Shy

by Sinden West

  Nathan was on the floor instantly, face red with anger and impact. I expected him to jump to his feet and lay into his father, but he didn’t. He just lay where he’d fallen, looking up at his dad and breathing heavily.

  He spotted me then, ducked his head and got to his feet before casually walking up the stairs. Oliver noticed me too then, he straightened his tie and nodded at me. “Good day at school?” He didn’t wait for me to answer, he just walked away as casually as his son.

  It was on impulse that I grabbed an ice pack from the freezer. I didn’t know why I did it, but I found myself walking up the stairs and knocking on Nathan’s bedroom door.

  “What?” came the hostile yell from inside. I swallowed nervously and opened his door. He was sitting on his bed, his eyes red and his face twisted into a sneer when he saw it was me. “What the hell do you want?”

  I held up the ice pack, hesitantly taking a step inside. “I just brought you some ice.”

  He gave a nasty laugh. “You’re pathetic, you know that? Yes, mother, No, mother,” he mimicked. “Pathetic. You need to grow a fucking backbone and stop doing what you’re told all the time. And why are you being nice to me when I’m being such a cock to you?” Then his lips twisted into a sly smile. “Or is that what you want? My cock? Is that it?”

  My face flamed as my eyes bulged. “No.”

  “I bet it is.” He rubbed himself between his legs suggestively. “Come here, I might let you suck it if you really want, since you did bring me ice and all.”

  I let the ice pack drop to the floor. “Why do you have to be so mean?” My voice was thick with tears and I didn’t really expect him to answer as I turned to leave, but he did.

  “I don’t know, Greta. I really don’t.” I heard him say before I slammed the door shut behind me.

  Oliver had divorce proceedings in place by the time Nathan and I graduated from high school. It took my mother by surprise; she thought she was hopelessly in love with him. It wasn’t until she found out that he was screwing every young, pretty girl in town did rage replace her infatuation. David was with the best law firm in town. He was a rising star and already making a name for himself. Oliver did well out of the divorce, but thanks to David he didn’t get half of what he thought he’d be entitled to.

  But still my mother wasn’t happy. She sunk into depression. She still wanted Oliver, and it was painful to watch as she drank, self-medicated, and rarely got out of bed. Oliver may have been a scheming piece of shit but at least he made her happy.

  So I made a decision. I needed to ask him to come back, just for a little while so she could get her mental health back on track. After all, I reasoned, he must care for her in some way. He did marry her. The apartment he rented while waiting for his settlement was tiny in comparison to my mother’s massive house. He opened the door bare-chested and just wearing a pair of sweat pants. He was still in shape for a man of his age, and I could see what had attracted my mother to him so much as to blind her to his faults.

  He arched an eyebrow in question when he saw it was me. “What are you doing here?”

  I took a deep breath. “Hi, could I talk to you? Please?” I pressed my hands together in front of me to stop them from shaking.

  He looked at me for a few seconds, before stepping aside and nodded with his head for me to come in. When I stepped inside, the first thing I noticed was a bra that was carelessly thrown over the couch. I tried not to stare at it. It was red and lacy and the type to be worn by someone sexy, someone who was the opposite of my mother. I very nearly changed my mind when I saw that, but I steeled myself; my mother needed him. He was watching me, waiting.

  “I—I need you to come back home,” I rushed out before I lost my nerve. “My mother is depressed. All she does is drink and take pills. She won’t get out of bed. If you could just come home for a little while then she could get back to normal and —“

  He started to laugh. He picked up a glass of whiskey that sat on the side table and swallowed it down, still laughing. “Look, Greta. Your mom was a nutcase before I came along. Always has been, it’s well known.”

  “She wasn’t this bad though, not until you left her. I think it was the shock.” My voice had an irritating, begging tone to it.

  The laugh left his face and he tilted his face to study me. “You must really care about your mom.”

