The Life I Never Asked For

by Kira Adams

  “On one hand it was great because I was able to see the world growing up, but it was also depressing. We never stayed anywhere long enough for me to make any long-term friends.”

  Her story makes me sad and more curious about her. She seems like a level-headed person. I wonder how she got mixed up with Keifer. “So how do you guys know each other?”

  Kieu and Keifer lock eyes and then both break out into laughter.

  “Am I missing something?” I ask, wishing I was a part of the inside joke.

  Keifer laughs a little harder before finally containing himself. “It was episode seventy-two.”

  “You met through your channel?” I guess I shouldn’t be so surprised, as he travels a lot for work.

  They both nod, still smiling at one another. “He crashed a wedding I was a bridesmaid in.”

  “Wow, and how did the bride react to that?”

  Kieu giggles. “She was a little preoccupied getting outed for hooking up with the groom’s best friend.”

  My heart clenches. “Geez, sounds like one eventful wedding.”

  “Oh, it was!” Keifer agrees. “The only good thing I got out of it besides the three million views was this girl right here.”

  “Aw, doesn’t he just pull on your heart strings?” She squeezes his cheeks playfully between her fingers. He looks mildly annoyed, but he doesn’t pull away.

  My heart clenches in my chest. Someday.

  If You Want to Achieve Greatness, Stop Asking for Permission

  We’ve been in Thailand for twelve days now and Keifer has bought us one-way tickets to Cambodia. I don’t want to leave Thailand, but truly can’t wait to explore more of the world. He isn’t the worst travel partner to have.

  The goodbye between Keifer and Kieu is awkward. There is a lot of built up sexual chemistry mixed with frustration and it’s just pouring out of them both. I’m almost embarrassed to be witnessing it all, as if I’m invading their personal moment. Feigning interest in my phone is the only way not to gape at them.

  “Don’t forget about me again like last time. It’s been too long since I’ve heard from you.” Out of the corner of my eye I see her slap him across the head. “It only takes a couple of moments to pick up the phone.”

  “I’m sorry. Really. You didn’t deserve that.”

  Suddenly, I hear the smacking of lips. My heart seizes in my chest and I spin around so they are not anywhere in my vision. My stomach is in knots.

  “You ready?” Keifer appears beside me like nothing happened. I can only manage a small head nod. He takes it without question and begins leading the way.

  “Nice to meet you!” Kieu waves at me from the background. I return the gesture and then follow Keifer inside the airport.

  I feel gutted and yet know I shouldn’t be feeling this way. It’s been four months and one week since I was married and a mother. Four short months. I don’t deserve to feel anything like this yet. Not to mention with someone who is related to Finn in any way. Keifer is just a friend and I’m just confused because I’m lonely. That’s all this is.

  “Are you okay?” he asks, breaking me out of my thoughts.

  I nod my head without verbalizing it. I feel betrayed by my own body and shouldn’t be feeling this way. I’m just grieving.

  “You’re being quieter than normal. Usually you would have complained at least six times by now.”

  I smack him lightly on the arm, but can’t force a smile on my face. Instead, my heart feels heavy. Breathing deeply, I attempt to combat the tears from falling.

  “Okay,” he gives up, and I’m more than relieved. I don’t have it in me to address this today. The flight is a short hour, but sleep calls. I need to shut off my brain.

  I should have known Keifer would have a crazy stunt up his sleeve. Our first stop is at a place that serves Khmer BBQ. I’ve never heard of it or had it before, but judging by the looks of it, it’s barbecued insects. Anything and everything you can think of—roaches, flies, worms, grasshoppers, etc. The worst of it all seems to be the fried tarantula. It looks absolutely disgusting. Of course, Keifer has nothing less in mind.

  “You’ve gotta be shitting me,” I mutter under my breath.

  His grin only widens. “What’s that phrase? Carpe diem.”

  Shudders run down the lengths of both of my arms. “But it’s hairy, and what if…” I trail off gagging.

  He chuckles and then pays for two crispy tarantulas. “Come on, I’ll do it with you. It’s a first for both of us.”

