The Long Way Home

by Darrell Bain

  It was hard to comprehend. The place had looked so peaceful.

  "Shit, ‘Nita, didn't anyone even wonder about all the insect shells?"

  She shrugged sadly. “I guess not, although in retrospect they should have."

  "Yeah. It's obvious now. The trees and the insects are symbiotic. The trees gas any big animals that wander beneath them. The insects eat them, bones and all, then breed and die. Both furnish fertilizer for the trees. Crap, I guess we'll never quit running into weird life forms."

  "Uh huh. And ones that kill us. What are we going to do now?"

  "What do you think, ‘Nita? We go on. What else can we do?"

  "I suspect that some of the crew won't see it that way."

  "Doesn't matter. Commander Brackett is running things, and he intends to get us home."

  "I hope there are some of us left."

  "There will be, ‘Nita. Hang in there."

  * * * *

  Three days later, the boat lifted off for the next transit. Jeremy felt funny without having Jana to work with and to tutor, but, as he reflected, he supposed the officers and crew were all feeling a bit strange now with friends and lovers missing. At least he hadn't lost anyone close. They were a full AU on their way when the Monkeyclaw ship made its appearance again.

  "There he is, hanging on to us like a goddamned leech,” Lieutenant Whistler said disgustedly as he pointed to the faint icon of the alien ship at the edge of the screen. “Why don't they give up and go home?"

  "Whatever their motives are, Lieutenant Whistler, they aren't our own. In their eyes, they may be attempting to protect their empire from us vicious humans,” Commander Brackett said with faint amusement in his tone of voice.

  "Well, they still ought to go away,” Whistler answered churlishly.

  "Yes, I would prefer that action myself, but unfortunately, the universe doesn't pay any attention to our wishes. We'll just have to take care of the cordiality-challenged creatures ourselves when the time comes."

  Whistler stared at the Commander as if he were mad. “Take care of them! What do you mean? Sir."

  "Oh, just thinking ahead, Lieutenant. Keep your eye on your work. They aren't going to do anything now."

  Whistler turned away, but Jeremy figured that his mind was whirling furiously. His facial tic was working at twice its normal speed. He wondered why Brackett had said anything at all about confronting the Monkeys—not as if he had been keeping Whistler in the dark about his plans. So far as Jeremy knew, Brackett hadn't involved Whistler at all.

  He glanced over at the XO. She still looked a little shaky but appeared to be fully recovered. She winked at him and held up one of her arms. The sleeves of her cammie top were rolled up. He could still see faint marks on the skin of her forearm as well as on her face where the unanticipated insects had chewed on her. It caused him to wonder how the other bites were healing. He turned away to conceal the confusion of his thoughts. He remembered plainly what she looked like without clothes and felt a blush begin creeping over his face and neck. He tried desperately to think of something else before she noticed.

  As usual, the Monkeyclaw ship hung on their tail as they moved out toward their transit point. Of course it would follow them, even into hyper. They still had no idea what technology it was that let the aliens stay on their trail, but obviously they had it. The Monkeyclaw ship would go into transit, presumably a half hour or so behind them, and then come out lagging the same half hour, regular as clockwork. It was aggravating.

  A few weeks later Commander Brackett allowed him to make the transit again, much to Whistler's disgust. Jeremy didn't care. He felt as if he was coming into his own now, and while he was not a full fledged astrogator like Lieutenant Commander Chambers, he knew he could handle himself well enough.

  He looked up after the dizziness passed and saw Brackett, Trammell and Chambers all smiling at him. He couldn't help but grin in return.

  "Good job, Costa. You're relieved. Go get some rest. You, too, XO. I'll take the watch tonight."

  "Yes, sir. Thank you,” Jeremy said while thinking that Trammell was looking at the Commander rather oddly.

  "No thanks are necessary. You've earned it."

