Safe Distance

by Megan Green

  She shakes her head. “I don’t even know what to say. Sorry doesn’t seem to cut it.”

  “It was a long time ago. Sure, I still miss them. Every damn day. But I know they’d hate it if I let it consume me. Dad was in the military when he was younger. And Noah was planning on enlisting as soon as he graduated. He was eighteen when he died. So I decided the best way to honor their memory was to follow in their footsteps. And it turned out to be the best decision I’ve ever made.”

  “It suits you. I can’t imagine you doing anything else. Not with the way you talk about it.”

  I nod. Because there is nothing else I’d rather do. I may have signed up because of my dad and brother, but I’ve stayed for me. It’s my life.

  “Your dad wasn’t career?”

  Shaking my head, I answer. “Nope. My mom hated him being gone. He did his ten years and then retired. They had Noah and he went back to school with his GI bill. Seven years later, they had me. He missed the life once in a while, but he ended up loving teaching even more. And us, of course.”

  She nods, a faraway look in her eyes. I can see the thoughts churning behind the dark pools of her eyes. But before I can ask, she snaps out of her reverie. “Your mom? What’s she doing now?”

  All the breath rushes out of me. My mom is not a subject I like to talk about. “Haven’t seen her in a few years. After Dad and Noah died, she sort of went off the deep end. Booze, drugs, men. You name it. I ended up living with Chris and his folks. I’d check in with my mom every so often, but after I joined the Army, she freaked. Said she couldn’t handle it. So I keep my distance. It’s best for both of us.”

  Haylee looks sad at this but doesn’t comment. Lucky for me, she also doesn’t ask any more questions. I take advantage of her silence and try to turn the conversation from me. I don’t want to talk about my mom anymore. It hurts too much.

  “How about your parents? What do they do?”

  Her face completely closes off. Of all the questions I could have asked, this was obviously the wrong one. A million emotions swirl behind her eyes, but her face remains completely masked. She’s silent for so long I assume she’s not going to answer at all. I’m racking my brain, trying to come up with something that will repair the damage I’ve done to the progress we’ve made today, when she finally speaks.

  “My father left before I was born. My mother was…” She trails off, searching for the correct term. “Difficult. Honestly, she wasn’t much of a mother. We’re not in touch. Let’s just leave it at that.”

  I nod, grasping on to any information she’s willing to give but knowing not to push her on the subject. “I’m sorry,” I say simply.

  She scoffs. “Nothing to be sorry for. Got by just fine on my own. And I’ll continue to do so.”

  Her callous tone hurts. It shouldn’t, but it does. Every time I think I’m getting somewhere with her, it’s like she can sense it and immediately slams her gates right back down. I wish she’d trust me. Open up to me. Let me be her friend.

  In the midst of our conversation, the waitress delivered the sandwiches to our table. We were so consumed in our conversation that we left them completely untouched until now. I take a bite of mine, occupying my mouth before I say something I’ll regret later. She follows suit, and we finish the meal in awkward silence. As soon as she’s polished off the last of hers, she wipes her mouth with her napkin and tosses it on the table.

  “Thanks for inviting me. It was…fun?” It comes out sounding more like a question than a statement.

  I chuckle under my breath. That’s one way of describing it, I guess. I could think of several other, much more appropriate options.

  I stand when she does. “Thanks for coming. Let me walk you to your car.”

  She shakes her head, throwing some cash on the table. Every muscle in my jaw tightens and I clench my teeth against the protest forming on my lips. My dad would roll over in his grave if he knew I was letting a woman pay for her own lunch, even if she is just a friend. But I decide I’ve screwed this up enough today. Arguing with her right now will just give her something else to get upset about.

  “You don’t need to do that. I’m parked right outside the door.” She points out the front door and I see her car parked in the first stall. Well shit.

  “Okay then. I’ll see you later?” Now I’m the one making statement-questions.

  She shrugs and nods her head slightly. “Later.”

