“Like so many things.”
“Yes. But, if you don’t ever want immortal life, then what good would it be to have a child, and have maybe five years together before you grow too old to be with a teenager?”
“It would still be better than having only a few weeks.”
“True, but after those five years, I would lose you and my children—not to mention, they would one day out-age their father.”
David? The father of my children? I really liked the way that sounded.
“Besides, even if I was selfish enough to take those five years from you, I’d be away for the first two. I have to return to duty, and what then? You’ll be a single teenage mother. No.” He shook his head, tightening his hold around me. “I want you to have a good life, Ara-Rose. I want you to be mine for all time, but if having a family means that much to you, then perhaps it is kinder for me to just leave.”
“Don’t get so decisive yet. We still have time to balance the pros and cons.”
“I can’t help it. I want to be decisive. I want to sleep soundly at night knowing that you’ll be happy—either way.”
“I’m not likely to be, David. No matter what I end up doing, I’m either living a life I don’t want, or living without you.” I rested my hand in my lap. “It’s all just unfair.”
“Life’s not fair. Haven’t you learned that by now?”
I shook my head, turning around to face him. “Yes. And I refuse to believe that. Life is what you make it. Sometimes things happen that suck, but it doesn’t mean your whole life is unfair.” I shrugged and looked at the stars. “Life is just life, and sometimes you just get dealt a different hand to what you wanted.”
“And you don’t think that’s unfair?”
“Situations can seem unfair, but all things considering, David, we’re still alive, still breathing—not ill or starving or dying of disease. In that sense, I think we’re kinda lucky, right?”
“I suppose.” He reached out and brushed my chin with his thumb. “After all, we did find each other against all odds.”
“Right. And I wouldn’t be here—alive—if you hadn’t come along.”
He went quiet for a moment. “So you think you really would’ve acted on those… what did you call them, fleeting thoughts?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know.”
“You scare me, Ara-Rose.” He cupped my cold ankle, rubbing it affectionately. “What’s going to happen to you if I leave?”
I didn’t answer; I didn’t feel it needed an answer. And I wasn’t sure I had one to give anyway.
As if most of world died then and changed the chemistry of those left behind, I felt a major physical shift in David’s spirit. “Are you okay?”
“Every day I wake,” he started hesitantly, “and I tell myself that I’ll let you go; that it’s the right thing to do. And then you say things like that to me—tell me that you’re not sure about living—and I wonder if I should just make you come with me. But then I look at you and I see this young human girl who has never really lived, and I just can’t do it. I have to bite my tongue every time I’m about to say something that would convince you.” He pressed his brow firmly against mine for a second, breathing me in. “I’m just a guy, Ara. I’m not perfect. In fact, I’m more perfectly imperfect than a human, and I have this evil side in me that is screaming for me to kidnap and turn you.”
“I know, and sometimes I wish you’d just force me to do it, too. But I’d hate you for it. It’s just so dumb.” I shook my head, frustrated. “I wish it were different.”
“Well, you know what they say?”
“Yes. They say a lot of things that don’t really make sense. But which ‘They’ quote were you referring to specifically?”
“Wishing is good time wasted.”
“Wow, you are so negative.” I reached across to give his arm a little slap. “You know, you might not, but I still believe wishes come true.”
“That’s because you’re still a child.”
“Then what does that make you?”
“Ha! A twisted hundred-year-old man with a fetish for teenagers.”
I laughed too, turning in his arms again to rest my spine against his front. “There is still magic in the world, you know. You don’t have to be a child to find it. Even my dad believes in it, and he wasn’t a child when he taught me how to make wishes.”
“How can you teach someone to make wishes?”
“There’s a special way to do it.”
“There is?”
“Yes.”
“Will you teach me?”
I smiled and cleared my throat as I turned my face to look at David, noticing the tiny silver reflections of stars in his eyes. “Well, when you see the first star of the evening or the last star in the early morning, close your eyes, cross your heart and make a wish. If you keep it secret, then it’ll come true one day.”
“And you still believe that?”
“Yes. I do. And no one is going to take that away from me with borrowed philosophy about life. When you find that one of your seconds has been wasted on a wish, and you think you could’ve really used that second—really need it back—then I’ll agree it’s wasted time wishing. But not yet.” I looked back to the sky. “Not while I still have hope.”
“My only hope is that you see sense, realize that being a vampire isn’t so bad, and let me change you.” David sighed, closing his eyes and crossing his heart.
“And there’s that evil side,” I noted with a smile.
“Yes. But I will never stop wishing for it, Ara. I know that’s wrong, but I can’t control my heart’s desires.”
“As long as you control your venom, then I’m fine with that.”
“But you asked me to drink your blood. What if I lose control?” he said playfully.
“I’m not having this argument with you.”
“Okay. No more talking about it.” He kissed the top of my head and held me to his chest. “When you’ve decided you can’t live without me anymore, then we’ll talk about it.”
“But I already decided that.”
“Well, when you decide you don’t want to be a frail old lady and die, then we can talk about it.”
“Frailty and death doesn’t scare me—not as much as eternally thirsting blood.”