  “Who is going to film us then?” I ask, making a valid point. Keifer told me that normally he has an entire film crew, but he didn’t want to make it about him. He wanted me to know that this is all at my own pace. He says he’s enjoyed the break from his rowdy friends and I can’t say I disagree.

  He spins around, eyeing the people walking by. “There! Him!” Quickly, he hands me the dead spiders and rushes off to stop a teenaged-looking boy. After talking with a lot of hand gestures, the boy finally understands what is being asked. Keifer shows him how to record and how to stop. Everything is going too fast.

  Looking down at the crispy tarantulas in my hand, the sickness is already pooling in my stomach. I can only imagine what it will taste like and hope Keifer doesn’t make me finish it. One bite will be more than enough for me, thank you very much.

  “So, Tobin, we need a name for the episode. What’s it going to be this time?” Keifer grabs the second tarantula from me, and I know I am running out of time.

  Racking my brain, nothing comes to mind. “I can’t think of anything except for the dead spider in my hand.”

  Keifer chuckles. “Okay, what about ‘Danger Has Many Different Faces’?”

  I tilt my head to the side, absorbing it. “I like it.”

  “Okay, that’s it.” He turns to the teenager and motions to him that we are ready. “My name is Keifer Jacks and this is Tobin Price. We are here in Cambodia, on the 23rd of October, and we are about to try Khmer BBQ for our very first time. Go big or go home…right, Tobin?” He doesn’t wait for me to respond before taking a big old bite out of the spider’s body.

  Watching, horrified, I know that I’m out of time. Keifer spits something on the ground immediately and a gooey liquid begins seeping out of the charred body and to the ground. He looks like he’s going to be sick. I think I might be. The local teenager filming is laughing uncontrollably and the woman who sold us the insects is watching with amusement. Everyone is looking at me now—the camera, Keifer, the locals. They are taunting me with their stares. Keifer just went for it, but here I am still holding the damn thing in my hand. It’s time to just get it over with. My adrenaline builds as I rip one of the legs off and bring it up to my lips. Before I can give it any more thought, I take a small bite of it. I’m expecting to throw up immediately, but instead I actually enjoy it! Taking another tentative bite, I ask the seller what it’s been cooked in and she says oil, salt, sugar, and MSG which makes it tasty.

  Keifer is watching me wide-eyed, shocked as shit that I am handling this better than he is. “What does it taste like to you?”

  I’m not even sure myself. “It has a texture like crab, but it tastes a little different. More flavor.”

  He drops the half-eaten tarantula he has and then grips his stomach. “I think I’m going to be sick.”

  Guys are so dramatic when they’re ill. I laugh internally. I’m still chomping down on the legs in front of me, but won’t finish it. I feel satisfied that I not only faced my fear, but that I enjoyed it. It was so unexpected.

  The teenager stops filming as Keifer hacks up his recent few bites. “You going to live?” I tease him as I grab the camera and turn it off.

  Keifer glances back at me and the expression on his face looks like death. Seriously, what would guys do without us?

  “I think we can just call it a day early and always pick back up on the other adventures tomorrow or whenever you are feeling better.”

  He looks pained to quit, but rel
ieved at the core. Nodding slightly, I tap him on the shoulder and we begin walking back toward our taxi. Keifer paid him a lot of money to sit tight while we explored, so I’m sure he will be excited to get back to the city, too.

  We made it back to our hotel a short while ago and Keifer does not look good. I put a hot compress on his forehead, but he’s been puking non-stop since we got in. Besides trying to shove water down his throat, he hasn’t been able to keep anything down.

  “You seriously aren’t feeling anything like what I am?” he asks, dumbfounded.

  I shake my head no. “But I only tried the legs. I saw when you took the bite of the body, some goopy liquid came out. Maybe that’s what is making you sick?”

  “Well, I really hope I don’t have to go to a doctor in freaking Cambodia. Hopefully this will pass.”

  I nod. “Hopefully. Is there anything else I can do for you?” Feeling helpless is never a good feeling for anyone.