  The bell on the door jingles wildly as she shoves it open. I watch her as she gets into her car. She must be unaware that I can see her through the tinted windows, because she briefly lays her head on the steering wheel, her shoulders slumping around her. When she finally straightens, the look on her face is so sad it takes everything in me not to go to her. She slams her hand down on the wheel, her mouth spewing words I can neither hear nor make out. She whips her head around and backs out of the parking spot.

  I add my money to Haylee’s, making sure to leave a generous tip for the waitress, who I’m sure overhead our entire exchange. That poor woman probably thinks we’re both insane. I leave the deli and drive back to my place, the same thought running through my head over and over again.

  What in the hell just happened?

  The next two weeks pass slowly. Aside from the occasional text¸ I don’t hear from Ryan at all. I try to convince myself that it’s for the best. That it’s better to end whatever is happening between us now, before the hole I’ve begun digging gets even deeper. But still. His silence is heartbreaking.

  In an attempt to focus my attention elsewhere, I throw myself into my work instead. I’ve never wanted anything as badly as I want this account. To finally get to work on something I’m passionate about. I know I can make these guys huge, if only given the chance.

  Amanda has definitely noticed the change in my behavior. A week after my night at Ryan’s, Amanda came home to find me sitting at the kitchen table.

  “Hey,” she’d said, giving me a strange look.

  “Hey. How was your night?”

  “Good. Yours?”

  “Good. Busy. Trying to get these mock-ups done for that new account. Think they’re just about perfect.”

  She gives me a tentative smile. “Do you have any idea what time it is, Hay?”

  I glance at the clock. It’s almost one in the morning.

  “Oh shit. I didn’t realize it was so late. Got carried away, I guess. I want to get these right.”

  She walks over to me, looking at my project spread across the table. “Those are great, Hay. They’d be stupid not to hire you. But you’ll never be able to give the presentation if you don’t get some sleep. You’ll be dead on your feet.”

  I nod. “Yeah, you’re right. Just let me finish this last thing and I’ll hit the hay.”

  She pulls up a chair and sits. “You okay? You’ve been strangely absorbed by this project. I didn’t think this stuff was that important to you.”

  “It wasn’t before. But then Sue gave me this opportunity. Representing a publishing house. Can you imagine, Manda? What could possibly be more perfect for me?”

  She gives me another small smile. “You’ll rock the shit out of it. No doubt about that.” She picks up a few of my idea boards and shuffles them around. I can tell she isn’t really looking at them though. Just biding her time while she tries to figure out how to say what’s really on her mind. Finally, she drops them back to the table and looks at me. “How’re Ryan and Chris? Haven’t seen them in a while.”

  I should’ve known that’s what was on her mind. As much as I’m trying to pretend otherwise, it’s at the forefront of mine too. I glance down at the table, unwilling to meet her gaze as I answer.

  “Oh. They’re good, I guess. Been so busy I haven’t had a chance to see them lately,” I say, giving a dismissive wave of my hand.

  She gives me a sideways look. I can tell she’s not buying my bullshit. “You seem to have a lot of fun with them. Just don’t let work take up too much of your time. You ne
ed to make some time for yourself too, ya know.”

  “I will. As soon as this presentation is over. Let’s plan something for this weekend. I’ll call and see if they want to go out with us,” I say, not even sure if Ryan and Chris are still in the country, let alone available to hang out. The thought of him leaving without even saying goodbye makes my stomach to drop.

  But it seems to have placated Amanda, at least for now. “It’s a date. Now, I need to get some sleep before I keel over. Don’t stay up too much later, k?”

  I nod. “I’m right behind you.” I gather up the materials, deciding these boards are as good as they’re going to get. I do need to try and get at least a little sleep. I’ve hardly slept at all lately. Stupid brain and its incessant need to think and torture me.

  Three days later I’m sitting in my office, completely lost in my thoughts. I haven’t heard from Ryan in days. And my presentation was the day before yesterday. It went well, or at least I thought it did. But two days later and we still haven’t heard back from the publishing house. At the conclusion, they’d simply packed up their laptops and notebooks and said they’d be in touch.

