Just a Memory

by Lois Carroll

  “I mean it, man. I’m taking you home and you’re to go straight to bed. And you stay there!”

  “Okay, okay.”

  “As to your question, the only answer I can give is the same one I tried to give her: trust me. It’ll happen as fast as I can make it safely happen.”

  Mac sighed and tipped his head to see the clear sky was full of stars and the moon had already risen. A beautiful night, but he was so tired he didn’t think he would notice it much once he got to his bedroom. “We’re getting close to Lakehaven.”

  “Yeah. I’m heading for your lake house. If no one notices you there, you get to stay until at least tomorrow. The place is covered with men all around, but no one will come in to bother you. We’ve got things buttoned down well enough now to feel you’ll be safe. Sometimes using the most obvious location is the best hiding place.”

  “Hines, I–”

  Hines cut him off. “I’ve been in and out for a couple days. I told everyone I was getting it ready for a sale of your things. It’s okay if you make a fire. They’ll think I’m there. Just don’t answer the door. I mean it, man. At night, don’t use any lights. There aren’t any drapes yet. I don’t want anyone wandering around with binoculars spotting you. You’re too pale to pass for me, bro.”

  Mac couldn’t help but chuckle at the idea. “Maybe they’ll think I’m a ghost come back to haunt the house I never got a chance to live in.”

  “Whatever. Just go to bed and stay there.”

  “Hell, it’s New Year’s Eve and I have to go to bed.”

  Hines laughed. “Trust me, remember?”

  Mac didn’t know what was so funny about that, but his shoulder had started to ache again. Bad. Maybe getting a long night’s sleep wasn’t a bad idea–for tonight at least. “Can you bring Carolyn out tomorrow?”

  “I’m gonna get you two together, man. Don’t you worry. Before you go and do something stupid like call her, remember she thinks you’re dead. You’ve got to see her in person the first time, man.”

  Mac held up his hand to ward off the warning. “I know. I know. You’re right. I’ll wait until tomorrow. We’ll figure it out then.”

  “When this is over, Mac… Well, I guess you probably figured out I’ll be going back to the special force. They ain’t the same without my black puss around.”

  Mac smiled and nodded.

  “I should warn you that I’m taking Ellie with me. That woman is meant for bigger and better things than this burg can offer. With a little of my encouragement, she applied, and the Albany department has accepted her.”

  “I’m not surprised. You got something going with her?” Mac asked.

  “No, not that I haven’t thought about it.” Hines grinned and glanced at Mac. “This small-town life just isn’t right for her or for me. I’m not sorry I came with you. I couldn’t see you coming here alone. We’d been through a lot together and I couldn’t let it end until it was finished, if you get my meaning. Despite the odds against it, I hoped my handsome face around you every day would help jog your memory. When you did remember, I wanted to be there for you–to cover your backside out here in the boonies.”

  “My butt never felt safer than with you guarding it, Hines. You’d better steer Ellie right or you’ll answer to me.”

  “Yeah, well, with a little city street know-how she’ll pick up fast, she’ll be doing just fine whether she stays there or moves on. She’s sure excited about leaving this small town. We agree it’s too damn peaceful.” Both men laughed. “Besides, Mac, if I read you right, you’re going to have a new partner soon anyway.”

  Mac was grinning and frowning at the same time. “I can hope, can’t I?”

  “If you’re interested in my opinion, she’s a hell of a good partner for you, just judging by how sweet a guy you turned out to be lately.”

  Hines pulled off the road into the driveway behind Mac’s house. “Listen, you go in and go straight to bed. Doc says if you misbehave, he’ll have your butt back up at that hospital so fast your head will spin. I want you to spend as much time in bed for the next thirty-six hours as you can, man. Ya hear? Those are my orders.” Hines suddenly laughed. “And I want you to remember that I said it, too.”

  “I got it. I got it. You won’t get any argument out of me, not tonight anyway. I’m beat.” He reached for the door handle but stopped. “When do I get to see her?”

  “Mac…” Hines whined.

  “I know,” Mac grumbled. “Trust you.”

  Mac climbed out of the car. He’d already found his house keys and other personal effects in the clothes they’d given him. He took the key and opened the door. Hines immediately drove out of the driveway and headed toward Lakehaven. Mac bolted the kitchen door behind himself. Just getting here made him feel bone-tired and weak again. Bed was where he wanted to be, but he wanted to be there with Caro, not alone with his arm sling. Right now he would settle for getting his aching body some rest.

  No lights, he remembered Hines had said. That wasn’t hard. Mac moved by the blue glow of the digits on the microwave clock. Funny how not wanting to be a target for so many years would lead a man to move about in the dark even without thinking about it.

  Mac laid his keys on the table. He peeled off the leather jacket and the wig and left them on a kitchen chair.

  As he walked into the living room, he could see his furniture had been delivered and put in place. One more thing that he would have to thank Hines for. Even in the dim room lit only by moonlight, he thought it looked great. Wait until Carolyn saw it.

