Just a Memory

by Lois Carroll

  “It sounds wonderful, Mac,” she told him sincerely as she tamped down her excitement at the idea of having Mac nearby, even just for a few weeks each summer when he came for vacation from wherever he was working.

  “I can’t wait to show it to you.”

  “I’d love to see it.”

  “Say, did you mean it about cooking dinner tonight? Or should we go to the restaurant like we planned?”

  “Yes, Mac.” She pulled up to the police station entrance and stopped her car. She looked over at him when he didn’t move.

  “Yes you’ll cook or yes to the restaurant?”

  “Both. I’ll cook tonight and you can take me to the restaurant some other night,” she responded with a smile. All at once serious, she put the car in park and killed the engine. She turned in her seat to face him. “Mac, it’s been a long time since I’ve… But I guess you’ve figured out already that I’m not used to a man–or anyone for that matter–teasing me.” She crossed her arms under her breasts. “I think you’ll take some getting used to,” she added, still holding his gaze.

  Mac laid his hand on her shoulder and squeezed lightly. “Does that mean you want to be around me enough to get used to me?”

  All of Carolyn’s insecurities came charging up to form a lump in her throat. She thought of the reasons why she didn’t want to get involved with another man after Richard died, but she couldn’t begin to explain all that to Mac. Having fun with him before he moved on would allow her to create a storehouse of wonderful memories to fill her long hours when she was alone once more after he was gone. With her gaze never having left his, she shyly smiled and nodded.

  “See you at seven,” he promised. He was gone without giving her a chance to speak–or change her mind.

  “That’s not the way you set a table, silly,” Terri told Mac later that evening. “Here’s the way the forks go,” she explained.

  Mac’s table setting had turned out to be like a diner with all the silverware lined up on one side of the dish.

  “At least my way we know where it all is when we need it,” he told her.

  Terri giggled. “You’re funny.”

  “Hey, thanks a lot,” Mac said. “I think.”

  Carolyn had thawed her homemade spaghetti sauce and added freshly sautéed green peppers, mushrooms, and onions. While that simmered, she cooked pasta and tossed the salad. Moments later they were seated around the small kitchen table enjoying the meal.

  After they had exhausted the subject of what Terri had done in school that day, the lake house came up in the discussion. Terri loved the idea of owning a lake place. “You could swim or go out in a boat or fish any time you wanted if you lived there,” she announced brightly.

  “Don’t tell me you know how to fish,” Mac asked.

  Terri shook her head. “No, I’ve never tried,” she said sadly.

  “Well, we’ll have to go in the spring when the season opens.”

  Terri’s face lit up. Just as quickly she wrinkled up her nose. “Will you put the worms on my hook?” She shuddered and made a face showing her distaste. “I don’t want to touch them.”

  “No problem. What are friends for?”

  Her face brightened again. “Goody.” She looked at her mom and then back at Mac. “Could Mom come too?” she asked earnestly. “She could put her own worms on the hook, I think.” Terri turned to Carolyn. “Could you, Mom?”

  Mac stifled his laugh into a smile and answered Terri before Carolyn got a chance to. “I’ll tell you what. I’ll let her come whether she baits her own hooks or not.”

  “Wait until I tell Christie.” Terri bounced in her seat. “I can’t wait until next spring.”

  Terri’s agile mind moved the conversation on to Judy’s computer that Christie got to play with. While Carolyn listened, she still wondered if fishing together could ever become a reality. Spring was a long way off. A lot could change between now and then.

  She decided to steer the conversation away from the joint activities with Mac. She didn’t want Terri to get her hopes up only to have them dashed when the activity didn’t take place because Mac had left town. One person out of two in her family feeling sad and alone would be quite enough.

  Over dessert Terri learned Mac had never been cross-country skiing. “Mommy, we can take him with us, can’t we?”

  “We have to wait for enough snow to fall first,” Carolyn answered vaguely, wishing again they could talk about something other than joint activities. Did she dare encourage one that might be possible in just a few weeks depending on the snow?

