Psyche Shield

by Chrissie Buhr

  “He reached through your guilt. You uncollared him.” She understood and through our bond I sensed her gratitude to Nathan.

  Kato watched us closely, his expression one of concern and sorrow. “You fear becoming lost to yourself. This is a burden you must face.”

  “How?” I asked desperately.

  “The Pup is correct. You are Pack. When lost, search for your packmates, and they will guide you out of the void. Do not run from them or you risk becoming lost to yourself.” I nodded, understanding that part. Nathan’s voice had penetrated the void because he alone reminded me of the potential good in my power. Something else nagged at me, but I couldn’t put words to it. You are never alone, daughter. What you fear will not come if you accept yourself as Pack and your packmates as family.

  How? I asked again, feeling the chill spread through me. I’m supposed to be protecting them. If I lose the battle with myself, I’ll become the worst monster they’ve ever faced.

  Trust your packmates. Trust yourself. You are no monster, daughter. I would not have chosen you as my Muzi if I saw you as you see yourself. I am Sage, and I see into a person’s heart as easily as you see into a mind.

  I want to believe you, Muso.

  You do not see yourself clearly, he countered. See yourself through your mate’s eyes. She sees you more clearly than you see yourself, he advised.

  I did not believe Billie saw me clearly and told him as much. She refuses to accept what I turn into when I use magepower. She doesn’t know that I could become just like Cassandra, or worse. She thinks I’m too hard on myself. But Muso, I don’t want her to see me for who I really am. Is that selfish?

  She sees you more clearly than you see yourself, he repeated. Billie waited patiently while Kato and I conversed without her. “Do not run from them,” he advised aloud.

  “Thank you, Kato.” Billie expressed her gratitude. Is it safe to speak openly right now? Billie asked before continuing. I raised a shield and nodded. “Jazz trusts Sadie and consented to having the memories removed before we even asked.”

  “Your packmate is right to trust your mate. She is good in heart and has the spirit of a Wolf. She values life and freedom as we do.”

  “Yes, she does. We have to destroy what we brought home. As soon as that’s done, the knowledge will be safe.” I’d forgotten about the research evidence. “We can do that tonight. I want to get Sadie out of here for a while anyway.”

  “You have done well. I must go. The winds are changing, and the path we must take changes with it. I need time to reflect. Be well, my daughters.”

  Dropping the illusion and shield, we returned to the living room. The Wolves eyed us curiously but knew better than to ask. Nathan quickly returned to the kitchen to finish cooking the game bird, Amy close on his heels. Kato bid goodbye to Kathryn and his granddaughter before shifting into his wolf form and exiting out the doggie door.

  Chapter 4

  Sierra watched the Eldest Wolf’s retreating form with a blank expression. Still awed at meeting the legend face-to-face, his unexpected gift stunned her. “Kato brought me dinner.”

  “And Nathan’s magic with meat. You’ll eat well tonight!” Amy called from the kitchen. Something I couldn’t hear amused Billie.

  Nathan’s as eager as you when it comes to PDA. Amy’s not shy. She answered my unspoken question.

  Voyeur, I teased, and she grabbed me before I could react, tossing me over her shoulder. In the space of two heartbeats, I stared at Billie’s ass from upside-down. The sudden change in position made me shriek.

  “I’m not shy either,” she warned, sharing a playful image of spanking me in front of everyone.

  “Oh, no you don’t. Put me down!” I demanded through a burst of laughter.

  Her voice rumbled sexily, and I fervently wished we had the house to ourselves. “Sorry, love. I don’t take orders very well.”

  Sierra blatantly enjoyed the spectacle, and Kathryn watched with composed amusement. I repeated the demand with a series of ineffective blows to her back. It worked as well as beating her with a balloon. She rubbed my ass tenderly in response, and my cheeks burned scarlet. Feeling ridiculous, I covered my face helplessly with my hands and started giggling. “Please set me down?”

  “Much better.” She flipped me to my feet so that I stared her in the face. The room spun a little, and she steadied me about the waist.

  I didn’t know when to give up and challenged her affectionately. “Control freak.” Her eyes flashed mischievously, and I landed beside Sierra on the bed. She jumped at my unexpected arrival.

