow. “She’ll be happy to see you.”

  My eyes widen. “She doesn’t know I’m coming?”

  He has the audacity to look guilty. “I was going to mention it…”

  “Kip,” I say through my teeth.

  The door opens at the most opportune time and Justin appears, coming to a standstill in the open doorway. “Oh, this is going to be good,” he says, smiling like my arrival is the best thing he’s seen all day.

  Kip glares at Justin, shoving the pan of pudding at him until he’s forced to take it. “Everything will be fine.”

  Justin doesn’t look so sure, but he smiles at me as we enter. “Who made the pudding?”

  I give him a look. “Who do you think?”

  “I’ve missed Kip’s cooking since we moved.”

  Justin leads us through the foyer and into a beautiful chef’s kitchen with dark cabinets and granite countertops. Lilly and a guy I don’t recognize linger by the bar, and Lilly does a piss-poor job of concealing her surprise at seeing me. Last she heard, Kip and I weren’t together.

  Kip goes in for a hug, ignoring her reaction. “The house is impressive, Lil. But don’t you think it’s a little…much?”

  She pats him on the back. “I never want to move again, so I wanted something we could grow into.”

  “Hi,” I say, making for the most awkward eye contact ever.

  “Hey,” she says, weary.

  “The house is really amazing, Lilly.”

  She manages a smile. “Thanks.”

  The guy swivels on the bar stool in our direction, effectively breaking the tension as he gives me a once-over, holding a hand out for me to shake. “Nice to meet you,” he drawls, a gleam in his eyes.

  “Who’s this?” Kip asks Lilly, pointing a finger in the guy’s direction.

  Justin sets everything down on the counter and smacks Jacob’s hand out from between us. “This is my little brother, Jacob. He hits on anything with a vagina, take no offense.”

  He’s cute, maybe a few years younger than me, with wavy dark hair and equally dark eyes. He looks like a puppy. He smiles, pretending to be sheepish, and it’s not hard to imagine a lot of girls falling for it.

  Jacob picks up an already poured shot and hands it to Kip. “Your girl is seriously gorgeous.”

  Kip is unsure how to react as he takes the shot from his hand. “Let’s refrain from talking about her like she’s not here, yeah?”

  Jacob’s eyes narrow the tiniest bit as he pours more shots. “No problem.” He hands me a glass of clear liquid. “You’re gorgeous,” he says, winking at me.

  Kip looks like he wants to say something, but even he can’t get mad at Jacob’s boyishness. He and Justin make eye contact, and all Justin can manage is a shrug. Almost an I told you so.

  “There’s beer and wine in the fridge if you’re thirsty,” she says, picking up her own glass of wine. “Everyone is already outside. The food is on the grill, but it should be ready in a few minutes.”

  We all congregate on the back patio. Lights are strung overhead and around the in-ground pool. A few people lounge around an outdoor table next to the grill, and I feel my first real smile break through at the sight of Lance drinking a beer as he checks the meat.

  He makes eye contact with me and smiles, wrapping me in a hug. “I didn’t know you were coming,” he says.

  “I can’t believe you’re still on break. When do you go back to work?”

  “The chief is giving me some time off.”

  “I bet you don’t even know what to do with yourself,” I say, hitting him on the arm.

  His smile wanes a little and it’s then I realize his eyes have landed on Kip. Kip wraps an arm around my waist as he shakes Lance’s hand, and I physically watch Lance figure out that Kip is the person I was talking about the other morning he was at my apartment.

  “Hey, Lance. How’s it been going?” Kip says.

  It takes a moment, but Lance returns the greeting. “Doing good. How about you? Justin told me you opened your own shop?”

  Kip feels the tension, but he can’t figure out exactly why it’s there as they discuss muscle cars and the logistics of working for yourself. I excuse myself to greet the rest of the guests. Cal is here with his grandfather, Mr. Wilson, and I hear him warning a petulant Cal away from the dessert table. Justin brought a few buddies from work, and they’re all super nice. I laugh as they sneak a drinking game out from under Mr. Wilson’s nose.

  It’s when my eyes land on the two girls at the end of the table I freeze. Andie and another girl are sipping their drinks, smiling as they discuss something quietly, and dread fills me. Pulling on my big-girl panties, I make my way over to them.

  Andie looks up first and smiles. “Hi, I remember you. Kaley, right?”

  I nod, but before I can talk, her friend butts in. “How do you know Lance?”

  “We were friends in college,” I answer.

  “Oh, so you two are close?”

  I shrug, unsure how to answer that question myself. “I guess.”

  She leans in, prompting me to follow her lead. “Is he single?”

  I smile as understanding dawns. All three of us glance in Lance’s direction and watch as he chugs the beer in his hand, flipping a steak with his free hand as Kip stands awkwardly next to him, also downing his own beer.

  “He is.”

