Letters to Alice

by Rosie James

  Alice frowned as she walked along the mossy, winding paths to work. What could be going on in Evie’s life, something so patently obvious that Fay had seen fit to take some action?

  Well, Alice would be on that train to Bristol on Saturday afternoon.

  No question.

  ‘I realize I am no substitute for Mrs.Foulkes,’ Fay said cheerfully, piling some creamy mashed potato onto Alice’s plate, ‘but it’s the best I can do under the circumstances. And the sausages are OK – a bit bready, but quite tasty. So dig in. Tomato ketchup or HP?’

  Alice glanced up at Fay and smiled. It was so good to be here with her. ‘So – how does this work?’ she asked Fay. ‘You and your landlady sharing things – the kitchen and bathroom, I mean.’

  Fay had her own quite large bedroom, and shared the bathroom upstairs. The dining room where she and Alice were now eating their supper was for Fay’s use alone. The owner – a retired lady called Miss Downs – had the main bedroom, and the downstairs front room.

  ‘It’s quite easy, actually,’ Fay said, in answer to Alice’s question. ‘I’m always the first one up in the morning, so the bathroom and kitchen are mine until I leave for work. And then Miss Downs has the house all to herself until I get back at 6 o’clock. She’s had her tea by then, and is well clear of the kitchen.’ Fay shook some more ketchup onto her sausages. ‘The only time we ever bump into each other is when I come home in the evening – Miss Downs likes me to stop and have a chat with her then.’

  ‘So – you’re happy, Fay…?’ Alice asked. ‘Happy to be living here rather than with your mum and your gran?’

  ‘I should say so,’ Fay said emphatically. ‘Look, I’m twenty-eight. I need to be able to come and go without someone fussing over me and asking me what time I’ll be home on a Saturday night! Miss Downs never asks me any questions. I’ve got my own key, so there’s no problem.’ Fay stopped eating for a moment, and looked around her as they sat at the dining room table. ‘Mind – I hope this isn’t the last place where I’m going to be ending my days! I’d like to think that…something or other will happen to change things.’ She grinned. ‘I might even consider tying myself to some bloke or other – as long as he’s rich – and handsome! But – if he doesn’t come along, well, I still hope I’ll have a place of my own. Own my own house or flat somewhere.’ She shrugged. ‘That’s not on the cards at the moment, though, because the money I’m paid isn’t exactly the stuff of dreams. It’s enough, don’t get me wrong, I can pay all my bills and still go out and enjoy myself…but…I’d like to think that I’ll be given a leg up one day, and be able to go and do something different, something more exciting than working in the Planning Department of Bristol City Council. Though I share an office with a decent bunch of people, and the blokes are a real laugh.’

  Alice stared across at Fay for a moment…Fay seemed to be having the same thoughts as she, Alice, had done earlier in the week. Feeling hesitant about the future…wary, afraid to hope for too much. During all the years of the war, survival, and the hope of peace had been what kept everyone going, had been sufficient. Now, life’s big question marks loomed once more…

  Alice finished her supper, and put her knife and fork down. She didn’t feel that this was a good moment to say anything about herself – to mention her thoughts about her, Fay, and perhaps Eve – striking out and going right away from the west country. Starting somewhere different together.

  Anyway, first things first. They had to find out what was bothering Evie, and as if reading her thoughts, Fay said as she got up to clear their plates –

  ‘D’you know, when I was saying cheerio to Evie and her mother and father, Evie gripped my arm as if she never wanted to let it go…it wasn’t something I could ignore. And I just squeezed her back tightly, and said see you Sunday. Then they’d gone, with Evie’s little pale face staying in my mind for hours afterwards. That’s why I had to write, Alice.’

  ‘And I’d have killed you if you hadn’t, Fay,’ Alice said firmly. ‘Just because I’m out of the way down in Dorset does not mean that I’m out of mind – I hope! Because you two are often still in mine!’

  ‘’Course I still think of you,’ Fay said, ‘and always will. ‘Now, there’s a tin of fruit salad, and some ice cream for pudding. Hope that’s OK.’