  Nathan and Amy watched the show from the dining room. Amy spread her hands wide in mock alarm. “Watch out, Sierra. Mage attack!”

  Her nudity made the warning downright absurd. Billie turned to grin at Amy, and I used the distraction to roll off the bed and onto my feet, placing a comfy chair between us. My mate followed my movements with her ears and knew where I was even facing the other way. Amy enjoyed the spectacle without shame. “Amy, are you going to help me or just egg her on?”

  “How am I supposed to stop her?” she asked incredulously.

  Billie turned and her green eyes met mine, mischievous and excited. Without any spectators, I’d have encouraged the foreplay. Instead I called “Uncle!” She advanced slowly, not accepting my surrender. “I give up!” Still she came, and I prepared to run. Her eyes brightened at the idea of chasing me, and I yelled, “Bribe!”

  She stopped and cocked her head, a zealous smile widening across her face. “What kind of bribe?”

  “Anything you want. Just wait until we’re alone,” I breathed recklessly.

  “Deal.” The foreplay ended, and she returned to the couch, looking at me with frank adoration. I straightened cautiously, unsure whether the game had truly ended. She sent an image of what she wanted in exchange, a smug expression on her face. I couldn’t wait to be alone with her.

  Breathing heavily, I joined her on the couch. My face burned with embarrassment, but I felt better than I had all day. She wrapped an arm around my waist, and I rested my head comfortably against her. True to her word, she behaved. “You guys are no help,” I complained to everyone in hearing range.

  Kathryn replied sweetly, her ankles crossed like a nudist version of the Southern Belle she once was. “Even if I wished to stand between you and your mate, I am no match for our Beta.”

  “Thank you, Kathryn,” I replied. “You can make anything sound eloquent, even abandoning a friend in need.”

  With the day growing long, Billie wanted to get down to business with Sierra. “When is your Alpha expecting you home?”

  “I left earlier than planned. He’s not expecting me until tomorrow afternoon,” she replied quickly, the topic bringing back a sense of unease.

  “We’ll call him in the morning when Jason can join us,” Billie decided.

  “Is your Alpha out of town?” Sierra inquired, her curious nature coming more to the forefront as she relaxed her guard.

  Kathryn smiled privately. “Jason is a little injured, and though he would join us now, Amy insists that we refrain from calling him before tomorrow. She has finally found a threat I am reluctant to risk.”

  From the kitchen, Amy explained loud enough for me to hear. “If I say I’m going to break her nose, she doesn’t care. So I said I’ll break her ugly 400-year-old vase if she bothers Jason before tomorrow. That stopped her.”

  Kathryn’s amused tone turned abrupt. “My nose will heal. The water jug will not, and it is my most treasured possession. It comes from my first mate’s birthplace and is of an age that Isingoma himself may have held it.”

  Amy paused and said in a quieter but still audible voice. “I’m sorry I called it ugly.” The apology mollified Kathryn. Before the Elder could respond, Amy exclaimed. “Wait! Oh wow! Kato is four hundred years old?”

  “Yes, my dear. Give or take a few decades. My Sanyu could only estimate the year of his birth.”

  “Whoa! That’s way older th
an anyone else I know.” Amy’s voice rang loudly throughout the house.

  Kathryn replied as one might respond to a pretentious but adored child. “That is why we call him Eldest, my dear.”

  The interesting side banter ended, and Sierra returned to satisfying her curiosity. “Billie is injured, the Alpha is injured, and there was a ’showdown’ in the mountains that she didn’t describe. They fought?”

  I jabbed a thumb in Sierra’s direction. “She’s no fool. Yes, they fought.”

  “The Alpha won, but you and Billie are back in the pack? How did that happen?” She sought to understand how Billie and I survived.

  Neither Kathryn nor I thought we’d get away with feeding the bright Wolf another partial truth. Despite Billie’s unspoken disapproval, Kathryn satisfied Sierra’s curiosity. “They are very closely matched in skill. Billie defeated him.” I could see Sierra’s wheels turning.

  We shouldn’t be discussing this with an outside Wolf, even family, Billie informed me.

