The Colony

by RMGilmour

  “Hahhh!” I breathed, realizing this theory was a big possibility. Unless I met Jordan face to face, I really had no way of knowing absolutely. Instead, I heard myself whisper, “He’s real.” But then wondered why he hadn’t come for me.

  “Would it matter if he wasn’t?”

  I thought about that for a few minutes before responding. What I had and who I was back home, was not who I could see myself becoming here. I fit in, so far anyway. I had a friend or three. There were no pressures to be more than who I was. But the memory of Jordan’s voice, his laughter, I needed that. He’d made me whole again; filled me with life. And if I never felt that again, how long would it be before the void returned? I didn’t know if I was strong enough to keep it away forever. Perhaps someone else could help fill it. I looked across at Grid, but then shut off any further thoughts leading in that direction.

  Jordan was real. I’d felt him in me. He had to be.

  I couldn’t answer his question. At least not yet. I wasn’t ready to explore any other road that didn’t lead to Jordan. Glancing back toward the river, I changed the subject.

  “How many others from Earth have been brought here?”

  When he didn’t respond I looked up to see the rejection in his eyes before he turned his head away from me, and I realized how my question must have seemed. I didn’t want to hurt him. He’d been nothing but kind to me, he’d saved my life. He didn’t have to take me in and feed me, give me a bed to sleep in, but he did and I felt the guilt well up in my chest. I didn’t want him to feel this way and so without thinking I did something I never would have done back on Earth. I reached over and placed my hand on top of his.

  He looked down at our hands and smiled. Better.

  “Out of curiosity,” I asked again, then removed my hand. “How many of us are there?”

  “Not too many,” he responded. While still smiling, he reached over, picked up my hand and placed it back on top of his other hand again. His hand was warm and the contact was a nice change. I couldn’t reject him again so soon, so I left it there. “You’ve met the ones that you will meet. There are just a few others that you won’t. They should never have been brought here.”

  “How long have they been here?” I asked, remembering the old-style clothing some of them wore.

  “Some have been here for centuries,” he said, peering back at me, as though expecting a recoil, but I was only confused.

  “But if they’re so scared why do they let themselves be rejuvenated? Why don’t they grow old and die?”

  “You forget where you come from,” he laughed. “We are more afraid of death than of anything else.”

  “Actually, we’re more afraid of public speaking, or speaking in general…” I trailed off, not really wanting to explain. However, he only looked at me puzzled. No doubt his time was a braver time than mine.

  “Has anyone, the warriors, the Rathe ever been into the city?”

  He pursed his lips and furrowed his eyebrows, turning from me to study the river.

  “Yes,” he finally responded. “They don’t come back though. And we don’t hear from them either.”

  “Oh,” I was certain, that if they’d gone in and found their soulmate, the person who had brought them over, surely, they would want to get some kind of message back here to their friends. But what if they couldn’t?

  “What if communicating with us outside of the city was forbidden for some reason?” I finished my thought out loud.

  But he didn’t respond.

  “Why didn’t the warriors and the hunters go to war with the city? Take over? Find out what was in there at least?”

  “They tried,” he whispered. “A long time ago, before I came here. They won’t talk about it much though, and I wouldn’t ask them about it either. I think it’s a sore spot for them. But I’m sure Haize will tell you of her own accord, one of these days.”

  I glanced down at our hands when I felt his thumb move across one of my fingers, gently stroking my skin. That one small sensation was almost electric, but I tried not to let myself feel anything. I couldn’t. For two reasons. The first being Jordan, obviously. The second was that if I got too close to Grid, his life would most likely end, and I couldn’t have that. I knew that was just the old pain talking, but it was as real to me as the feeling he was bringing back to more than just my fingers.

  After a few moments, I sensed he had something to say. I hoped it didn’t involve ‘us’.

  “You don’t talk much when you’re nervous, do you?” I asked, grinning.

  He laughed. No doubt remembering his words to me when I’d first arrived.

  “Out with it,” I urged.

  “You’re going to be very angry,” he said. His was smile gone, and I knew he was serious. “Not with me, but I want to be the one to tell you before anyone else does. It’s why I’ve been keeping you all to myself.”

  “I’m going to be angry?”

  The panic beat at my chest. He hadn’t yet said what I would be angry about, but my heart already pounded. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to hear what he had to say, but if it didn’t involve him, then I think he was right - I would rather hear about it from him than anyone else.

  “What?” I whispered, barely able to get the word out.

  He squeezed my hand and sighed, loudly exhaling as he did.

  “While you were communicating with Jordan,” he began, and I felt I knew what was coming. I didn’t want to hear. I wanted to get up and run. But somewhere inside rose a voice telling me to stay. Deal with it.

  “All of your memories, your thoughts and your words were available for everyone to see and hear.”

  8

  The Tree Hut

  At first, I froze, absorbing his words. I’d sensed what he was going to say, but it wasn’t real until he said it. I pulled my hand away from his, needing to follow my first instinct, and then dragged myself to my feet. I ran through the trees, not knowing where I was going, but it didn’t matter. It wasn’t like I could get lost.