  ‘Umm – I’d really rather have some of Mabel’s home-made apple pie and custard,’ Alice said teasingly.

  ‘Wouldn’t we all?’ Fay replied. ‘Come on, you can put the kettle on. Shall we have tea or coffee?’

  The following lunch time, with the Berkeley restaurant warm and nicely crowded, Alice, Fay and Eve took their seats at a corner table right at the back of the large room. And presently a uniformed waitress arrived to take their order. The menu was hardly extensive, but they all chose fish fingers, peas and chips, Fay ordering a beer for herself, for the others some soft drinks.

  Alice was still trying to get over the initial shock she’d had at seeing Eve. The girl had lost weight – definitely – her wan face making her look drawn and vulnerable, and when they’d all met at Temple Meads, Eve had thrown her arms around Alice’s neck like a frightened child. There was no doubt about it, Alice had instinctively thought, something was going on. Evie was suffering.

  Of course, during their walk up Park Street to get here just now, they’d all been chatting away as normal, exchanging superfluous details of their lives, with Fay adding enough comic detail now and then to make the others laugh. But as soon as they’d sat down in the restaurant, Eve’s manner changed, and she looked across at Alice and Fay, her eyes brimming with tears. Whatever was troubling her, Eve couldn’t wait to get it off her chest.

  Fay came straight to the point, as usual. ‘What the hell’s the matter with you, Evie?’ she enquired. ‘Come on, spill the beans – and don’t worry – we’ve been here before with you, as I remember. Not another phantom pregnancy I hope?’

  Alice threw Fay a warning glance. This didn’t seem the right time to make jokes, and Alice said, ‘How…umm how are your parents, Evie? I don’t expect they like this dreary, wet weather…probably stops them getting out and about doesn’t it?’

  Now, Eve seemed ready to burst into tears, but then the waitress arrived with their lunch, and they watched as the plates were set down in front of them, and the woman made her exit. And at last, Eve looked across at them, her face such a picture of misery that Alice felt like bursting into tears herself.

  ‘It’s…it’s…it’s just that, well, I’m in a terrible quandary, and I don’t know what to do,’ she said, her tone low so that no one else could overhear.’ You see, I need…I need your advice, I need you to tell me what’s best to do…what I can possibly do. Well, I know what I can do…what I must do,’ she added desperately, ‘but it’s not as easy as that! And anyway, what I should do is not what I want to do! It’s just a hopeless, hopeless, situation,’ she added finally, shaking her head in a gesture of total despair.

  None of them had even started their lunch as they listened to what Eve was saying, then Fay picked up her fork. ‘So, that’s the first scene of act one,’ she said, spearing a chip and putting it into her mouth. ‘We know without any doubt that there is a problem. A big problem. But if the audience is going to help you solve it, Evie, we need to know what IT IS!’

  Alice took over. ‘I think I can guess what the matter is, Evie,’ she said quietly, ‘you want to do something that you know your parents will object to. That’s it, isn’t it?’

  Eve nodded miserably, trying to make a start on her lunch and nearly gagging. Then – ‘You remember the chap I told you about – the chap I worked with at the shop…Max?’ and Fay said, scooping up some peas with her fork –

  ‘Ah – we know where this is going, Evie. This is man trouble. Well, blast his eyes, whoever he is,’ she added cheerfully.

  ‘No…no, it’s not his fault!’ Eve said, and Alice cut in quickly –

  ‘Go on, Evie…tell us what’s going on,’ she urged.

&nb
sp; ‘Well…’ Eve took a deep breath. ‘Max was overseas for the last half of the war, and when he came back, Diana, his wife, told him she’d been having an affair with one of his best friends – who, happily for him, was stationed at Salisbury for the whole time! So conveniently close to home!’

  ‘These things happen,’ Alice said philosophically, and Eve went on –

  ‘But, see, Max is back now, working at the shop, and we’re together for most of the time that I’m there as well…I work three days a week at the moment. And early this year – we went out…you know, we went out…together and…’

  ‘You didn’t!’ Fay nearly exploded. ‘You didn’t let him have his evil way with you, Evie, surely? And you’re not…?’

