Psyche Shield

by Chrissie Buhr

  “They’re almost here,” I notified the others even knowing they’d hear the vehicle shortly.

  “Nervous?” Billie asked.

  “A little.” I’m more nervous about seeing Jazz, I admitted to Billie silently.

  “Gary’s the one who overheard you and the other Mage, correct?” Sierra asked, remembering the story from the day before. She’d grown very comfortable with me in a short period of time.

  “Yeah,” I replied slowly. “He and I used to work together. I’ve known him longer than I’ve known Billie.”

  “And his wife is Wolf?” She verified.

  I nodded. “I haven’t met their kids.”

  We had the food on the table and everything ready by the time Billie and Sierra heard the SUV.

  Jazz looked beautiful as always. She cared little for her appearance, and yet made a simple ponytail, slacks and blouse look stunning. Gary stood beside her, their arms linked in the affectionate familiarity common to long-term couples. He looked older than his wife despite thirty years’ difference in the opposite direction. Two young teenagers stood beside the parents, their faces lighting up when they saw us. “Hi, Aunt Billie!” At twelve, their daughter promised to be as beautiful as her mother someday. The fourteen-year-old son had his father’s eyes and Jazz’s sedate demeanor.

  “Hi! Give me a hug, you two!” Billie opened the door wide so they could enter with a round of hugs. I hung back a bit, uncertain of myself despite the wide smile on Gary’s face.

  Billie reached back for my hand and pulled me closer. “LeeAnn and Dean, I’d like you to meet my mate, Sadie.”

  “Hi,” I replied shyly. I hadn’t spent much time around kids.

  Dean turned to his mother and informed her seriously. “I thought a Mage would be much more frightening.” A laugh caught in my throat, and I coughed instead. His honesty alleviated my nervousness a little.

  “Pleased to meet you works well too, Dean,” Gary chided his son and winked at me. “They’re very direct.”

  “Pleased to meet you.” Dean changed his greeting nonchalantly. “You’re not frightening at all.”

  “Um. Thank you.” I didn’t know what else to say.

  LeeAnn pinched her brother and stuck her hand out to me. “I’m LeeAnn. Ignore him. He thinks he’s more mature than he really is.”

  “So I am frightening?” I asked as I shook her extended hand.

  She looked me up and down critically and shrugged dramatically. “You look nicer than Matthew, and he’s nicer than he looks.”

  “I think that was a compliment, but I’m not sure. Are you hungry?” I asked the family with an amused smile.

  “Not as hungry as Mom. She forgot to eat lunch again.” Gary laughed at his daughter’s announcement and shooed the kids the rest of the way inside so they could enter.

  “I didn’t know it was possible for a Wolf to forget to eat.” I told Jazz, trying to regain my composure.

  “It’s not,” Billie replied for her. “Somehow she does it anyway.”

  Jazz took their mocking with bright eyes and defended herself. “I’ve been comparing allelic expression in Wolf and Human primary relatives. Today’s analysis was going too well to stop for lunch.”

  “That’s what she always says.” LeeAnn rolled her eyes. “Just with different big words each time.”

  We crowded around the dinner table and began serving from the mountains of food. “How did you manage to find yourself in Boise with a broken leg?” Jazz asked Sierra, who recounted her story yet again.

  “How has your stay been so far?” Gary questioned her politely, though we all knew the subtext.

  Sierra chose her words carefully and delivered them with a glimmer of humor in her tone. “It’s not what I expected, but it’s been very enlightening. I’ll never forget it.”

  “I’m glad you’re not bored,” Gary replied with mock seriousness. “No one seems to be sure what to think of Sadie at first.”

  She glanced at me shrewdly. “I knew exactly what I thought of her at first, but I didn’t know how to escape with a broken leg. I’m glad I’m getting to know her, though. I hear you’ve known her longer than anyone.”

  “I didn’t know she was a Mage. A couple times I wondered if she was a Sensitive, but I never asked. She was always very serious and kept to herself.” Gary enjoyed the memory as he recounted it to Sierra. “Then suddenly she was happy and smiling. I suspected she had someone new in her life, so I asked. She told me about a beautiful redheaded accountant. Small world.”

