Shy

by Sinden West

  I cried quietly in the dark, and at first light I was out of there. He didn’t stir at all. He called me later, when I was between classes.

  “Hey, you took off early. Is everything okay?” he asked.

  “Yeah. It’s fine. I just had a lot to do,” I lied.

  There was silence. “Listen, I’m going out of town for a few days, leaving tonight. I’ll come see you before I go.” I listened as he went on about where he was going, and while he was giving information freely, it was all terrible vague.

  I saw Pamela from afar. Her hair was swaying behind her as she walked, she laughed at something the boy next to her was saying. She looked so carefree and untroubled that I envied her. But she should have been envying me. I had the guy she wanted, or I thought I had. Maybe I really didn’t have him at all.

  “Greta? Are you still there?” Rick was saying.

  “Yeah. I’m still here.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  We had dinner before he left, and it was wonderful. He held my hand across the table and made me laugh with stupid stories about stuff he got up to when he was younger. As he grinned down at me, I couldn’t believe that such a good looking guy was with me. It felt like I was saying “stuff you” to all those mean bitches from school who had enjoyed tormenting me about my looks and personality.

  Oddly, I felt like crying when he kissed me goodbye; which was stupid, because he was only going for a few days. He must have seen tears shining in my eyes as I turned away from him because he caught me and pulled me back to give me yet another kiss.

  “I’m glad you’re going to miss me,” he murmured. “I’m glad you’re sad, even if that’s a selfish thing to say.”

  That made me laugh, whether he intended it to be that way or not. He looked at me weirdly for a moment, before breaking out into a smile and laugh of his own.

  “Have fun.” I broke away from his hold and started inside the apartment building, walking backward, blowing him a kiss.

  “Hey!” he yelled. “When I get back, I’m gonna eat you out the best you’ve ever had!”

  A couple walking past us frowned, someone else giggled. I just shook my head at him, unable to wipe the smile from my lips and not even feeling embarrassed. I danced up the stairs in kind of a dreamy, romantic haze. I felt like a girl in a musical.

  I put off calling him until two days later. We had exchanged a few texts, but I really just wanted to speak to him, as if to remind myself that he was actually mine. But I didn’t want to act needy either. I sat on my bed, staring at the phone in front of me while I worked up the courage to call him. I finally did before midnight.

  “Hey, Greta.” His voice was slurred and music and voices were loud in the background. “Hold on. I’ll go someplace quieter.”

  I waited until his voice came clearer. “Hey, babe. What’s up?”

  “I just wanted to talk to you.” All of a sudden, I felt stupid.

  “Yeah?” I could tell that he was smiling. “You miss me? I like that. I like that a lot. Hey! When I get back let’s go—”

  His voice cut off abruptly, I heard laughter in the background. A voice said, “Bella!”

  I held my breath. Rick was back on the line. “Hey, babe. I gotta go.” He sounded sober now. “I’ll be back soon, okay?”

  “Okay,” I mumbled, and then he ended the call.

  All night the name ‘Bella’ echoed in my head. I couldn’t even think about what that meant.

  I was still in a daze the next day as I strolled absentmindedly across campus. Bella. Her name meant beauty, right? She must have been beautiful, articulate, and just plain cool.

  Hands wrapped around my waist and breast pressed against mine as I was forced up against the side of a building.

  “Hey, sexy,” Pamela greeted, her smile wide as fingers working underneath my top to graze across my skin. Her hair smelt like strawberries and it brushed against my neck as she leaned in to kiss me.

  “Who is Bella?” I said before her lips touched mine.

  Pamela’s touch was removed from me in an instant. As she moved back, she straightened her back, narrowed her eyes, and looked like a petulant child.

  “She’s the plague,” she said with bitterness. “Is she back then?”

  “I don’t know. What do you know about her?”

  Her lips twisted into a sadistic smile. “She’ll eat you alive.”

  “Be serious Pamela. Drop the act. This is just little, unimportant me you’re talking to now.”

  Pamela huffed. “Fine.” She crossed her arms over her body, and for the first time she looked vulnerable, sad almost. “She’s the love of Rick’s life.”

