The Colony

by RMGilmour

  After we had finished eating, I asked Grid to walk with me, and I led him into the forest in the middle of the Colony. The noise of the rushing river should drown out our conversation, if we were even being listened to in the valley. It was time to tell him about Gia.

  Once beside the river, I pulled him down onto the grass next to me.

  “What are we doing here?” he smiled.

  I picked up one of his hands and held it between mine. I wanted to begin on a happy note, joke with him about not needing a reason to sit by the river, but I couldn’t. I needed to get right to the point.

  “Grid,” I began. “I know what happened to Gia.”

  He closed his eyes and shook his head minutely. I knew it was going to be hard for him to hear, but his movement suggested he wanted nothing to do with what I was going to say. Perhaps, he didn’t want to know the truth after all this time. Maybe he really had put her aside and moved on. But even if he had, he still needed to know the truth about the one he’d once considered his soulmate.

  Once he opened his eyes, he gave me a warning look. His hand squeezed mine, then released it, then squeezed again, crushing my fingers. He closed his eyes once more and shook his head as though he was struggling with something, and I wondered if maybe telling him was too much. But then he seemed to relax, gave me half a smile and released my hand.

  “Go on,” he whispered.

  “She tried to come to you,” I told him, trying to get it over with.

  But he only shook his head and his hands clenched into fists, as though struggling once more.

  “Lydia,” he breathed through clenched teeth, and jumped up from the grass.

  “The wards killed her for it,” I tried to keep my voice low as I stood with him, taking his hand again. “Grid, you…”

  “Lydia,” he growled again, shaking me off and whatever feelings had overcome him. “You just…” then he ran from me, through the trees. I wanted to follow him, but his reaction stunned me. I couldn’t understand why he would want me to tell him, and then become so angry and frustrated when I did. Maybe he didn’t have the same connection with her that I had with Jordan.

  I sat back down upon the grass and waited for him to come back, sure he would once he’d cooled off. I lay down, turning over every one of his movements, and his words in my mind. But I couldn’t make sense of it. I listened to the endless, gently rushing water as the sun moved across the sky dome overhead. But still, he didn’t return.

  Beginning to feel foolish for lying there all day, waiting for him, when he was most likely back in his apartment anyway, I left the valley, deciding to head into the food hall. I was starving - I hadn’t eaten for most of the day - and I hoped he would be there. But he wasn’t.

  I piled a plate full of Rathean food and went to sit with Haize. Though despite the grumble in my stomach, I couldn’t eat. I’d done something wrong, and I didn’t know what. I had thought I was helping, easing some of his pain. But instead, my words seemed to have had the opposite effect. I hoped he was ok.

  When Haize asked me what was wrong, I told her what had happened with Grid. She looked over at Aleric, but he only growled at her, “Tell her. Now! She needs to know.” He then jumped up and ran from the table.

  “Tell me what?” I whispered, feeling the pit of my stomach drop away.

  She pulled me up from the table and led me down the hallway, up the stairs and out of the cave. She sat me down upon the first hill, sitting opposite me. Lena had followed, glancing all about us for signs of anyone that may be around.

  “What you said to him about Gia, no one, not even the people inside the city knew that. Surely, Jordan told you this,” she questioned. And I recalled he had, and that he’d given me information that no one else had. Except maybe Haize and a handful of others here in the Colony, who apparently didn’t trust me enough to say anything.

  “When the wards take someone by force, especially one of their own,” she continued. “The Guardian ensures no one hears about it, or lives to tell about it. It has complete control of the wards - when they leave the Spire, what they say, how they react. Most of the time it leaves them to live in peace, but it’s always watching, always listening. And when you mentioned Gia’s name, it heard. As far as the Guardian is concerned, only someone with knowledge of its system and access to its memories would know about her. You told the Guardian that you’ve been in contact with someone from the inside. Grid tried to stop you from saying it. But now it knows.”

  “How… how…” but I couldn’t finish the sentence.

  She placed her hands on either side of my face and whispered, “Grid is a ward.”

  In that moment, my old friend the void reopened deep inside and tried to swallow me, to sink me back into that state of oblivion in which it was master and commander of my own downward spiral. I forced myself to breathe. Slowly in, slowly out. Release the emotion. I gritted my teeth together and dug my fingers deep into the earth. The pain that sprang up through my fingers and into each of my hands helped me hold onto my new reality.

  I watched Haize’s mouth move, the words coming and going, some entered my brain, some slipped right on by. She was attempting to explain to me that Grid was stronger than the others. The Guardian didn’t have complete control over him. Grid had told me this. Had tried to tell me this, tried to warn me, but I didn’t listen. It hit me then that he never went outside to the fields. He never crossed the frequency threshold at the top of the back stairwell; those times that he’d collected me, he’d always remained just inside. He couldn’t cross it, couldn’t go out to the fields. The signals would have destroyed him; ripped him from the world and sent him back to the Spire.

  More sentences went by without comprehension, but Haize was sure it was us from Earth, our genetic defects, our imperfect DNA which when stripped and then reproduced, we were not whole. Too much of us was gone, too little for the Guardian to control, essentially making us both weaker and stronger than the Guardian had counted on.