David exhaled softly. “You know, I’ve never met a girl so eager to die in all my life.”
I shook my head and folded my arms across my chest. “I’m not eager to die, David. I’m eager to live.” And for the first time since I lost Mom and Harry, that was finally true. Love had given me a reason to exist, and now, even if I was going to lose that love—for the first time since I lost them—I really just wanted a life.
20
“Wake up. Wake up.” Vicki slapped my bedcovers. “Time to go.”
I groaned, shielding my eyes as she threw my curtains apart, blinding me with the white glow of morning. “Vicki. It’s Saturday.”
“Yes. I know.” She opened my window, and the fresh scent of cut grass and rain blew in with the light breeze. “Good to see you’ve finally started sleeping with this closed.”
“I didn’t. Dad must have closed it.” Or David. I tried to remember last night, but could only half-remember falling asleep against my vampire’s chest.
“Ara?” Vicki said, staring at my face. “Are you awake?”
“Yes.” I flopped back on my pillow. “I don’t wanna go to school today.”
“You know full well where we’re going today, young lady,” Vicki said in an insistent tone.
“Yes, which is why I’m staying in bed.”
“That’s enough. Now, just humor me and your boyfriend, and let him spend some money on you.”
I pulled the covers over my head. I never agreed to this and I didn’t see why I should have to let anyone spend money on me if I didn’t want them to.
“Be nice.” She ripped my blanket away and dumped it on my chair, leaving me cold in the nakedness of my bed. “Is it rea
lly so bad that David wants to buy you a dress?”
“Yes.” I pushed up on my elbow. “I have savings, Vicki. I can buy my own dress.”
“Ara-Rose!” She folded her arms. “Where are your manners?”
“In my drawer, where I left them.”
She shook her head, sighing, and wandered over to find them, pulling out some jeans and a T-shirt instead. “Get dressed. We leave in ten minutes.”
“Argh. Fine.”
“Thank you.”
I flipped my legs over the side of the bed and stumbled to the window. I wanted to grunt at her but held it in, folding my arms and resting my head on the glass pane instead.
Outside, the dull gray clouds hid the sun, making everything under its suppressed glare seem vividly white—lighting up the entire yard and all the garden debris. “Did it storm last night?”
“Yes. You didn’t hear it?” Vicki folded her arms, looking out at the clouds as they spilled over and the soft pattering of rain filled the desolate street below.
“Nope. Slept like a baby.” I shrugged. “Maybe I’m just getting over my fear of storms.”
“Well, lucky Dad closed your window then.”
A knowing smile tugged at my lips. “Yeah. Really lucky.” Thanks, David.
“And tidy this room,” Vicki added as she closed my door.
With a certain amount of dread, I studied the chaos around me; clothes on every piece of furniture, covering every scrap of carpet, looking remarkably like a storm broke loose in here last night.
I got dressed then shook my quilt out over my bed and hid my clothes, clean and dirty, in the laundry basket so Alana and Emily wouldn’t think I was a total pig when they came to stay tonight.
“Ara. I’m going to the car. Hurry up,” Vicki called.
“Just a sec.” I ran to the bathroom, locking both doors, then smeared another layer of concealer over the bruises David left when he ate me in the auditorium closet. The leftover proof of my insanity looked mean and ugly—like a swollen, purple infection, leaking some kind of clear fluid. But, thanks to Vicki’s shopping obsession, another layer of this two-hundred-dollar bottle of concealer made it disappear.
I stood back and observed my handiwork. I’d actually healed pretty well for such a short time really, but a part of me wished it would leave a little scar—a permanent mark to remind me that I was David’s and he was mine. And as that thought entered my head, a giant hand came down across my brow.
“Sick, Ara-Rose. You’re sick,” I said to the girl in the mirror.
All the common sense I once had evaporated when it came to David—even making me delusional enough to offer him my blood. And in the clarity of daylight, I was glad he didn’t drink it. I could see the insanity in it now. But deep down inside, that lust-driven human in me was screaming for him to do it.
Outside, a horn beeped twice. I patted my pocket, slipped my shoes on, and stuffed the last of my savings into my purse as I left my bedroom. But as I reached the front door, a hand grabbed mine.
“You won’t be needing this.”
“Hey!” I screeched, watching my purse leave my grip by force of David’s. “It’s for lunch, or if I need anything else, you know, for the sleepover or, like, girlie stuff.”
“Nice try. If you need anything else, I’ll take you shopping later.” He tucked my purse into his pocket and kissed my cheek, then, as the front door swung open and Vicki called out again, he disappeared.
A victory grin spread across my face, though, as I slid into the car, patting the roll of bills I’d stuffed in my pocket earlier. He clearly didn’t see that thought, and since he didn’t check my purse to see the grand amount of ten dollars I really put in there, he’d never know about it.
Human: one. Vampire: zero.
* * *
Vicki parked at the center of the long, outdoor strip of shops. I jumped out of the car and looked up at the sky. Even though the sun wasn’t shining, as it had been last time I was here, everything just felt so much brighter. The shopping strip was quiet for a Saturday, not that it was usually very busy anyway. It reminded me of my hometown; how there were people out and about, but scattered and far between. I checked my watch, hoping we’d be out of here by the time Emily and Alana came over.
