The Colony

by RMGilmour

  I don’t know why he bothered. Looking at those scars always took me back to that day. The pain, I knew, would always be with me, no matter how much I tried to put it into perspective, or file away. The sooner the end came the better off I’d be.

  I don’t want to hear you say that again, his voice pierced my thought, cutting off its general direction.

  I swallowed hard and raised my head so that I was staring into my own eyes once more.

  “Where have you been?” I whispered, barely able to form the words.

  Why? What’s wrong?

  I sucked in my breath, and then let it out.

  “I told him about you.”

  Ah Lydia! And what did he say?

  “I know. I shouldn’t have. But he knew there was a difference in me the moment I walked through his door, and I had no idea what to say, or how to answer his questions. It all just came out in great detail.”

  No response. There wouldn’t be. He was waiting for the bad news.

  “I think he wants me to stay a few days or… weeks maybe, in a hospital.”

  You think he wants you to… or you know.

  “He told me it would be best if I make the decision.”

  Again, no response.

  “What do I do?”

  What do you want to do?

  “I don’t want to go. They’ll most likely give me something for whatever it is they think I’m suffering from, but what if it blocks you from reaching me? I want to stay here with you.”

  You’re not really with me though, are you? he sighed.

  I pushed away from the mirror, not wanting him to look at my face anymore, and stalked back toward the living room. The disbelief silenced me, but only for a moment. Until reality set in. I knew it. I shouldn’t have shown him. I was too broken for anyone, even someone in another dimension.

  But I stopped myself at that thought and decided it couldn’t be about a simple mark upon my face. I’d been in a fragile state for a long time, and was no doubt in need of human contact, even if it was invented. Dr. Riley had to know what he was talking about. After all, he was the professional one.

  I didn’t want this to shatter me. I didn’t want to lose myself again to the void. I tried to contain most of the thoughts that ran through my mind, but some of them made it to my mouth.

  “What are you saying? Dr. Riley is right? I really have been talking to myself this whole time? That’s just fabulous. I’m crazy after all,” I ranted, then mumbled to myself as I headed back toward the bedroom. “I might as well go pack right now.”

  Lydia. I’m sorry. What I said didn’t come out right.

  My turn to not respond. If he wasn’t real, then I needed to find a way to stop this.

  Lydia, he persisted. Go back to the mirror.

  I didn’t want to turn around. I didn’t want to look at myself. If he wasn’t really with me then there was no point in me being there, and if he was, then I didn’t want him to look at me. I didn’t want to return to the mirror, and I couldn’t fathom why, but I did.

  And I found myself not staring back at me this time, but at him.

  “Oh…,” I sucked back my breath. “You’re real.”

  Of course, I’m real.

  I gently touched my face, feeling for those familiar marks, but my face had not changed. It was bewildering to look into a mirror and see someone else.

  I can’t stay like this. Sending an image to your mind takes a whole lot more than just my voice.

  “Ok,” I nodded.

  Before he disappeared, I imprinted his face into my memory. The softness of his inviting mouth, curled into a small smile. Dark-sandy hair that fell partway into eyes that looked like they had no pupils, instead each were a deep landscape of golden brown. His skin was smooth, flawless, as though he’d never known a day’s stress. He was beautiful, especially for a five-hundred-year old man.

  As his image began to fade, I reached out to the mirror as though to touch him, but all I saw was me, and my fingertips slid over the cold glass.

  “Jordan, what do I do?” But the words barely came out. I was about to be committed for having a friend in my head, whom I could now see in my mirror. Thank goodness, the latter part had happened after my appointment. I had no doubt that Dr. Riley would have checked me in to Shady Lane the very moment of revealing that point.

  I don’t know. All I know about your world is what you’ve shown me and told me. I have no knowledge of the danger you’ve put yourself in. How long do you have?

  Danger. I wanted to laugh at the word, but I found the restraint not to. The only real danger was to my sanity, though I’d always been close to losing that.

  “I have until my next scheduled appointment, a week from now. He said that I should take the time to think about it. He highly recommended that I make the decision to go. But I know what that really means.”

  I thought you only met once every two months.

  “I did. But now I have a special friend, and so I need special attention.” I tried to make light of it, but a sense of urgency pressed upon my chest.

  Let’s go for a walk.

  “Down to the river?”

  Of course.

  I was still wearing the usual low heels and slightly dressier outfit that I’d worn to my appointment – as usual I’d barely given a thought to changing when I’d arrived home - and I felt a great need to get out of that stuff. I was never comfortable dressing up, not even as a kid. And once I was in my bedroom, I kicked off my heels and pulled out a pair of jeans, a blue button-down shirt and my soft walking boots.

  What are you doing? I thought we were going to the river?

  “I’m going to change first.”

  Hmm, we are?

  “Yeah, thankfully there are no mirrors in here.”

  But all you have to do is look down.

