The Colony

by RMGilmour

  One justifying thought after another ran through my mind as I convinced myself. I had no desire for my end to come, at least not anymore, but if I could save Jordan and stop the Guardian I could live with it. After all, Grid seemed normal, as did Hammond and Rebecca.

  I only hoped that he could live with me.

  I placed my hands over his, but I couldn’t look up at him, not yet. I could feel the disgust still wrinkling my face and I didn’t want to look at him that way. I wasn’t disgusted by him, only with what was necessary.

  It then occurred to me that if everything was infected by my Earthly humanity, I may be destroying more than just the Guardian.

  “Is it possible that I would completely destroy the Central Unit?” I breathed, hoping there was still a possibility of coming back.

  “I don’t believe so,” he said. His answer was not definite. I may never see Jordan again. But at least, he’d be safe.

  “What will happen if I destroy too much? Your way of life?”

  “You’re worried about destroying my way of life?” he asked, incredulously.

  “No, but if… he still wanted me… after… and if you could bring me out of…” I began, but I only pointed downward. “I would hate to become Threa’s most wanted. Nothing then would have changed for me.”

  At first, he only looked confused by my choice of words, but then nodded in understanding.

  “I would kill every person in the city before any of them could lay a hand on you,” he stated. “Well, except Jordan,” he tried to joke.

  “He’s going to hate me, isn’t he?”

  “No. He’s going to hate me. And if he kills me for it, then so be it. I would deserve nothing less.”

  24

  Lost Souls

  I let him lead me once more, through the air back to the Arena, where Haize and Lena were waiting for us in the training room. I couldn’t be mad at them; in me they saw hope. I did however, feel a need to say goodbye to them, should the worst occur. But I kept it inside, and instead, voiced my apology. If Grid didn’t want them to tell me about him, then they were right not to. Though I couldn’t help but wonder, if that was Grid’s request, or the Guardian’s.

  I hugged Haize, but she only patted me on the back, explaining how proud she was that I stood up for myself, and that I was finally finding the volume she knew I possessed. She and Lena both expressed their own regrets for not trusting me with all of the details from the beginning. Though I didn’t blame them, and they weren’t the only ones holding back information.

  I looked up at Mason, and he gave me a smile of gratitude. I wanted to ask how many did, or rather didn’t know about what he’d created, but it wasn’t my place to reveal this to anyone. It was his secret, if it was a secret, although I was sure that was one of the reasons why we were at the top of the city center. The other would have been the option he’d given me. I gave him a small smile back, and nodded. All that was said would stay with me, and would no doubt end with me if I wasn’t successful.

  Haize and I took our time walking back to the Colony, neither of us had the inclination to run. At first, I wasn’t sure if they were going to even let me leave the Arena, but I assured them that I would keep my distance from the city. I really only wanted to see Grid.

  Lena stayed behind to train, and Mason made his own way back to the city, ahead of us. He promised to send word to me as soon as there was any change with Jordan.

  And we made it back just as the evening was settling in. I waited by the window in the apartment’s front room, but Grid didn’t show. The Colony was quiet. I’d noticed over the past week, that fewer and fewer warriors had returned from the Arena, and I guessed they were making good on their idea of retreating to their own city. I wouldn’t leave though, even if they asked again. I’d made my decision to stay.

  It was mostly dark when I finally awoke; the light in the room had been dimmed to barely existing. I was in my bed, having trudged down the hallway sometime during the early evening, tired from… everything. But I wasn’t alone.

  Outside of my room, I could hear yelling in the distance, though the words were muffled by the walls, and the door I closed each night.

  Not sure if I should just pretend to stay asleep, or turn and face him, I decided to slowly roll over. I didn’t want to alarm him; in case it wasn’t Grid. But thankfully, it was. He was sitting on the edge of the bed, facing away from me. Cradled in his hands was my book as he gently flipped through its pages.

  “Hello,” I whispered.