  The moonlight poured in all the sliding doors across the deck. It lit his way past the den into the master bedroom and into his bathroom. He took care of his simple needs without benefit of further lighting.

  Happy not having to wear pajamas any more now he was in his own house, he stripped off his clothes, wearing nothing but the arm sling. It would help keep his arm from moving while he slept. This time the shoulder was going to heal properly, he vowed.

  What a moon that was, he thought as he walked naked from the bathroom across the bedroom to the sliding door where he could see the bright orb over the lake, full and beautiful. The tall trees and the lakeshore were even more perfect than he had remembered. There was no doubt in his mind. This was the place for him. This was home and he knew he wanted to share it with Carolyn. He was thinking about her being there in his bedroom with him so hard that when he turned, he thought he saw her lying there, asleep in his bed.

  Mac squeezed his eyes shut and opened them again. Carolyn was still there. He crept closer to the bed and satisfied himself he wasn’t hallucinating. Damn, did he owe Hines a big one for this.

  Having only one shoulder he could lie on, he carefully walked around the bed to the far side behind her and gently lifted the covers and slipped under them. His body tightened with anticipation. From that moment Mac forgot everything about the upcoming trials. He even forgot about being shot again and the pain he felt across his chest muscles as he slid closer to her side.

  Mac also forgot Carolyn thought he was dead.

  Carolyn stirred at the movement on the bed and rolled on to her back, turning her face toward him. Mac reached her side and leaning on his good elbow, watched her for a minute or two. She had on his terry robe. When she moved, the robe came open. One breast lay exposed to his loving eyes. Leaning on the elbow of his good arm, he couldn’t reach her with that hand. He wished like hell that he could move his bad arm out to caress it.

  Unable to resist touching her another second, he leaned down and gently kissed the darkened tip. He kissed his way up a path across her soft skin to her mouth and spoke her name softly against her lips to wake her as he’d done that night at the cabin. He bent his knee and raised his thigh to rest on hers.

  “Caro. My beautiful Caro.” He kissed her again.

  She moaned softly and began to respond to his kiss.

  “Caro. It’s me, Mac. God, how I’ve missed being with you.” He kissed her again. He ran his tong
ue around her lips and pressed for entry to her mouth.

  “Mac?” she sighed dreamily against his lips between kisses.

  “Mac?” she repeated, startled, opening her eyes wide to see his face an inch from hers. She froze.

  She pushed on his bad shoulder, pushing him away from her. Mac groaned in pain, his legs jackknifing up and his good hand covering his injured shoulder protectively.

  Carolyn jumped out of the bed and backed away. She held her hands up in front of her with the palms toward Mac. “No, it can’t be you. You’re dead. Hines said you were dead. This has got to be a nightmare. It’s not really happening.” Her fingers flew to cover her mouth. Her chest heaved as she stood there shaking her head.

  He cursed himself for forgetting she thought he was dead. “Caro, it is me. I’m not dead.” Mac leaned on his good arm and rose from the bed. “They had to tell everyone I was dead to protect me until they discovered who they could trust. I mean there were people who were trying to kill–”

  Mac stopped. He didn’t even want her to think about him being in danger. He walked around the end of the bed toward her with his hand out.

  Weeping, Carolyn buried her face in her hands and sank to her knees on the carpet. “No, no. Mac is dead. They told me you were dead.” Her body shook with sobs.

  “Honey, it’s really me.” He hated having frightened her. He held his aching injured shoulder and stood several feet from her, worried what she might do if he got closer. “I only found out today they hadn’t told you I was okay.”

  She raised her tear-streaked face to see him in the silvery light. She scrambled to her feet and backed up a few steps. “No. You can’t be real. You’re…”

  “I’m not a ghost, Caro. Have you ever heard of a ghost with a sling hanging around his neck?”

  She pulled the cuffs of his robe down over her palms and wiped away her tears with the sleeves. She looked at his outstretched hand and moved hesitantly to touch it. “Mac? Is it really you?”

  “Caro, can you ever forgive me? I swear I didn’t know you thought I was dead. For a while that was too close to being a fact for me to know any better. Then they told only people they thought needed to know. If I’d known it didn’t include you… When they wouldn’t let me call you, I figured it was because they might be tracing your incoming calls to find me.” He took her hand in his. “You saved my life and you didn’t even know it!”

  “No,” she said, drawing in a jagged breath. “They told me I didn’t get to the phone on time. I thought I failed you.”

  “No, Caro. You were wonderful. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you.”

  She lifted her other hand and stroked his cheek. “It’s really and truly you?”

  “Yes, sweetheart.” He turned his head slightly and kissed the palm of her hand. “When you left the cabin, I was so afraid you would never know I love you, but I do, Caro. I never should have let you leave without telling you.” He stepped closer. “I love you so much.” He leaned down and kissed her lips gently as he held her hand against his bandaged chest. He didn’t want to let her go. Not ever.

  “Oh, Mac, I love you!”

  He kissed her again and the love and desire he felt for her led him to deepen the kiss. She opened to him as he had waited so long for her to do.