  I rolled my eyes. “I kind of figured that. He did get her name tattooed on his body.”

  “It’s more than that though. When she’s in the room, everyone else seems to disappear for him. She has this hold over him, it’s like he worships her. Every time he and I hook up, it’s all going well then she comes back on the scene.” She furrowed her brow. “Except for the last time that he broke up with me, I don’t know what that was about.”

  I bit my tongue, not wanting to interrupt, even though I really wanted to tell her that he was just using her for sex. “And…”

  “Right. You know me. I don’t get put off easily. Especially by someone who I know I’m hotter than. So I thought I’d make my presence known, let her know that I was competition and that I wouldn’t relinquish my claws so easily.”

  “And what happened?”

  Pamela repositioned herself, trying to get comfortable. “Truthfully? She looked at me like I was some ridiculous little girl. I had the feeling that she was laughing at me. Rick tried to get me to go, but she invited me to have a drink with them and—“

  I waited.

  She let out a breath like she’d been holding it. “And then we had a threesome. That’s how I know what Rick likes. And she invited me back the next night, and the night after that. Don’t get me wrong. I enjoyed it, she was amazing, and it meant that I got to be close to Rick. But the whole time, there was no doubt in my mind that I was being used.” She let out a small, bitter laugh. “And that Rick clearly had eyes only for her. I was just there as a toy for both of them. I was…inconsequential. It made me feel like crap.” She looked down at the ground. “I put a stop to it; stopped returning their calls. It wasn’t until she disappeared again that I took up with Rick again.” She swallowed, and for a moment looked like she might cry. “I think she did it on purpose.”

  “Did what?” I felt like hugging her, comforting her, but I didn’t.

  “You know, sometimes, when you’re having sex and you’re naked. You feel so vulnerable. That’s how they made me feel. Vulnerable, like I had no identity, like I was there just for enjoyment with no thought for my feelings. It helped her to put me in my place, I guess, for having the audacity to think that Rick would want me over her.”

  “And that’s what you wanted to do with me?”

  Her eyes darted to mine. “No. I’m not that conniving. I just wanted to be with Rick, and wanted to go through you to get him. I was up front from the start.”

  I nodded as if I understood.

  She pulled her bag higher on her shoulder. “Anyway, if that bitch is on the scene, you don’t have to worry about me anymore. Look out for yourself, Greta.” And with that, she walked away.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Rick texted me when he was back. I would have rushed over and slipped into his bed straight away, but he wanted to meet up the next day at a bar.

  But I didn’t want that.

  I wanted to see him now. So with unnatural boldness, I texted him back to tell him that I was coming over.

  I knew who she was the moment she opened the door to his apartment.

  Bella was exquisite. She was older, 40 maybe, and her skin was mostly unlined. It was because of that knowing look in her eyes that her age became apparent. Black hair was pulled up into a tight, perfect chignon, her makeup soft, except for the mouth tha
t was painted and outlined in red. She reminded me of movie stars in the 1940’s. She had that kind of body too; large breasts and hips, an impossibly cinched waist.

  She surveyed me under long, ink-black lashes, and somehow I knew I was found wanting.

  “You must be Ricky’s little friend. Gretel? Like in Hansel and Gretel?”

  “Greta,” I corrected, softly.

  “Oh,” she pouted briefly. “I thought that meant that I got to be the witch in your little fairy tale. You may as well come in then.” She moved aside so I could pass, and I disliked how she was inviting me into my boyfriend’s apartment.

  “He’s in the shower. He won’t be long. Drink?”

  She swanned over to the kitchen, hips swaying, and I sat hesitantly down on the sofa and watched her. She began mixing cocktails and eventually came back to me with a wide glass filled with red.

  “It’s just vodka and cranberry,” she told me, her lips still curved in that smile. “It won’t hurt you.” She sat beside me, holding her own glass which she lifted to her lips as she watched me.

  I lifted my own drink to my mouth, and it was delicious.

