Born in the Shadows (In the Shadows Series Book 1)

by Courtney McPhail

“How can you say that?” she whispered as the tears began to trail down her cheeks. “Everything that has happened can be traced back to me. You never should have brought me here. I don’t deserve to be here.”

  “You do deserve to be here. I wouldn’t have it any other way,” he told her, wiping away her tears with his thumb. “Olivia’s death is a tragedy but you didn’t cause it. Challenges between Shadow Walkers have been happening for millennia and they rarely result in an attack on a clan. This happened because Armand is a psychopath. You being here or not being here wouldn’t change that.”

  She wanted to believe what he said but she couldn’t. The clan might not blame her but they couldn’t deny that if she had never come to this place, Olivia would be alive. It was only a matter of time before the truth festered into blame and then into hate.

  “They will never come to hate you,” he said, reading her thoughts clearly.

  “You don’t know that.”

  “Yes I do. I know it because it is impossible for them to hate you, just like it is impossible for me to hate you.”

  “Why?”

  “Because we love you. There is nothing that can happen that would make any of us stop loving you.”

  She felt him push past her mental barriers, using their mental connection to let her feel his love for her. It was like floating in a warm cloud, where everything was peaceful and she knew that she would always be safe. In this place, she could almost believe his words.

  “I mean it Cordelia. None of this is your fault. Promise me that you will not blame yourself for what has happened.”

  She nodded in agreement, too overcome with emotion to answer him properly. He brushed a loving hand over her hair.

  “Good girl. Now I know that you want to help the others but I think it is best that you go to your room and rest. You’ve been through much tonight and you are still managing the change, which is mentally and physically exhausting.”

  She was ready to argue with him but he had anticipated that and held up his hand before she could open her mouth. “There are no arguments that can convince me to change my mind. I don’t like to issue commands but as you saw tonight, I’m not above using it to get what I want from my children.”

  “All right, I’ll go to my room,” she said, knowing that it was pointless to argue with him on that point. “But what about Gabe? I should find him and tell him what’s going on.”

  “Don’t worry, I will speak with him. Now let’s go.”

  He smiled and patted her hand, before rising from the sofa and she followed suit. He escorted her to the staircase, waiting to make sure she went upstairs.

  She mounted the first stair but paused in mid step, turning back around to face Nicky. “I didn’t say it before but I love you too.”

  “Thank you, my child.”

  She smiled and turned back to head to her room. It was true, she really did love Nicky. He was the father she had lost and she owed him her life. Of course, she loved him.

  And it was why she had lied to him. She would tell him a million times over that she didn’t blame herself but it would always be a lie. His kind words soothed her immediate anguish but she knew that the guilt would remain. She would blame herself forever for Olivia’s death and all the pretty words in the world wouldn’t change that.

  Chapter 11

  Gabe followed blindly behind Giovanni and Marcus as they led him through the manor. He was still shell shocked from what had just happened. Homicidal vampires, dead bodies and family strife weren’t part of his average day.

  It had killed him to see Cordelia hurting like that. He didn’t want to leave her side but he knew that he had no claim to stay with her. It was family business and he had no part in it. Which meant he ended up trailing behind the two men having no idea what he was supposed to do now.

  They entered what had to be the kitchen, judging by the stainless steel appliances and granite counters. Giovanni immediately went to the counters and began to clean up what was left of the food he had prepared for tonight. He moved with a frantic speed, as if putting things in order in the kitchen would bring order back to his world.

  Gabe looked to Marcus for some direction but the man had nothing to give him. He looked lost, standing just inside the doorway staring at nothing. Gabe wanted to say something, offer some reassurance but he was at a loss. He didn’t know the guy well enough for the words he could offer to sound anything but hollow.

  He felt useless just standing around and he hated it. He wasn’t the kind of guy who sat around on his ass while others struggled. Looked like cleaning duty was going to have to do.

  Giovanni had a handle on the kitchen and didn’t seem like he would welcome any help. He was mopping up some marinara sauce from the counter, frantically rubbing the spot until the white dish towel was stained red.

  Seeing it reminded him that there was a large pool of blood that was currently soaking into the hardwood down the hall. That was something he could definitely help out with.

  “You got a mop bucket around here?”

  Giovanni didn’t seem to hear him but Marcus nodded towards a large cupboard in the corner. Gabe found an array of cleaning supplies stored there and he pulled out a bucket, a pair of rubber gloves and some rags.

  He filled the bucket with water at the sink, doing his best to stay out of Giovanni’s way as he continued to clean up the kitchen. When the bucket was filled with suds, he snapped on the gloves and went to the door.

  Marcus turned to follow him as he passed by, understanding his intentions. “I’ll help you.”

  “Don’t worry about it,” Gabe replied, waving him away. “I’ve got it under control.”

  The least he could do was take care of this by himself. They didn’t need to be sopping up the blood of one of their own.

  They had already removed the body from the hallway by the time he got there and so he worked quickly to mop up the gore. He didn’t want any of the others to come in and see it again, especially Cordelia.

  He knew that just as she blamed herself for getting him caught up in the world, she would blame herself for what happened to Olivia. He didn’t want her to see this reminder of that guilt.