  He shakes his head furiously and pushes his face further into his pillow. We have been staying at a hostel per his suggestion, but it’s times like these I wish we were staying at an actual hotel. The hostel is okay, but we are sharing a small room with a bunk bed. The bathroom is also a common shared area that is nowhere near our side of the hostel, but more of a central location.

  “Do you know I have traveled internationally over thirteen times and have never gotten food poisoning until now?”

  Staring back at him, I’m surprised he’s so sure. “Are you positive this is food poisoning?”

  He shakes his head, rubbing his face. “What else would it be?”

  I don’t know, but I’ve never had food poisoning myself, so I wonder how he could be so sure it wasn’t just his stomach reacting to the foreign item he put in it earlier. Sighing, I toss my hands up in surrender. Hopefully he starts to feel better soon. I’ve been enjoying my mental vacation and it would suck to have to go back earlier than expected.

  “I forgot to tell you,” Keifer mutters, barely audible.

  I strain to hear him.

  “‘There is No Quit in Win’ already has over 50,000 views and counting.”

  Time stands still. “What?” That can’t be right.

  He manages a small laugh. “That’s only two weeks. I bet it’s going to crack 100,000 in no time.”

  Choking on my own saliva and fear, I giggle awkwardly.

  “You’re a natural.”

  “Sure,” I reply. “It’s just all your die hard female fans trying to catch a glimpse of you. I bet they’ve been disappointed the past few weeks.” I regret the words as soon as they leave my mouth.

  Keifer’s lip curls up. “You should check out the channel while I try to get some rest. I’m sure you’ll be pleasantly surprised with the comments section.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  He turns over, his back now facing me. “Goodnight, Tobin. Would you be a doll and turn off the light?”

  Difficult Roads Often Lead to Beautiful Destinations

  Keifer was sick for a whole forty-eight hours. Two full days I had to cater to his every need. Of course, he couldn’t stand the thought of me taking care of him instead of exploring, so this morning he used his connections to get me a fish pedicure. It was an experience all its own. Fish nibbling and sucking on the dead skin on your feet? Never would have imagined it and couldn’t say I hated it. It tickled more than anything.

  Because he couldn’t accompany me and film, he simply had me record myself with Snapchat and again says he can splice something together with the footage.

  Now that he is finally feeling up to it, he tells me we have to do something else that involves the same creepy crawlers from the other day. A full body shudder runs through me, but then I remember I ate a freaking tarantula. What could be worse than that? On second thought, the idea of it moving and alive is almost more frightening than eating a dead one. I’m not positive I could do that.

  He finds my anxiety amusing. Not anything new. Good thing he is feeling well enough to laugh and joke. I must be one hell of a caretaker.

  “We don’t have to go far for this, so that’s a plus, right?” he shrugs, while leading the way on foot.

  Unsure of how to respond to that, silence fills the air. In the past three weeks, I have pushed past boundaries I never thought I could. I have faced fears that once felt debilitating to me. What else could he have in store for me? I’ve become dependent on the adrenaline and suspense and it’s what has kept me going.

  After trekking around Cambodia on foot for too long in the sweltering heat, I’m thankful when I see what looks like a lemonade stand. “Maybe we can get something to drink?”

  Keifer smiles back at me, but there is something sinister behind his smile. “Good idea. This is our final stop anyway.”

  I’m looking around but don’t see much for us here at this stand. My mind begins racing, trying to think of what he has in store. Keifer whispers something to the local behind the stand and the darker skinned male leans down to grab a large pitcher of something. The hue is purple, and it almost looks like grape juice. “What is that?” I ask Keifer curiously, but don’t need to wait for an answer. I see it. There, at the very bottom of the pitcher is a live tarantula.

  Staring between Keifer and the pitcher, I already know what is coming. “We’re going to drink that?”

  He nods with a smile. “It’s tarantula wine. Where else will you get to try such a thing?”

  “Let me guess, you’ve tried this before?” Nothing crazy he does surprises me anymore.

