Silent Cry

by Dorothy J. Newton

  Tré had experienced several concussions in his years playing for the University of Texas. Nate and I flew to Austin and met with him and a team of doctors. Their advice was that Tré should no longer play football. We did our own research and found out as much information as we could. In the end, it was Tré’s decision. He had information from his coaches, from the medical staff, and from us, but it was his decision to play or to give up football. Ultimately, he was the one who had to live with the choice, so we let him make it. In November 2010, he held a press conference and announced he would no longer play football.

  The news was hard on the whole family. Tré had loved football since he was two years old. The only toys he ever wanted as a boy were footballs and little football men. He loved everything about the NFL. He loved watching Nate play and was proud that his daddy was a pro. He was also a scholar who was attending school on a football scholarship. Nate and I both supported his decision 100 percent. Tré told me he knew it would be selfish to continue playing. Another serious injury could leave him an invalid for life — and that would have meant I had to take care of him. He didn’t want that for me.

  Remarkably, UT honored his football scholarship. They did not penalize him because he was injured and unable to play. He continued to support the team, working with them and being involved from the sidelines. His passion for football had to express itself in other ways.

  In February 2011, I received an invitation to attend WILD (Women in Leadership Development), a mentoring program offered through Gateway Church. The invitation indicated that all the meetings were held on weekdays. I was working full-time, so I knew I wouldn’t be able to attend. I discarded the invitation without giving it much thought.

  When my friend Holly asked if I had received an invitation to WILD, I told her I did but I dismissed it because of work. “Dorothy,” she exclaimed, “do you realize how many women would give anything for an opportunity like this? This is special. You should at least pray about it.”

  I retrieved the invitation and forwarded it to my boss. It was a leadership class, and we were encouraged to attend classes that aimed to develop our leadership and management skills. “This class meets for two hours each week,” I wrote in an email. “Would it be okay for me to attend?”

  Seconds after I hit the Send button, the reply came back. “Absolutely!” it read. My last excuse was gone. I accepted the invitation.

  CHAPTER 31

  WILD

  For to be free is not merely to cast off one’s chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others.

  Nelson Mandela

  I showed up for the first WILD class feeling a little shy. I wasn’t really sure why I was here. I had always considered myself a leader, but there were just twenty-five people in the room, and I felt uncomfortable in such a small, intimate setting. The class facilitators began by asking each person to give her name and share something about herself. Oh, no, I thought. I do not want to do this! But I knew I was supposed to be there, so I did my best. And I ended up enjoying the class very much. The women were all really wonderful, and I was learning a lot.

  Early on, Jan Greenwood, one of the teachers, announced that each member of the class would have to present a project at the end. This frightened me. What kind of project? Jan gave very few guidelines, and I preferred strict rules and expectations. The open-ended nature of the assignment made me uncomfortable. I also had a good idea of what my project was supposed to be, and that made me uncomfortable too.

  Two years earlier, God had spoken to me and told me I was supposed to write my story. The next morning, I met Nate at a restaurant so he could drop off something for the boys. I told him, “Last night, God told me I was supposed to write a book.” I even suggested to Nate that perhaps we should write it together. But I hadn’t done anything about it since.

  Over the next few weeks, I prayed in earnest about whether or not I should pursue writing my story as my class project. I asked a friend, Janet Gray, to pray about it with me. About a month later, I attended a function in Janet’s new home, and she gave me a tour. One very small room was designated as her prayer closet. Inside, I noticed she had tacked up a picture of me with the boys, and next to it was a slip of paper with writing on it indicating she had been praying for us. In that moment, I felt I had confirmation that God was planning something great for me.

  At the next class, Jan Greenwood asked if everyone was comfortable with their project and told us that if we weren’t, we could ask her or one of the other teachers about it. After class, I approached her and said, “I don’t want to miss the last class just because I don’t want to do this project. I really appreciate the class. I will complete the assignment, and I don’t mind sharing it with you, but I really don’t want to share this with everyone.”

  “What is it?” Jan asked.

  “It’s a book overview,” I said.

  “Does God want you to write the book?” she asked.

  “Yes,” I said, “I know for sure that I’m supposed to write the book.”

  “Then why won’t you be obedient?”

  I stood there looking at her, thinking, You don’t even know me. Why are you talking to me this way?

  “Listen,” she said, “God isn’t asking you to write a bestseller, He just wants you to be obedient.”

  She was calling me out. She was so serious.

  “I don’t know why I am being this firm with you, but I need to tell you that God wants to use you and that you need to be obedient.” She didn’t say another word after that. I left feeling a little mad at her. You don’t have to be so mean, I thought.

  On the day I was to present my overview in class, I arrived forty-five minutes early and sat in my car praying. “Do not fear,” I clearly heard God say to my heart. “I will be with you. Not just today either, but every day for the rest of your life. You are a vessel. I have purposed and planned your life, and this book is by my design.”

