Shy

by Sinden West

  “Perfect,” I told her.

  Her lips slid into a grin. “Liar.” Then she nodded with her head to a guy sitting at the table. “I’ve moved on from Rick, that one there is my new obsession. He’s in a band and is oh so hot!”

  “Good for you.” I took my beers, but she stopped me from going.

  “You know, we could do a threesome with him instead of Rick. That would be less weird for you.”

  I laughed. “What is your obsession with group sex?”

  Pamela shrugged. “I just think you’re cute. Anyway, if you change your mind you know where to find me,” she teased as she walked away.

  Rick frowned as I placed the beers down in front of him. “Why was Pam talking to you?”

  “She was just being friendly, kind of.” I took a sip of my drink.

  “Try and stay away from her,” he said, grabbing for his fresh beer.

  “Why? Didn’t you want me to find out that you and Bella fucked with her as well?” The alcohol made my mouth run. I watched him for a reaction.

  He gave none at first, but I noticed the whitening of his knuckles as he gripped his beer bottle. He ended up placing it carefully on the table, with such a precise movement that it made no sound.

  “Don’t say, ‘fucked.’ That type of language doesn’t suit you.” His tone was even and smooth.

  “You don’t get to tell me what to do.” The uncharacteristic words flew out of me before I could even think. We held each other’s gaze, and it was he who looked away first.

  “I gotta take a piss.”

  I watched as he got up and walked away from me. I felt frozen for a second and then managed to lift my bottle to my mouth with a shaky hand and take a drink.

  “Sorry we’re late!” Emma’s voice rang out she grabbed a chair and sat next to me, somehow managing this with Damien’s hand stuck to hers.

  “Where’s Rick?” he asked, putting the beers down before sitting.

  “Bathroom.”

  He was coming back now but had stopped to talk with a group of people. I turned to Emma.

  “Let’s go dance!”

  She frowned. “You hate dancing.”

  Why did she have to choose now to argue? “I know but I’m drunk right now.”

  The frown disappeared. “I love drunk you!” She was more than a little drunk herself. She dropped Damien’s hand and grabbed mine, pulling me up. I just managed to grab my drink before she pulled me to my feet. We left just as Rick arrived back.

  Normally, I hated dancing. I always felt like everyone was watching me and judging me. But right then, I didn’t care. I moved however I wanted, I closed my eyes, and when I opened them, guys were all around us. Emma gave me a knowing look and giggled, I grinned too. For once, they didn’t all seem to care about only Emma.

  Several of them moved closer and closer, one came up behind me and put his hands on my hips as he danced behind me. Emma’s eyes widened, and then she laughed. I laughed too. And then Rick and Damien came into view. Rick made some kind of back off motion to the guy behind me and the hands disappeared.

  Rick pulled me to him, sliding his knee in between my legs as he moved along with me. As I looked up at him, I felt breathless at how good looking he was, and how he made me feel. I forgot everything in that instant, every unsettling insecurity seem to disappear at the touch of his skin on mine.

  We danced for what felt like hours, our bodies glued to each other. Finally, we waved goodbye to our friends and Rick led me through the crowd. Once outside, I sucked in the cooler air and brushed my hair back from my face.

  “I’m sorry I got mad at you.” Rick’s voice took me by surprise. I lowered my hand slowly and turned to face him.

  “It’s all right.”

  He shook his head. “No it isn’t.” He stepped forward but didn’t touch me. “I didn’t like you throwing the fact that I’m a bad guy in my face.”

  “I didn’t mean to. You’re not a bad g—“

  “I am. I know what I am, Greta. But you see the good in everyone, and it makes me love you all the more.”

  Did he just say love? My heart flip-flopped.

  “Damien says that I’ve put you on a pedestal,” he continued. “That it’s unrealistic, but I can’t help it. Bella is the only person I’ve ever come close to feeling this for, but you…” He shook his head. “I don’t even know what I’m trying to say.”

  I covered his hands with mine. “I feel it too,” I whispered before kissing him long and hard.