  Eve’s expression was withering as she stared across at Fay. ‘No, I am not, Fay, thank you very much!’ she retorted. ‘But…I wish I was! I wish I was having his baby!’ Eve raised her voice, and one or two other diners glanced back briefly. ‘There, now you know,’ she said defiantly. ‘I’ve always liked Max…and we’ve always got on so well and we like the same things and he told me, once, that I was…very special to him…and I can’t deny it, I’ve always been in love with him,’ she went on truthfully. ‘But he was already married. So I knew there was never going to be any hope for me.’ She took another sip from her glass. ‘But the other thing is – Diana wants a divorce…she wants him to divorce her!’

  ‘Well, that’s good, isn’t it?’ Fay said, finishing the last of her chips, and Eve’s shoulders slumped.

  ‘If you mean that getting divorced from his wife means he’s free to marry me – even though he’s told me that it’s what he wants, well, if it were only that simple! It might be with a normal family – but I don’t have a normal family,’ she said flatly.

  ‘Do your parents know…about you and Max?’ Alice asked.

  ‘Help! No! They’d kill me!’ Eve said. ‘I can just see their faces if I introduced them to Max and said – this is Max, and we work together and I love him and he loves me and he’s divorcing his unfaithful wife and is going to marry me instead. They would not be able to stomach it, I know they wouldn’t! So, what am I to do? Go off with the love of my life and find happiness, knowing that I’ll ruin my parents’ last years? Because they would never get over the disgrace! Their only daughter marrying a divorcee! Disgusting! Unthinkable!’

  ‘But many people do divorce, and in any case he is not the guilty party,’ Fay said, but Eve wouldn’t let her go on.

  ‘Of course! But that wouldn’t matter to my mother and father because there’s still a stigma to it, Fay, believe me. To the unenlightened, divorce is something to be ashamed of. Something indulged in by second-rate people having second-rate standards,’ Eve said, ‘not staying true to their original vows.’

  Eve stared down at the untouched food on her plate. ‘So – you two…wise monkeys…tell me what I should do…please… Tell me how to get out of this one,’ she said quietly.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  It was 8.30, and the train was on time as it pulled into Dorchester railway station. Alice stood up, gathering her things together and glancing out of the window as they came slowly to a stop.

  She’d had plenty to keep her mind occupied on the way home…she and Fay hadn’t got to sleep until very late last night because despite the fact that they’d all been together last Christmas, there’d still been plenty that either she or Fay remembered to reminisce and laugh over about their four years at Home Farm. They’d had to keep their voices and giggling down to a sensible level because Miss Downs was in the adjoining bedroom.

  ‘I wouldn’t want to upset her,’ Fay had whispered, ‘because she used to be a senior admin officer at Bridewell police station…and she might throw the book at me if I misbehave!’

  But now, as Alice got off the train and went towards the exit, her main thoughts were about poor Eve, and her dilemma.

  After they’d finished their lunch at the Berkeley, they had strolled back down Park Street arm in arm, still going over and over it, with Fay’s opinion strong and determined as ever.

  ‘Look, Evie,’ she’d said – more than once – ‘on this occasion, you must put yourself first. Your parents have already had a long and happy life, but that won’t last for ever and when they die you’ll be on your own with plenty of time for regret. We’ve all only got one chance of happiness on earth and it does sound as if your mother and father have had a pretty good innings…with you there for most of it…looking after them. But now it’s your turn! So take it! Tell them that when he’s free, you’re going to marry the man that you love…a good man, who loves you, too. A good man who you know will make you happy. Surely any parent would be glad about that? And they’ll soon get used to the dreaded “divorce” element in your situation. Well, they’ll have to,’ Fay added bluntly, ‘because it’s here to stay, and nothing will stop it being widely practised from now on. It’s inevitable.’

  Eve was silent for a few minutes after that, and Alice had said, ‘You’re going to have to say something to them sooner or later, Evie, and putting it off is making you miserable.’ Alice had paused, then – ‘If I were you, I’d choose the right moment, then explain it to them…explain everything, quietly and reasonably. Say that this is not your fault, nor Max’s, and that when he came back, he expected to resume his life with the woman he married. But she has betrayed him. That was not fair – so doesn’t the poor bloke deserve some happiness after being away and serving his country?’ Alice had shrugged. ‘Well, you can only try, Evie – and you never know, your parents might surprise you. Times are changing, and they may be ready to change a bit, too.’