By eleven o’clock, Vicki insisted on getting an early lunch and talking about all the dresses I’d tried on. But after thirty dresses, the only one I remotely liked was an emerald-green one—like David’s eyes. But it wasn’t really grand enough, so Vicki said. I thought it was fine.
“I still have to find some pretty new underwear and a mask.” I laid my shopping list down on the table beside my plate.
“Well, you can’t get a mask until you have a dress,” Vicki said with a mouthful of salad. “And the underwear you get will depend on the fabric of the dress too.”
“Why?”
“Because if you get a fitted satin dress, you won’t want lace underwear. The pattern will show through.”
“Oh,” I said, swallowing a chunk of salt-coated steak. “I think I’ll just get that green dress then—the satin one. I’m kinda done with shopping for today.”
Vicki stopped chewing, making her glare seem more severe. “Ara. David has given you a lot more than that to spend. The green one’s pretty, but you can do better.”
“I know. But I’m not gonna let him buy the dress, Vicki.”
She took a deep breath. “I had a feeling you’d protest at some point.”
I smirked.
“Well, I guess it’s up to you, Ara-Rose. But before we go home, can you please just humor me and try a dress in that store?”
I looked behind me to the front of a very expensive-looking store, with fairy-tale-perfect dresses beyond the windows. “Fine,” I rescinded with a small huff.
“Thank you,” she said kindly.
* * *
We stepped carefully around the silks and tulles falling over the wooden floor as we entered the realm of couture, and a thin girl smiled from behind the counter before turning her attention back to her magazine.
“This is beautiful,” I said, spinning slowly to take it all in.
“Told you,” Vicki beamed.
“Okay.” I held my arms out. “Dress me up.”
Turns out, you should never say that to a woman who never had a daughter, in a room with a commission-based sales clerk. I unwillingly tried on every dress in the store, all the while lost in some mind-blank brought on by constant movement and the repeated inhalation of the manufacturer’s fabric preservatives and dyes.
But when they threw a shimmering sky-blue dress at me, I woke suddenly. It slid onto my body like silk to satin, the carefully tailored lines fitting the contours of my hips like a glove.
I stepped onto the box in front of the four-walled mirror and smiled as Vicki and the clerk gasped.
“You look like a princess.” Vicki almost started crying.
Spinning around slowly, running my fingers over my hips, I marveled at the soft organza bunched together at the waist on one side and shrouded with little diamantes. The strapless corset bustle hugged my body until the full flowing drop of the skirt glided out from my hips and over the ground, like a wedding dress, but blue. And even better, the clerk had pulled the corset so tight my waist became a half-size smaller and I totally looked like I was wearing a push-up bra.
Vicki was right. The dress was amazing.
“We’ll take it,” Vicki all but squeaked.
I shook my head. “No, it’s a thousand dollars, Vicki. I can’t. I’ll just get the green one in the other store.”
“But why, Ara?”
“I told you. I’m not comfortable letting my boyfriend buy a dress for me. I didn’t have fine things like this growing up, and it just seems insane to waste so much money on something I’ll only wear once.”
“But it’s not your money.”
“Which is even worse. You just don’t get it because you’ve never had to scrape up change to buy milk.” I jumped
off the podium and moved away quickly, hiding myself in the change room.
The girl in the mirror looked up at me. She was thinking the same thing: the dress was beautiful. I wished I could afford it, because it definitely was the one. But I wouldn’t take advantage of my boyfriend just because he happened to earn a great income arresting and imprisoning bad vampires. It felt like blood money. Dirty money.
“Stop pouting,” I said to myself decisively. “We’re getting the green dress with our own money.”
* * *
Vicki walked quietly behind me around Summer Magic Masks and Hats Boutique.
“This one would’ve been perfect with the blue dress,” she teased, holding up an almost transparent blue mask. The little stones around the eyes were patterned out like a butterfly, and as she angled it just so, it caught the light, shimmering like a diamond-powdered oil painting.
“Yes.” I swallowed, switching to ‘indifferent mode’ with a noncommittal shrug. “It’s great. But I have the green dress.”
“Oh, well the only mask here that goes with green is this gold one.” Vicki’s lips spread into a sinister grin. “I know how much you love gold.”
I tried to swallow the vomit in the back of my throat. “I do love gold. And you’re right, it’ll look great with the green.”
Begrudgingly, I took the mask, purchased it and left the store, gagging on the bitter taste of regret. After the first five minutes into the drive back home—in complete silence—the pig-headed me softened a little more. Sam was her only child. He would forever be her only child. I felt kind of guilty for ruining her only chance to do the mother/daughter ‘going-to-a-ball’ thing. Maybe I should’ve just let David buy me the damn dress.
“Vicki?”
“Mm?”
“I, um… I had fun today.”
She gave a small smile as we pulled up to the garage door, and my heart sunk into the pit of my stomach when I saw David’s car.
“What’s David doing here? He was supposed to be here at two.” I was supposed to have this dress hidden by then.
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