  Chapter Twenty Three

  Oliver attempted, on occasions, to contact me. But I never answered, nor returned a text. Other than that, I was in the land of Rick; happy on my pedestal. I was spending more time at his place, and as the weather was warming up, he started talking about going away together for a few days, to somewhere with a beach and sun. He showed me cheap motels on the internet, and I didn’t tell him that I could afford to stay in the best room at the best hotel if I wanted to.

  It wasn’t that I was keeping my money a secret, I just liked that it didn’t factor into the equation. I wanted to know that Rick loved me for me, and not for the wealth that I had inherited. I smiled and nodded along with his plans. He sounded so excited and so young that I couldn’t help but stare down at him in adoration. I wrapped my arms around him from behind and bent down to where he sat with his laptop and kissed him on the cheek.

  He rewarded me with a grin. “What was that for?”

  “I just think you’re cute.”

  He raised an eyebrow. “That’s my line.”

  Someone knocked at the door, and I unwound my arms from him to go answer it, but before I could, he caught me in another kiss. When he released me, I walked backward from him, smiling. I still had that huge grin on my face when I swung the door open.

  But of course, that grin didn’t stay.

  Bella stood there. But there was no smirk, no knowing look. Her eye was swollen and bruises were vivid on her pale skin. Her lips weren’t painted her customary bold red, and without it she looked half finished; incomplete. Her eyes searched me then they went over my shoulder to where Rick was coming up behind me.

  “Bella?” Then his features turned angry “What the hell?”

  She seemed to exhale at the sight of him as if in relief, and her lips turned up slightly, then she remembered me and her ghost of a smile disappeared.

  “Come inside.” Rick was taking her hand and pulling her inside. “Could you grab some ice?” he said to me as he guided her to sit on the couch. I went to the freezer and started to make an ice pack as they sat on the couch and spoke in hushed tones. I didn’t even try to hear what they were saying, I didn’t see the point. I just concentrated on my task, despair threatening.

  I carried it over to where they sat with their heads bent together and offered it to Rick. His eyes flicked up to me as he took it, he looked almost distraught at her distress. I stood there and watched as he pressed it gently to her face. He was taking care of her as he should, as anyone should. His actions were so tender, so caring and I realized why I felt the way I did about him.

  I wished that I didn’t.

  “I’m going to go,” I managed to say, even though it was hard to get my mouth to form words. “I hope you feel better soon, Bella.”

  She didn’t look at me, but he did. “I’ll call you later,” he told me.

  “Don’t worry about it,” I rasped, heading for the door.

  At home, I sat and waited for a call that didn’t come. I didn’t explain to Emma and Damien about Bella, I just said that I came home because I had an assignment due. But once in my room, I just sat on my bed and watched my phone. Midnight came and went, and still there was no call from Rick. My mind went crazy with visions of them making love carefully, him healing her through their lovemaking and lust.

  Eventually, I got under the covers and tried not to cry in the dark. I did sleep though, sadness was exhausting. And when the banging on the front door started, the numbers on my alarm clock f
lashed 3 am. Wrapping my robe around me, I opened the front door.

  Rick stood there. “Sorry, were you asleep?” Then he rolled his eyes. “Stupid question, I know. Can I come in?”

  “Okay. Why are you here?” I held my breath as I waited for the answer.

  He walked in, planting his hands firmly on my hips. “You’re my girlfriend. Where else would I be?”

  I stepped back from him. “Come on. Be honest. What’s going on with Bella?”

  He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He looked tired. “I took her to the emergency department to get checked out, there was a long wait, and now she’s safely tucked up in my apartment.” He met my eyes. “I couldn’t turn her away, Greta,” he said softly.

  “I know,” I said defensively, hugging myself.

  “Hey.” His hand was cupping my chin now, forcing me to look at him. “It’s you I want to be with. Let’s get that clear, okay? She needed my help. That’s it. But you’re the one I want.”

  I couldn’t stop my lips spreading in a smile. “Really?”

  “Really.” Then he was taking my hand and guiding me toward the bedroom. “C’mon, I’m tired, and I always sleep better next to you.” We didn’t have sex, we just cuddled, and somehow that was more intimate than anything else had ever been.