  And I screamed until I couldn’t, dropping to the grassy floor. He told me the machine would protect me. He said it wouldn’t share everything. I was mortified. Everyone here knew everything about me, my time with Jordan. My insides laid bare for all to inspect.

  As I clutched at the grass trying not to breathe in, I felt Grid’s arms go about me. I didn’t want him to touch me. I didn’t want anyone to touch me, not even look at me. How dare they do this! I tried to shake him off me, but he held on tight, whispering to me. I couldn’t hear all of his words, but it wasn’t ok. This would never be ok.

  “How?” I forced out the word.

  “Part of the machine is designed specifically to protect the city. It is this part that feeds it to us, through the displays. It’s how we knew you were coming. It’s why no one was surprised to see you. It’s how I knew to find you.”

  “And everything was shared? Everything?”

  “Yes,” he said, gently touching my face.

  “He promised…”

  “I know.”

  I lay back down upon the grass, his arms still around me, and waited for the worst to be over. Staring up through the trees, I caught the shades of orange streaking across the sky, and I wished I hadn’t left the river. There was a clearer view of the sky by the river, and seeing it might have helped.

  Grid’s presence however, calmed my nerves. His warmth, his strength, just being close to him. And I knew he’d never hurt me.

  Neither of us had spoken for some time and when the stars began to shine upon the ceiling, I closed my eyes. He carried me out of the valley and back to my room. He then gently lowered me to my bed and climbed in beside me. He kissed me on the top of my head as though I were a broken child, and pulled me close to him, holding me tight.

  I didn’t want to be this weak person. Not here. I wanted to be strong like the warriors. I wanted to be brave like the hunters. I needed to find Jordan. He had some explain
ing to do.

  ∞

  At some point during the night, I turned in his arms and upon feeling him around me the memories stormed my brain once more. But I let them go. In the time that I’d been here no one had ridiculed me for my weaknesses back on Earth, nor reproached me for my lack of bravery and my complete withdrawal from society. There were no pity stares either, they were always the worst. Here, there was only acceptance.

  I opened my eyes and looked up at him. It was dark, but I could tell he wasn’t sleeping, instead he was looking back at me.

  “Thank you,” I whispered.

  He leaned forward and kissed the tears out of my eyes. It was soft, sweet. But when I didn’t pull away from him, his kiss moved down my cheeks, meeting my lips, careful and quick. I hadn’t felt anything close to that in forever, and I let him kiss me again. This time leaning into him, letting his lips part mine, but he was gentle, moving slow, as though he was unsure if he should proceed.

  I touched his face, gently stroking his temple, his ear, down to his neck. The feel of his warm skin was comforting, enticing me onward and I slipped one arm around his waist, holding him to me. He groaned, kissing me harder, pulling me closer, one hand trailing down my back.

  I felt so alive, every nerve awakening with his touch. It had been too long, no doubt for the both of us.

  Unable to breathe, I pushed my face backward, away from him, though he didn’t stop. I didn’t want him to stop. But as his lips touched my throat, I felt myself torn in two directions. This was what my body wanted, but my soul needed more, and my heart cried out for its partner.

  He pulled away from me then as though sensing my need, and held me at arm’s length.

  “I’m sorry,” he whispered.

  “No,” I told him. “I’m sorry, I can’t…” but he gently placed one finger over my lips, silencing my apology to him.

  “Ssh,” he whispered, and pulled me back into his arms. I laid my head upon his chest and fell blissfully back to sleep.

  The following morning, I opened my eyes and raised my head to see him still watching me. He looked like he’d barely slept all night, if at all.

  Thankfully, he was the one to speak. He was the bravest between us.

  “I should leave you to shower and change,” he whispered.

  “Ok,” I was not brave at all. “Thank you,” I said again to him.

  He smiled and kissed my forehead, and then began to rise, but paused before he did.

  “I just want you to know, as much as I wanted to see everything from home, I tried not to watch. Except at the end. I knew you were coming.”

  I wanted to say thank you again to him, but I didn’t want to think about what everyone may or may not have seen or heard, and all I could manage was a small smile. He planted one more kiss on the top of my head before he left, taking with him his warm presence.

  I waited several more minutes, kicking myself for being weak. I had to find Jordan, first confront him; it didn’t make sense that he would betray me. And I’d have to tell him what I’d done. He should know exactly how weak I was.

  After I’d showered and donned clean clothing, I walked down the hallway, but Grid was nowhere to be seen. I was disappointed to be alone with the counter in the front room; I’d hoped to enjoy more of his coffee and eggs. We’d both forgone dinner the previous night and I was famished.

  I stepped up to the counter considering trying my hand once more, but all I could do was stare at it. I wasn’t in the mood for catching chickens, if that was all I could produce, and so I decided to try the food hall.

  As I walked in, I kept my eyes averted; yesterday’s revelation was still fresh in my mind. I knew they weren’t judging me, if they even bothered to look my way at all. But after spending most of my life trying to fit in, or blend in with everyone so as not to be too harshly judged, or even noticed, and then finally exiling myself to social outcast status, it was hard to extricate myself from that mindset.

