Ravage (Untamed Sons MC Book 1)

by Jessica Ames

  “He doesn’t get through the gate again, you hear me?”

  “Yeah, Rav, I hear.”

  I turn to Fury. “Make sure everyone knows, including the prospects. Fuck, even the club bunnies. Tell everyone.”

  He nods. I grab my coke off the top of the bar and take a swig as Fury gives Zack a shove towards the door. The prospect stumbles before he rights himself and makes a quick dash for the exit. I can see the disappointment in Fury’s eyes as his knife disappears under his kutte.

  Crazy bastard.

  I slide my half empty bottle on the counter and push away. “I’m heading to the hospital. Anything happens here, call me.”

  I’m trying not to let things slide in the club. It will always be my priority, but my focus is locked on my woman and kid. I need my brothers to pick up my slack while I’m sorting shit out.

  “We’ll take care of shit,” Fury assures me.

  I don’t doubt that, but his idea of taking care of anything usually ends with bloodshed.

  As I step into the corridor, I see Nox coming towards the common room.

  “Any luck finding Sin yet?” I ask.

  He shakes his head. “Little fucker is good at hiding.”

  He would be. I taught him everything he knows. Frustration gnaws at my gut. I need him found. I need to make this problem disappear. “I want the whole club on this. Sasha and Lily-May aren’t safe while he’s out there.”

  “We’ll find him,” he assures me, but tingles still race up my spine and a sour feeling settles in my gut. I hate not knowing where he is.

  “Quickly, Nox. Check all our warehouses and any abandoned properties we have. Put the feelers out there. Someone has got to know something.”

  The longer he’s out there, the more I feel a noose tighten around my throat.

  “How’s Sash?”

  “She’s keeping it together.”

  He peers at me for a moment, before he says, “If she and the kid need anything…”

  “Thanks. I’m going to put it forward officially in church tomorrow, but I want you to step up as VP. With Sin out of the picture I need a right-hand man I can trust.”

  His eyes flare with shock before he regains control of his emotions. “Whatever you need, Rav.”

  What I need is my brother found and this mess to be over with. Killing Sin won’t be easy, as much as I’m trying to convince myself it will. The thought of harming him conflicts with all my years of keeping him safe.

  Doing this will stain my soul so black I’m not sure I’ll be able to come back from it, but it has to be done. I can’t allow a rapist piece of shit to walk free. I can’t allow him to have hurt Sasha and do nothing. I’ll look him in the eyes as I drag the knife through his flesh and I’ll make him suffer because that’s what he did to my girl. He took her dignity, her control and he can’t ever give that back. Killing him is the only choice I have, but that doesn’t mean it won’t taint me.

  Sin was the only blood family I ever cared about, at least until I found out about Lily-May. Dad’s gone, Mum’s in the wind. The only family we ever had growing up was the club and each other. That he put me in this position burns like hot embers in my belly, but I can’t look at him without feeling hate and disgust. We could never go back to the way things were. I couldn’t live with him breathing the same air as Sasha and my daughter.

  So, he has to die.

  “When we were kids, before we went to live with my father, we’d sleep down by the railway tracks sometimes.”

  Nox bobs his head. “I’ll head down there and see if he’s been seen.”

  “Make sure you recover his kutte.”

  “Yeah.”

  I head out to my bike, thoughts colliding around my brain and climb on. Then I make my way to the hospital to see my girls.

  20

  Sasha

  Lily-May sleeps most of the morning, but she wakes up crying and I can’t do anything to settle her. The nurse gives her more pain medication, but it doesn’t work either. My heart feels like it’s tearing open as her cries pierce my ears. I’m exhausted, mentally and physically drained. I don’t know how much longer I can keep being strong. I’m falling apart at the seams.

  Lucy tries to settle her too, but nothing is working. She fusses, her little fingers curled into fists as she tries to deal with her pain. My tears flow freely as I watch my child suffering and am helpless to stop it. I would take all her pain for her if I could. I would take it a thousand times over.