  “We’ve had white Thanksgivings, but some years we have no snow by Christmas,” Carolyn reminded her.

  Terri groaned, showing her disappointment.

  “But there’s always enough snow by January for sure.” Carolyn hated to see Terri disappointed and hoped two months or so wasn’t too far into the future to plan something with Mac.

  “I’m hoping to get new ski boots for Christmas,” Terri said.

  “You’re hoping to get everything else you can think of, too,” Carolyn teased.

  Terri looked at her empty plate. Her expression was suddenly very serious. “There’s only one thing that I really want for Christmas.”

  Carolyn stood up so quickly she almost toppled over her chair. She knew the one thing Terri wanted for Christmas–a father. She asked for one each year. Carolyn wasn’t about to have her announce that wish to Mac. She cleared the serving dishes from the table. “How about bringing the dishes over to Mommy?” she asked Terri.

  Terri looked at Mac and then at Carolyn’s raised eyebrow. “O-kay,” she agreed as she reluctantly obeyed.

  Carolyn took the few things that didn’t go into the dishwasher and put them in the sink. “Thanks for your help, sweetheart. Why don’t you say good night to Mr. Macdonald and go get ready for your bath?”

  Minutes later, Carolyn had just finished washing the glass tabletop when Terri called to say she was ready. “This will take just a few minutes. Do you mind?”

  “Not at all,” Mac said as he stretched out his legs. “I’ll have another cup of coffee.” Carolyn turned to pour it for him, but he rose and laid his hand on her arm. “You go ahead and take care of your daughter.”

  Carolyn looked up at him for a moment and was relieved she could see no annoyance in his face. She hurried to the bathroom and checked the water temperature. While Terri bathed, she sat nearby chatting with her about what happened in school and in short order Terri was clean, dry, and in bed.

  “Thanks for your help with dinner, Button.”

  “I’m glad to help fix dinner for Mr. Macdonald. He’s nice.”

  “Yes. You’ve said that before.” She leaned over and kissed Terri’s cheek. “You go right to sleep now. Good night.”

  Terri had other ideas about going to sleep. “Mr. Macdonald didn’t kiss me good night.”

  “Maybe some other night. Now you go to sleep so I don’t have to leave him sitting alone in the kitchen any longer.”

  Terri looked up at her mother for a few moments and then said brightly, “Okay, as long as he’ll come some other night, too.”

  Carolyn had to smile at the way her daughter’s mind was working. She said good night again and hurried back to the kitchen.

  Mac was leaning with one hip against the counter next to the sink. He’d rinsed out his cup and saucer and put them in the dishwasher already. Only the pots and pans were left to clean up. “You wash and I’ll dry,” he bargained.

  Carolyn smiled up at the man who was so strong and yet so gentle and considerate. “That’s an offer I can’t refuse.” She tossed him a dishtowel and started washing.

  “I have to ask you something,” Mac said after she had washed the first pan and handed it to him. “And I hope you can’t refuse that either.” He sounded hesitant but serious. He repeatedly circled the pan with the cloth long after it was dry. Then he seemed to be trying to memorize the design on the dishtowel that he held.

  Carol
yn stopped her movement of the dish sponge. “What is it, Mac? Is something wrong?”

  He looked up and saw the worried look on her face. “Oh, it’s not a problem,” he said quickly to reassure her. “Actually, it might be fun,” he countered with a grin. “I think we’d enjoy ourselves. I mean, I’d enjoy myself if you were there with me.” His grin disappeared and a worried frown took its place.

  She hardly knew what to make of his stammering. He was beginning to sound like she’d felt in his office when she couldn’t get out what she had come to say. “Okay, okay, tell me already.”

  He straightened and put his weight on both feet, facing her as if ready to accept a blow. With a deep breath, a flood of words erupted. “Okay, it’s like this. I got an invitation last week to attend a black-tie dinner a week from Saturday.” He named the place in Syracuse and explained it was a retirement dinner. “I’d be representing Lakehaven, and I can bring someone with me. Would you go with me, Carolyn? As my guest for the evening?”