  Eve’s problem had naturally been the dominant topic of conversation throughout the afternoon, with obviously nothing really achieved. But as they’d walked together towards Temple Meads for Alice to catch her train – Eve had a return ticket to Bath by bus – Eve had said –

  ‘I’m so glad we’ve had today together…I knew it would do me good to hear what you both had to say – and I want you to meet Max soon. I know you’ll like him!’

  When Alice got home, there was a letter waiting for her on the mat – obviously having arrived by the second post yesterday, after she’d left for Bristol.

  Picking it up, she put her overnight case at the bottom of the stairs, switched on all the lights, then hung up her coat and scarf and went into the kitchen to put the kettle on. She shivered…the house was cold, having had no fire lit for a couple of days. Christmas was now just two weeks away, and someone had said it could even be a white one this year…it certainly felt possible. Alice rubbed her hands together briskly.

  She picked up the letter and before opening it, looked at it curiously She always did this. Tried to see if she could guess who it was from. It was certainly a beautiful envelope, the handwriting neat and well-formed, and she opened it carefully, unfolding the one page inside. On the top right hand corner was the Clifton address, with the date – 7thth December 1946 – beneath it.

  And as she began to read, Alice’s mouth went dry, and her fingers began to shake.

  Dear Alice

  Daddy has asked me to contact you – I wasn’t too sure where you were living now, but I obtained this address from Mummy’s notebook, so I do hope it finds you.

  I am sorry to have some rather bad news. Mummy is not well, and after a short stay in hospital has been home in bed for several weeks. The future for her is questionable at the moment, and we have all been coming home as often as possible. Sam and Millicent are staying here for the time being, and Rose will be arriving tomorrow – she has been abroad. David and John are expected to be here this evening.

  Daddy wishes you to be here as well, so I hope you can make suitable arrangements with your employers. If you can stay for a night or two that would be wonderful – your room is here for you, as always.

  I do hope you can make it, Alice. Mummy – and Daddy – need all of us.

  Ever yours – Margaret.

  Clut
ching the letter, Alice sank to the floor on her knees, and buried her face in her hands. Margaret could hardly have been more specific.

  Helena – beautiful, elegant, kind, generous Helena – was dying.

  But how on earth…why on earth…why hadn’t Alice been told before now? Why hadn’t anyone said that Helena was in hospital? This was a bolt right out of the blue and it seemed as if time was short…

  For a second, Alice felt put out. Surely someone, one of the family, could have let her know?

  Then she felt ashamed – she hadn’t been in touch with the family for some time…maybe they thought she wasn’t interested in them any more! That was a terrible, terrible thought! The Carmichaels were her family…her only family!

  And Alice didn’t need to read the letter again to remember what else had been said – Sam and Millicent are here now – well of course they were! They would be there, if no one else! They would be there – together…

  Slowly, Alice got to her feet. What a day this was turning out to be. And if only she’d had this letter before leaving yesterday, she could have gone straight up to Clifton without wasting any time! She could be there now! She’d been so close to them all the time she was sitting having lunch…could have sprinted along the familiar walk up Whiteladies Road and Blackboy Hill.

  But instead, she’d been chatting and laughing with her friends, and listening to Eve, so depressed and unhappy about her life.

  And now, it seemed, Helena was slowly coming to the end of hers…

  Alice straightened up, forcing herself to get a grip on her emotions, and try and think clearly about her immediate plans.

  One certainty was that she would be back on the train to Bristol tomorrow. First thing in the morning she would ring Head Office and speak to Mr. Pennington. When she explained the position, she was positive that he would agree to her having a few days off – after all, he had sent someone down from London to take over the Dorchester branch while Alice had had her week’s holiday in the summer, so he would naturally do the same now…and in any case, Valerie was a very able deputy, she knew how everything ticked down here.