  I gave her a way out. I’d like to give Kathryn and Sierra a chance to speak privately anyway. “I don’t know about anyone else, but I’d like something green with my dinner. Nathan only cooks meat.”

  “I can fix that,” Billie declared.

  “I’ll join you in a minute,” I told her as she extricated herself from the couch. Raising an illusion to block the sound, I informed my aunt and sister of our privacy. “No one can hear you except me,” I told Kathryn, and she inclined her head appreciatively.

  “While they prepare dinner, I wish to discuss something with you. Sadie is allowing us to speak privately,” Kathryn began.

  “This is like when you talked to Kato?” she asked me, anxious about the use of Mage abilities around her.

  I nodded. “It’s kind of like a one-way mirror. You can hear out, but they can’t hear in.” I assured her.

  “So it’s safe?” she questioned again, her instinctual distrust of mental powers showing.

  “It is perfectly safe,” Kathryn reassured the young Wolf. “Sadie has promised us she will not enter our minds, with the exception of Billie. She has not broken that promise.”

  Wolves could smell a lie, so I ignored Kathryn’s statement entirely. “I’m going to help with dinner so you two can talk. It doesn’t work on me, so if you don’t want me to hear, just speak softly.”

  “Thank you, dear.” Kathryn began to explain the purpose of a private conversation. “Are you aware that you project your emotions onto others?”

  Sierra dissembled noticeably and lowered her voice at the unexpected question. “How did you know?”

  “I too have this gift.” Kathryn’s voice trailed off as I turned the corner. With the three of them working on dinner and no room for a fourth, I leaned against a counter and watched.

  Sensing the two Senders deep in conversation lightened my mood. Just as Kato predicted, Kathryn found joy in teaching the young Wolf. Once the initial shock of Kathryn’s announcement wore off, Sierra listened with rapt attention. I didn’t hear what they said, but I couldn’t avoid sensing Sierra’s loud peripheral emotions.

  I knew how it felt to live alone with an ability I didn’t know how to control. It brought me joy to know that Sierra had someone to share it with. Kathryn’s experience would help her come to understand her gift and use it well. I wondered if I’d ever find a Mage to fill that empty place in my own life.

  You will, Billie assured me. I have to believe you’re not the only decent Mage in the world.

  “I hope you’re right,” I replied aloud before realizing she’d spoken silently.

  “Right about what?” Amy asked from the cutting board where she dutifully chopped what Billie handed her.

  “I hope I find others like me,” I explained.

  Amy felt the same way Billie did. “There has to be more like you. Finding them might be a trick, but they’re out there. Gotta be.”

  “Yup.” Nathan added his two cents. “Whether yer related to the good ones or not, they’re out there. Where there’s one, there’s always more.”

  “I wish I knew where.” I didn’t even know where to start looking.

  “They’re not gonna be here,” Amy pointed her finger at the floor. “Not in Wolf territory. We would have found them.”

  I lived in Wolf territory for almost thirty years without the local Pack knowing. I hadn’t used magepower in over ten years, so I didn’t smell like a Mage during that time. Even so, I wondered how they never discovered me. “You didn’t find me. How is that even possible?”

  Amy turned and waved her knife absently as she talked. “I’ve been thinking about that. This was before you got here, Billie, and the timing would be about right. Someone smelled a Mage here in Boise, and Matthew’s team started hunting. Actually, it was Syl’s team then. They didn’t find the Mage. It happened again and again every few months for a few years. It was like looking for a ghost. We were all spooked and jumping at shadows. Then Syl up and disappeared. No trace of her. We never smelled the Mage again.”

  Goosebumps raised on my arms. “You believe the Mage collared her.”

  Amy nodded emphatically. “Syl would never abandon us, and the trackers would have found a body. Yeah, we think a Mage collared her. But maybe you were the Mage we were smelling and someone else took Syl.”

  Chills raced up my arms. “You were hunting me when I was a teenager. That’s seriously creepy.”

  “Hey, if it really was you, I’m glad we didn’t find you. It wouldn’t have helped us with Syl anyway.”

  “She was a friend?” I asked, trying to imagine what Matthew’s predecessor would have been like.