  Her words once more summoning Grid’s voice in my head. But, she continued, it was also our resilience to adversity, our ability to deal with the pain and our will to move on. Though these words seemed meant for me, and began to stick as I forced the void away from me. I was not giving in to it. I had to think about him now. I had to save him.

  “Grid was always able to warn us when the wards were out. He let us test our traps on him, all without letting the Guardian know what he was doing.”

  “Haize,” I whispered. I had to save him. “Jordan.”

  “Aleric went to warn him.”

  Jordan was in danger now, because of me. He would die because of me. Grid knew it and tried to stop me. Why didn’t I listen!

  “What do I do?” What did I do! “I should go with Aleric. It’s all my fault.”

  “No, it’s too dangerous. And he’s not going directly to him, he can’t. He can only contact Mason.”

  “What if they take Mason as well?”

  “They won’t get to Mason, he’s older than the Guardian. He knows its systems. He will get Jordan out of the city.”

  “But where will he go?” my voice shook; this was a conversation we‘d already had. There was nowhere he could go that the wards would not follow.

  Lena knelt beside me and held out a small flask, similar to Aleric’s, though I shook my head. The last thing I needed was more trouble for myself.

  “You tell Grid, we, warriors knew about Gia because we saw it,” she whispered to me. “We saw them take her.”

  “No. They’ll come after you too.”

  “Don’t worry about us,” Haize insisted. “We can handle them. Just save Jordan.”

  “Drink,” Lena said, handing the small flask to me. “But only a little to calm your nerves. You don’t handle it well.”

  “Go back home. Wait for Grid. Convince him,” Haize told me.

  I drank just the tiniest swallow from her flask and handed it back to her. Even that
small taste burned my throat, but it calmed me right away.

  “Thank you,” I tried to smile, but I wasn’t yet at that point.

  “Lydia, just remember, Grid is still the same person that saved you when you first arrived. The same person that provided for you, cared for you, saved Hera, saved us,” Haize reminded me. “Don’t act any differently around him. Be the same person you have always been. Do the same things.”

  “Just don’t let on that you know he’s a ward,” Lena interrupted. “And don’t talk about anything that you don’t want the Guardian to hear.”

  “I’m blaming you,” I whispered to her. “You should have told me.”

  But she only laughed. Like all the Heart warriors, she welcomed the fight.

  ∞

  When I returned he wasn’t there, and I went straight to bed. As much as I needed to talk to him, convince him it wasn’t Jordan who told me, I was glad in that moment to not have that task. I don’t think I would have handled it well.

  But when I awoke, I was calm. My strength had returned. The void that tried to take over was gone. I was determined not to lose anyone else in my life. I knew I couldn’t save Grid, he was already dead, and he was never really mine to lose. But Jordan… he had to live. I had to save him from the Spire.

  Grid was waiting for me, with coffee of course. And a smile.

  “I’m sorry I left so suddenly yesterday,” he began. “Hearing you speak of her was too much.”

  But I knew he was saying this because he had to.

  “I’m sorry,” I whispered. I stood behind his chair and wrapped my arms around his neck. “I shouldn’t have said anything. Lena told me not to. I just didn’t listen.”

  “You spoke to Lena about her?”

  “Well, sort of. She was the one who told me. She said I shouldn’t tell you though. Too much time had passed, it would only hurt you. But I was sure you needed to know the truth.” I leaned my head on top of his, holding him tighter. “I’m sorry if I was wrong.”

  His hands covered mine, holding them to him. He then gently tugged, tightening my arms around his neck even further. Then releasing himself from my grip, he brought one hand after the other to his mouth and kissed my palms.

  “Lena told you?” he softly asked me.

  I closed my eyes, realizing from his action, the guilt that bored through him. I couldn’t imagine the daily struggle he no doubt had to deal with, being connected to and controlled by the Guardian.

  “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have been talking about her,” I whispered, and kissed the top of his head, trying to make his question seem unimportant. I released him to sit in my chair opposite him, hoping I’d given the Guardian reason enough, to doubt my involvement with anyone from the city.

  I couldn’t blame Grid for any danger Jordan may now be in. He most likely, had tried to tell me what he had become, and most likely, the Guardian had stopped him.

  “Today, you and I need to do something,” I tried to smile, just a little.

  “And that is…?”

  “We’ve both given each other bad news beside the river. It’s become The Bad News River. We need to change that.”

  I was relieved when he laughed. And grateful that I could make him do so. Ward or not, he was my friend and I wanted him to stay that way.

  It wasn’t hard to do, but we soon fell back into step with each other’s routine. He’d make us breakfast, then I’d spend my days in the fields with Haize and Aleric, and in the evening, he’d attempt to coax my memories out for his and Hammond’s newspaper.

  I couldn’t go to the Arena; I didn’t even want to think about being that far away from the city. I needed to stay close, in case Aleric had news from Mason.

  But no news came. After a week had passed, the worry that I knew was etched into my brow, also crossed his.

  “Aleric, please,” I pleaded one morning. “I can’t sit by any longer, I have to do something.”