  The door to the bathroom opened, steam escaped as Rick stepped out. “Hey, Bell—“ He stopped short when he saw me sitting there beside the attractive creature that was Bella.

  He frowned. “Greta. What are you doing here?” He wasn’t happy to see me. That manifested into a hurt that felt like it was crushing my chest. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go.

  “Ricky,” Bella admonished. “Don’t be so rude.”

  “Actually,” I placed my glass on the table, pink liquid sloshing over the wide rim. “I’m going to go.” I was on my feet and walking to the door. I could still feel Bella’s eyes on me and could only breathe again once I was through the front door and walking down the stairs.

  “Greta! Greta!” Rick’s voice echoed. He came into sight, clutching a towel around his waist. I stopped and waited.

  “You were rude to me,” I told him before he had a chance to say anything.

  “I know.” His wet hand gently took hold of my upper arm. “I know. I was just surprised to see you. I thought we had plans to meet later.”

  “I texted you.”

  “Sorry. I haven’t checked my phone.” He was rubbing my arm now in a soothing way.

  “Is she staying with you? This woman who you were so obsessed with that you’ve got her name tattooed on you.”

  He looked at me sadly. “C’mon, Greta. Don’t give me a hard time. She’s just a friend now. A good friend, and she’s having a hard time at the moment.”

  “Doesn’t she have any other friends?” I asked bitterly, Pamela’s words running through my head.

  Rick gave a sigh. “If you must know, she’s married, okay? Nothing is going on. I promise. I know how it must look, but you need to believe me.

  His eyes searched mine, and I felt myself weaken. Maybe I was just over reacting. I didn’t have much experience at this relationship stuff. Maybe my own insecurities were making me insane with jealousy.

  I shook my head. “I do. I just, um, I think I should go.”

  He grip became firmer on my arm. “Tomorrow? Okay? We’ll meet up at a bar, have some drinks, have a good time.” He leaned forward and kissed me. I kissed him back eagerly. I had missed this. But I didn’t become lost in him this time; too many thoughts were running through my head and an uneasiness was lurking somewhere in my brain.

  At home, Emma and Damien were cuddling on the couch, oblivious to all. I watched them for a second, before letting the front door slam behind me loudly. They both looked up at the same time.

  “Hey,” Emma greeted. “Where were you?”

  I sat down in the armchair opposite them. “At Rick’s place.”

  I didn’t miss the look of surprise on Damien’s face. “How’d that go?” he asked, slowly.

  I gave a small laugh, it wasn’t a happy sound. “I met Bella.”

  He nodded as if he understood. Emma looked at us in confusion. “Who’s Bella?”

  Damien gave a sigh. “She’s this…woman. Rick’s been screwing her since we were teenagers. She plays with his affections, leads him on, and inevitably ends up breaking his heart.”

  Emma looked at him suspiciously. “And what? What does this mean for Greta? Did he dump her?” She turned to me. “Did he dump you for this Bella person? That prick.”

  “No. He just says that she’s going through a bad time in her marriage and he’s there to support her.” It didn’t sound that convincing as I said it.

  “She’s married? How old is she?” Emma asked.

  “I don’t know really. Late thirties, forty maybe. But she’s a real looker all right,” Damien told her. “She’s also a real bitch.”

  “I found that out too,” I got up. “We’re all supposed to go have drinks tomorrow night. Want to come for backup?”

  “I wouldn’t miss it.” Emma forced a smile. “But are you sure you want to go?”

  “Yeah. I do.”

  Emma insisted on dressing me up. I was squeezed in a black dress that was too short and too low cut. I though it made my flat chest look worse, but Emma insisted that I looked sexy and made me uncross my arms and straighten my back. She drew her liquid eyeliner across my lids and for a second I looked exotic. I wouldn’t let her use a strong color on my lips though. For that, it was just a soft pink. Innocence it was called and I wondered what Bella’s strong, red color was named.

  When she was finished with me, she stood behind me in the mirror and we watched ourselves. “You’re so pretty,” she told me.

  I flashed a smile of gratitude. “We should get going.”