  “Where were you all day yesterday?” his voice was rough, he sounded tired, weary.

  “With Haize and Lena. Why? What’s wrong?” I asked, but my question was not only directed toward his present state, for I also wanted to know what was going on outside.

  “Don’t go,” he groaned, lowering his voice until I could barely hear him. “Don’t go. You need to stay.”

  “I’m not going anywhere.”

  He placed my book upon the small table beside my bed, and turned toward me. I could barely read his face. Though his lowered head and sagging shoulders suggested that he was defeated. He lay down beside me, pulled me against him and held me tight.

  “Grid, what’s wrong?” I asked again. Something was. Between his mood and whatever was going on outside of his apartment, I was getting worried. I tried to pull away from him, hoping it wasn’t Jordan.

  “Ssh,” he breathed, holding me tighter. “Just stay with me.”

  I didn’t want to argue with him though. He’d only ever tried to keep me safe, and if there was something wrong outside I’m sure Haize, or Aleric, or someone would come for me if necessary.

  I laid in his arms for the longest time, neither of us moving. The noise outside eventually died down, yet no one had come looking for me, but I was still worried.

  “Light,” I said, commanding the room to brighten itself. I pulled away enough to look into his face, but that only deepened my worry.

  His mouth was pinched, his eyes squeezed closed as though he was in pain and desperate to keep it locked inside him.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked him again, this time more forceful.

  “I don’t know what they’re going to do. But I don’t want you out there. It’s too dangerous,” his breath ragged as he spoke.

  “What happened?” I tried to free myself from him, but I was pinned. I couldn’t move. I didn’t like this. It was Jordan, I knew it. “Tell me what happened.”

  “It’s not…” he began, as though sensing my question. “It’s Hera. She left the Arena to meet Connor. They’re gone.”

  “Gone,” I repeated, at first wishing it had been me and Jordan. But there was more to that word than what it initially implied.

  “Captured,” he told me, his muscles relaxing, his voice smoothing out. “Waiting insertion.”

  Hera. She was too young. It made me sick to my stomach, to remember her thoughts and feelings that had once filled me, as though she had temporarily become a part of me. I had to push those memories away.

  I tried to force him off me once more and I felt his body tense. His breath caught in his throat, and I thought for a moment I’d hurt him, but he released me, letting me up. I sat on the edge of the bed, my head bent in my hands and he wrapped one arm around me; his fingers gently cradling the back of my neck.

  “Castor?” I groaned, but I couldn’t finish the sentence.

  “The warriors have him. No one is allowed to leave the Colony, but they refuse to comply.”

  “When did this happen? How come no one saved her?”

  “She couldn’t be saved,” his tone was cold, empty.

  “Why not?”

  “Oh, I think you know,” he accused, his words and his tone confusing me.

  I dared to look up at him. His eyes were dark and he was smiling, but it wasn’t a Grid smile, it was dangerous. Haize’s words then flooded my mind – it controls them in every way possible. And I knew it wasn’
t Grid behind that face.

  My breath caught as I tried to move, but his hand clenched around my neck and yanked me backward. Then leaping upon me, he forced a knee into my stomach, holding me down. I tried to kick him, hit his face, push him off me, but my lungs couldn’t draw in the air they needed. I could barely move, and he slapped my hands away with barely any effort.

  The back of his hand ripped across my jaw. He grabbed my face and leaned in; his eyes boring into mine.

  “Remember me,” he growled, and smiled down at me once more.

  I did remember that smile, those eyes. He was supposed to be in the grave I’d dragged him to. Jordan had knocked him off me. I’d watched him fall.

  “You tried to bury me!” he spat. “I was pulled back fully conscious! That hurt, bitch!” He released my face, and the back of his other hand caught my other cheek.

  He removed his knee and I gulped back air as I tried to roll away, but his hands ripped at my shirt, tearing it open. I tried to kick out at him, but too easily he grabbed my shoulder and one thigh, and threw me further onto the bed, slamming my head against the wall.