  She turned back to the cutting board and continued chopping bell peppers into long slices. “Syl and I weren’t close. But she was practically Fel’s sister. Me and Fel were close.”

  She dropped another unfamiliar name. “Who’s Fel?”

  “Glenn’s mate. William’s mom. You remember William from the hunting party. I don’t think you’ve met Glenn. Fel died thirty years ago.”

  Her emotions reminded me of another conversation. “Fel is the friend you mentioned before? The one that was collared.” She nodded sadly, and my heart hit my throat. “You’ve lost a lot of loved ones to Mages.”

  “Honey, I’m ninety years old. I’ve lost a lot of loved ones period.” She faced me once again, studying my expression. “Yeah, this is the guilt thing that trips you up, Sadie. I’m three times as old as you, even if I look the same age. So you listen up. If you didn’t do it, and you didn’t stand by doing nothing while somebody else did it, you aren’t responsible. You were just a dumb teenager when Syl disappeared. You weren’t even born when Fel died. You’re not responsible for what other Mages have done to us.” She waved the knife absently while she lectured and pointed it at me for emphasis.

  Raising my hands, I backed up a step. “If I promise to believe it, will you put the knife away?”

  “Oh, sorry!” She set the knife on the counter, exchanging it for a loaded finger. “You brought Nate home to us. You’re like the exact opposite of every other Mage we’ve come across.”

  I sighed. “Kato’s been saying the same thing. It’s hard to accept that my people do this to you.”

  Billie pointed out the obvious. “You’ve only met three Mages, and you only met them because they attacked us. The decent ones probably mind their own business and stay far away from Wolves.”

  “Makes sense to me. Ya’ have to go find them.” Nathan finished preparing the bird to his satisfaction and popped the pan in the oven.

  “I don’t even know where to start looking,” I told them. “Do they live mixed in with Humans like you do? Or do they have their own community?”

  “Oooh, maybe they gather together once a year for a big hoo-dad like Burning Man,” Amy offered brightly. “I went to Burning Man once. It was fun!”

  “How ’bout Woodstock?” Nathan’s ears perked up. “Did ya go?”

  “Nope. Someone invited me, and it soun
ded lame. Biggest mistake of my life!”

  * * *

  Fatigued from only a few hours of sleep and a long day, I sat at the table after dinner ended. To Amy’s displeasure, I ate very little. Billie circled the table and sat next to me, pulling my feet into her lap. Didn’t I promise you a foot massage?

  Her fingers dug into my sore soles, plying the muscles until they loosened. Enjoying the feel of her hands, I melted further into the chair. Satisfied with my feet for the moment, she massaged the tense muscles in my calves. If you head any further in that direction, we’re going to need some privacy.

  Let’s go to your house, she suggested with a pat. I’ll finish the massage I promised you. “When are you going to officially move in?”

  “I thought I already moved in,” I teased her as she set my leg on the floor. Standing slowly, I discovered I had more energy than expected.

  “Clothes and a toothbrush don’t count as moving in,” she informed me. ” Do you still want to?” She informed me. Our packmates listened while pretending not to. I pretended not to notice their eavesdropping.

  “Absolutely.” I didn’t hesitate. “And we should do it before I have to pay rent again next week.”

  Billie addressed the Wolves in the house. “Are you good here so Sadie and I can head to her place for a while?”

  A set of keys flew through the air from somewhere behind me, answering her question. Billie caught them smoothly. “Thanks, Nathan. We’ll be back tonight. If you need us, disturb us.”

  “Have fun!” Amy replied without promising.

  Billie narrowed her eyes at the Medic and repeated herself. “There’s too much going on right now. If you need us, disturb us.”

  Kathryn waved her hand towards the front door. “We will call if you are needed. Otherwise we will not.”

  I think that’s the best you’re going to get, I informed Billie. Let’s go.

  We drove the short distance to the home I’d barely seen in the last couple weeks. It held memories of a lifetime of loneliness. Before meeting Billie and becoming part of her pack, I hadn’t belonged anywhere. Humans couldn’t accept what I was and rejected me as soon as they realized I could read their minds. With the Wolves I’d found a place to belong.