“Bull shit, Ara. He’s a vampire.”
“Mike, he won’t bite.” Not that I could do much if he decided to.
Mike looked over at my open window, slowly straightening his spine. “You know, Em’s gone out with Alana and Ryan tonight. I think I might hang out in here for a while.”
I sighed as he lumbered down onto my bed, with a gorgeous, playful grin, and patted the spot beside him.
“Mike…”
“Come on, Ara. Gimme a break. You can’t ask me to be okay with this while I’m…” He stretched his arm out, indicating the other end of the house. “Fifty feet away.”
With another heavy sigh, I sat down on the bed. “Fine. I actually agree with that.”
“Thank you.”
I wanted to say “You’re welcome” but my heart was still hammering from the moment I almost gave myself over to the vampire, and I wasn’t sure Mike was all that welcome right now at all.
He smiled up at me then, reaching across to make me smile back, and it occurred to me that everything was kind of back to where it was before. Even the humored glint in his eye—the way he looked at me like he had something funny to say—had returned. He seemed lighter.
“Hey, Ar?” Mike traced a gentle line over the scar on my neck.
“Yeah?”
“Does it still hurt?”
I placed my hand on his to stop him. “It burns when I’m in the sun, but mostly, I forget it’s there.”
“Do you still have nightmares—”
“Don’t, Mike,” I cut him off. “It’s over. I don’t like to think about it. And I really don't want to talk about it.”
He dropped his head, eyes following. “When you shared blood with David, did his bite hurt you the way the attacker’s did?”
“No,” I said, my eyes staying focused as I watched the memory. “David never used his fangs. I’d have been poisoned if he did.”
“So, what? He bit without using his teeth?”
“He used them, but when he drank my blood, it’s like I told you, he’d make a cut. He’d never actually break my skin with his teeth.” I felt my cheeks rush with heat as I admitted this, “The biting wasn’t about blood. It was just… like making out, I guess.”
“And it didn't hurt?”
“Not really. Not with the lure. It was… intimate.”
“How can biting be intimate?” Mike leaned back in disgust. “It’s revolting.”
In an effort both to move the conversation off this topic, and to be playful with him, I launched off my spot and buried my face in his neck. He laughed, rolling onto his back to allow me more room, as I sunk my teeth down into his flesh.
Then, I felt him change; felt something in his body, maybe his soul, shift, understand. His chest sunk with a gentle moan and he cupped my hips firmly where I straddled him.
As my lips parted widely over the silky flesh, I fell in love with the sensation—the way his skin went tight between my teeth, falling softly against my tongue on the other side. But we both felt the intimacy rise, and I played out a scene in my head where he flipped me over and the weight of him fell comfortably between my legs, easing the throbbing there.
Instead, he made light of it, reaching down to tickle my ribs. I squealed, jerking back as he launched up to bite me himself. If anyone looked in through my open window, they’d have thought he was killing me, for all the screaming under the giggles. But as he bit down into my neck, making every nerve in my shoulder tighten and add to the laughter, I pulled him closer. His mouth moved from my neck to my lips, and I parted them, letting him kiss me deeply. But it was too much. The firing squad of competing thoughts overtook my mind, giving me a thousand reasons why we shouldn’t do this, and no words to explain it.
I broke from the kiss and flicked Mike a mischievous grin, rolling up at the waist to sink my teeth into his neck again, this time, making him yelp.
“Ouch!” Mike shrieked, flying off me just as I tasted a spicy metallic goo. “You bit me!”
“You bit me too!” I rolled up on my elbows, wiping the spit off my mouth. “Gross, I can still taste you.”
“That stings.” He winced, covering his neck.
“Sorry.” I flashed him an apologetic grin. “But, you liked it, right? Biting isn’t all bad.”
“It was nice at first, until the end when you ripped my throat out.”
“Shut up.” I tossed a pillow at him. “I did not rip it out.”
His eyes went to my neck then—to the scar Jason left. “I guess I understand now how that would’ve felt.”
“Try adding venom to it.” I flopped back, hands on my belly. “It burns like fire.”
Mike dropped back down beside me. “I’m glad you didn’t change into a vampire, Ara.”
“Me too.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.” I nodded at the ceiling. “Why wouldn’t I be?”
He leaned on his hand beside me. “I just thought…”
“You thought what?”
“I thought you wanted to be.”
I did. “Well, then you don’t know me very well.”
Mike tried to hold back a grin. “Yeah, or maybe I know you better than you think.”
Hmpf. “I just wanted to be with David. It’s not like I fantasize over killing.”
“I know.”
“Do you?”
“I know what you are, Ara. I know you’re messed up and confused, after everything you’ve suffered, but I know you’d never want to hurt anyone.” His eyes drifted away. “Not intentionally.”
“Not intentionally, huh? Didn’t I just rip your throat out?” I laughed.
“Well,” he said, “you already did that to my heart. Guess you got the whole collection now.”
I narrowed my eyes at him, trying to be insulted, but I knew he meant it as a joke. Mike leaned over then and kissed my brow, wiping the wet smudge away with his thumb after. “I’m sorry.”