  “Bingo. So, this will be all you!” Without giving me fair warning, he’s already pulled out the camera and he’s focusing it.

  “We need a title,” I tell him.

  He looks back at me with raised eyebrows. “You knew him a lot better than me…at least in the end.”

  A pang in my chest makes me remember just how much it sucks to be reminded my rock isn’t here anymore. Not in the physical sense, at least. Some days I feel him everywhere and others I would give anything to feel his presence. “What about Risk Takers are the Money Makers?” I think my title is clever, but I’m anxious to see what he thinks about it.

  “That works for me,” he states, simply starting the camera. “Hello, loyal followers! It’s Keifer Jacks reporting.” He turns the camera on himself for a brief moment before focusing it back on me. “And this is Tobin Price coming to you from Cambodia. We have been international for the past few weeks and down for the count due to food poisoning, the last two days, so we are ready to get back to you all. Today, Tobin is going to try tarantula wine for the first time.” He turns the camera on the pitcher of wine, zooming into the live spider. “And yes, if you’re wondering–that thing is alive. How are you feeling about this one, Tobin? You ready to get ‘er done?”

  I’m scared I’m going to have to drink from the actual pitcher itself, but as it turns out they just pour the wine from there, so it’s infused from the venom. Luckily for me, the tarantula won’t be anywhere near my lips. “Well this should be a piece of cake!” Getting ahead of myself, I’m instantly worried that I’ve just challenged Keifer. The wine is bitter but tastes like boxed wine. It’s not terrible, but it’s also not unbearable. I finish the glass with no issues.

  Because I make it seem too easy, I can tell Keifer isn’t done with me. He whispers something else to the local at the counter and they again bring up a surprise from below. This time it’s a small bottle with a full snake in it. “Nope!” I toss my hands up in surrender. “You can take one for the team though!”

  He chuckles. “Okay, you saw it here first. And don’t forget guys, get out there and live life!” Turning off the camera, he smiles at me. “We should get something to eat, you hungry?”

  Nodding, I’m relieved. The rumbling in my stomach is about the only thing I can focus on right now. “Lead the way!”

  Keifer insists that we go back to the hostel and change into clothes we didn’t sweat in all afternoon. He tells me to d
ress nicer than usual because he wants to go to a fancy dinner. I won’t argue with that.

  We end up at an elegant looking Italian restaurant and I’m relieved. I’ve eaten so much Asian food in the past month, I’m ready for the change in pace.

  Keifer looks handsome with a blue, collared, button-down shirt and black jeans. His beard is trimmed and sharp. He cleans up very well.

  I chose to wear my white, more sophisticated romper. It’s frilly with lace along the bottom of the shorts and on both the straps. I bought it a couple of months ago and this is the first time I’ve worn it.

  When we enter the establishment, it feels as if all eyes are on us. And maybe they are? We look like we belong.

  We order two glasses of red wine, pinot noir to be exact, and Keifer raises his in the air for a toast. “To a successful trip and honoring Finn and Easten.”

  I clink my glass with his before taking a sip. My romper is white, so I try to be cognizant when drinking the dark liquid. “I’ve actually had a really good time, so I want to say thank you.”

  He stares back at me wide-eyed before crossing his arms against his body. “Who would have guessed we would be here and not fighting or arguing?”

  “Not me.” I pause. “You know, you’re a lot different than I initially thought or was led to believe.”

  His eyebrows raise. “How so?”

  “You’re not really an asshole. You just play one for the camera. Keifer Jacks actually has a heart inside of that chest.”

  He chuckles and puts his finger to his lips. “Shh. Don’t tell anyone. It will ruin my reputation.”

  I can’t help but laugh. “You know, for the record, I prefer this Keifer.”

  He smiles, swirling his wine around in his glass. “I’m really happy you allowed me to be a part of this.”

  I scoff. “Allowed you? It’s your channel we’ve been filming for the past month.”

  He nods. “It is, but you didn’t have to agree to this. And the numbers are good, Tobin. They are right on par with where I should be.”