  I was flooded with total peace. I could do this!

  When my turn came, I stepped up front and gave the overview. When I was finished, everyone applauded. “Thank you,” I said. “I was happy to be obedient.” I caught Jan’s eye, and she smiled and nodded her approval.

  A few weeks after the class ended, Jan contacted me and said she felt God was prompting her to start a writers group. She asked if I’d be interested. “Sure,” I said, not expecting anything to materialize.

  I had been obedient and completed the project. I stood in front of a roomful of people and shared some dark and painful parts of my story. This had been a big step for me, and I was ready to let it go. But it wasn’t long until I received an email from Jan announcing that the writers group was a go and inviting me to attend. We met once a month on Monday evenings for six months. Jan provided great information, and it was a good class. I began making progress on the actual writing process, but I still felt like I didn’t really know what I was doing.

  One week, Jan arranged for a guest speaker named Wendy Walters to come to our meeting. In addition to giving practical information about writing and publishing, she asked each of us to tell her about our projects. She was full of energy and affirmed that what each of us had to share was unique and important. Then she gave us simple, straightforward action steps to follow through on. By the end of the evening, the room was bursting with creative energy, and each of us found ourselves thinking, I can do this!

  A week later, I called Wendy to set up an appointment to meet with her. From that very first meeting, our conversation never felt like business. It was like we were old friends talking about next steps to push my project along. She willingly shared with me what she knew about writing and the publishing process, even recommending other people who might be a better fit to help me with my project.

  I didn’t want anyone else. I knew she was the one I wanted to work with. We set up another appointment, and I started from the beginning. She asked me questions and listened attentively, taking notes as I shared m
y story. This book you are reading right now is the result of our collaboration. God brought me everything I needed to accomplish the task he assigned to me. He’s like that. When I obeyed and took steps of faith, God provided all the resources — people, time, finances, opportunities, strategy — every single thing needed to complete the task that came from his hand. All I had to do was obey.

  Now you know my story. The way I did things didn’t always match up with the way God intended. He wants us to have relationships. He loves people, and he gives us people to love and be loved by. I believed I was supposed to be strong and independent. I thought asking for help was a sign of weakness, or that it meant I wasn’t relying on God. I didn’t open up to anyone — and that was a mistake.

  I wish I had sought help long before I did. I wish I had gone to the authorities. I wish I would have told my family about the danger I was in. I wish I had trusted Ingrid and Monte, Lynn and K-Mart — somebody. I didn’t have to suffer as long as I did. What I experienced in my relationship with Nate was not punishment for my sins or my poor choices; it was abuse.

  Looking back, I see how I actually enabled Nate. By staying with him and not forcing him to be accountable for his actions, I enabled his destructive behavior to continue. I put my children in a terrible situation. I was afraid — afraid for my life, afraid of being alone, afraid I wouldn’t be able to provide for the boys without Nate’s help.

  At first, the abuse was verbal. Horrible arguments that lasted for hours. Cursing, intimidation, demeaning language. I wish I had reached out then and not allowed it to go any further. But it did go further. The verbal abuse became physical abuse and got worse by degrees over time. Then the physical abuse turned to sexual abuse. Nate was bigger than me and much stronger than me. I felt completely helpless to escape. I believed no one could stop the abuse. I believed that law enforcement authorities would give Nate a pass for his celebrity status. I didn’t think anyone was capable of helping me escape, but I was wrong.

  Fifteen years have passed since Nate and I were divorced in 2000. By no means can I say that I walk in that perfect freedom every day. There are times when the shadow of my past still tries to bring darkness to my soul. The difference now is that I recognize it and cast it off. I know how important it is to have people in my life to be accountable to — people I can be open with and trust not to betray me. Trust still doesn’t come easily. I wish I could say it did, but God is still at work, and I know he will bring me into his perfect design.

  I celebrate my story — every part of it. If I were given the opportunity to go back and change things, of course I would. But I am the person I am today as a result of the journey I have traveled. My strength and grace are a result of life lived and lessons learned.

  I am stepping into a new chapter of my life — a chapter I hope will offer freedom to other women who are in abusive situations. Perhaps that describes you. If so, I pray that as you read my words, you realize that abuse of any kind is wrong. Abuse is never deserved and should never be tolerated.

  I pray that abusers will recognize they are hurting the people they love the most and that they need help. They need God. They need accountability. They need someone to guard them and help them through their anger and bitterness and to resolve not to resort to violence.

  God offers hope to us all. He provides a way of escape when we are ensnared in a trap that is outside his design. We each have a purpose. We each have a reason to live. I pray that my story will offer you hope for a new day. I pray that my experience will touch others and cause them to reach out for help and refuse to remain one day longer in the prison of abuse.

  Mostly, I pray that my story will honor God. He is my everything. His love and his light have guided and protected me, even when I walked a path he did not choose for me. He has restored my soul, delivered me from the pit, and set my feet upon a solid rock. If you don’t already, I pray you will come to know him as I do. I pray you will allow yourself to feel his love and accept his complete, total forgiveness and restoration.