  [Back to Table of Contents]

  Chapter Twenty

  Lisa lay in bed amid the tangled sheets: evidence of how much she had tossed and turned in the last hour since going to bed. Her mind simply wouldn't turn off. She kept remembering how she had come partially back to her senses after being gassed by the trees and realized that she was naked. She had seen Jeremy's retreating back as he ran to help someone else. She didn't find out until later that he had been the one who saved her. She also learned that he had been instrumental in keeping others from dying by his quick thinking and even quicker action. Shinzyki told her about it.

  "I was proud of the boy,” he said. “He did everything just right, including giving me orders.” He laughed reminiscently. “I never thought a thing about it at the time—a young kid like that telling me what to do in an emergency. He almost certainly saved your life and at least one other, and was probably responsible for saving others by alerting us to what was happening. He was the one who diagnosed the gas-emitting trees and insect symbiosis too, but it was just a little late. I'm sorry now it wasn't him that did the first analysis. I think he would have suspected a wert in the woodwork before we lost all those people."

  "How did he save me?"

  "Hell, Lisa, he ripped off your top, cut off your bra and yanked your pants down like he was going to rape you, then got those bugs off you before he took care of himself. I never saw him waste a bit of motion through the whole sorry business. If he doesn't get a boat of his own one day, I'll damn well tell the commandant at headquarters where to get off and resign from the service."

  She thought now of being naked while he ministered to her and wondered what had gone through his mind. Had he thought about her body at all? Surely not under those circumstances. He couldn't have. She found herself wishing he would have, though, as insane as the thought might be.

  "Hell,” she said aloud and pushed the sheet away. She sat up on the side of the bed. “To hell with it all.” She smoothed her fingers over her breasts. She closed her eyes and lifted them in her hands. Her body was so sensitive to touch, even her own, that she felt as if she were trying to crawl out of her skin. Rising, she opened the tiny closet and pulled out her dressing gown. She shrugged it on and belted it, and began pacing. Two steps forward, two back. That was all the room there was. The sensation of her body brushing at the silken material of the robe made her shiver. She stopped pacing and hugged herself. What on Earth is happening to me? she thought. I swear, if I don't do something soon, whether it's right or not, I'll scream out loud! She resumed pacing, but that only made it worse. She sat back down on the edge of the narrow bed and put her face in her hands. She knew what she wanted, but it was wrong, wrong.

  "So it's wrong,” she whispered. “Fuck it. Goddamn it all, we'll probably die soon anyhow. What can Brackett do to me, anyway? Bust me and tell me to go home? She laughed softly at the absurdity of it all. The little laugh brought her part way back to her senses, but it didn't last. Soon enough she had the same thoughts all over again. And finally she spoke out loud again. “To hell with it.” She tapped her wrist.

  "Chief Costa,” his voice answered. It didn't sound as if he had been sleeping either.

  "Costa, something has come up. Report to my cabin as soon as possible. Don't say anything, should you meet others on the way here."

  Once she committed herself, or committed herself at least to seeing him, she felt a surreal calm descend, but it only overlay the tension beneath. She waited, almost unable to bear the suspense of time passing until she would hear his voice. When it came, she took a deep breath and went to open the hatch.

  "Come inside, Jeremy.” She closed the hatch and turned to face him. She had kept the night light on. She knew it was bright enough for him to see the outline of her nipples limned aga
inst the thin cloth of the gown. Hell, she could glance down and see them herself.

  "What did..."

  She stepped forward to close the step between them. “Don't say anything else, Jeremy. Nothing else. Understand?"

  "Uh, yes, but what..."

  "Shush.” She moved her body against him. She put her arms around his neck and pulled his lips down to cover her own. For a moment he didn't respond, but then his lips parted for her tongue. She felt his hands come to rest on her waist.