  I swipe my tears away as I run my hand over her hair, trying to soothe her. It takes her a while, but she does eventually drift off. I breathe easier as her own breaths become slower and steadier.

  The door opens and I twist to see Tyler standing in the doorway, his kutte on his back as always, the dark blue shirt he’s wearing straining beneath the thick cut of his muscles. I smile, but I know it doesn’t reach my eyes, which are still watering.

  “What’s wrong?” he demands immediately.

  Lucy speaks before I can. “Lily-May’s having a bad morning.”

  I watch Ty’s jaw tighten at this news, watch the darkness cloud his eyes as he strides towards the cot bed. His hand reaches out, as if he wants to touch her. He’s hesitant, and I hate that he is. He should feel comfortable touching his own child.

  “It’s okay,” I tell him, my voice dropping low.

  He runs a hand over her hair and my heart breaks for him. He should have been with his daughter from her first breath. I denied him that.

  For a moment, he just keeps stroking her hair, his eyes locked on her like she’s the most precious thing on earth and I watch in silence, letting him have this moment with Lily-May who seems to settle more under his hand.

  Lucy glances at me to make sure I’m okay with him being here. I nod and she eyes him before she slips from the room, giving us the privacy we need.

  Tyler’s eyes roam over our daughter, his brow knitting together. I can see him trying to work out how to make this right. There is no making this right, though. Helplessness washes through me like poisonous acid, corroding my veins.

  “What does she need?”

  “The transplant.” I rake my fingers through my hair, trying to calm my breathing. I feel short of breath, on edge and terrified. I don’t want to lose my daughter. Not after such a short time with her. I want to see her marry, grow older, have children of her own, if that’s possible after the transplant. I want to be in her life until I take my last breath.

  “If I have to call in all the chapters of the Sons to do the test, I’ll do it. We’ll get her this match,” Ty assures me.

  I draw air in shakily and peer up at him. He’s so confident he can fix this, can make it better. I want to believe him, I really do, but I don’t know if I can. This isn’t something he can throw anger at and make right by bossing people around. This is in the hands of a higher power, one neither of us can control.

  He takes my hands in his.

  “We have to fight for her.”

  “I know.”

  He dips his head and takes my mouth, claiming me, marking me as he nips my bottom lip. It’s a kiss that makes my knees tremble and my body feel weak. He always did have the ability to shake my foundations. I cling to him, like he’s the only thing keeping me upright and when his hand collars the back of my throat, I can’t help but press against his hard, lean body and want more of him.

  When he breaks the kiss, I’m reluctant to let him, but he pulls back, his eyes scanning my face. His expression is a mask of anxiety that kicks me in my gut.

  “We’ll get through this,” he tells me.

  I want to believe him desperately, but months of fighting my concerns, of pushing down my fears are catching up with me. Coupled with telling my secret, I’m struggling to keep my walls up.

  I’m losing my daughter with each day that passes. The disease continues to ravage her, to chip away at her strength, her resolve to keep fighting.

  I can’t bear it.

  I cling to Ty
ler’s kutte, smelling the leather and his aftershave, my head resting against his chest and sob as his arms wrap around me. I take strength from his grip on me, even as my heart feels like it’s shattering into a million pieces. My daughter has to survive this. There’s no alternative. I won’t let there be.

  “Don’t cry, baby,” he tells me, but I can’t stop my tears. They fall thick and fast down my cheeks. I let him hold me, soothe my pain. I’m falling apart.

  “I’m trying to be strong,” I say, my fragile walls tumbling down around my head.

  “You don’t have to be strong anymore. I’ll be strong for the three of us.”

  A knock on the door breaks through the moment, and I swipe quickly at my face as it opens to reveal Dr Harking. The smile on his face instantly has my spine snapping straight.

  “What? What is it?” I ask.

  “I rushed the results through from your friends.” He grins. “We found a match.”

  My heart jolts beneath my ribs and the ground beneath my feet shifts. “You did?” I breathe out the words, hardly daring to believe him.