  “Yeah,” she grabbed her purse. “I can’t believe we’re going to hang out with some old woman.”

  “She doesn’t look old.” I rubbed my stomach, trying to quell the nervous butterflies that always seemed to erupt into a dance in my stomach at the thought of unpleasant situations.

  The bar was more upmarket than the ones we were used to. I was glad that we had dressed up. Rick and Bella were sitting at a table and talking closely with heads bent as we walked in. Bella was wearing a white dress of some fabric that shimmered as it plunged low in a v shape to reveal a creamy décolletage that did not betray her age. Her dark hair was down in waves framing her face and it gave her an almost ethereal look. I could see why Rick liked her.

  Her head rose up to survey us, those cat’s eyes taking stock and revealing nothing. Rick turned as well, gave a grin and waved us over. He got to his feet, hugging me to his side and kissing my cheek. I must have given a sigh of relief, and those butterflies changed to a softer dance.

  Rick introduced Emma to Bella. She gave a tight smile but was polite; Damien, on the other hand, had lost all his usual warmth and humor. His dislike was evident. But it did not faze Bella, her mouth was a continual amused smirk as she dominated the conversation.

  Rick’s hand remained on me, but his eyes, his attention: it was all on her, whether he noticed it or not. The realization crept over me like a cold wind, it made it hard to breathe and I wondered if my heart was even pumping. I squeezed his thigh, his eyes swung to me, he gave a grin that should have been reassuring, and then his gaze swept back to her.

  She had him.

  Completely.

  He was a man in love. And it wasn’t with me.

  Chapter Seventeen

  How did we get here?

  I wouldn’t remove my hand from his thigh. I had to grasp onto some part of him, even if I didn’t hold his attention. There were drinks, and then more drinks. Emma and Damien didn’t really loosen up, and I wondered why when the world started to swim for me.

  “We’re going,” Emma had said. “Coming?”

  “No.” Was that slurred voice mine? “I want to stay with my boyfriend.” I lifted my arm and wrapped it around his neck. I left it there like I owned him.

  Her eyes held mine; they were somber and serious. “Are you sure?” she asked, and I
had to concentrate to understand.

  “Sure. I’m sure,” I parroted. I had to lean on Rick now to stay sitting upright.

  Then Emma and Damien were gone. I couldn’t remember if I had said goodbye, but it didn’t matter.

  At some stage, Bella had leaned across the table and taken a lock of my hair. She had run her fingers through it. “So cute,” she said then her eyes flicked to Rick as she gave him a knowing smile. “I see the appeal.”

  Why was she being friendly? That was weird.

  “She’s fucking beautiful,” Rick said, kissing my cheek. He was drunk too; his words slightly slurred.

  Bella was…I couldn’t tell. Drunk or sober, she was as cunning as a fox. Why are foxes cunning? My drunken mind wandered.

  “She’s so sweet. So innocent,” Bella continued. Was she talking about me? Her eyes were on Rick. “I remember when you used to be like that. Before you came under Lucas’s influence—“

  “Don’t talk about that. Don’t talk about him.” Rick’s touch disappeared from me. Every part of him was one hundred percent on her. Was I still in the room?

  She reached over and touched his hand. “Shhh, Ricky,” she said in a gentle voice. “You know you’re more important to me than he ever has been. He makes good financial sense. That’s all he ever has been.” Her voice lowered. “Not like you. You and I are different.” She sounded sweet, almost kind. I didn’t have a clue what was going on. All I knew was that I was scrambling for his attention.

  I clutched at his chin, pulled his face toward mine and made him kiss me. And he did, his tongue ferociously entering my mouth and fucking it before he pulled back abruptly and eyed Bella again.

  “I’m not giving her up,” he told her, like he was speaking with defiance.

  She smiled at him. “I wouldn’t dream of asking that of you.” Her hand was still touching his, but her other was reaching for mine. That alabaster skin with violent red nails enclosed over mine, her predator eyes sought me out.

  “Honey, Rick and I have such a special relationship. We’re soul mates. Star-crossed if you will…”