  “He knew Billie and didn’t tell me.” He shrugged, unconcerned at the repeated accusation.

  “I didn’t think you knew about Wolves yet. That’s a tidbit of information that should come from a partner at the right time.” Jazz glanced at her husband adoringly. She enlightened him the day he proposed.

  “Billie was bleeding on my couch in wolf form while Jason explained Wolves and Mages and threatened to kill me for the first time. I wouldn’t call that the right time,” I countered mockingly.

  “You’re still together.” Gary, always the optimist, declared it a success.

  “You should have seen her. She stood up to an Alpha Wolf and refused to let him push her around,” Billie added, still astonished from earlier. “I’ve never heard anyone talk to him like she does.”

  I frowned. “Most of the time I don’t even mean to. I tell myself I’ll be nicer, more respectful. And then when I see him, all I want to do is argue. Domineering, arrogant control freak. He’s all teeth and attitude.”

  “You do realize you just described Billie?” Jazz pointed out.

  “She likes my teeth,” Billie replied smoothly, amused by the turn in the conversation, and I blushed remembering the matebite on my thigh.

  “So long as you don’t break the skin,” she warned. “We’d like to keep Sadie around for a while.”

  “Why can’t she break the skin?” Sierra asked, apparently unaware of the myth and saving us from answering.

  “A Wolf’s bite is fatal to a Mage,” Jazz informed her with surprising simplicity.

  “I didn’t know that.” Sierra furrowed her eyebrows. “There’s a lot we don’t know about Mages.”

  “Join the club,” I muttered and changed the subject before Billie or I had to answer a direct question. “Gary, when did you meet Billie?”

  He glanced at my mate with such mischievousness that I eagerly awaited the story. “It was a few months after she came to the pack. Jazz didn’t want me near her at first.”

  “She was dangerous at first,” his wife interjected protectively.

  “She was at that. The kids and I skipped a couple of full moon runs because of the crazy Pup everyone was talking about. We weren’t the only ones. Most of the Humans stayed away until she got herself under control. After she nearly killed Richard, everyone was a little scared of her.”

  “Everyone was a lot scared of me,” Billie corrected him. The turn in conversation brought out her serious side again. “Staying away was smart.”

  “Jason was the only one who could really handle her,” Jazz told Sierra. “Even Matthew had trouble.”

  Unsettled by the story, Sierra asked, “No one prepared you properly to become Wolf?”

  “No one prepared me at all. I didn’t know anything about Wolves until Kathryn found me, and that was several months after I was bit.”

  Sierra gasped at the offense. “You went through it alone?” Billie nodded soberly.

  Gary continued his story. “I first met her at Richard’s and Kathryn’s home. My sister was in trouble, and Richard offered to help. Matthew, Kathryn, and Billie were out back training, and he introduced me. She was still kind of wild, but she was polite enough.”

  “I don’t recall being polite. At all.” Billie raised her eyebrows at his perspective.

  He shrugged nonchalantly. “You made an effort.”

  “Kathryn helped with your training?” Sierra inquired, unaware that Billie knew about the Sending gift.
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br />   “Jason shadowed me. Any time he had to be somewhere else, it was Matthew and Kathryn. She has a real gift. It was fortunate she found me instead of another Wolf.” Billie met the Sender’s eyes long enough to make her point but not long enough for anyone other than me to notice.

  Sierra glanced at me questioningly and I added, “She’s great in a tense situation.”

  “I’ve heard of Wolves who can’t handle the transition, but not very often. I only know one other who was bit forcibly,” Sierra commented thoughtfully.

  “I didn’t understand what was happening to me. I’m lucky I didn’t kill anyone before Kathryn found me. I almost did. One day I went to work and lost my temper with the office manager. Kathryn happened to be there and stopped me from doing any real harm. She brought me here. I wouldn’t have made it without her.” Billie drove her point home.

  “It took a long time, but she found her way,” Jazz added. “She’s unusually dominant.”