  I stare out the window, chewing on my thumbnail and pondering what to do with my life now that I’ve blown the one thing I thought I’d be good at, when I hear a knock on my door. I turn to see Sue standing in the doorframe, a huge smile plastered on her face. My spirits immediately lift. Leaning forward in my chair, I wait for her to speak.

  She walks in and strolls to the window. “Whatcha looking at?”

  I shrug. I wasn’t looking at anything. I’d been too consumed by thoughts of pitching used car ads for the rest of my life. The outcome wasn’t pretty, believe me.

  “This is a shitty view,” she says, interrupting my dismal thoughts once more. “You should see the one from my office. You can see the whole park. Not just a shot of the parking lot.”

  “Yeah, I know. I’ve been to your office, Sue. Many times.”

  “You wanna grab lunch today?” She asks, turning back to the window and purposely avoiding the one subject she knows I want to talk about.

  I let out an exasperated breath. “Oh my god, Sue. Just tell me. You’ve heard something. Did I get it?”

  She looks at me gravely, all traces of her earlier smile gone. Shit. I bury my head in my arms on my desk. “I blew it. Dammit. I knew those boards could’ve been better. I should have spent more time on them. What’d they say? Did I completely embarrass the company?”

  She sits on the corner of my desk and rests her hand gently on my shoulder. “I’m sorry, Haylee. I know how hard you worked on that presentation,” she says, her tone soft and soothing. “But…they loved it. So you better get used to all that hard work. Because now that they’ve seen what you’re capable of, they aren’t going to accept anything less.”

  My head flies off my desk and I blink at her. “W-what?”

  The shit-eating grin she’s currently wearing threatens to split her face in two.

  I shove her. “You bitch. God, you nearly gave me a heart attack,” I say, laughter breaking through my voice.

  She straightens her jacket and clears her throat. Whoops. I guess it’s probably not a good idea to shove my boss and call her a bitch. “Oops. Sorry, Sue. You, uhh…just surprised me.” I look up at her with my best doe eyes.

  “It’s okay. I’ll forgive you. But only because I pretty much had the same reaction when I got my first big account. Congrats, Haylee,” she says, pulling me into a hug.

  I squeeze her tightly, tears starting to build in my eyes. “Are you serious, Sue? They want to work with me?”

  “Only you. You dazzled the hell out of them. They said if we even thought about putting someone else on the account, they’d walk. Good job, kiddo. I knew you could do it.”

  She stays in my office for a few minutes, explaining where I’ll need to go from here. I have contracts I need to sign, disclosure forms, etc. But I can barely hear her words. My excitement is deafening.

  “Lunch on me today,” she says as she stands to leave. “I’ll stop by and grab you when I’m ready. And after that, you take the rest of the day. Go celebrate.”

  I nod so eagerly it probably looks like I’m having a seizure. “Thank you, Sue. So much.”

  She smiles at me. “You did this one yourself, sweetie. I’m so proud of you.” She touches her fingers to my chin gently as she says the words, her look filled with so much warmth and pride it makes my heart soar. I pull her to me for one last squeeze before she turns and leaves my office.

  The next few hours are spent on Cloud Nine. My first thought is to call everyone I know and tell them the good news. Amanda squeals and congratulates me at least a hundred times, insisting we go out to celebrate as soon as she’s done with class. I hang up with her after a few minutes, eager to spread my news with someone else. As I scroll past Ryan’s name, I’m immediately crestfallen. He’s the only other person I really want to share this with, and I don’t even know if I can call him. I put my phone down on my desk, the nail chewing and window staring resuming.

  My thoughts battle each other in my head for a good ten minutes. And just as I determine that I need to at least try to get a hold of him, my phone vibrates on my desk. I snatch it up eagerly, hoping to see Ryan’s name there.

  Unknown number. All the enthusiasm deflates out of me. Sending the call to voice mail, I drop the phone back onto my desk. I rub my hands down my face, pressing the heels of my hands into my eyes. I’m probably smearing my mascara, but I honestly just don’t care at the moment.