  “Yes, I was astounded myself, but it’s a good match with your daughter. If we transplant, it should take well.”

  “Who?” Ty demands.

  “Uh,” he glances down and flicks through the notes he’s holding, “a Mr Joseph Henry.”

  It takes me a second to recall from his prospecting days, but I remember Joey is Fury’s real name. It has to be him.

  “One in a million,” Tyler mutters under his breath.

  I snap my gaze towards Ty. “We have a match.” My voice is pitched higher than usual.

  “I know.”

  “Lily-May will get better.”

  “Yeah, darlin’, she will.”

  Relief floods me at the realisation my daughter has a chance now. She might just survive this. I send a thank you to the universe. Tingles dance in my stomach as excitement starts to bloom. I never thought we’d get a match, let alone in someone close to home. Fury’s family. He didn’t grow up in the club like I did, but he became family the moment he got his full colours.

  “He’s going to need injections, needles,” I tell Ty, worry bleeding into my voice. I know how scared he is of needles.

  “I know.”

  “Is he going to be able to do it?”

  He kisses my forehead. “He wouldn’t have volunteered to do the test if he wasn’t going to follow through. All the guys knew there would be a chance they’d get called up.”

  “This is great news,” Dr Harking says. “If we can get Mr Henry back in as soon as possible we can get the ball rolling and get Lily-May on the road to recovery. It’s still not without risks, but the likelihood she’ll take the marrow without rejecting it is greatly increased with a true match.”

  “Thank you so much, Doctor.”

  He inclines his head. “I want to see Lily-May get well, too. I’ll leave you both alone.”

  I turn to Tyler, unable to stop my smile. “We have a match. Lily-May is going to survive.”

  Those words ease some of the tension in my chest, because now I know my daughter has a real shot at survival, and that’s the best feeling in the world.

  21

  Ravage

  The smile on Sasha’s face nearly breaks me. Since we found out Fury is a match for Lily-May, she hasn’t stopped grinning. I watch her with our daughter, my heart feeling lighter than it has in years. I’m stained black, my soul so dark now I can never come back from it. You don’t live a life like I’ve lived and not have that shit embedded in you, but Lily-May makes me feel like I could clean some of the dirt away. She’s the only thing in my life that I’ve done right.

  I stand at Sasha’s back, rubbing circles low on her spine as she plays with our little girl’s feet, making her giggle. It’s good to hear that sound coming from her. Every time I’ve seen my child, she’s been so sombre, so quiet. It’s almost as if she knows she’s been saved.

  “I need to tell Fury,” I say, my voice pitched low. I don’t want to disturb this moment, but I’m eager as fuck to get the ball rolling on this. I want my kid fixed.

  “I want to come with you,” she tells me, and I can see it takes a whole lot of strength for her to say it.

  Is Sasha ready to face her own demons?

  She’s going to have to stare her past in the face at some point, the clubhouse is home, but I didn’t expect she’d want to do it so soon. My brave girl.

  “Okay, baby,” I say, my hands moving to her shoulders. Since I got her back, I want to touch her every opportunity I can, to remind myself she’s real and that she’s here. That Sasha lets me tells me more than her words could. Despite being scared, she’s letting me in.

  I watch her nibble at her bottom lip as she peers down at Lily-May. “I’ll see if Lucy can stay while we’re gone.”

  “There will be a prospect or brother here, too.”

  Sasha nods and slips out of my touch as her phone finds its way into her hand. I watch as she walks out of the room, leaving me alone with my daughter for the first time.

  Lily-May peers up at me as she sucks on her fingers. My kid is so fucking cute. How did me and Sash make something so perfect? I reach my hand out and touch her belly, like I’ve seen Sasha do before, avoiding the wires. Lily stares up at me with big blue eyes. She doesn’t flinch or move away. There’s no fear in her eyes, something I’m used to seeing from others, just acceptance. She doesn’t see the monster I am and that’s liberating in a way I never expected. I doubt she understands who I am to her, but she will in time. Lily-May will never know another day without a father in her life.