  Not that she deserved to feel any guilt. It was all that asshole Armand’s fault.

  He scrubbed the floor harder than necessary, fuelled by the anger he felt when he thought of that fucker. Not a single one of the people hurt tonight deserved it. Armand, on the other hand, deserved every horrible thing Gabe could possibly think up.

  He was only halfway through the list when a pair of sneakers entered his vision and he looked up to see Nicky standing there watching him.

  “Oh hey, I figured I would help out,” he said, sitting back on his haunches so he didn’t have to crane his neck. “I’m almost done here.”

  Nicky nodded silently, looking around at the mostly clean floor and the pile of red stained rags. Gabe said nothing, letting him watch while he went back to work, mopping up the last of what remained and tossing the rag into the bucket.

  “Thank you for doing this,” Nicky said. “You are a good man.”

  “It’s no problem, anything I can do to help,” Gabe replied with a shrug of his shoulders, feeling slightly uncomfortable under Nicky’s gaze. It was as if Nicky could see right into his mind. It was a bit on the disturbing side, especially being on his knees as he stared down at him.

  Thankfully, he backed off, looking around the hall and giving Gabe a chance to get to his feet.

  “Now that you mention it,” Nicky said, breaking the silence, “There is a favour I need to ask. I would prefer if you would stay here for the time being, all things considered. I understand that you have a life of your own but I feel it would be for the best for everyone.”

  “Lucky for you I’m on a leave of absence from work.”

  “Excellent.”

  “Guess I’ll take this back to the kitchen.”

  “Leave it, I’ll take care of it. You should go to Cordelia. She’s gone to
her room. It’s up the stairs, third door down the hallway with the large vase covered in rosebuds.”

  Gabe nodded but before he could take a step to leave, Nicky continued to speak.

  “Be aware, it is not just for your safety that I’ve asked you to stay here.”

  Gabe was unsure how to take that. Though it had the potential to sound like a threat, Nicky was smiling. The only problem was that his fangs were visible, making the smile seem like a threat all on its own.

  “The change from human to Shadow Walker is difficult for all of us and it is not just because of the physical transformation,” Nicky told him. “Our emotions are acutely heightened and it is difficult to control them. It is a painful experience going from extreme highs to extreme lows in seconds. It is easy to be driven mad by it. Now imagine dealing with that kind of volatile psyche when people are being murdered around you.”

  Gabe’s heart broke as he thought of what Cordelia must be going through. She had told him about the crazy emotions but she had made it sound like a bad case of PMS. Nicky’s version sounded a hell of a lot worse.

  “I have asked you to stay because she is going to need you,” Nicky continued. “She sees you as a rock, someone steady to lean on. She needs that now more than ever.”

  He liked the idea of being her rock. It had a nice ring to it.

  “I can do that for her,” Gabe assured Nicky, who nodded his thanks.

  “Go on, go see to her.”

  At Nicky’s dismissal, Gabe made his way to the great hall and up the stairs. When he reached the top of the staircase, he recognized the large vase with the tiny roses and headed down that corridor to where Nicky had said Cordy’s bedroom was located. He knocked on the door and waited.

  When she didn’t answer, he knocked again and then looked up and down the corridor. He was positive this was her room but maybe it was the door further down. He would feel like an idiot if he was knocking on the door of an empty guest room. He turned the knob, figuring he should at least check to see if he had the right room.

  Yep, right room. He saw a red-canopied bed and the boxes on the floor, half opened with clothing hanging out. The sound of the shower running in the bathroom explained his unanswered knocking.

  He walked over to where the boxes were sitting on the couch and peeked inside. There were picture frames and books, various knick-knacks and some of her clothes. He saw his favourite sweater and pulled it from the box. It was a dove grey and he had always loved the way it had made her eyes sparkle.

  As he stroked the soft fabric, he wondered what it would do to her new eyes that sparkled no matter what she wore. He lifted the sweater to his nose, inhaling her scent that was a mixture of lavender and vanilla. When they had been at work, he had always invaded her personal space to catch that scent. It turned him on more than the best perfume money could buy.

  The bathroom door clicked open and he dropped the sweater as if it was on fire. Yeah, last thing he needed was for her to find him sniffing her clothes. He shoved his hands in his jeans pockets, as if hiding them would absolve him of any guilt.

  Hands in the pockets was definitely a good idea as he watched Cordelia emerge from the bathroom. She wore a blue silk robe that clung to her curves and hit her just above the knees. Her hair was still damp and it curled around her face in dark ringlets.

  She was absolutely gorgeous.

  And she turned him on more than any other woman he had laid eyes on. Yeah, this was so not the time to be getting thoughts like that. After all the shit that she went through, the last thing he needed to be thinking about was his dick.

  “I, uh, knocked but there was no answer and I didn’t know if I had the right room so I came in to check. I’m sorry if I scared you or anything.”

  “It’s okay. I knew you were here.”

  She ran her fingers through her wet hair and Gabe noticed that with her arm raised, the front of her robe gaped, giving him a perfect view of the ivory swell of her breast. It was as if the fates were testing him, just to see how far they could push him before he did something stupid.

