Taming Lo: A You and I Novel

by Melissa Toppen

  “What? I need an excuse to visit my sister?” She smiles, pulling me into a hug the moment she reaches me. I squeeze her tightly, still in a bit of shock that she's actually here. It's been nearly a year since I have seen her, though we usually talk at least every couple of weeks.

  “Yes, actually you do.” I say, backing out of her embrace to get a good look at her. She doesn't look like she has changed one bit since the last time I saw her, other than her hair.

  “You cut your hair.” I say, gesturing to the short chin length bob she's sporting.

  “Do you like it?” She asks, tucking the sides behind her ears.

  “I do.” I say, spinning her around to look at the back. “So this is what I would look like with short hair.” I laugh when she spins back around and sticks her tongue out at me.

  Lilly and I are identical twins but still very different. Her hair is a couple shades darker than mine and while I have blue eyes, she has green. We are built the same, other than she is just a bit curvier than I am, which I have always been jealous of. But no matter how much we look alike, one thing is crystal clear, we couldn't be more opposite. She is reserved. Sweet and timid. And most definitely innocent. Where as I am.... Well, not.

  “Seriously though. What are you doing here?” I ask again, peeling off my coat and tossing it on the counter as I make my way into the kitchen to grab a bottle of water.

  She waits until I turn my attention back to her before she speaks, leaning across the breakfast bar that acts as the only thing to separate the kitchen from the living room. I love the open floor plan. It's one of the reasons why I chose this place.

  “Travis proposed.” She squeals the moment she has my full attention.

  “What?” I blurt, my eyes going wide when she holds out her left hand to show off a pretty impressive oval cut diamond sitting on her ring finger.

  “Last week!” She smiles widely, looking down at the ring before meeting my gaze again.

  “And you're just now telling me? Why didn't you call me?” I ask, making a grab for her hand to really get a good look at the ring.

  “Because I wanted to tell you in person.” She says, pulling her hand back when I release it. “We haven't really worked out the details but Mom thinks we should do a late spring wedding which of course, gives me next to no time to prepare.”

  “Spring?” I sputter, choking slightly on my water as it seems to catch in my throat.

  “I know it's soon. But we don't want to wait. We were able to book The Meadows for May 27th.” She says, referring to the most sought after reception hall in all of Indiana. “Dad was able to pull some major strings with Jerry, the owner. Got a killer deal too!”

  “That's less than four months away.” I gape at her, not able to process everything that she is telling me. “What's your rush?”

  “There is no rush.” She says, seeming somewhat irritated by my question.

  “Sorry. It's just.... Wow. May 27th.” I take another long drink of water, trying to clear the buzz of wine still swimming through my head.

  “Anyways. I drove all the way out here to ask you....” She pauses. “Will you be my maid of honor?” She asks, crinkling her forehead together in her pretty please face.

  “Lilly.” I interject, but she cuts me off.

  “Look. I know you don't want to come home. But it's my wedding. Your only sister's wedding. Your twin sister's wedding.” She puts an emphasis on the word.

  “I know Lilly. And trust me, I want nothing more than to stand next to you on your big day. But you know I can't.” I say, crossing through the kitchen and into the living room, flopping down on my comfy brown couch the moment I reach it.

  “Come on Lauren. When are you going to just let the past be the past?” She follows me into the living room and takes a seat just a couple of feet from me.

  “It's not that simple.” I rub my eyes with the back of my hands.

  “Sure it is.” She interjects. “It's time for you to come home. I miss you. Mom and Dad miss you. You can only avoid us for so long.”

  “Is that what you think I'm doing?” I bite, not able to swallow down my temper as it flares at her words. “I'm not avoiding any of you Lilly. But as far as I'm concerned, you're the only family I have.”

  “How long are you going to punish Mom and Dad?” She snips.

  “I am not punishing them. They had a choice. To stand by their daughter or not. They made their choice.” I push into a stand, immediately beginning to pace the small space. “I was their child. They were supposed to protect me. They were supposed to believe me. But did they? Well, we all know the answer to that now don't we?”

  “You're being unreasonable.” She pushes to a stand and crosses her arms in front of her chest.

  “Unreasonable?” I gape at her. “You are the only person that stood by me. You saw how they treated me. How everyone treated me. I was sixteen years old Lilly. Sixteen. I lost everything that night. Everything. And then the two people who were supposed to be my support, who were supposed to keep me safe, turned their backs on me. They were no better than the rest of them.” I can feel the emotion welling in my throat and I do my best to swallow it down.

  “So that's it.” Her voice goes up an octave. “You are going to let an incident that happened seven years ago, keep you from coming to your own sister's wedding?”

  “I'm sorry Lilly. I can't. I can't go back there.”

  “I thought if I came here, if you saw how badly I wanted you to be a part of this, that you would put aside the pity party you have been throwing yourself for the past seven years and do something for someone else for a change.” She yells across the room at me, her words sharp as knives.

  “Lilly.....” I pause, my eyes filling with the emotion that is starting to boil over. I blink away my tears, refusing to cry. “I would do anything for you. Anything, except go back there. I'm sorry. That is not my home and they are not my family.”

