Vengeance Served Hot_An Urban Fantasy Action Adventure

by Martha Carr

  “Get a room,” he muttered as he continued down the street. “First accomplishment of the night, stopping an unwanted pregnancy. Check.”

  Cracking down on sex wasn’t on his list of tasks to complete on his nightly rounds, but he’d really had no idea that was what he would find when he’d flung open the car door. As he walked along, he chuckled to himself and began to sing.

  “Let’s get it on... Oohhhh, let’s get it on.”

  He pulled his baton back out and twirled it around his hand, laughing. Ahead two kids were whispering as they climbed out of a second-story window, trying to sneak out for the night. Yumfuck stood on the sidewalk until they got down to the ground and turned to face him. Both jumped back, looking at each other with fear and at him with curiosity.

  “What the hell are you, Chewie’s little brother?”

  “Night patrol, neighborhood watch. I would suggest you get back inside before I ring the doorbell and let your parents know. It’s too dangerous out here for a couple of kids.”

  One of the kids raised an eyebrow and asked his companion, “Are you seeing a hairy animal talking to us like a cop? Because if not, I might need to go to the hospital.”

  The other kid swallowed hard and shook his head. “Nope, I see him too. Come on, I don’t need my father finding out about me sneaking out. You know how he gets.”

  Both kids sighed and walked back in through the front door. Yumfuck nodded in pride, sticking his baton back in his belt and continuing around the block. He liked how things were going. He had already interfered twice, and he’d only been out there for an hour. He whistled as he walked, locked and loaded for the next crime.

  Around one in the morning, Yumfuck yawned and leaned against the brick building on the corner, taking his mini thermos from his bag. He poured some coffee into the cap and held it in his paws, breathing in the aroma. He was starting to understand exactly why Leira loved coffee so much. He could stay up for hours, and it was actually pretty tasty with some vanilla creamer and raw sugar.

  He sipped his coffee and sighed as he stared at the barely visible stars. He missed Oriceran’s night sky. It was so vibrant, with shooting stars everywhere and the two moons painting the forest floor with incandescent light. Yumfuck could remember lying in the canopy of the trees on a large leaf and staring at the moons, wondering if he would ever be accepted. Then he had found himself on Earth with his human, accepted by almost everyone he met. It was just like he had dreamed so long ago.

  Yumfuck finished his coffee and twisted the lid back on, sticking the thermos back in his pack. He pulled it over his shoulders, crossed the street, and headed two blocks over to where really nice cars stopped in front of a brick row house that looked as if it hadn’t been taken care of all that well. Yumfuck stood in the shadows, watching as car after car pulled over. Each turned off its lights and waited for a young kid who came down, took some money, disappeared into the house, and came back with a package.

  “Drug dealers,” Yumfuck growled, having heard a lot about the drug problem from his neighbor.

  He knew he couldn’t just go over there and say something. There were too many of them. One who looked like the main dealer leaned against the house and kept a lookout. Yumfuck ran through his options, finally taking the backpack off his back. Sometimes scaring the shit out of people was the only thing that would work. The only thing that would put the right choice into their minds. He couldn’t believe how many young kids worked for these dealers, giving up their chances for a bright future just to make a few bucks slinging dope. On Oriceran, the dealers would be captured and the kids would be taken in for rehabilitation.

  Yumfuck knew that if these kids were caught they would end up in a juvenile facility, which would only make them harder than when they entered. He had to stop that cycle, even if he did traumatize them a little bit. It really was the only way. Yumfuck stepped out into the light of the street lamp, catching the head man’s attention. The dealer took a step forward and squinted. With every step Yumfuck grew taller, and he snarled and extended his claws when he got closer.

  The kid who was running the dope took one look, dropped the package, and took off. The people in the cars looked at the approaching troll, their eyes growing wide. They shifted into drive and squealed their tires as they took off down the street and disappeared around the corner. Yumfuck growled, breathing heavily as he pounded up the walkway. He bent over at the waist and looked the dealer straight in the eyes, not seeing any fear at first. Yumfuck let out a deafening roar.