  Another chance to spend an evening with Mac? Sharing a dinner out with just adults to talk to? That was a no-brainer. “Sure. I’d be happy to.”

  She was rewarded with an ear-to-ear smile smacking of relief. They returned to doing the dishes.

  “I’ve got to warn you, though. I haven’t worn a tuxedo since senior prom in high school.”

  Carolyn couldn’t wait to see him in it. She handed him the last saucepan. “Mac?”

  “Hm?”

  “You got the invitation a week ago?”

  “Yeah.”

  Mac had dried all the pans and Carolyn began to put them away. He hung up the towel and leaned his backside against the counter, his legs spread in a comfortable vee in front of him. Leaning that way meant he wasn’t a lot taller than her five feet ten.

  “There,” she said, turning back to him with her arm extended, pointing toward the counter behind him. “Would you hand me–”

  Mac captured both her hands in his. Their gazes locked. Moving one foot momentarily, he tugged her into the vee his legs formed. He laid her hands on his chest and held them there.

  “The City Council wants me to go to the dinner to pay our respects to the retiring police chief. If I hadn’t met you…or if you hadn’t agreed to go, I would have gone alone and cut out right after the dinner.”

  He brought her hands up to his lips and kissed the knuckles of each one. Then he laid them back against his chest, and rested his hands on the sides of her waist. “Thank you for saying you’d go with me and for the delicious dinner.”

  Sliding his hands behind her waist, he gently pulled her against him. Carolyn felt the jolt of awareness that heated her entire body when she discovered the intimacy of leaning against the inside of his thighs. She was glad he was holding her against him. Her legs couldn’t possibly support her at the moment. She couldn’t think. She could only feel.

  She looked up from her hands to see a smile on his face. He looked so handsome. He felt so strong. Without her willing them to, her fingers began little sideways movements, feeling the hardness and power of his chest beneath them. “Mac?” Carolyn wasn’t quite sure what she was asking, but when Mac leaned down and kissed her she knew that was exactly the right answer.

  His lips touched hers lightly. He nibbled his way across them. He raised his head just a bit and whispered, “Oh, Carolyn.”

  She didn’t know where she found the nerve to do it, but she slid her hands up around his neck and threaded her fingers into his hair. That seemed to be all the signal he needed to lower his lips back to cover hers. She kissed him back with a tender urgency. He teased her lips with his insistent tongue until she opened her mouth to him. His tongue brushed against her teeth and thrust inward to circle hers.

  Carolyn felt dizzy. Her knees were weak and she clung to him. A tingling warmth swirled within her and settled deep in her belly. Behind her closed eyelids, dark and light streaks flashed in random patterns.

  She couldn’t get close enough to him. No man had ever made her feel like this before with a kiss.

  Mac’s hands rose and fell on her back, settling on her hips and pulling her more firmly against him. She knew at once this kiss was arousing him as it was her and she couldn’t stop the little moan that escaped.

  Arousing. The sensations were so foreign. She’d been a married woman. She’d had a child. There in Mac’s arms she suddenly felt naive and inexperienced.

  Too much, too soon.

  She broke off the kiss and turned her face away, gasping for breath. “If this is what happens when you kiss me, then I need police protection–from myself.”

  He chuckled softly. She slid her hands to his shoulders and tried to push away to stand up straight, but his powerful hands on her back held her in place against him. She felt his lips move against her temple as he spoke. “It’s all right, Carolyn. Just keep your arms around me for another minute. That’s all. Let me hold you in my arms a little longer.”

  He kissed her hair as she tried to relax against him and lean her cheek against his neck. They held each other until the tension in their bodies eased and their breathing returned to a more normal rate. Carolyn wondered if she should feel embarrassed at the way she’d reacted. She hadn’t dated much since becoming a widow. Tonight she was feeling positively wanton.

  This was their first kiss. It felt so right that for once she pushed away her staid side and decided she would only think about enjoying the moment. Far from having objections to the way she acted, Mac had only encouraged her.