  “But I am.” She wipes at the few tears that manage to escape her eyes.

  “Lilly.” I cut in, but it's clear to see that I have hurt her deeply and I don't know how I can fix it without giving her what she wants, which simply is not an option.

  “Don't.” She holds her hands up, taking a deep breath. “I should have known better than to come here.” She says, grabbing her coat and purse off the back of the coach. Spinning around, she heads straight for the door, stopping just as she pulls it open.

  “You know what.” She says, turning to meet my gaze. “You weren't the only one who suffered. I stood by your side. I would argue with people when they would say awful things about you. I lost most of my friends. Instead of seeing Lauren and Lilly as two individual people, they saw the Hannock girls. The slutty Hannock twins. That's right.” She adds when she sees my surprised expression.

  “Me. Virgin until I was nineteen. They referred to me as a slut because I defended you.” She continues. “You were so blinded by your own pain, you didn't even bother to open your eyes and see that your twin sister was falling apart right beside you. You know what, I'm glad you left. Being tied to you never did anything but cause me trouble anyways. Have a good life Lauren.” She says, slamming the door shut behind her, leaving me standing speechless with silent tears running down my flushed cheeks.

  I collapse back down on the couch, not sure if I should laugh or cry. Oddly enough, I find myself doing both. I know she didn't mean it. I know she loves me. She just can't see what it was like for me. What it is still like for me.

  That night, that one night, changed everything. And no matter how far I think I have come, it's times like this that make me realize, I might as well still be living in Indiana, under the judging glares and hushed whispers of people who would rather believe the worst in someone than to believe that something like what happened to me could happen right under their noses.

  Standing, I grab my keys from the kitchen counter and slide my coat back on. I need to get the hell out of here. I need to erase this horrible night wit
h hard liquor and a man skilled enough to make me forget, even if just for a short time.

  Chapter Eleven

  Dax

  I don't know why I'm here. I should have headed home the moment I left Lo at her apartment building, but I couldn't. I can't stare at the same drab hotel room for another night. Rips may be a hole in the wall bar but it's less than a block away from my new apartment and as such, I see myself spending a decent amount of time here.

  Knocking back my second scotch in the matter of fifteen minutes, I slide my empty glass to the end of the bar and signal the bartender for another. The thirty something blonde working the bar saunters up to me, her fake tits practically popping out of her skin tight tank top. She's hot enough. On any normal night I would probably be all over her, but tonight, she's not what I want.

  She gives me a flirtatious smile as she refills my drink, making sure to give me a good shot of her cleavage as she leans across the bar and slides the drink towards me. “Anything else I can get you?” She asks, licking her lips suggestively at me.

  “I'm good.” I bite, giving her nothing to work with so she is forced to go flaunt herself at some of the other poor bastards lining the bar.

  “Not your type?” I freeze mid-drink when Lo's voice washes over me from behind, her breath hot on the back of my neck.

  “Well look at this.” I smirk at her as she slides into the stool next to me. “Are you stalking me now?” I laugh, nudging her shoulder when she gives me no reaction, signaling the bartender who is more than happy to bounce back over my way.

  “Tequila.” Lo says, her voice seeming off. “You know what, make it a double.” She says, turning towards me the moment the bartender walks away.

  The second her eyes land on mine, I can tell something is wrong. I mean, she looks fine, beautiful, but there is something behind her eyes. The light from earlier is gone and I can tell just by the stiffness in her shoulders that something isn't right.

  “Everything okay?” I ask, not missing the way she cringes slightly at my question.

  “That obvious?” She groans, falling silent when the bartender reappears and slides two shots across the bar to her.

  “You just seem off. What could have possibly happened between thirty minutes ago and now?” I ask, watching her pour the first shot down without so much as a flinch.

  “My sister is what happened.” She pours the second shot down and then immediately signals the bartender for more.

  “You have a sister?” I ask, just trying to keep her talking.

  “A twin actually.” She snorts. “Pain in the ass really.” She waits until the bartender refills her shot glasses and then pours down the third shot.

  “Wait.... Are you telling me there are two of you?” I ask playfully.

  “Don't get your hopes up. She's not nearly as fun as I am. And apparently now she's getting married.” She says, aggravation lacing her voice. Throwing back her fourth shot, she turns her eyes towards me, swaying slightly in her stool.

  “Is that a bad thing?” I ask.

  “It's a you don't need to hear the stupid details thing.” She shrugs. “I appreciate the effort, but you don't have to pretend to care about my stupid problems.” She laughs lightly at herself but there's an air of sadness behind it.

  “Hey.” I say, nudging her with my shoulder. “We're friends now remember? What good is having friends if you can't lay your problems on them?”

  “You're cute.” She says, staring at me with this silly smile stretched across her face.

  “And you're drunk.” I observe, laughing.

  “Not drunk. Buzzed. But I will be.” She holds up her index finger signaling for me to hang on and then turns, grabbing the attention of the bartender once more. “He'll have another.” She says, pointing to my near empty scotch. “And I will have two more.” She scoots her empty glasses to the end of the bar.