  The dealer’s hair fluttered wildly around him and he waited for Yumfuck to calm down. He put his hands up and stepped backward with a forced smile on his face.

  “Okay, okay, calm down! You can have the place, dude. You just needed to ask.” He put up his hand and whistled at his men to clear out. “Let Bigfoot here have the space. No problem, furry man, it’s all yours. We can move.”

  Yumfuck shrank to six feet and put his hands on his hips. He stared at the dealer with narrowed eyes.

  “You leave, and don’t come back. Rethink your life! Dealing drugs isn’t a future for anyone. These kids shouldn’t be on the street. If you start selling anywhere else I will find you, and I won’t be so nice next time.”

  The dealer’s fake smile faded and fear moved across his face. He nodded wildly, pulling a wad of cash from his pocket. When one of the kids went past, he grabbed him by the collar, bent down, and handed him the wad.

  “You give this to your grandma. Don’t you kids come back around looking for a job. Go to school. You don’t need to be on the streets.”

  The kid looked at Yumfuck, who nodded, and back at the dealer before taking the wad of cash and running off. Yumfuck nodded in approval and watched as the dealer slowly backed down the block, reaching halfway before turning and taking off at a sprint. Yumfuck chuckled, pretty sure he had made the man piss his pants in fear.

  He dusted off his hands and made his way around the block. When he got back to K Street, he stood on the corner and listened for anything out of the ordinary. The sun was starting to come up, lightening the sky. Morning dew had spread across all the surfaces, glistening in the growing light. Yumfuck stretched his arms over his head and watched as the car from earlier moved down the block. It slowly came to a stop and the man rolled down his window, staring at Yumfuck.

  Yumfuck gave him a big toothy grin and waved. The man narrowed his eyes and stuck his hand out the window, flipping him the bird. Yumfuck’s smile faded and he grimaced, remembering how he had ruined that man’s night. Eventually Yumfuck shrugged it off and headed home, quietly opening the front door and creeping up the stairs. He went into his room, took off his belt, and hung the cuffs and the baton back in their place. He carefully took off his mask and cape and slid them back on the hangar, smiling as he closed the door.

  He wandered to his snack bin and looked inside, realizing he was getting really low on food in his room. He grabbed the last of the Little Debbie donut sticks and opened it, throwing the plastic wrapper in the trash. He popped it in his mouth and chewed a couple of times before swallowing. He patted his stomach and shrank down to three feet before climbing into his bed. He smiled as he laid his head down on his Jedi pillowcase and pulled his matching sheets and comforter over him.

  “It was a good night.” He smiled. “Fighting crime makes me sleepy.”

  Yumfuck yawned and turned over, thinking about what he would face on his next patrol. He was determined to make the neighborhood a safe place again, even if he made a few mistakes along the way. His new family was sleeping peacefully, knowing that Yumfuck was out there fighting crime, taking names, and making the world a better place, one disgruntled couple and one drug dealer at a time.

  It was all in a night’s work.

  14

  Leira and Correk sat down with their lunch plates at a table in the indoor part of the Eastern Market. Next to Leira on the floor were two reusable shopping bags full of fresh local produce and some homemade breads. Co
rrek licked his lips as he stared down at his handmade ravioli. It was his first experience with the Italian wonder, and there was no better place to give it a try than the famous Eastern Market.

  “What kind did you get?” Leira asked.

  “I got the mushroom and ricotta with a butter garlic sauce,” Correk replied. “You?”

  “I got the cheese with marinara. I’m boring and old-fashioned like that.”

  Correk took a bite and closed his eyes, the taste delighting his senses. He opened his eyes and found Leira smirking at him. He loved the way she always found his weirdness adorable.

  “Are we getting everything here? I didn’t see any Cheetos.”