  "Oh, God,” she whispered, breaking the kiss for a moment, and then returning to it with a fervor she'd never felt before. An almost uncontrollable surge of desire drove her to begin pulling at the closure of his cammie top. Her hands trembled badly, but she got it done swiftly, even while keeping her mouth more or less on his. She drove her body against him, feeling his obvious response against her belly. He began helping her with his clothes. She tugged at the belt of her robe and shrugged it off before pushing him onto the bed. She threw herself on him, her desire so urgent that she could barely control her movements. A sharply indrawn breath whistled past her lips as their bodies connected, and then she was stretched on top of him, moving her hips frantically, unable to stop grinding her body into his until she reached a gasping, shuddering orgasm.

  It didn't stop there, though. Jeremy was young and her lips and hands quickly had him ready again. She drew him over her and wrapped her arms and legs around him, bucking her hips to urge him to thrust into her. Her fingers dug into his back and buttocks. She knew that she must be marking him with her nails, and that her fierce grip on his buttocks would have to leave raised red welts. It made no difference. She couldn't stop, not for anything, not until she was biting his shoulder to keep from screaming and letting everyone in officers’ row know what was going on. Even that wouldn't have made a difference.

  "Oh, God, Jeremy, I love you, I love you,” she uttered hoarsely, her words garbled by the way her teeth were biting into the skin of his shoulder. She gave a muffled cry of despair. The words had come out of her mouth unintentionally. She hadn't intended to say that. She hadn't even known that, but in a sudden burst of renewed passion she knew the words were true. He had reached his climax, too. His movements slowed and he settled more heavily onto her. He raised himself on his elbows, but she quickly drew him back down, tightening the grasp of her legs and arms so that his weight rested fully on her.

  "Lisa, I..."

  "No, no,” she whispered. She knew what he wanted to tell her. “Please don't say anything. This is wrong, but God, I couldn't help it. I wanted you, but I didn't realize how much I wanted you. Just stay where you are for now. Let me hold you, and don't talk."

  He complied, as she knew he would. Right now, he would no more go against anything she said than he would deliberately foul up a transit. She moved her hands up and down and across his back and down to his buttocks, feeling the ridges of his muscles and the smaller ridges of welts and marks from her nails. He was going to be sore tomorrow, but she doubted that he would complain.

  Eventually she loosened her hold on him and got up from the bed. She went to the tiny head that officers rated and moistened a cloth. She used it and brought another for him. She brushed his hands away and cleaned him herself, gently but thoroughly, and then slid back into the narrow bed and into the comfort of his shoulder. She reached up and set the alarm so that he could leave well before the morning watch, and then reset it for an hour earlier, castigating herself as she did. She left the time she had set. There couldn't be a repeat of this night, but they could enjoy it to the utmost.

  She slept, and then wakened well before the alarm went off. She simply lay next to him and wondered what would become of the relationship should they ever reach Earth. He was much younger than she, but with Everlife, twenty years wasn't much of a difference. Of course, they had to get home first, and she faced the fact that one or both of them might not make it. Hell, the way things had gone so far, at least one of them not making it was almost a certainty. And in that case ... She began touching and kissing him, gently at first and then more firmly as he gradually came awake.

  They made love, their joining a long and tenderly sensuous affair that went on and on. His hands and lips on her breasts, her body, her lips and thighs brought her to a climax before they even coupled—something she'd not thought possible. There was another orgasm and another as he moved on her and in her a last time. She felt as if she could never be surfeited of his body, but the night had to end, much as she didn't want it to.

  "You have to go,” Jeremy,” she whispered softly.

  "I don't want to."

  "Hush. Just go, before the others start getting up and see you."

  "You think they haven't heard us?"

  "Never mind, just go. And never let on to anyone this happened."

  "I won't be able to forget."

  "I don't want you to, but we can't do it again. Too much depends on us. Now kiss me one more time, and then go, please."

  After the hatchway closed behind him she lay in the dark until the bell calling for first watch sounded. The rest of the voyage is going to be lonely and hard, and chances are we'll be destroyed in the battle with the Monkeyclaw ship, but I have this night to carry me through it, she told herself. It will have to do.