  We stayed in bed until late the next morning, until I managed to find the energy to throw a robe on over my nakedness and traipse into the kitchen to make him coffee, and myself tea. A rap on the door interrupted me. I pulled my robe tighter around me as I went to answer it.

  Nathan stood there, his eyes bright, but he looked kind of sheepish. “Hey. Sorry. Is this too early?”

  “No.” I broke out into a smile after I got over my surprise. “I’m glad to see you. I didn’t know that you were out.”

  “Yeah.” He held up an envelope. “I got your money.”

  I looked at it, before looking back at him. “It wasn’t important, Nathan. I don’t care about the money. I care that you—“

  “No. Don’t do that, Greta. Don’t forgive me for stuff I don’t deserve, okay?” He pressed the envelope into my hand.

  “At least come in. Let me make you a coffee.” I took his free hand and pulled him inside. “You look good,” I said as I turned my back to him, getting a cup and making it how I remembered that he liked it.

  “I feel better,” I heard him say. “Listen, I wanted to thank you for coming to the rehab center. I know you didn’t have to do that for me—“

  “Babe, what’s the hold up?”

  I turned to see Rick walking in from my bedroom, he’d thrown on his jeans and his chest was bare. The ‘Bella’ tattoo was vivid on his chest. He stopped midstride as he spied Nathan.

  “Nathan, this is my boyfriend, Rick. Rick, my ex-stepbrother, Nathan,” I hurriedly introduced as they both seemed to freeze in their movements, staring at each other.

  Nathan spoke first, his face contorting. “Are you fucking kidding me?”

  I spun to face him. “What? What’s your problem?”

  He gave a slight laugh of almost disbelief. “Greta, please tell me this is a sick joke.”

  “What?” I looked at where Rick stood, his eyes stuck on Nathan. “Nathan, don’t be rude.” But I faltered as I said it, aware that if there was a ‘joke,’ I was the only one who wasn’t in on it.

  “You need to leave her alone. You’re not getting your hands on her money.” Nathan’s tone was cold as he addressed Rick.

  “I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about,” Rick told him, his tone equally as menacing.

  “Nathan?” I asked, frowning, confused.

  He managed to tear his gaze from Rick to look down at me, regret evident. “Greta, do you know what he is? You hate people like him.”

  Rick took a step forward, opened his mouth, and then shut it, hands balled into fists at his sides. I wanted to go to him, to comfort or soothe him, but I didn’t. I couldn’t move.

  “He’s a fucking drug dealer. He works for Lucas Fabieri. They get people hooked, and then threaten those who can’t cover their debts. He’s a low life piece of shit. You can’t fall for someone like him, Greta…” Nathan’s tone was hard and I felt it reverberate through me.

  No, that can’t be true…

  I looked at Rick, waiting for his denials, but none came. His eyes were resting solely on me, but I couldn’t read the look in them.

  “That’s not true,” I said, finally. “Rick, he’s lying, right?”

  Rick said nothing.

  “I’m not lying, Greta. You can’t be with him. Your mom died of an overdose. You loathe drug pushers, remember?”

  My heart was beating so fast that I was scared it would fail. I needed to act, I needed to speak. I sucked in a breath. “Say something,” I told Rick. “You can’t be like that. You can’t be one of those horrible people who hurt…everyone!”

  “Greta…” he murmured, but there was obviously nothing left to say. I could tell by how his eyes searched me, by his lack of denial. It was all true.

  I started to cry, the tears were silent as they slid down my face. “Get out.” My voice embodied all the disgust that I felt. “You are such a fucking liar. Get. Out.” I couldn’t believe the vehemence that was coming from me. He gave me one last look before he went into my room, coming out a second later with his stuff bundled in his hands. I turned my back so I wouldn’t have to look at him, and a few moments later, the front door slammed shut.

  Nathan pulled me into his arms, and I stayed like that for a few minutes, before I pulled away, wiping at my face. “Was he one of the guys who were after you for the debts?”