“What for?”
“That got out of hand.” He nodded to the bed under us. “Not the biting, but… you know.”
“We kind of almost had sex.” I grinned up at him.
“I shouldn’t have let it get that far,” Mike said humbly.
“It’s okay. We both wanted it.”
“I know. But it’s just adding to the confusion, I think.”
“Yeah.” I squeezed my knees together to shut out the feeling down there. “Maybe it’d be easier if we were friends with benefits.”
Mike laughed aloud, rolling back to look at the ceiling. “Not if we plan to find David,” he said. “He’d kill me if I had sex with you.”
“He’d understand. Not that I want to, in all honesty. But… you know…”
“Hormones,” he concluded simply.
“Yep. Sometimes it’s hard to control those urges.”
“You're only human.”
“Yeah, but I think maybe I’m a bit hornier than most humans.” I laughed. And he did too.
“That’s not a bad thing, kid.” He slapped his hand down on mine and squeezed it firmly. “Definitely not a bad thing.”
“But I think that’s all it is,” I said, trying to understand it, because I’d never lived with feelings like this before. It was all so… new. “I think, if we did it, I’d have regrets, you know? Once it was over.”
“Me too,” he said, with nothing but complete comprehension. “Trouble is, it means you’re shooting off all kinds of mixed signals.”
“I am. I really am. And I know that—”
“Yeah, but, that’s also okay, Ara. Remember once, when you told David to respect you when you said no, even if your thoughts say otherwise?”
“I can’t believe he told you about that.”
“See, that’s just it: being your friend, helping you through this—the depression, the separation from him, the getting past the attack—it’s my job to understand you,” he said, squeezing my hand. “And not act on those mixed signals.”
I exhaled. “It’s not easy, is it?”
“Only because we’re placing unrealistic expectations on ourselves. We're both attracted to each other, in love with each other, but you belong to someone else—who we may not even see again. That’s a hard set of rules to follow.”
“Do you think it’ll lead to us having sex in the end anyway?”
“Maybe. Maybe not.” He moved his shoulders up. “I think all we can really do is stop judging ourselves for the way we feel, or any actions that result.”
He was right. That was the only real power we had. I loved David, but he wasn't here and there was no saying when or if he ever would be. I should stop hating myself for needing closeness, intimacy. Sex.
I rolled up and got off the bed.
“Where ya going?” Mike asked.
“Cold shower,” I said, and he laughed.
8
“Are you expecting anyone?” Mike said, hopping up from the dining table when the doorbell chimed
“Yep. That’ll be Eric.” I jumped up to grab my purse. “He’s right on time.”
“Why is he here?” Mike stopped in the archway, posture screaming for a fight.
“Be nice, Mike. He means well.”
“He means to have sex with you. And we all know your hormones can’t say no.”
I laughed. “Tonight, he means to take me out for some fun. Sex won't even come into it.”
“He’s a killer. It’s his job to entice you no matter where you are.” Mike grabbed my arm as I went to walk past.
“His job is to fix motorbikes, his talent is to entice,” I teased, pushing his hand off my arm.
“Where’re you going anyway?”
“Something called Karnivale. It’s at this fair-ground with rides and stuff.” I headed for the door.
“How come I’ve never heard of it?”
“Um, I don’t know.” I stopped before opening it, pretty certain Mike was going to protest if I told him exactly what Karnivale was.
“Well, I’ll go get Em. We’ll come with you.”
“Uh, actually, it’s kind of just a thing for vampires.”
“What! He’s taking you to a bloodbath? Ara!” He took two long strides and grabbed my arm again.
“It’s fine, Mike. There’re other humans there.”
“Then why can’t I come?”
“Because I don’t need a babysitter.” I pulled my arm free and gave him a little whack on the wrist. “Go hang out with Em. She’s been sulking in her room all day anyway. She needs perking up.”
“Sulking? Why?”
“Because of some guy she likes, who hasn’t noticed her or something.”
“Guy?” Mike’s brow lowered over his eye, his body turning slowly to look down the hall toward Emily’s room. “What guy?”
“Bye,” I called, closing the front door behind me, walking a little faster in case Mike decided to physically stop me. He didn’t.
“So, Big Daddy doesn’t approve of your date tonight, ehy?” Eric grinned as I climbed into his four-wheel-drive.
“Just have me home by midnight and don't kiss me at the front door,” I joked.
“Wouldn’t dream of it anyway. Last time I tried that, you rejected me.” He winked as we turned the corner.
* * *
Thick crowds shuffled away from the Big Top, bleeding into thinner dregs as we reached the arcade games. Above us, the night was cool and crisp, the stars flocking to view the fun by the thousands.
Among vampires and humans, completely unaware which was which, I felt at home; I felt safe. And a part of me wondered if David might be here somewhere.
“God, my heart is still pounding.” I touched my hand to it. “That’s the most exciting show I’ve ever seen.”
“That’s only ’cause you haven’t been to bed with me,” Eric said, pinning his arm to my waist.