  “Obviously. I’ve never heard of a Beta so young,” Sierra replied.

  Gary changed the subject to the one I’d avoided in the kids’ presence. “I’ve heard the gossip, of course. I’d like to hear it from you. What happened when that Mage came to see you at the warehouse? Why did you let me hear everything?” His clever eyes watched me from across the table. I hesitated, and I glanced at the kids who bickered about a TV character I’d never heard of.

  “We don’t hide anything from them,” Jazz assured me.

  I paused to collect myself before answering. “When you walked up, I nearly lost it. If Cassandra knew you were Pack, she would have used you like she uses everyone. I couldn’t do anything that would draw her attention to you. So I did the only thing I could think of to make you go away. I was rude. Of course you didn’t. I sensed you listening just out of sight, but I couldn’t do anything about it.

  “In order to find out what they were up to, I had to convince her I had something she wanted. I needed an invitation. A pet Beta is a real prize for someone like her, and Billie was a better way to take the pack than Nathan. I told her Billie was claimed and agreed to help her in order to stop her. It was all a lie, of course. Even after she left, I couldn’t tell you what I was up to. I’m sorry I scared you.” I met his eyes apologetically.

  “I’m sorry I didn’t trust you. You could have kept me from telling Jason or erased what I heard. Right?”

  “I didn’t want to,” I admitted. I might have felt proud of my ethical stance if I hadn’t violated it only the day before.

  Jazz had a question of her own. “You received a phone call that week and claimed it was a wrong number. I thought you were lying then, but I wasn’t sure. What was that about?”

  “That was Cassandra. I didn’t want her in my mind even for a simple conversation, so I convinced her to use the phone. You were right, I was lying. I was surprised you bought it, actually. Wolves are the only people who can see through my lies.”

  She dismissed it. “I must have been distracted.”

  Gary pondered what I’d said. “If you can’t lie to Wolves, how did you get away with deceiving them?”

  “Half-truths and evasive answers. They knew something was off. They thought I was still recovering from the attack and finding out I’m a Mage.”

  He saw the shame in my eyes but had no way of knowing what I’d done to his entire family. He shook his head, misunderstanding my reaction. “We’re not mad, Sadie. We’re grateful. Thank you for what you did for us. All of us.”

  “You’re welcome.” Accepting his compliment seemed like the quickest way to end the topic. Even as I explained how I avoided the truth, he didn’t see it in our dinner conversation.

  The kids listened with rapt attention and I wondered at the wisdom of letting them know so much. I’d never considered having kids. Anytime I’d thought about it, I’d wondered if they’d be like me, and it seemed cruel to pass on my curse. Jazz and Gary were raising Human kids in a non-Human world, and they seemed well-adjusted and healthy. For a moment I considered what it would be like.

  I think about it too sometimes, Billie responded to my thought. Not often, but sometimes. Usually when the Pack kids are around.

  If the child came from you, it would be Human. From me, who knows? I’ve never let myself consider it.

  With you in my life, I’d consider it, she confessed. After we’ve ended the Mage-Wolf War of course.

  LeeAnn raised her chin and cocked her head slightly in an adorably wolfish manner. She opened her mouth as if to say something then shut it quickly. She had a question. Billie’s admission fed my determination. “Ask me anything. She’s the one who bites.” I pointed at my mate. The girl and her brother both giggled.

  “Everyone says Mages can read minds and control people. Is it true?” she asked. Her brother leaned forward a little, wanting to know as well. I glanced at Sierra, knowing she’d wondered about the extent of my abilities but hadn’t asked me yet. I would have chosen a different topic, but their curiosity didn’t surprise me. Everyone wanted to know about magepower.

  “It depends on the Mage. Some are more powerful than others, just like Wolves. Illusions and reading thoughts are easy and basic. Pretty much every Mage can do that. We can speak mind to mind with each other just like I do with Billie. What’s strange about us is that she can speak into my mind. With Humans and Wolves, the communication is normally one way. I can speak to them but they can’t speak to me. I’m making an assumption there. Human and Wolf minds are pretty similar that way, but I’ve never tried it on a Wolf other than Billie.”