  This isn’t happening! I yelled in my head, but not out of fear, nor out of disbelief. But out of determination that he would not touch me this way, through Grid. Part of me hoped Grid was still inside and would force the ward out of him, but if he couldn’t then I hoped he wasn’t there to see what his body was being forced to do.

  “Grid,” I called out, struggling to get out of his grasp.

  “He’s not home right now,” the ward taunted. “Leave him a message so I can feel his pain.”

  “Grid,” I tried again, but this time his fist connected with my cheek. Lightening slammed through my eye, and I thought my scars had ripped open, the pain throbbed down my face.

  “Shut up!” he growled.

  He climbed on top of me, holding both of my legs down with his, while one of his hands easily pinned both of mine above my head. His other was rough against my skin, sending ripples of pain through my chest. I tried to hold back my screams. I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of knowing that he was hurting me, but I couldn’t keep it inside.

  His hand movements turned stiff, spasmodic and uncontrolled as he forced Grid’s body to hurt me. And through his touches I could sense Grid below the surface, fighting the ward.

  Forcing one of my thighs flat to the side, bending it backward, he kept it in place with his knee, and tore through my pajama bottoms. His hand, merciless upon me.

  But with this new wave of pain, I could sense more than just Grid. I could feel Jordan. He was near, and my soul stirred for its partner.

  “Jordan,” I groaned, but this only caused more pain from the ward, though I didn’t scream. I kept my focus on Jordan, trying not to feel anything but him.

  The ward jerked upward, releasing my hands. The frustration of the forced movement wrenched a growl from his chest, bringing my focus back to him, and I swung at him, trying to punch him, claw at his face, anything to make him stop. He recaptured one of my arms and with force, thrust it away from him, my elbow and shoulder twisting in ways they shouldn’t. My other hand connected with his cheek, close to his eye. I didn’t want to hurt Grid, but I had to remind myself that it wasn’t him.

  He easily caught my hand and crushed my fingers, laughing, “You’re not hurting me. I can’t feel a thing.” And I knew he meant Grid was feeling it. All of it.

  “I understand you like to bite,” he grinned, and held my hand to his mouth, biting as though he intended to take a chunk out of me. My scream pierced my own ears and I prayed someone could hear.

  His hand seared across my cheek once more, harder this time, whipping my head to the side. The copper-sour taste of blood trickled across my tongue and down my throat.

  The taste brought back a recent memory of Lena; the words she’d spoken, of her youth. And as much as he was trying to hurt me, the pain he was inflicting wasn’t as bad as what I’d felt in the Arena training room, being slammed into brick walls. It wasn’t as bad as the crippling pain I’d felt on the hunt. And it wasn’t as bad as the thought of losing Jordan. I could endure what he was doing.

  Unclasping his pants, he snarled, “This… is going to hurt.” As though he hadn’t already hurt me.

  I stopped fighting him. I stopped screaming, crying, reacting. It wouldn’t be the ward; he couldn’t even feel it. It was Grid’s body. And he was forced into this as much as I was. Grid would never hurt me this way. He’d helped me, taken care of me, tried to protect me. And if he’d known that I would need protecting from himself, he would not have kept me so close.

  “Grid,” I whispered, sure he could hear me. “It’s ok.”

  The ward stopped then. Falling backward off me as though pushed away by an invisible hand. I pulled myself up, hoping someone had heard me, but there was only him, staring at me from the end of the bed.

  “Lydia,” he groaned. His face was red, pinched once more. His teeth grinding, his hands bawled into fists, clutching the bedclothes.

  “Grid,” I tried again, but my voice had weakened.

  His body shook, his muscles engorged as though every part of him was pushing against a force. His eyes widened as he stared at me, frozen, uncomprehending.

  “Run!” he growled. Grid. Forcing his way back.