  “I do. Of course I do. If you could just—“

  “How much do you care about her?” A smile was creeping across his face that instantly got my back up.

  “What do you mean?”

  “What do I mean?” He walked toward me, and I walked backward until I was stopped by a wall. Then he was right up against me, his arms on either side of me, trapping me. I froze, not being able to tear my eyes away from his. “I mean,” he removed one hand from beside me but I still didn’t move. I couldn’t. My eyes darted down to find him shoving down his sweat pants and they widened in horror as he got his penis out and started stroking it. “How much do you want me to come home and help your mom?” he asked softly.

  He took my hand in his, and I could only watch as he covered his penis with it, cupping my hand around the smooth skin as he started to move it. I opened my mouth to speak, but couldn’t. I just stood there taking short, gasping breaths as he used my hand to pump up and down. He picked up speed the same time that tears started in my eyes, they were coming freely by the time his cum shot out and covered the palm of my hand.

  “Oh, that was good. You’ve got pretty hands, you know that?” He smiled, releasing me. I held up my hand and looked at the revolting cum that covered it. I still couldn’t move and everything seemed surreal.

  The door banged open. “Hey, Dad. I—” Nathan let his bag drop to the floor, it made a loud thump sound. “What’s going on?” His eyes darted between us, taking in the scene, and a frown appeared. “What did you do to her?”

  I managed to break free from the mental paralysis that was keeping me in place. I pushed past Oliver, blinded by tears and just hell-bent on making it out the door. I ran, taking the steps two at a time, but still holding the cum-smeared hand aloft as not have any more of the sick stuff touch me anywhere else. I bumped into a woman on the way down, she swore at me, but I kept going with no apology. Then I made it out the doors and onto the street. Breathing heavily, I hid around the corner of the building. I sunk down to sit on the ground, hiding my face with my clean hand and holding the revolting hand away from me.

  I cried ugly tears. Sobs racked my body as the disgusting scene played over and over in my head. A figure blocked the sunlight and I looked up. Nathan slid down the wall to sit beside me as I watched him warily. His face was grim as he took in the mess on my hand. Surprisingly, he pulled his t-shirt over his head, bunched it up and used it to wipe at the semen. When he was done, he threw it away from him and onto to the ground in disgust.

  He stared at it for a moment, before he looked back over at me. “Why’d you come here?”

  “I—I just wanted to help my Mom. I thought if I talked to him…” I trailed off, feeling stupid.

  He shook his head at me. “Stay away, Greta. This,” he indicated my hands, “is only a small indication of the kind of man that he is. I know he’s my Dad but…just stay away. Don’t come here again.”

  I wiped at my tears. “Don’t worry, I won’t,” I said in a shaky voice as I pushed up to my feet. I concentrated on just putting one foot in front of the other and getting myself as far away from there as possible.

  “Hey! Do you need a ride?” Nathan called after me. I didn’t acknowledge that he’d spoken and just kept walking as if I could walk away from this memory.

  Chapter Six

  It took every effort to crack my eyes open. An invasive strand of sunlight was entering through a curtain and its brightness compounded the awful pain that was my head. I was alone in the bed, maybe I could sneak out without seeing him. But I heard water running and a few seconds later the bathroom door opened. A fully nude Rick walked ou
t, rubbing his face.

  “Man, I feel like shit.”

  I sat up, pulling the sheet up to cover my breasts, not sure where to look.

  “Coffee?” He had his back to me now as he busied himself in the kitchenette.

  “Yes, please.” Where were my clothes? I leaned over the side of the bed looking for them, wondering if I dared risk escaping from the safety of the sheets. But then he was walking back toward me with two cups of coffee and I stayed put.

  “Thanks,” I said as he handed it to me. He sat back on the bed, stretching his legs out, not caring that all of him was on display. I just concentrated on drinking my coffee and keeping my eyes from him.

  “So what are your plans for today?” he asked, picking up his phone that lay beside the bed and checking it.

  “Just classes this afternoon.”