  “So, uh, how did you know I was here?”

  Her eyes dropped and she stared at the plush carpet. “Your blood. I still have it in me so when you are close by, I feel it in my veins and it does this weird tugging thing, like a magnet I guess. I can’t really help it, sorry.”

  “You are the one person in the world that I don’t mind always knowing where I am.”

  Her eyes shot up to stare at him in disbelief. Shit. That was a little too close to revealing his true feelings for her and she didn’t look too comfortable with what little he had already said. Time to rein himself in. He had already lost her once and he didn’t want to risk losing her again by freaking her out.

  “I mean, I get in any trouble, it’s pretty sweet to have a GPS chip inside me that’s wired to a Shadow Walker.”

  She laughed half-heartedly before sinking down on the end of the bed. Her shoulders sagged and her body looked like it was going to collapse in on itself. For the first time he noticed the pained lines on her face and her bloodshot eyes.

  “Cordy, talk to me. Tell me what’s going on in your head.”

  He sat down on the bed next to her, more than willing to be the shoulder she could cry on. Hell, he would take on any job if it meant that she would stop looking so broken.

  “Nicky says he doesn’t blame me for what happened.”

  He could hear the tremble in her voice signalling that she was tearing up again but she kept her head down and her eyes on her lap.

  “Damn right he shouldn’t. What happened tonight is not your fault.”

  She shook her head in disagreement. “Armand came here looking for me.”

  “Exactly, Armand came looking for you. He made the choice to come here. He made the choice to hurt Olivia. He could have let what happened at the club go but the asshole couldn’t take the hit to his pride. He’s a narcissistic sociopath. This is his fault, no one else’s.”

  “Yeah well my brain may know that but my heart is still telling me I’m guilty.” Her voice caught and she tried to choke back a sob.

  He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into a tight embrace. “It’s okay, let it out.”

  She resisted for only the briefest of moments before burying her face into his shoulder and opening the floodgates. He held her as she cried, rubbing his hand soothingly up and down her back. After a while, her sobs subsided and her breathing returned to normal with the odd sniffle here and there.

  She lifted her head away from his shoulder and reached up to touch the damp spot on his shirt. “I’m sorry I got you all wet.”

  “S’no problem.”

  Hell, he’d let her burn every last piece of clothing he owned if it meant that she wouldn’t hurt anymore.

  She looked up at him, her tear stained face radiant to his eyes. “Thank you for being here with me.”

  He smiled down at her and on impulse he reached out a hand and brushed a stray curl from her cheek. It was silky soft and he relished the feel of it between his fingers. “There is nowhere else I’d rather be.”

  She smiled weakly and tilted her head into the palm of his hand. He stroked her damp curls before letting his palm slide along the side of her neck.

  “That’s sweet,” she whispered as her eyes darted down to look at his mouth before drifting half closed.

  “I told you, I’m a sweet guy.”

  Their lips were just breathes apart but he waited for her. She had to make the first move. He wasn’t going to push himself on her as he had the night before. This was going to have to be her choice.

  The only problem was that the rest of his body was yelling at him to just fucking kiss her already, especially the demanding part of him between his legs. Oh yeah, that was the loudest voice of them all.

  He stroked the pad of his thumb over her pulse point and he heard her sigh dreamily before her lips touched his own. Kissing Cordelia felt like fireworks going off over every inch o
f his skin, the heat searing him in a painless burn. He traced his tongue over the seal of her lips and she opened easily to his request. He thrust his tongue into her mouth, needing to have some part of himself inside her, some way of taking possession of her.

  There was no doubt in his mind now, as her tongue began to stroke his own, he wanted to make Cordy his. A powerful need overtook him, screaming at him to make sure no other man touched her ever again. He pulled back to take a breath and looked at her.

  “You are so beautiful.”

  He took her mouth once again, giving her no time to respond to his declaration. A flash of pain made him hesitate for a moment and as a metallic taste filled his mouth, he realized that he had nicked his tongue on her fang. Whatever, a little pain didn’t bother him. He deepened their kiss and let his hand slide into her damp hair, the strands like silk between his fingers.

  Cordelia’s hands tightened on his shoulders and she moaned in the back of her throat. Her mouth took command, her tongue tangling with his as she pressed her body closer to him. His cock throbbed painfully, begging for some relief, as her hip brushed against his hardness.

  As if she had heard the pleas, she straddled his lap as her mouth trailed across his jaw. As she took his earlobe between her lips, his hips jumped off the bed to grind his erection against her heated mound. She ground her hips against him and he thought he was going to come right then and there.

  “Christ, Cordy.”

  The instant the words came out of his mouth, her entire body tensed in his arms, as if his voice had broken some spell she was under. She scrambled off him and took a few steps back from the bed, a hand was over her mouth and her eyes were wide in horror.

  “What’s wrong?” he asked, trying to shake loose the haze of desire. Cordelia looked shell shocked and that had him forgetting about any below-the-belt business.

  “I can’t do this.”

  “Shit, I’m sorry Cordy. I thought you wanted this.”

  “No it’s not that. The kissing was nice, well more than nice. It’s the blood. I could taste your blood and it makes me hungry.”