  As I deride myself for my stupidity, my phone starts to ring again. Unknown number. Again. Uncertainty blooms in my chest. I silence my phone and throw it in my drawer. It’s nothing, I tell myself, trying to ease my own anxious thoughts.

  My stomach turns and I want to go home. I decide to head up to Sue’s office and tell I’ll have to take her up on lunch some other time. I quickly shut down my computer and grab my purse. I tentatively pull my phone from the drawer, peeking at the screen from half closed eyes. Another missed call from unknown. Three calls in less than ten minutes. I swallow hard. After all these years, it can’t be, can it? How would they have gotten my number? I sling my purse over my shoulder, anxious to get out of here.

  As I pull my office door shut behind me, I feel the vibration immediately begin again. I shakily pull the phone from my pocket, my eyes closed. I let out a deep breath, resolving to answer it and find out just who is harassing me—if it’s a telemarketer, so help me God—I open my eyes and fix my eyes on the screen.

  Ryan.

  My chest flutters at the sight of his name. I stare at the screen for several moments before it dawns on me that I need to answer soon or he’ll get sent to voice mail. I drag my thumb across the screen and bring the phone to my ear.

  “Hello.”

  “Haylee. Finally. Do you not know how to answer your phone? I’ve been calling all damn day.” Chris’s exuberant laughter booms through the speaker. Not the voice I was hoping to hear, but it brightens my spirits all the same. And at least now I know they’re still here.

  Chris’s words register in my mind. He must have been the unknown number. All the anxiety that had been building in my chest evaporates. And I giggle softly at his exaggeration—only Chris would consider three calls in ten minutes all day.

  “Hey. What’s the emergency?”

  “I need your help. Listen up.”

  I’ve had a permanent grin plastered on my face for the past twenty four hours. Ever since I hung up the phone with Chris yesterday, I’ve been a puddle of mushy elation. His plan is genius. Perfect. Best plan in the history of plans. He’s going down in history as the best boyfriend in the world. The universe. Sorry, men. You might as well give up now.

  I’ve spent the whole day down at the pier. You’d think after spending so many hours out in the intense summer heat, I’d be ready to go home and crash. Soaking in the tub and reading a good book do sound pretty damn good right about now. B
ut what I’m about to witness is just as good as any book I might have at home. Better, because it’s real. A chapter out of one of my beloved romance novels come to life. And I get to be a part of it. I can’t freaking wait.

  After getting off the phone with Chris, I immediately called Amanda and cancelled our plans. She was pissed, but as soon as I filled her in on the details, she shrieked in my ear and told me I’d better come get her so she could help. I booked it to Sue’s office, telling her I had somewhere I absolutely had to be and that I’d take her to lunch on Monday to make up for bailing on her. She laughed at my exuberance and rushed me out of her office, telling me I’d better be prepared to give her a full report on my weekend first thing Monday morning.

  I swung by our apartment to grab Amanda and we spent the rest of the day running errands for Chris. We got to his and Ryan’s place just after six, our arms laden with bags filled with everything he could possibly need. The four of us spent the next six hours making sure everything was prepped and ready. The atmosphere in the apartment was so fun and light that I didn’t even have time to worry about where I stood with Ryan. We laughed and giggled like we always do.

  Now the sun is setting and it’s almost time. Chris stayed behind this morning to get ready while Ryan, Amanda, and I came down to the pier to recruit random strangers for help. Everyone is in place and just waiting for Emma to arrive. The whole thing is coming together perfectly.

  I glance at my watch, my nerves on edge. She should be here any minute. Grabbing my purple tulip, I walk quickly over to the bench where I’m supposed to meet Emma for “dinner.” She thinks we’re celebrating my landing the account.

  My knees bounce in excitement as I sit. I admonish myself, knowing Emma will see right through me if I’m acting like this when she gets here. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I slowly count to ten and release it.