  “The first time I held you in my arms, you came punching and screaming–the day your store was burglarized, remember?” he asked moments later. She nodded. “You’re not going to do that tonight if I put my one good arm around you and hold you?”

  “Never again,” she answered as her arms found their way around his waist.

  He slid his uninjured arm down her back from her shoulder to her hip and pressed her intimately against him so she could feel the masculine proof positive that he was very much alive. She shivered.

  “Come on back to bed. I’ll warm you up,” he offered as he reached for the belt on the robe she wore and tugged gently. “You won’t need this. Trust me.”

  She offered no resistance and the robe fell to the floor. Her skin looked like white porcelain in the moonlight.

  “Let me love you.” He lifted his hand and she slipped hers into it. He led her over to the bed. With Mac leaning on his good elbow, she pulled up the covers over both of them, much like she’d pulled the old bloody bedspread over them both in the cabin. She nestled down beside him and lifted her arm around his waist.

  “I’m sorry, Mac.”

  “For what?”

  She raised up and looked down at the sling. “I hit you before I got out of the bed.” She gasped and covered her mouth with her fingers. “Your shoulder, does it hurt? It won’t start bleeding again?”

  Mac tugged her down to hold against him. “Not a chance.” He kissed her gently. “I can do without the punches ‘cause I have to admit that hurt, but….”

  “Oh, Mac, I’m so sorry.” She stretched up and kissed him soundly.

  “It’ll be okay, but I will need physical therapy.” He kissed her again and then nibbled at her lower lip. “I’m hoping you’ll want to sign on as my personal therapist.”

  “Mac, I’m not a therapist. I’m a costumer, a tailor and seamstress.” She moaned softly when he trailed kisses across her cheek to her neck. He found the hollow at the base of her throat and flicked his tongue there, and could feel her rapid heart rate. “What were you saying, Mac?”

  “I love you, Caro. I’m asking you if you’ll marry me and have me as Terri’s father and maybe as the father of a brother or sister or two.”

  Carolyn bit down on her lower lip. She laid her hand on the side of Mac’s jaw and gently lifted his face until she could see it in the dim moonlight. “Oh, Mac. No.”

  Mac’s eyes widened and he stared at her. “What do you mean no? I love you and you just told me that you love me.”

  “With all my heart,” she whispered. Tears welled in her eyes.

  “Then marry me and live happily ever after with me.”

  “But what will it mean to be married to a man like you and face the kind of life all the time I’ve lived the last couple of months? I’d go crazy with worry and I…I couldn’t put Terri in that kind of jeopardy. She’s already lost one father.”

  “I couldn’t put either of you through that, darling. No, I’m done with the special force. Even if my shoulder does heal one hundred percent this time, I already turned in my badge. Once the trials are over, I’ll be free and clear of my past with no danger stalking me or you and Terri.”

  Carolyn drew a deep breath and smiled. “You won’t regret it later and hate me for making you leave?“He shook his head. “No way. You didn’t make me leave, my shoulder did, but it was time. I’d found you. And Terri, too. The two of you mean more to me than my job ever did. Ever could.”

  She raised her arms to hug him, but remembered in time she could not, at least not without hurting him. She laughed. “I can’t wait for your shoulder to heal.” She slid her fingers into his hair and kissed him.

  “That makes two of us. After the trials, while I wait, I intend to stick around Lakehaven. In fact, I thought I’d see if they could use a permanent Chief of Police…a guy who turns forty in another month and who’s got one shoulder that’s going to be a little stiff for a while.”

  A broad smile burst out on her face. “Do you mean it?”

  He nodded. “Do you think you and Terri would like living out here at the lake?”

  Carolyn rose up on her elbow and kissed him. Taking the initiative, she deepened the kiss until their tongues danced for joy. She gently pressed his head back down against the pillow until he was lying flat and she was leaning over him. She bent her knee and raised it over his thigh. She laid her free hand on his stomach and moved it lower.

  “Does that mean you’ll marry me?” Mac asked when she’d ended the kiss on his lips and was kissing her way to new territories.

  She raised her head and smiled at him. “Yes, I’ll marry you. This past month will be just a memory. And I’ll love you always,” she pr
omised as she closed the short distance between them and made them one.

  The End

  Lois Carroll works full-time as a writer and creates stories about people with conflicts in their lives that lead to important and often difficult choices. Her heroines frequently find themselves in jeopardy and must overcome challenges to prove themselves women of substance. Ms. Carroll loves finishing all her stories with a happy ending, including those that make the reader question exactly for whom the story ends well.

  Ms. Carroll has felt a passion for writing ever since she received a daily diary as a child. But she had to wait until she was well past the age of fifty to live her dream of filling her days with writing. In addition to a paperback and three hard cover novels, many of her short stories and non-fiction articles have been printed in national magazines. Also, she has published over a dozen eBooks and contracted four audio books which have not yet been produced.

  Lois Carroll earned a bachelor’s degree in English Literature, a master’s in Theater, and taught in a Mid-western state university before moving to the beautiful Finger Lakes Region of New York, where she lives with her husband.