  Leira chuckled. “No, this was just the first stop. I like fresh local produce, so I come here for that. The rest of the stuff we will get from Safeway.”

  “Is that a grocery store?”

  “Yeah, closer than Walmart and not as dangerous. I know you won’t buy a back scratcher and six new movies there. Besides, it’s closer, and these days it seems like it’s good for us to stay close to home.”

  “Agreed. As long as I can get Yumfuck snacks so he stops eating mine, I’ll be happy.”

  “You men act like starving children.” She laughed.

  “When you come from a planet with no Cheetos you appreciate every crisp orange crunch.”

  “What did you people eat there?”

  “Similar food, just slightly different, and we don’t eat meat. There isn’t a dairy farm or ranch there. We fish sometimes, but most of that is prepared by the chef of the Light Elf Castle. Growing up, we just ate whatever came from the garden. Papples were my favorite.”

  “What’s a papple?”

  “It’s like a cross between a tomato and squash, or at least that’s the closest thing I can think of to Earth food. Hopefully, when the gates start to open I‘ll bring some here. I think the healthy humans would love them. They have a chemical in them that reduces your waistline. I liked them because they were delicious, but they were a favorite of the women.”

  “Yeah, you could bottle that and it would fly off the shelves here.”

  Leira and Correk took their time. They rarely had the opportunity to be together these days, so even if they were grocery shopping, they tried to make the most of it. They continued to talk about Oriceran and what they ate, and Leira listened excitedly as she learned about the planet of her ancestors. It was crazy how similar but how different the two worlds could be. She honestly thought Earth had gotten lucky, to have Oriceran be the planet that was opening to them. It could have been a hell of a lot worse.

  When they were done with lunch, Correk carried the bags as Leira grabbed a to-go ravioli for Yumfuck and the two headed to the car. They drove the three blocks to the closest Safeway and Leira sighed, not wanting to do any more grocery shopping. She hated it, and had even thought about hiring someone to do it for her before she’d ever met Correk and Yumfuck. In fact, she’d been lucky to have more than a quart of milk and some ketchup in her fridge before them. She had much bigger things to think about, and shopping for food wasn’t on the list. And anyway, it wasn’t as if she cooked much. She’d tried when her grandmother had disappeared, but the fire department hadn’t been too happy about it. Living in Austin, she’d probably consumed enough tacos for ten normal people, mostly because she didn’t feel like attempting to cook for herself again.

  “One day we should have our own garden. That way I can stop coming to the grocery store.”

  “Can you grow Cheetos in a garden?”

  Leira looked at him for a moment and laughed before getting out of the car. Correk shrugged and followed, grabbing a cart. Leira took charge, remembering the last trip where Correk had almost mowed down a group of kids trying to get to the marshmallows. Food really excited him, and though she found it absolutely adorable, safety was the first and foremost concern.

  As they walked, Leira thought about Correk’s job, realizing they hadn’t really talked about anything since the Yakuza battle. Correk whistled as he threw bags and boxes into the cart. At the discounted table, he lifted an eyebrow when he saw all the snacks before swiping his arm and pushing everything into the cart. Leira shook her head.

  “What? This should hold the hungry bastard for a few days.”

  “Really?” Leira snorted, trying to hold back her laugh. “There’s no room for anything else. You know, like real food.”

  Correk shrugged. “At least Yumfuck will stop whining about variety.”

  “Oh, you mean like you did the other day?” Leira laughed.

  “Hey, I help pay the bills. I’m allowed to whine.”

  “I feel like Yumfuck is our kid.”

  “If that’s the case,” Correk smirked at Leira, “he definitely took after you.”

  “Hey.” Leira giggled and smacked him on the arm. She sighed, hooking her arm in his as they pushed the cart down the next aisle. “I miss spending time with you. I never realized how good we had it when we were working together.”

  ‘I know. I was just thinking the other day that I wish there were two Fixers. You would kill it in the job.”