  “You know you don’t have to worry,” he said as if reading her mind. “We’ll never do anything you don’t want to do,” he promised quietly. He laid his lips across her ear in a soft kiss.

  “I think I knew that or I wouldn’t be in your arms right now,” she whispered, knowing she trusted him completely to keep his word, and knowing she would remember tonight for a very long time.

  As if by some silent signal, they both straightened and Carolyn stepped back to the sink. She gripped the cool stainless steel edge and took a deep breath. Mac kissed her temple and said he should go. “I still owe you that dinner at the restaurant on the highway. How about Friday?”

  She looked up and smiled. “I’d like that very much,” she said, surprised that her voice worked just fine.

  “Mom! I can’t get to sleep,” Terri called as she came down the hall in her nightgown, bathrobe, and slippers.

  Carolyn thanked her lucky stars she hadn’t appeared in the kitchen moments earlier. “Mr. MacDonald is just leaving, Button.”

  “Will you give me a good night kiss?” Terri asked Mac suddenly.

  Carolyn could see she’d startled him with the idea.

  “Christie’s dad kisses her good night and I’ve never had a dad to kiss me,” Terri confided.

  “I think I can handle that, little one.” He hunkered down and was almost knocked off balance when Terri flew into his arms with a big bear hug. When she relaxed her grip a little, Mac kissed her cheek. “Sweet dreams.”

  “Are you gonna kiss my mom good night, too? She doesn’t have anyone but me to kiss her.”

  Mac did a good job of repressing his grin, but his eyes sparkled with the humor of the situation. Carolyn felt the heat of embarrassment rise up over her cheeks and didn’t know what to say.

  “I think I can manage that for you, Terri–since you’ve asked me so nicely and all.”

  Mac rose and stepped over to face Carolyn. He raised his hand to gently caress and hold her cheek. His good night kiss on the opposite cheek felt so gentle and tender that tears pricked behind her eyelids. “Sweet dreams to you, too.”

  Mac turned back to Terri, ruffled the curly hair on the top of her head and walked out the door. With a glance back at the two standing in the hall, he winked and quietly closed the door behind him.

  Chapter Seven

  “I’ll have to prepare my very special recipe for broiled scallops for you some evening so you can compare,” Mac proposed after their dinner Friday a
t the new restaurant on the highway.

  The meal hadn’t been as good as Carolyn had expected from what she’d heard about the place. “I’ll bet yours will win hands down.”

  “I like to coat them in a little oyster sauce and broil them on an outdoor grill. They stay moist and taste great that way.”

  “That sounds yummy. Does a charcoal grill work in the cold of the winter? I only use it in the summer.”

  “We’ll never know unless we try it,” Mac offered with an easy smile.

  Carolyn smiled and leaned back in her chair. She was feeling so at ease talking about future plans with Mac that she surprised herself. She’d have to be careful that she didn’t forget her vow not to count on any kind of future with him.

  After bringing her home, Mac volunteered to make coffee while Carolyn ran next door to get her daughter. Terri was sleepy and very willing to skip her bath and go right to bed. She said goodnight to Mac on the way past the kitchen and by the time Carolyn had tucked her in, her eyes were closed.

  Carolyn returned to the kitchen and Mac handed her a cup of coffee. They leaned casually against the counter and she felt her cheeks grow warm when she remembered the last time they’d stood at this very counter together. Mac had kissed her. And not just a kiss, but–

  “Carolyn…”

  She shook off the memories. “Hm?”

  “Can I ask a favor?”

  “Of course. What is it?”

  “I wonder if you would show me around the area Sunday. You know. Go for a drive.”

  She frowned in an exaggerated manner to be funny and leaned her hip against the counter beside him. “I think you’re really dating us, Mac. Young people don’t go for drives any more.”

  He laughed. “I want to learn my way around the roads and see what can be found in the area. Is asking you to go for a long Sunday afternoon drive too old-fashioned a thing for you to do?”

  She shook her head. “I’d like to.” Suddenly her smile disappeared when she remembered. “Oh, but I’m watching both girls so Judy can go car shopping with her husband.”