  She and Andie trade excited glances, and I take the moment to excuse myself, feeling good about my solid effort at being friendly. Lance announces the food is ready, and Lilly brings out a platter to put the steaks and potatoes on as the rest of us move inside. The dining room is open to the patio, making the space casual and open for entertaining. I wait for Kip by the door, locking eyes with Lance as he walks past. If I’m not mistaken, an imperceptibly quick flash of hurt shows through, and my heart catches. My gaze lands on Kip, and I know he saw what I did, too.

  When we take our seats, I slide my hand into his under the table, and I take a breath of relief as he interlocks our fingers. We eat with our folded hands on his thigh, even though it’s beyond difficult to cut steak with only one hand, but neither of us moves to undo them.

  “When do you open?” Jones, Justin’s friend from work, asks Kip.

  Kip takes a moment to sip his beer. “I don�
��t have a set date yet.”

  “That’s really cool though. Starting your business and all that jazz. I’ve been thinking about starting my own private security team for years, but I don’t have the balls to do it.”

  Justin takes a bite of steak, looking at Jones. “You never told me that.”

  “Yeah, I mean, it’s kind of a pipe dream.”

  Kip holds his beer between his fingers, shaking his head. “It’s gut wrenching, for sure. I’m not even sure I would have done it if Kaley hadn’t pushed me.”

  Lilly’s head swivels in my direction for the first real time since we sat down. “Really?”

  All eyes are on me, and I fight the urge to hide under the table. “I, uh, had mentioned it, but Kip took the initiative. He’s been working really hard to get everything up and running so quickly.”

  Jacob pipes in. “And what do you do, Kaley?”

  Lance snickers behind his beer, drawing everyone’s attention to him. “What doesn’t she do?”

  Kip’s hand tightens in mine, and I can feel heat traveling to my cheeks. Justin’s head snaps in Lance’s direction, and it’s obvious he knows what Lance is referring to, only adding to my silent humiliation. Lance pointedly avoids Justin’s stare as he drinks more beer. It’s then I realize the haze of red glazing them, and it sets alarms off inside my head. Things are about to go bad fast.

  Lilly leans forward. “What does that mean?” she says, short. It’s almost…protective?

  “It means,” he says, cocky. “She gets around.”

  I swallow my emotions, too many of them to keep track of.

  Kip glares at Lance. “I think you should leave.”

  He meets Kip’s stare, but there’s no heat behind his eyes. They’re empty, and it makes me sad to think I did that to them. “I think I’ll leave when I want to, and I haven’t finished my dinner.” Lance stabs his untouched steak, sawing it in half.

  Mr. Wilson stands, motioning for Cal to stand with him. “Lilly, thank you for the dinner, but we’re going to head out.”

  “No,” I say, standing. “We’ll leave. I’m obviously the problem here.”

  Lance holds his hands out, palms up. “What problem? There’s no problem. Sit, eat, be merry.”

  Kip urges me back into my seat, and I’m silently begging him not to engage him. Not here, not in front of everybody, and not in front of Lilly. She deserves this party and everything she’s built for it, and the last thing I want to do is ruin it for her.

  “This is my sister’s house, and therefore my home, so I have authority to kick you out.”

  Lance scrunches up his face. “I’m not leaving.”

  Justin drops his head in his hands. “Lance, don’t do this.”

  He gives Justin an incredulous look. “You’re taking her side?”

  No one stops Mr. Wilson and Cal from leaving this time, but Lilly hurriedly grabs the pan of banana pudding Kip and I brought to give to them as they leave. Jones looks like he’s prepared to break up a fight, Jacob looks embarrassed for asking me a simple question, and Andie and her friend watch like we’re a spectator sport.

  “I’m taking my soon-to-be wife’s side, and you’re picking the wrong fight if you think she’s going to go against Kip’s word.”

  Lance’s face contorts in disgust. “How would she feel if she knew her brother’s girlfriend is a prostitute?”

  Lilly’s mouth falls open and Kip jerks from the table. Justin, Jones, and I all stand, ready to stop anything from happening. Kip is eerily calm as he looks at Lance. “You have ten seconds to leave.”

  “Or what?” Lance draws. “You’re going to assault a federal agent? I’m sure your parole officer would love that.”

  “Lance,” Justin says. “You’re drunk. Go home, get some sleep, and feel like shit in the morning, but there’s no need to make it worse by getting your face beat in.”

  There’s a moment of silence before Andie speaks. “I’ll drive him. Lolene can take my car.”

  Everyone waits for Lance’s reply, sighing in relief as he willingly stands. He stumbles over the chair, but manages to catch himself before falling. Digging in his pockets, he finds his keys and hands them over to Andie. He stops by the fridge on his way out, retrieving a few more beers. He makes eye contact with me, and I know I need to speak with him before he leaves.

  “Kaley,” Kip says, grabbing my hand to stop me.

  I squeeze his hand in mine. “I’ll be right back.”