  I froze. I could tell by his tone that he was only teasing, but my cheeks flared up anyway. I don’t know why though, maybe because I couldn’t see him. It was so awkward being all one sided.

  You’re not embarrassed, are you? It’s only me, he continued to tease.

  But we’d never discussed this before, not even close.

  “Ok, close your eyes. This is so unfair.”

  Trying to mimic a pout, he sighed loudly, but agreed, Fine. I won’t look.

  “And neither will I,” and I closed my eyes, forcing away my stupid embarrassment - I was too old for this - then hurriedly changed.

  “Ok, done.”

  Well, that was weird.

  “Shut up,” I laughed.

  ∞

  It was too early for sunset, it couldn’t have been much past lunchtime and I chose a shady spot under a tree, away from the river.

  Why is my perspective different? he demanded.

  “Because the sun is overhead, and I don’t want to get sunburnt.”

  Ah, yes, I remember how red your skin can get. So strange.

  This time I couldn’t help it. I laughed a little too loudly, then looked about, hoping no one was around. Getting sunburnt was hardly the strangest thing happening.

  “So, where were you all day?”

  I’ve been doing research.

  “You’ve never mentioned actual work before.”

  It’s not. Just something I needed to do.

  “Why?”

  I’ve been… he began, and then abruptly stopped. I was about to inquire if he was still with me, but before I could he resumed his sentence. Searching through our records for others like us.

  “And…”

  There were… are… quite a few more than I expected, actually quite a lot, but there wasn’t very much detail. And the further I went back, the more the information seemed to be missing. Some of them were rather old records though, so I’m not so surprised.

  “But what did you find?”

  At first, he didn’t answer. Not a good time for silence, and I began to wish I hadn’t asked.
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  We are more than merely similar. We are biologically harmonized.

  I was about to ask what he meant, but he no doubt, sensed my question.

  You might call us soulmates.

  “Soulmates,” I whispered back. “So, I’m not just some science experiment.”

  Apparently not.

  “Does your lab partner know?”

  He’s analyzing, even as we speak, our biometrics. When we connect, speak to each other, our signatures move in perfect unison, forming one whole biometric reading.

  “Wait, so he can hear everything we say? Everything you are seeing through my eyes is being shared with him right now? Who else can hear me?”

  My thoughts raced back through every moment we’d shared, back to when I’d first heard his voice.

  Lydia, no. Please. Don’t be upset. Only Mason can hear us. I swear nothing personal has been shared with anyone else. The Central Unit won’t allow it. It protects you from us as much as it protects us from you.

  “How thoughtful of it! You should have explained this to me weeks ago. I might have been…”

  You might have been what? Nothing you have said or done has been inappropriate, not even in the slightest. There is nothing that could hurt you in any way. And it seems unlikely that you will ever meet us, me… he trailed off.

  I froze at his words. We would never meet. Of course, we wouldn’t, he was only in my head.

  I’m sorry. I didn’t want to say anything just yet. There is nothing in the records that explains how it’s done. I’ve been trying to figure out how we might… Others have…

  “Others have what?”

  Come here. From other planes. I just don’t know how.

  “Perhaps your machine had something to do with it,” I responded. But it was really meant as sarcasm than an actual possibility.

  I’m sure it does. But…

  “Has anyone tried to come here?”

  He didn’t respond.

  “Jordan?”

  There is no record of anyone from here going elsewhere. It appears to be one way only.

  One way. To be with him in his world, or to be in this one without him. I knew absolutely nothing about his world. Except for what he’d divulged so far, which wasn’t a whole lot. But of this world, I knew more than I wanted. If I stayed, I’m sure he would stay with me, but I would still be technically alone with the memories, the pain. Unless I could find a way to forget, which I’m sure Dr. Riley felt he had a high-dosage remedy for. But there was no guarantee there either. What if in his hospital, I ended up in a world within my head, numbed on the outside, unable to scream when I needed to, but with the memories going round and around my head in one torturous spin after another. That, would be hell.

  In his world though, he said there were dangers, contagions outside of his city. I had to ask him about this, how he lived, how other people who were brought there lived. How dangerous were the dangers there?

  “It wouldn’t matter though,” I heard myself say out loud, as I finished my thought.

  Why not?

  “I’d rather spend a few weeks or days even with you, really you, than the rest of my life here alone. If you could even call it life. There’s no one here that would miss me. I won’t be hurting anyone by leaving.”

  You don’t know what you’re saying. You don’t realize what you’d miss until after you were gone.

  “I know exactly what I’d miss if I couldn’t be with you. I know it’s only been a couple of months, but you’ve taken away the emptiness. I feel…”

  whole again when I’m

  “…with you. I don’t want to go back to…”

  whatever life I thought I was living before

  “…because it wasn’t living.”

  I may never figure out how to bring you to me.

  “You will. But until then, you’ll have to stay in my head.”

  I was fine with that. For now.