  * * * *

  "Good morning, Jeremy,” Lisa said to him when he entered the control room. Her face was impersonally bland, revealing nothing of what they'd been doing only a few short hours before, which told him he'd better return to thinking her as Lieutenant Commander Trammell the XO, rather than Lisa.

  "Uh, good morning, ma'am,” he said hesitantly. “Will Lieutenant Commander Chambers be here today?"

  "No, this is hers and Lieutenant Whistler's day off. It's just you and I and COB Shinzyki today, with Explorer Sparks for the com. Of course, Commander Brackett will be in a bit later."

  He nodded and went over to the control room simulator to begin the day's activities.

  "You're moving a little slow today, Costa. Have you hurt yourself?"

  Jeremy blinked and looked up from where he had pulled up a boat handling routine he wanted to go over again. COB Shinzyki was eyeing him with an amused tolerance gracing the lines and valleys of his face.

  "Uh, no, I'm fine, sir. Well, maybe a few bruises from my last exercise. Chief Martinez is better at H&H than I am, and she throws me around a good bit.” He hated telling untruths, but for once he felt justified. He had tried to make himself feel ashamed of what he'd done the night before, but his mind refused to cooperate, especially as the sore places on his back and the pain when he sat provided a constant reminder of how much he'd enjoyed it. And she had called him, not the other way around. Maybe she really did love him. He knew he felt as strongly about her as any woman he'd ever been with. He had fantasized about being in bed with her, but never in his wildest dreams had he thought it would ever happen.

  "Well, take care of yourself. The boat needs you."

  "Yes, sir. I will.” He turned back to the simulator. The way Shinzyki had looked at him made him think he knew everything that had happened during the night. In fact, after some consideration, he figured he ought to be surprised if he didn't. The man certainly appeared to know everything else going on with the crew. Well, if the COB wouldn't say anything other than making a sly dig, he certainly wasn't going to bring it up, either.

  As the day wore on, he managed to get back into the routine of work, study and practice, although he couldn't help but steal more glances than he ordinarily did in Lisa's direction. He couldn't stop thinking of her as Lisa, either, although he was very careful to use her title even when no one else was within hearing. He also became resigned to the fact that it might be a long time before they made love again, and possibly never.

  Over the next few days, all appeared to be back to normal, and the night with the XO became fixed in his mind more like a well-remembered dream than reality. It helped him to cope, but he couldn't avoid wondering what was going thro
ugh her mind. And he also wondered whether she had really meant it when she told him she loved him. Life is a bitch sometimes, he thought, but then the universe never promised to be fair.

  * * * *

  "Come on in, XO, and close the hatch behind you,” Commander Brackett said.

  Uh oh, Lisa thought. He's got his formal face on.

  "Yes, sir.” She came in, and lacking an invitation to sit, she stood in front of his desk. He stared at her for a long moment and finally his face relaxed into a semblance of its normal expression.

  "Sit down,” he said.

  "Thank you, sir. How may I help you?"

  He folded his hands on the desk. “XO, what sort of punishment have you seen me recommend for first offenses by officers?"

  "Sir? I mean, um, so far as I can recall, you usually don't punish anyone for a first offense."

  "Correct. I usually allow anyone a first strike. However, I don't believe in getting to strike three, so the second offense is where I draw the line. Am I making myself clear?"

  "Mmm, yes, sir. Perfectly."

  "See that you remember. And perhaps you ought to talk to COB Shinzyki about putting some insulation between cabin walls if the fabricators will handle it."

  "That might be a good idea, sir.” Lisa found herself blushing for the first time in years.

  "All right, now with that little matter out of the way, let's move on to another source of my displeasure. We lost seven good people at our last stop through simple inattention to detail. Could you possibly tell me why so many of our explorers were outside without a full kit? In particular, why they had no breathing masks on their persons?"

  "Yes, sir, I believe I can."

  "Then please enlighten me, XO."

  She couldn't avoid it. She had failed him and she knew it. On the other hand ... no, she was responsible for what the crew did in the boat, regardless of whether they were Spacers or Explorers.