  He sees your tears. He hears your cry. He knows every detail of your life — even the things you think no one else sees or hears. He captures your every tear. There is hope. He will save you. Only believe.

  Afterword

  It’s been nearly eight years since I completed the overview of this book for my WILD class, and more than three years since the book’s first edition was published. Reading my story for the first time was a shock for many family members and friends. It is a fairly common trait among those who have been abused not to divulge everything that transpires during the course of an abusive relationship, and I had withheld the worst of it from most people. Since I’ve shared my story publicly, I’ve had many in-depth conversations with family members and friends in which I’ve tried to explain how the abuse happened and what it meant for me over the years.

  It has taken considerable time to work through the pain — and I am by no means fully healed. In fact, I believe I am in a state of constant healing, and that I’m on a journey that will continue for the remainder of my life on earth. I’m not sure I’ll ever reach the point of feeling totally healed and complete, but that’s okay. I know I have God’s grace to fill in the gaps, and I trust that his promise is true: He will continue the good work he has begun in me.

  Nate and I continue to be cordial for the sake of our boys, each of whom has his own relationship with their father. Tré received a master’s degree from the University of Texas in December 2013. He is currently employed there in the athletics fund-raising department. King recently completed high school. He earned an athletic scholarship to the University of Texas, San Antonio, and began his freshman year there in 2015.

  I still enjoy my work at a health care organization, and in 2014, I completed my graduate studies, earning an MBA in Leadership. I volunteer in several capacities at Gateway Church, speak on various topics at business and women’s conferences, and serve as an adviser on the board of The Life of a Single Mom Ministries. King and I served together for two years with SASO (Scholars and Athletes Serving Others) and also with the Dallas/Fort Worth chapter of Jack and Jill of America. I also enjoy being asked to serve as an occasional cohost on “Joni Table Talk,” a Christian talk show on the Daystar Television Network.

  My plans for the future haven’t changed much. I strive to be the best parent I can possibly be to my boys. I work hard to be a servant leader, remaining obedient to God’s calling on my life. I am an ordinary person with an extraordinary mission, which I think is true for all of us. We are meant to use the power of our words and actions to bring love and healing to others. All of us can and should be advocates for abuse victims, helping them to find and experience the physical, emotional, and spiritual transformation that takes place when our hope is placed in God.

  Meet Nate Newton

  Success isn’t permanent, and failure isn’t fatal.

  Mike Ditka

  When I began writing Silent Cry, it was important to me to give readers a look into not only Nate Newton’s past but also his present. My objective was never to expose juicy details about a famous athlete, but to shine a light on domestic violence in hopes of helping others escape it and find healthy and meaningful lives on the other side. To that end, I arranged for my friend and collaborator, Wendy Walters, to interview Nate and learn more about the man he has become. This is what she wrote after interviewing Nate in 2011:

  The weather was miserable the chilly October evening I met Nate at a Starbucks in Southlake, Texas. We had never met before, and as Nate entered the café, he scanned the room, looking for the person he was supposed to meet. I could see he was dressed in warm clothes in anticipation of standing outside to watch his son King play football for the Carroll High School Dragons later that evening.

  I caught his eye and stood to meet him. “Nate?” I asked, not positive it was him. He’d lost considerable weight and looked very different from the photos I had seen when researching him on the Internet. “Yes, ma’am,” h
e said, shaking my outstretched hand and sizing me up. This was definitely not his first interview.

  I gestured to a corner where I had positioned some chairs to face each other in an attempt at privacy. I was grateful Nate had granted the interview and knew he was fully aware of the content of Dorothy’s book. I could only imagine how he felt about the information soon to come to light. As a high-profile alumnus of the Dallas Cowboys, a well-known member of the Dallas/Fort Worth community, and a current radio personality (The Coop and Nate Show, 103.3, ESPN Radio), Nate is no stranger to public scrutiny of his personal life. Years of fame and infamy stretch behind him like yard lines on a familiar field.

  As I prepared for our meeting, I came across words he’d spoken in another interview: “I don’t care what you write about me. What I did, I did. That’s on me.” Other reporters have found him bluntly honest without any attempt to gloss over his missteps along the way. I was curious to know how he would respond to my questions. I began by telling him the purpose of my interview was not to dredge up his past, but rather to offer a perspective on his future. I wanted others who had been abusers to understand that the cycle of abuse does not have to continue indefinitely. There is hope.

  “Let me first tell you something about my past,” Nate began. “I always lived life to what I thought was the fullest for me. I’m an emotional person. I’m excitable. If I believe I’m right, I don’t care what nobody say — how dumb it is or how dumb it may seem to somebody else — if I believe I’m right, that’s the end of the story. My highs are very high; my lows are very low. That’s what drove me, and sometimes I took things to extremes.”