  He nodded. “He can be a real nasty piece of work on Fabieri’s orders, Greta. I’ve seen it.”

  I sunk down onto the couch. “I can’t believe this.”

  Nathan sat beside me and held my hand. “You’re too trusting, Greta. I’m sorry for the way it came out, and I’m sorry that you’re upset, but you needed to know.”

  The door opened, Emma and Damien burst in, laughing about something. That laughter disappeared from Emma when she spied Nathan. Her face turned to a scowl.

  “What the hell are you doing here?”

  “It’s okay, Emma.” I took a breath. “He just told me some home truths about Rick.”

  She took a step further. “What the hell are you talking about?”

  “He’s a drug dealer,” I said tightly, “Did you know?”

  “What?” She screwed up her face in confusion. “That can’t be true. Damien?”

  All eyes went to her boyfriend, who stood there looking uncomfortable. “Uh, well…” He cleared his throat.

  “Shit. It’s true?” Emma asked.

  He let out a breath, head dropping down. “Yeah, it’s true,” he muttered.

  Emma’s face turned murderous. “You seriously let my best friend go out with a dealer?”

  “He’s not like that,” Damien defended weakly. “Don’t make him out to be a bad person just because he—“

  “He’s violent as fuck, that’s what he is.” Nathan stood now.

  “Who the fuck are you, anyway?” Damien sneered.

  “I’m someone who obviously cares a lot more about Greta than you do.” Nathan was a head taller than Damien and stared down at him.

  Damien flicked his eyes to me. “Seriously, Greta. He’s my best friend. He’s not a bad guy. I wouldn’t put you in that position. Rick cares about you so much. Don’t push him away just because he—”

  “Shut up, Damien,” Emma cut in, anger still evident on her face. “Now would be a good time for you to go.”

  “Emma…”

  “Go!”

  Damien cleared his throat. “I’ll call you later,” he mumbled. She just glared at him. When the door shut behind him, she sat down beside me.

  “I’m sorry. I had no idea,” she told me softly. “I never thought he was right for you, but I swear if I knew what kind of thing he was up to, I would have said something.”

>   I kept wiping at the tears on my face. Nathan lifted a hand to brush the hair from my face, but Emma suddenly wrapped an arm around my waist, pulling me to her.

  “I’ll take care of her,” she said, aggressively. “I haven’t forgotten what you are. You should go too.”

  Nathan nodded. “Okay. Fair enough.” He stood. “Maybe I’ll speak to you later, Greta.”

  Chapter Twenty Four

  Emma and I got drunk. I guzzled wine while she spewed vitriol about Damien.

  “How could he not tell me?” she kept repeating. “He knows how I feel about that kind of stuff. I hate drugs. I hate what they do to people…”

  I stayed quiet, my hand never leaving my wine glass. I was scared that if I opened my mouth, I might start crying again. It was good listening to Emma fume on my behalf. I remembered the men who used to sell my mother her pills after every doctor stopped prescribing for her. They delivered to the house with no worry or concern for this basket case of a woman with her matted hair and unwashed bathrobe when she was in the worst of her depression. I had to have another drink to quell my anger. In my mind, those men’s faces were replaced with Ricks. My love softened nothing about my rage.

  Eventually, Emma had to run to the bathroom to vomit. After that, she stumbled to her bedroom, and a few minutes later I heard her snoring softly. How could she sleep when everything was ruined?

  Drunkenly, I pulled out my phone. I didn’t want to feel anymore; I needed a distraction. I came upon the last text Oliver had sent me and replied. An hour later, I was sitting in a bar not far from where I lived. A cocktail sat in front of me; it was a pretty shade of green that tasted so sweet that I could have downed it quickly if Oliver hadn’t turned up so soon.

  “Sorry if I woke you up,” I told him as he sat beside me.

  “You didn’t. But it wouldn’t have mattered. You know that I would have come regardless.”

  I responded by sucking on my drink desperately.

  “What’s wrong?” he asked softly.

  “My boyfriend’s a horrible loser. I should have just known that that would be the only kind of guy that would ever be interested in me,” I rambled drunkenly.