  5

  Grid

  The days that followed were lonely and long. While Jordan busied himself with trying to figure out how to bring me to him, I attempted to neaten up my affairs. Although, there wasn’t a whole lot to do. Really, only the lease on the apartment, but considering how little the rent was I doubted the owner would have trouble letting it. I had no debts, and with nothing really to spend my income on, except for the basic monthly bills, the majority of it was saved. My car, somewhat old, ran well and was all mine. Though I don’t know why I ever kept it. I hated being in it, and so did everyone on the road around me; I was a slow, nervous driver.

  I combed through my apartment, shredding and disposing, donating or selling what I wouldn’t need. But I didn’t have much to do there either.

  I’d decided not to go to my next appointment with Dr. Riley. I couldn’t risk declining his offer, only to be told there was no choice in the matter. I wasn’t a danger to society, but I had no doubt that when I’d expressed my wish to be with my friend who happened to live in another plane of existence, that it could have been construed as a desire to end my life.

  I couldn’t help but laugh at that. It made much more sense that I had lost my mind than I was actually communicating with someone from another dimension. But it felt real. His laughter was real, his face before me, his voice. I couldn’t deny myself any of those things. And I hadn’t felt this alive in very long time.

  I didn’t really have much of a plan. Just get in my car and drive, very slowly. Show Jordan the sunrise over the ocean on this side of the country, then drive to the other side and show him the sunset. After that, find a small town with wide open spaces, and hope that one day we would be together.

  I glanced around my apartment; nothing was left to do, and I was too excited and nervous about the upcoming road trip to work. Writing could wait; I had no deadlines anyway, and there were still a few hours before sunset. It would be too early for Jordan to be back, and I didn’t want to sit around the apartment waiting, and so I decided to go to the river. It was the only thing I would really miss anyway.

  Along the way, I thought I could feel him with me. It had been getting harder to tell when he came and went, but the whole feeling, the sense of belonging, had filled me once more.

  “Jordan?” I questioned, but he didn’t respond. I didn’t want to believe it was just my own wishful thinking, but if he was with me I was sure he would have said something.

  As I walked along the path through the trees, I felt a little out of breath. No doubt the result of the effort I’d recently put into cleaning out my apartment, but once I was on the field I had to stop. I felt a tug within my chest. Not quite a tightening, more of a pulling. I clutched at the place where my heart would be and inhaled slow and deep, but my breath stopped about half way down as though my lungs had suddenly shrunk. My heart pounded one time, and then my hand dropped away from my chest; a weakness was spreading through my limbs. I was too young for a heart attack. This couldn’t be happening, not now.

  I stared down at the grass, watching it move up toward me as my knees crashed into the firm ground. The tugging feeling spread throughout my body, pulling me inward, collapsing me in upon myself until piece by piece I lost contact with my every sense. Without breath, I whispered his name, and watched the grass rise upward to meet me head on, before the darkness swallowed me whole.

  At some point, I must have stretched out my arm toward the ground, for I felt the soft, cool grass and the hard earth beneath, smack into my palm, sending a jolt up my arm as I collapsed forward. Gasping for breath, I opened my eyes and sucked back the air. Then rolling onto my back, I stared up at the sky, waiting for the black spots before my eyes to dissipate. And breathed.

  My lungs felt back to full capacity and my heart seemed to be beating ok. The weakness and the pain had gone completely.

  “That was close,” I whispered. “Jordan, where are you?”

  I didn’t want to move. I wanted to be sure I was ok before I took any chances t
rying to stand, much less walk.

  Though after several uneventful minutes, I pushed myself up to a sitting position. Everything still ran right. And then to my feet.

  “Ok,” I told myself. “You need to get home. Maybe take some aspirin and lie down.”

  I followed my feet back through the trees, not watching where I was headed, and noticed the pathway was not quite the same. It was grassier, bushier. I must have headed back through the wrong set of trees, but it didn’t matter; it would end up at the same road anyway. Then I noticed the trees weren’t completely the same either. I was sure the trees near my apartment had small, short leaves, I’d picked plenty of them while walking by, I should know. But these leaves were fine, elongated. Not what I was used to.

  And once through the trees, there was only more grass. I looked up. No road. No buildings… or rather no recognizable buildings. There was however a very large, seemingly unending, mirror-like surface. It reflected the forest behind me, but there was also a city mixed in with the trees. I glanced backward, but there were only trees, and I realized the city was behind the mirror. The images blended so sublimely, fused together as one image upon the mirrored surface.

  I moved closer to the mirror and saw my own wavering reflection staring back, but I focused my vision to move beyond my own image. Inside there were many different shaped buildings; all white and all neatly nestled within their own space. It was sterile, yet peaceful, beautiful.

  “Jordan, you did it!” I remarked. “I hope.”

  But as I stared through the mirror, I realized I was the only person about. No one inside, and no one outside.

  Then I remembered his words, there were dangers outside of the city, contagions. He’d never said anymore about it though, and I had no idea what manner of danger I was in now. I could have been breathing in any number of contagions and not know it.