  I sat amongst the plants upon the soil; I couldn’t care for them. I didn’t want to carry any more water or trim any more branches, I wanted to know Jordan was safe.

  “You can’t do anything,” he told me. “Remember what happened the last time you entered the city?”

  “I don’t care. I need to find him.”

  “You need to care. What do you think Jordan would go through if anything happened to you?”

  “I feel so useless sitting out here all day, every day.”

  “Maybe you could come to the Arena,” Lena suggested.

  I didn’t want to offend her by saying no; I was grateful for everything she had taught me. But it was Haize that decided.

  “No,” and she was emphatic about it. “It means running there every morning and then running back each afternoon. If the Guardian is watching you through Grid, which I’m sure it is, you cannot give it any reason to consider you a threat. In fact, what you need to do is to begin to convince the Guardian, very subtly, that you’re coming to terms with never meeting him. Ever.”

  I bowed my head to stare at the brown soil. I knew what she was implying, but I couldn’t do it. At least not convincingly. There was no way I could make anyone believe that I felt anything for anyone other than Jordan.

  “I can’t do that,” I told her. “I won’t hurt Jordan that way.”

  “There is nothing you could ever do or say that would hurt him, or make him think less of you.”

  Her words brought back a memory of Jordan saying something very similar to me, and I was curious as to why she always seemed to share his thoughts. But it was not important. I was just glad I had her to remind me of him.

  “Why was I not told about Grid before?”

  “You didn’t know who we were, or what the wards were, or the Guardian,” Haize said. “You’d already been through so much pain, and Grid urged us not to say anything to you until he was ready to tell you. He wanted to spare you… his words ‘the horror of what he’d become.’ And as time went by, you got to know Grid without any deception…”

  “Hardly,” I interrupted.

  “I mean without any deception about your friendship for him. That was real.”

  “And how many times did we need to tell you not to discuss anything inside the Colony?” Lena reminded me.

  A dozen at least, though I was sure the valley would have been safe enough. But because it was Grid, nowhere would have been safe to discuss anything with him.

  “Ward or not, you like him, and I think you trust him enough to know he will never hurt you.”

  I did trust Grid. He’d had plenty of time to hurt me if that was what he’d wanted. But there was the ward side to him, always present, watching, listening, and he and I both knew he couldn’t be completely trusted because of it.

  But to save Jordan I would do anything, even if he never spoke to me again.

  I needed to walk.

  22

  Mason

  “Where are you going?” Haize asked me.

  “I just want to sit near the wall, watch his city. Think.” I glanced up at the sky. It was still early. I had plenty of time. “I’ll be back before dark.”

  “I’ll come with you,” Lena told me.

  “I’ll be ok,” I really didn’t feel like company.

  “No, you won’t.”

  She was probably right, but I didn’t respond. Although, I did wish I was as half as strong, and fearless, as she was, so that I could at least walk alone when I needed to.

  We quietly made our way through the forest, and sat amongst the trees in a darkened corner, that provided a perfect view of the city behind the wall. Though what I saw were no longer the plain, white buildings, instead there were the houses of many different colors, green trees, flowers, grass, all thriving inside. It seemed there were some people within the city that enjoyed my memories of home.

  “You did that,” Lena said, noticing my small smile. “You gave them that little piece of life. If they could meet you I wo
nder what they would say.”

  “Most likely, what the hell did you do to my house!” I tried to make light of it, but he was in there, somewhere. And this great big window was keeping me from getting to him. Where was my car when I needed it!

  I sucked in my breath, shocked at being able to joke about something that had tortured me for years.

  “What’s wrong?” Lena asked, staring through the city wall, trying to see what I may have seen inside.

  “You… saw what happened three years ago, yes?” I waited for her response, although I didn’t need it. I already knew she’d seen it. “I was just wishing I had my car to smash through this window.”

  “So, what, now you’re resilient with a death wish? I’m glad I came.”

  “I don’t have a death wish, geez you’re the second person to say that to me.”

  She laughed at me and gently elbowed my shoulder, as though there was a private joke I was supposed to get.

  “I know, Grid said it to you. He was concerned, and asked me what I thought about the idea and you.”

  “You know, I actually thought for a while, that you and Grid were…”

  “I thought about it, though only for your sake. But no, he’s not my type.”

  “What is your type?”

  “Danger,” she whispered.

  “Ok, now who has a death wish.”

  She rolled her eyes at me and sighed.

  “No. Danger. That’s what he called himself. The one who brought me here.”

  “His name was Danger,” I repeated, though not really questioning if I’d heard right, more so commenting on its legitimacy.

  “Sort of,” she smiled. “He said his parents called him Dagnija, but he changed it when I had trouble pronouncing it. When he first started coming to me, he didn’t speak. I could only sense…” she trailed off, her eyes darting off into the distance, remembering.

  “After some time, I could hear him whispering to me. I don’t think he knew I could hear, but I still didn’t respond. It was months before I said anything back to him. And about a year later he asked if I would be willing to join him. I told him no. We never spoke of it again. Then one day, I woke up here.”