  The door snicks open behind me, and I don’t move my hand, but I do turn my head as Sasha steps back into the room.

  “Lucy’s on her way.”

  I return my attention to Lily-May. “You did good with her, Sash. She’s so fucking perfect.”

  It hits me in the gut when she says, “It didn’t feel like I was doing good at the time.” Sasha moves next to me and I feel her heat at my side. “Especially when she got sick.”

  I’m not good with words, so I reach out and pull her into me, engulfing her in my hold. My lips press into her hair. “It ain’t your fault she got sick.”

  “It felt like a punishment.”

  “For what?”

  She peers up at me, tears staining her cheeks. I want to wipe them away, but I don’t want to release my hold on her.

  “For the recklessness of my life before her. I did a lot of stupid shit I’m not proud of.”

  “Your lifestyle didn’t give Lily-May cancer. It’s just one of those things. A shitty hand of cards.”

  Her thin smile tells me she doesn’t believe my words. How the fuck do I convince her she didn’t give our daughter this terrible disease?

  Lily-May fists her hands against her eyes, rubbing them. I wonder what she would be like without the cancer ravaging her little body. Would she be running around the clubhouse, going from brother to brother, keeping me on my toes? It’s hard to gauge whose personality she has inherited, because most of the time she’s sleeping or out of it because of the medications. When this is over, I can’t wait to get to know my daughter.

  Neither of us speaks for a while, just content to watch as Lily-May’s eyes flutter shut, so when the door opens behind us, instinctively, I put myself between Sasha, my daughter and the threat. Nothing will touch them ever again.

  I relax a little when I see it’s Kyle.

  “What?” I bark out, annoyed at having our moment ruined and at the fact the fucker didn’t knock before barging in.

  Kyle doesn’t even flinch. Yeah, this one will make a good brother once he’s through his probation period.

  “That chick with the blonde hair is here.”

  “It’s Lucy,” Sasha tells me, her hand coming to my arm, a silent warning to calm my temper. I must be telegraphing my rage.

  I force myself to relax, because neither her nor Lily-May deserve to be subjected to my temper—
not today, not after receiving the best news we could ever have hoped for.

  Even so, I give Kyle a sharp inclination of my head, telling him without words that it’s okay to let her through and one I hope tells him silently I’m pissed off.

  Lucy steps into the room, her eyes wild as she takes us both in. As always, she’s wearing her hair in a messy topknot, and she has on a sweater that is a size too big and hangs off her, exposing one shoulder.

  “I came as soon as you called. What’s going on?”

  Sasha’s mouth splits into a grin and I vow to make her do that every day. She looks so beautiful when she smiles.

  “They found a match.”

  Lucy shrieks, then covers her mouth with both hands. My anger flares as I peer at the cot bed, but Lily-May is out of it still. Luckily.

  “Oh my God, I can’t believe it.” Her voice comes out in a whisper.

  “We want to tell him in person that he matched, so can you stay with Lily-May while we do?”

  Her head bobs up and down. “Absolutely. I can’t believe we have a match.”

  “Me neither,” Sasha says with a smile on her lips, and I can see the relief in her eyes. I feel it too. Since I learnt Fury was a match, the weight on my shoulders seems to have lifted off them. I feel lighter, like for the first time since I learnt Lily-May is sick, I can breathe easily.

  I pick up Sasha’s leather jacket where it’s draped over the back of the chair and hand it to her. She shrugs into it, fixing the collar as she settles it into place.

  “We won’t be long,” she says, unable to tear her eyes from Lily-May.

  I feel her reluctance to leave, as does Lucy, because she says, “I’ll take good care of her, Sash.”

  “I know.”

  I hold my hand out to Sasha and she takes it. There’s still a hint of hesitation there, but not enough for me to address it. I know trust will take time to rebuild. My woman was hurt, both physically and emotionally. She has to learn I’m someone she can rely on again. I’ll spend a lifetime proving that if I have to.