  I went straight to the counter that Haize had taken me to that first night, and filled my plate with food I barely recognized, then sat at the same long table we’d shared.

  A moment later, Aleric joined me, handing me a cup. I looked at it suspiciously, then glanced up at him. He caught my meaning and laughed.

  “Nothing so vicious,” he reassured. “It’s our version of your coffee. We grow it out in the fields.”

  “You farm as well?” I asked. “I thought you were hunters.”

  “We hunt, we farm, we do everything we can to avoid the machine and maintain our way of life.”

  “They are hunters, yes, but they didn’t get that title because they hunt for food,” Haize grinned at me.

  I felt as though I was supposed to know what she meant, but I truly didn’t want to know what it was they hunted and why. I had no doubt though, that I would inevitably find out, whether I wanted the information or not.

  “You need to go outside today, with us. Get some fresh air and sunshine. Grid has kept you cooped up inside long enough,” Aleric told me. And while I did agree with him, the fresh air and the sunshine weren’t my reasons for wanting to leave the confines of the Colony.

  “I’d love to go outside,” I responded, and finished my plate.

  I patiently waited for Aleric and Haize to eat their meal and once they were done I followed them to the back of the food hall, then down a long corridor - all shiny white of course - and then out through a narrow doorway.

  On the other side of the doorway was the edge of the Colony. The whiteness gone, revealing the bare rock. Several lights had been recessed into the walls, brightening the small, round room, and on the opposite side was a narrow set of stairs, carved out of the same dark rock. The lights set into the walls followed the winding stairs half way up, and then the daylight sent its illumination down from the top.

  The exit was another small cave in a cliff wall that opened up to a wide landing and a narrow, stone-cut path that led to the top. I questioned why the cave entrance was not secured in the same manner as the one Grid had brought me down, but Aleric only smiled, advising it was secure from the only thing they didn’t want getting in. And he motioned to several pinpoint holes around the edge of the cave entrance.

  “What is it?” I asked, afraid to step across them the way he just had.

  “A frequency. Won’t hurt you at all, you won’t even feel it.” He waved his hand back and forth in front of the holes.

  “How is this protecting anything?”

  “It stops what we need it to stop.”

  I wanted to ask what that might be, but he’d moved down the narrow pathway; Haize already ahead of him.

  I looked over the side of the cliff and found it wasn’t very high. At the bottom was a fast-moving river, and I wondered if it was the same river that I’d come across that first day. I quickly took my bearings, figuring I would be downstream from where I’d crossed it with Grid, but then remembered, that I’d also run alongside the mirror wall for quite some time, as well. Although for how long, and how far away from my original spot I’d come, I had no clue.

  He led me further downstream, over the hills, and out onto wide flat lands that extended as far as I could see.

  “These are our fields,” Aleric told me, as we joined Haize amongst the plants. “We only grow what we need, but as you can see we have plenty of room for it and fresh water from the river.”

  Across the fields people were tending the plants, pulling weeds and watering from heavy looking containers that they carried back and forth from the river. It seemed almost primitive when I thought about the commercial farms and sprinkler systems on Earth, and as I was about to ask why they didn’t have better equipment to help them, Haize answered before I could.

  “There are some things that are better appreciated when done by hand and muscle,” she informed me. “And besides we all enjoy it out here, out of the Colony. We feel almost like we are home.”

  Almost. I couldn�
��t help but notice her emphasis on that word.

  “Can I join you?” I asked. “In the fields?” I wasn’t very strong, in fact not strong at all, in any respect. But I wanted to be.

  They led me through the fields, spending hours explaining the different plants and what they needed. Some needed more care and attention than others, but overall it was a fairly simple process of pulling the weeds, trimming back the dead leaves and of course watering. There were also other processes some of the plants required, such as with the flowers; some had to be eliminated as soon as they sprouted, but others needed to grow to full bloom to restart the pollination all over again.

  It was during Aleric’s explanation of the growth of the plants that a thought jolted through me so startling, I was absolutely dumbfounded that I didn’t see it before.

  “There are no children in the Colony,” I remarked. “None. Earth, Heart or Rathe. Why?” Perhaps it was because I didn’t have any of my own that I didn’t notice it before. Brian and I had not yet discussed that possibility. We were barely out of college, building a life for ourselves. Neither of us had nieces, nephews, or cousins. There were no children in my life at all. It was no wonder I didn’t see it; I wasn’t looking for it. But still, the Colony was a society and children should be expected to be within it.

  It then also occurred to me that I hadn’t seen an elderly person either. Though this I was sure, was a direct result of the Central Unit’s power.

  “It’s a choice,” was all Haize would say.

  “We don’t want to feed this place any more than we already have,” Aleric added.

  “Aleric,” Haize said, shaking her head.

  He only stared back at her for a moment and then looked past me, over my shoulder.

  “Wait, what do you mean ‘feed this place’? Do you mean the machine?”

  “I have something to tend to,” he said, ignoring my questions, but smiling just the same. He kissed Haize upon the cheek, squeezing her hand, and then walked off toward the north.

  “I want to show you something,” Haize said.