  “Why not?” she asked.

  “Jason’s orders,” I replied. “I’m not allowed to go into any packmate’s mind except for Billie’s, even if someone asks.”

  “So you’re not allowed to read my mind either?” She thought about it.

  “Nope. But some things don’t require going into the mind. Like illusion and sensing who’s around me. Some surface thoughts and emotions are always there - I can’t shut them out even if I want to.”

  “Why not?”

  “It’s like trying not to eavesdrop when someone’s talking right beside you.”

  “What else can Mages do?” I started to wonder if her questions would ever run out.

  “We can alter thoughts and memories, erasing, adding, or changing them. We can control a person’s actions, and of course there’s collaring. A Wolf’s mind is more resistant than a Human’s mind, so everything is more difficult with Wolves. Not all Mages can coerce like that, and some are better at it than others.” I hoped she wouldn’t ask for much more.

  “What about killing people with just a thought?” Her serious expression showed how much the idea scared her.

  “Most Mages can’t do that,” I assured her.

  “But you can,” she insisted. “I heard Mom and Dad talking about it.”

  I glanced at Billie as if she could get me out of the conversation. But once asked, I had to answer and nodded slowly. “Yes, I can.”

  She accepted it too readily. “Mom mentioned something about a parrot.”

  “You mean this parrot?” I asked her cheekily, eager to change the topic. She squealed at the brightly colored bird that appeared suddenly on the table. It walked over to LeeAnn’s plate and pecked at her food without disturbing it. Sierra hid her outward reaction to the bird, but I sensed her rising fear. “Sorry, Sierra. It’s harmless.” I made the parrot go away and the tension in the room left with it.

  “I’ve never seen anything like that,” she commented.

  “Illusion doesn’t work on smell.” I informed her helpfully, hoping the advantage would give her some peace of mind. “Your nose will tell you whether something’s real or not.” She nodded abruptly, and I wondered where her thoughts led. She let her emotions show loud and heavy in the room, but her thoughts remained hidden most of the time.

  Billie steered the conversation towards mundane topics once again. After dessert we relocated to the back patio where the sun sat low on the h
orizon to our left. Billie opened a bottle of wine and filled glasses for the adults.

  Eventually Jazz brought up the blood sample she didn’t know I already gave her. “I hope you change your mind about helping me with my research, Sadie. A sample of your blood would be invaluable.”

  Once again I evaded answering the question directly. “Cassandra was my cousin, and right now there are things I don’t want to know.”

  Gary cast me a worried look. “I hadn’t heard she was your cousin.”

  I nodded. “My birth grandmother and her mother are sisters. That wasn’t the family reunion I was hoping for.”

  “Did you learn anything about your birth family?” Jazz asked.

  “Yeah. Some of it’s pretty gruesome, the kinds of Mages I’ve heard about from all of you. But apparently my parents weren’t like that, so that’s something.”

  “Did you learn how your parents died?” Jazz knew how my mother abandoned me. We’d discussed some of the possible reasons why she would do that. I knew a little more, but I couldn’t tell them most of it. I knew my grandmother killed my father and suspected my mother committed suicide to protect me.

  “I know I wasn’t orphaned by Wolves.” I referenced one of the possibilities we’d discussed. I wanted to share these intimate and unsettling details of my life with my friends. I wish I didn’t have to hide so much from them.

  Billie reassured me, confident in her claim. Someday you’ll be able to tell them everything. When it no longer matters who knows and we’re not worried about the wrong Mage finding out that you’re still alive.

  I feel like I’m lying to them.

  She didn’t like the evasive techniques either. We are lying to them. But it’s necessary.

  Sierra watched the kids play in the yard, and I sensed they reminded her of someone. “Do you have any kids?”

  “No. Not yet,” she replied. “They remind me of home and the Pack kids there.”

  “You miss them.” Gary spoke the obvious.

  “Very much. I hope my Alpha believes us. I’d like to see them again,” she replied. Billie explained the Montana Pack situation to our guests.