  A few seconds of silence, then I heard him laugh. I lifted my eyes from my coffee.

  “Man, you really are quiet. Last night you were talking a million miles per second, and now it’s like pulling teeth to get a word out of you.” He kept laughing.

  I straightened, and place my cup on the bedside table. “I’m going to go,” I mumbled.

  “No!” He was taking my arm. “I wasn’t making fun of you. Promise.” He placed his own cup on the bedside table. “It’s refreshing. It really is. Some girls babble on incessantly about shit I couldn’t care less about and expect me to listen. But you don’t. When you have something to say, it’s probably important.”

  I nearly smiled at that. “I don’t have anything important to say. I just find it hard to speak to people.”

  He studied me. “Why?” he asked softly.

  Because I feel like they’re judging me. Because I don’t want them to think that I’m stupider than they already do. Because my mouth and brain tend to freeze in fear and I’m scared that nothing coherent will come out…

  But I didn’t say that. “I don’t know. I really should get going.” I cast my eyes around the room again hoping to locate my clothes. But his grasp on my arm tightened as he dragged me over to sit on his lap. I was naked, sitting on top of a naked him. I struggled slightly, but he didn’t let me go.

  “Well,” he put a stray lock of hair behind my ear. “Talking may not be your thing, but I’ll tell you what you are really good at is kissing.”

  He kissed me then and it was sensual. I felt like he owned my mouth as he coaxed and teased it to do what he wanted. I relaxed in his arms, for some reason I didn’t feel self-conscious even though I was naked. I found my own arms circling around him and pulling me closer to him. He broke off the kiss.

  “You’re so cute,” he told me. This caused me to blush and he just gave a laugh before he went back to kissing me. It seemed like the most natural thing in the world that he started to lay me down on the bed. No panic or apprehension invaded me.

  He took one nipple in his mouth and gently teased it so it became hard in his hot mouth before he moved onto the next. I trembled under his touch and found myself smiling, only panicking slightly when he licked his way down my body to bury his head between my legs.

  This exposed me too much and I tried to push his head away, but he wouldn’t let me. “Just relax.” And he went back to licking me.

  I squirmed. “It tickles!”

  He laughed against me. “You’ll enjoy it. Trust me. Just let go.”

  And I did. The uncomfortableness passed, to be replaced by hot euphoria as I let go and he made me cum as a trembling mess. Afterward, I lay there with a smile on my face, not caring that I lay naked and exposed as he kissed his way back up my body.

  We had sex in the shower next. There was only a slight discomfort this time, but it felt good all the same as he held me up in his strong arms, kissing me all the while. I loved being held by him; it made me feel safe, secure and desirable all at once.

  He dropped me home afterward, giving me a kiss on the lips before I exited the car. I gave him a shy smile back as I closed his door and I practically skipped up the stairs to our apartment. Emma was sitting on the couch, looking worse for wear and eating a bowl of cereal.

  Her eyes widened as I walked in the door. “Oh my god. Are you just getting home now? Where have you been?”

  I plonked myself down beside her, a grin on my face. “I spent the night at Rick’s.”

  I expected her to grin back, but her face seemed to freeze. “You what? Did you sleep on his couch?” she asked slowly.

  My grin dropped. “No. We had sex.” I was waiting for her to become excited and ask me a million questions, but she didn’t.

  “Please tell me that you’re joking.”

  “No. What’s wrong? I’m no longer the world’s oldest virgin. I thought you’d be excited for me.” There must have been a begging note in my voice because she forced a smile.

  “I am. It’s just…Rick? Really?”

  “I had a good time,” I said weakly.

  She took my hand and squeezed it. “You did? That’s great.” She took a deep breath and then exhaled. I knew she was choosing her next words carefully. “It’s just that Rick sleeps around, I mean, Damien loves him to death so I’d hate to say anything bad about him, but I don’t really think he’s the right type for you.”