  I leapt off the bed, clutching at what remained of my clothes, and ran from the room. It was over, but the memory of Grid’s face, his hands, his voice hurting me, replayed over and over in my head. But it wasn’t him, it wasn’t him.

  I ran without looking back. But my heart still ripped apart with each step, a little piece at a time.

  25

  Sacrifice

  I hadn’t realized how shaken I was until Haize came running toward me, telling me it was ok, trying to calm me. She stopped me just outside of Grid’s apartment, as though she had been on her way to me. She easily picked me up and ran with me across the courtyard, but I couldn’t stay in the Colony, I needed to get out; Grid may not be able to keep the ward out of him.

  She rushed me up to her apartment. I still didn’t feel safe from him, but it was better than being out in the open.

  She produced a shirt, jeans and boots for me from her counter at the back of the room, and I painfully tugged them on as she mixed several of castor’s serums, then urged me to drink. I swallowed the bitter substance without hesitation and immediately felt the pain subside. She then wiped a cool, clear substance around my eye, over my cheek and across my jaw. I held out a shaking, bleeding hand to her and she treated it as well.

  “Breathe,” she whispered to me, as she worked to heal the rest of me.

  I didn’t want to though. I’d watched my friend’s mind and body be invaded, taken over. Felt his hands rough upon me. It didn’t make any kind of sense. I couldn’t make this reality fit into any kind of comprehensible file folder; understanding it escaped me.

  “Lydia,” Haize tried to soothe me. “You’re ok now.”

  My head shook, small movements, side to side. I wasn’t ok.

  “Tell me what happened,” she asked.

  “You s-said,” I stumbled over my words, not sure how to say what I needed to. “Aleric said, once they went in, they didn’t get out. He got out. He was in G…”

  “A ward?” she asked.

  I nodded, looking down, away from her. I tried to control the shaking in my hands as they rested on my lap, but they shook with a mind of their own.

  “Here. Drink,” Lena’s voice. I had no recollection of her entering the room, but I was relieved to see her. The ward wouldn’t stand a chance against Lena.

  She held out to me a familiar flask, uncapped and ready to drink from. I took it, grateful. But only a small swallow. I didn’t want to sleep, I needed to regain control of my senses, my body. I needed to tell Haize what I saw and what he’d said.

  Within moments, the fluid warmed my insides, and my hands stopped shaking. I waited though, b
efore handing the flask back to her. With this new calmness, I decided I wanted more. I wanted to pass out, be oblivious to everything else that may be happening around me. But I couldn’t shut down now. I had to stay focused.

  Once I was sure I could form my thoughts into viable sentences, I capped the flask and handed it back to her.

  “Thank you,” I whispered.

  “What happened?” Lena asked.

  I didn’t want to relive it, but it was necessary. Though, I made sure they understood it wasn’t Grid.

  My eyes were glued to my hands as I spoke, now lying restful upon my thighs. Feeling my hair brushed from my face, I turned my head just enough to see it was Lena. I didn’t think her capable of such gentleness.

  “Did he…” she began and stopped, not wanting to push me. But I knew what she was asking.

  “No,” I breathed, relieved that neither I nor Grid had to endure that final humiliation at least. “Grid forced his way back before the ward could. He pushed himself off me.”

  I was grateful when they didn’t ask any further questions, I didn’t want to explain to them why I stopped fighting in the end, why I was going to let him. It was still Grid. The ward would have made it hurt, but it was still Grid, and I needed to minimize as much as possible, the emotional pain that could have resulted from that moment between us.

  And then it was my turn to ask about Hera and Connor.

  “He was real,” I caught a brief glimmer in Lena’s eyes as she said this.

  Connor had sent a message to Hera, through the counter unit, to meet him outside of the city, north of the fields.

  “Stupid boy!” Haize grumbled.

  Of course, the Guardian would know about it. And the moment the two met, the wards took down the frequencies, once more. Haize reassured me that the Rathe had been working through the night to bring them back up.