  “I did have an interesting assignment the other day from the government. Yumfuck and Louie came with me, which was good because we had a showdown with the Yakuza.”

  Correk stopped in his tracks. “You fought the Yakuza? That’s dangerous.”

  “I know that now, but hey, don’t worry, I’m still alive.”

  “This time,” Correk replied with a worried face. “I need you to be more careful and think about assignments before you take them. To the government you are expendable. If you die, they just recruit another until finally they give up or they win whatever battle they are fighting. They don’t care about your life.”

  Leira gave Correk a kiss on the cheek. “They don’t need to. I understand what I am getting into with this. Besides, it got Yumfuck and Louie a job. The government is going to start paying them every time they assist in a battle, and they want me to bring them around on a regular basis. Yumfuck is all about it, but I have yet to tell Louie the details. He’s working on an assignment for me.”

  “What is it?”

  “He’s checking up on the dark families for me, since they’ve been so quiet.”

  “Hopefully he’s careful. The bounty was just lifted off your head.”

  “He will be, and they don’t know we work that closely anyway. Just checking, that’s all.”

  “Probably a good thing. They have been really quiet, even on the Fixer side.”

  Leira and Correk turned down the cereal aisle and stopped. Leira knew this was one of those aisles that would take a while. Correk loved cereal but tried to limit himself to three boxes in a two-week period. She leaned against the cart and watched as he scanned up and down the aisle, looking at all his choices. He grabbed a box of Reese’s Puffs and began to read the label. Before he could finish, though, his face went blank and the box fell from his hands to go bouncing across the floor.

  Correk could feel the strong surge of energy reach out for him. As he looked at Leira his smile faded and Leira rushed over and grabbed his arm, letting go before the energy took her too. He was being called by Turner. There was a problem, sort of a disturbance in the force, and he was the person charged with fixing it.

  Leira sighed and walked back to the cart. “I never get used to seeing your Spidey senses kick in. It’s like a magical phone call from thousands of miles away. You know he could just pick up the cell and give you a call.”

  “That would be too easy.” Correk chuckled. “I mean, it’s not showy or fancy or anything—that’s not Turner’s style—but I do have to answer this.”

  Leira looked both ways and stepped forward. “You better make it quick. I’ll cover for you.”

  “Thank you, my sweet.” Correk kissed her softly on the lips and hastily made a portal, leaping through and shutting it quickly behind him.

  Leira watched the shimmering sparks fade. A woman walked past the ai
sle, looking curiously at the last of the portal’s light. She blinked a couple of times.

  “Just...uh...playing with fireworks.”

  The woman looked at her curiously and skipped the cereal aisle altogether. Leira sighed and tossed several different varieties in the basket. She still couldn’t believe sometimes how weird her life had gotten. It was like a whole other world for her.

  “Some people say goodbye and just get in the car,” she mumbled to herself, looking at the cereal. “Hey, Apple Jacks! I didn’t know they still made those. Gonna have to hide these so no one else eats them.”

  She looked down at her cart as she moved to the next aisle, shaking her head at all the junk food. She wanted to make healthy meals and get the men hooked on something other than fake food, but with her job and Correk’s she rarely found the time to actually cook anything. Yumfuck had gone on a cooking tangent for a while, but ever since he’d discovered string cheese and Doritos he’d stopped.

  Leira was anything but a good cook, but she figured if Yumfuck could do it on a planet where he barely recognized any of the foods, she could too. All she needed was a few hours where she wasn’t getting info on perps or being summoned by the government—much easier said than done in these days. Dark magic was growing stronger by the minute, which meant she’d be eating a lot of string cheese and Doritos in the coming days.

  Correk walked through the portal into Turner’s living room. He looked around but didn’t see him anywhere. Slowly he approached the window. Turner was standing on the lawn, practicing one of his meditation rituals. Correk walked quietly out and took a seat as he waited for Turner to finish. After a few moments, Correk was starting to think that Turner wasn’t coming out of his trance any time soon.