  “Are you trying to get me drunk so you can take advantage of me?” I joke, the moment the bartender walks away to retrieve our order.

  “Don't pretend like I would have to get you drunk for that. We both know you would be more than willing.” She says, not an ounce of uncertainty in her voice.

  “Is that so?” I ask, wanting to see how far I can push her.

  “It is. But that doesn't mean that it's going to happen.” She waves her finger at me. “Here.” She grabs one of her shots off of the bar and turns towards me, holding it up for me to take.

  “Oh no. One of us should stay sober enough to ensure that we both get home safely.” I say, shaking my head at her.

  “Fine. Be a fuddy dud.” She quips, downing the shot without another thought.

  “You're going to feel that tomorrow.” I laugh, watching her take her sixth shot.

  “Meh.” She waves her hand through the air. “Better to be hungover tomorrow.....”

  “Better to be hungover tomorrow than what?” I ask, when she makes no attempt to finish her sentence.

  “Then to dwell on how shitty I feel tonight.” She says, her chin quivering slightly. “And how alone.” She adds.

  I don't know why but looking at her like this, so vulnerable and clearly upset, makes me feel like someone has suddenly punched me directly in the gut. All the air leaves my body and it takes everything I have not to pull her into my arms.

  “What am I, chopped liver?” I ask playfully, trying to pull her out of her own mind and distract her.

  “No. You are arguably the sexiest man I have ever seen and yet, I can't have you. So, let's refer to my previous statement. Alone.” She slurs over the word, reaching across the space between us to pick up my full glass of scotch.

  “You don't mind do you?” She smiles, clearly more than feeling the effects of the shots. Without waiting for an answer, she takes a long gulp of my scotch and then resurfaces from the glass sputtering and choking. “How in the hell do you drink that?” She grabs a napkin off of the bar and starts wiping it across her tongue.

  I can't help the laughter that bursts from my throat. Her eyes widen at the sound and then like a light switch, she realizes what she's doing. Her cheeks heat crimson and she looks down at the napkin and then back up to my face.

  “Pretend you didn't see that.” She laughs, dropping the napkin on the bar.

  “It will be our little secret.” I lean forward, fighting against every fiber that is begging me to close the distance between us and pull her bottom lip into my mouth.

  “I should go.” She says abruptly, swaying the moment her feet hit the floor as she slides out of her stool. Fumbling through her purse, I immediately stop her.

  “I got this.” I say, dropping more than enough cash on the bar to cover the tab before grabbing her coat from the back of her chair and helping her into it. Wrapping my arm around her shoulders, I lead her out of the bar, wishing it didn't feel so good to be so close to her again.

  “Stop being so nice to me.” She slurs, wrapping her arm around my waist and securing her body to my side.

  “Why would I do that?” I ask, nuzzling the top of her head with my cheek.

  “Because. You make it extremely hard for me to resist you when you're so fucking nice.” She hiccups, which causes me laugh out again.

  “Maybe that's why I do it.” I tease, tightening my grip on her shoulder.

  We reach her apartment building in next to no time, only this time I insist on walking her up. The moment we step inside the elevator, she hits the five button and then turns, stepping into my body. She wraps her arms around my waist and then nuzzles her face against my chest. I wish it didn't feel so good. I wish I could stop myself from dropping my face into her hair and inhaling her scent, but I can't. It's useless.

  When the elevator doors slide open, Lo makes no attempt to move. I can't help but smile to myself as I hoist her into my arms and cradle her to my chest as I carry her out into the hall.

  “Which room is yours?” I ask, smiling when she lifts her face and hits me with tired eyes.

  “5G.” She get
s out weakly before letting her head rest against my chest again.

  “Keys.” I say, stepping up in front of her door.

  “I got it.” She pushes up, forcing me to set her to her feet. Digging into her coat pocket, she pulls out her keys and then almost immediately drops them trying to get the door unlocked.

  “Fucking keys.” She curses, leaning over to retrieve them, only I beat her to it. Snatching them up, I manage to get her door unlocked before she even processes that her keys are no longer on the floor.

  I follow her inside, not wanting to leave her alone until I know she is okay. Her apartment is a smaller floor plan than mine but screams her style. Everything is modernly decorated in teals and browns, and has just the right amount of wild colors in her accent pieces to show off her flare.

  She slides her coat off the moment she reaches the large wrap around couch and then proceeds to collapse down on top of it without even removing her shoes. Shaking my head, I cross the room towards her. Grabbing her under the arms, I pull her further up the couch so that her legs aren't hanging over the arm rest and then slip off her heels.

  Making my way down the hall, I find the only bedroom and push my way inside, grabbing the purple comforter from the top of her bed without really looking around. Making my way back out into the living room, by the time I reach her, she is already fast asleep. Breathing lightly, her lips slightly parted, she looks every bit of what I would imagine an angel looks like.

  Laying the blanket over her small frame, I push a few strands of hair away from her face. She looks so peaceful right now. Taking a step back, I know I need to get out of here. The urge to stay here and watch her sleep is so strong, it takes everything I have to turn around and walk out of her apartment.

  The moment the wood of the front door separates us, I lean back against it, dropping my head into my hands. Fuck me.