  Reluctantly, he lets me go, and I keep my head ducked as I leave the room. I find Lance leaning against his car, watching me approach like a petulant child. The way he outed me to everyone stops me from consoling him. Andie and Lolene wait by the front door, giving us space to talk.

  “How could you do that to me?”

  He clenches his jaw, but I can see the hurt wavering behind his anger.

  “That wasn’t fair, Lance. Not to our friendship, not to Kip or Lilly, and not to me. If you had something to say to me, you should have said it to me in private.” I blink back tears at the realization my only friend thinks so poorly of me.

  “Kaley,” he says, softening.

  I shake my head, stopping his words. “I never knew you had feelings for me. You can’t blame me for being with someone else because you never spoke up.”

  He drops his arms, running his hands over his face. He takes a moment, wavering when he looks up at me. “It wouldn’t have mattered. You’ve never looked at me like you look at him.”

  “You don’t know that.”

  “I do,” he nods. “I didn’t believe it until I saw it, but you love him.”

  My heart hurts for him, because I do love Lance, just not like I do Kip. He’s right, because I’ve never needed Lance like I do Kip. Kip has the ability to make breathing easier and harder all at the same time—it’s borderline addicting.

  He drinks leisurely from the open bottle in his hand. “You know where I’ll be if you need me.”

  And because we both know our friendship will never be the same, I hug him quickly before he opens the passenger side door without looking back at me. When I walk back into the house, I find everyone has migrated to the kitchen.

  “How do you know everything before I do?” Lilly says to Justin.

  Justin releases a breath before replying. “It’s not my place to tell you her business.”

  Kip is leaning against the bar, beer in his hands when he sees me enter. He stands and I make my way towards him, fitting into his side.

  Lilly doesn’t waste time jumping to questions. “How long have you been working as…” she says, waving a hand in the air as she looks for the best description. “…an escort?”

  “On and off for the past few years,” I reply honestly.

  “Does this have anything to do with your and Kip’s falling out not that long ago?”

  I shift uncomfortably and Kip answers for me. “Kaley hasn’t worked at Hudson’s since we’ve been together.” They’ve clearly covered the basics while I was outside.

  Lilly’s eyes narrow, and I can tell I’m not going to like what she says next. “And you trust her?”

  Kip nods once, not an ounce of hesitation. “Yes.”

  Justin looks at Lilly and they do the weird communication thing they do where they talk without words. It was weird years ago, and it’s even weirder now.

  Jacob slaps a hand on the granite counter top. “Well you shouldn’t,” he says, cocky grin in place. “At least, not while I’m around.”

  Kip looks at Justin, unbelieving. “How old is he?”

  Justin barely rolls his eyes, smacking his brother on the back of the head. “Old enough to know better.”

  “But too young to give a fuck,” Jacob tacks on.

  Lilly can no longer hold back her smile, and Jacob beams at us in a my job here is done way. I’m pretty sure all of us are grateful for Jacob’s immaturity at this point.

  I LIE WITH MY head hanging outside the tent, eyes turned up towards the sky while I watc
h the limbs of the trees sway high above. It’s really fucking hot, and I have no idea how Kip maintains his energy in this type of heat. Even way up here on the hill, the wind does very little to deter the scorching summer sun.

  Kip settles down next to me, leaning over and blocking my view. “You’re humming,” he says between heavy breaths through his nose. Sweat drips from his hair and onto my cheek, his bandana doing little to stop it.

  “So? People hum all the time.”

  He smiles. “To country music,” he clarifies.

  The song playing on the portable radio finally registers and I scowl. “Now it’s going to be stuck in my head all day.”

  “Just admit you like my music.”

  I shake my head, indignant. “Nope.”

  “If nope means yes, you are correct.”

  The truth is, some songs have grown on me. Plus, I got a good look at Sam Hunt on TV the other night, and I can’t really argue against the sight of him singing about back roads and bogs.

  “Are you done?” I say, changing the subject.

  He balances a forearm over his knee, looking at the campsite he put up…by himself. “For now. I’ll gather some wood before the sun goes down so we can have a fire tonight.”

  “Explain to me why we’re camping at the end of summer again.”

  We biked up the hill to a secluded camp spot behind the trees. Primitive camping is permitted, but the sign “strongly recommends” early spring and late fall as prime camping seasons. Kip dismissed the warning of bears.

  “There’s a cold front coming in tonight, so it’s going to be drastically cooler tomorrow,” he says. “And because it’s fun and you’ve never been.”

  Sitting up, I kiss him. “I can think of a lot of fun things to do at home, in the air conditioning, pretty much anywhere else.”

  He smiles against my lips, but pulls back, retrieving a few twigs and leaves from my hair for me. “This gives us a chance to scope out the advanced bike trail before we attempt to navigate it on two wheels.” Smiling, he stands abruptly. “Do you want to go exploring?”

  I squint against the sun. “And possibly have a run-in with a brown bear? No thanks.”

  He rolls his eyes and reaches down, pulling me up entirely too easily with one arm.