  “Look, I know he’s better than me—“

  “No! That’s not what I meant.” She flicked her messy bed hair out of her face. “I thought that when you had sex it would be with someone who was special, someone who thought you were special.”

  “But he did treat me like I was special. It was great.”

  She gave a small, but apprehensive smile. “But you don’t really think that he’s going to want to see you again, do you?” she asked in a small voice.

  My next words died in my throat. “Of course not,” I lied.

  She relaxed. “Good. Because I know how easy it is to get wrapped up in the first guy who ever pays you attention, and sometimes we get so grateful just for that attention that it’s easy to make people out to be better than they really are.”

  “Okay.”

  I had another shower while her words sunk in. She was right, of course. My limited interaction with Rick had already told me that he was kind of a prick. Still, it didn’t make my disappointment any less.

  Chapter Seven

  Nathan had stopped texting me, and I worried. Regret came over me that maybe I should have found another way to come up with the rest of the money for him. Eventually, I sent him a text to see if he was okay, but there was no reply. I also tried to call him, but it went straight to voicemail. I hadn’t even known where he was living so I couldn’t do much more than that. Except for seeing Oliver of course, but that wasn’t something I wanted.

  This was in the two weeks since I had slept with Rick. And predictably there was no attempt at contact from him either. Which I knew would happen but still, there was a tiny amount of hope in me. But that was gone now. I hadn’t seen him because I hadn’t gone out anywhere and all I could think about was how I had turned into a mortifying embarrassing cliché. I was the girl that lost her virginity to a player who would never see her again. Great.

  Emma didn’t mention Rick again. She and Damien were spending all their free time together. The thin wall between our bedrooms did little to muffle their giggles and moaning so I would put a pillow over my head and try to sleep. Then she started feeling guilty about neglecting me so she invited me out with them on Saturday night.

  I politely declined her offer, and she politely refused to take no for an answer. “It’s good for you to get out,” she told me with a grin. “The more time you spend around people, the more confident you’ll get.” Then she frowned. “Although, you have to make sure it’s with the right people, otherwise some people just bring you down and make you feel worse.” She was so right.

  I let her dress me and do my makeup because it seemed to cause her so much delight. But when I looked in the mirror, all I could see was my mother trying too hard to be something that she wasn’t and
looking all the more the fool for it. I couldn’t say that to Emma though, but I think she understood because when she saw my expression she said, “I can take some of it off and make it look lighter, more natural.”

  I looked okay when she was finished. But I refused to wear the little dress Emma had laid out for me, feeling more comfortable in jeans and a long sleeved top. Her mouth twisted slightly in annoyance. “It’s your body, I guess…” Then a devious smile crossed her face. “I’ll let you get away with it this time, but next summer it’s going to be my personal mission to get you in some tiny bikini.”

  “Good luck with that,” I told her, flinching as the curling iron hissed away on my hair.

  Damien and his friends were already at a table in the bar when we arrived. My eyes scanned the group of people for that nasty Pam and Rick, but neither were to be seen and I gave an inward sigh of relief as I sat down next to Emma. I drank my beer, feeling nervous, and listened to Damien and Emma’s conversation. The others around the table were friendly, but thankfully no one tried to include me in their conversation.

  I found myself relaxing though, especially when I was onto my second beer. More people came and we joined tables together so it made one long one. It actually felt nice being amongst a large group of people who were loud and getting drunk, but no one was being nasty.

  But then I saw Pamela walk in. She had a smug smile on her lips as she walked over, her long hair flowing behind her. She sat down at the other end of the table, kissing her friends hello. A few seconds later, Rick arrived.

  “We know what you two were doing,” teased one of their friends when Rick greeted him with a high five. “Don’t think that arriving separately could fool us.”

  “Yeah,” added the girl next to him. “Rick’s got that ‘I just got laid’ look on his face.”

  Someone handed Rick a beer and he leaned back in his chair next to Pamela, denying nothing.