I dumped my popcorn bucket in a bin as we passed, diverting my attention until I could think of something witty to reply with, but my thoughts were still back in that tent, with the darkness surrounding me, and softly lit dancers and acrobats somersaulting through the air with the skill of vampires.
“I can’t believe some of the tricks you vampires can do. I can see why us humans have believed in magic for so long.”
“How ’bout that guy who could control the lion? Even I was amazed at that.”
“Yeah.” My eyes rounded at the memory. “How did he do that?”
Eric shrugged. “Guess it’s just some cool vamp power or something.”
I nodded. “It was cool.”
“So, you weren’t too scared?”
I felt kind of sheepish then for all the screaming and diving into the concealment of Eric’s shoulder. “Was that a rhetorical question?”
He just laughed.
“It was really awesome, though, Eric. Thanks for bringing me.”
Eric brought his other hand up and turned my face to peck my cheek in an ultra-casual, almost brotherly way. “Any time.”
I looked forward again, feeling his wet kiss dry quickly in the cool breeze. “Do vampires put this kind of event on often?”
“Annually. But the circus tours all the time, even does a couple of human shows.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. You’ve probably heard of their act.”
“I thought the name rang a bell. Sam went and saw it last year.”
“Yeah?” Eric looked impressed. “Did he like it?”
“He liked the nudity.”
“It’s not nudity, Amara,” he said dully. “It’s body paint.”
“I know. But you could see everything on those girls.”
“Just the way I like it.” A memory very clearly spread across his thoughts then, making him smile. “So, what about that tiger act? Were you afraid it might jump the railing and eat you?”
“Oh my God, yes.” I laughed the words out, linking arms with Eric. “But I knew you’d take care of me.”
“I wouldn’t be so sure. I have been trying to get a taste of your blood since I met you last month.”
“Yeah. Blood, I don’t mind. It’s what follows that I’m not sure of.”
Eric stopped walking and turned to face me. “What do you mean?”
“David once made a passing remark that if I ever ended up with a vampire, he’d kidnap me and turn me himself,” I said, and Eric laughed. “We know that’s not possible, and I honestly dare him to come back to try it, but he would be pretty cut up if I slept with another vampire.”
“What if I promised you?” He nodded, brushing a strand of hair from my face. “I could promise you we won’t do that.”
“We both know you can’t make those kinds of promises. Even I can’t do that. I have enough trouble controlling my urges with a human. Mix that with blood and…” I hoped Eric would get my drift.
“Urges?” His easy smile separated us from the crowd.
“Yes, I get urges.”
“Like…?” He started walking again.
I shook my head. A part of me wanted to tell him I thought about him a lot—thought about how he’d feel against me, how his hands would feel on my bare hips, how his blond hair would brush my jaw as he kissed my shoulder, moving slowly down…
“Hey.” He clicked his fingers in front of my face. “You still in there?”
“Ur, yeah, sorry.” I smiled sheepishly.
“So, you were saying?”
“No, I wasn’t.”
“Oh, come on, Amara. I like the idea of you having urges. It makes you seem more human.”
“I am human.”
“I know. But you deny yourself any human feelings, so it kinda makes it hard for me to get what I want from you.”
“Do you actually even know what you want from me?” I wedged my hands onto my hips.
“Of course I do. I want your tiny little body”—he looked down at my hips as he pulled them into his—“to be against mine. I want your sweet, human breath to be on my lips, my chest, and other places good girls don’t go.” He smiled at my open-mouthe
d expression. “I want to do things to you no other guy is man enough to do, and when I’m done, I want to drink the blood from your conscious body, then kiss you and walk away, leaving you alive so I’ll have the chance to come back and do it all again later.”
And now I wanted it too, so much more than I did five minutes ago. “Why? What’s so appealing about leaving me alive?”
“It’s just”—he brushed my hair over my shoulder and rolled his spine, so we leaned out from each other a little, our hips together like a bunch of ribbon-bound posies—“when I have sex with a human, it’s always so meaningless because I know I’ll kill her shortly after. I don’t have to be gentle or caring or thoughtful. With you, I do. It’s a turn-on.”
I used my elbows to push away from him. “That’s so frickin' creepy in so many ways. I can’t even process it.”
Eric laughed at me, staying a few steps behind.
“What!” I demanded, turning back to face him. “What’s so funny?”
“You just said frickin'.”
My eyes, betraying my anger by offering a smile, blinked a few extra times as I tried to hold it back, but Eric was right. The humor of the moment wasn’t just my reluctance to swear in public, but also the reason I couldn’t. In truth, that little girl in me still controlled way too many of my actions. I was eighteen now, but after everything I went through, it felt like I was still a child, trapped in the cage of my parents’ watchful eye.
I let myself laugh along with Eric, feeling the tension trickle away.
“Ara.” He moved into me again, cupping my neck firmly so his face sat directly in front of mine, nose to nose. “Do you want to be with me in that way, ever? Honestly?”
I thought about it for a second, then allowed a tiny nod.
“Come on, then,” he said, taking my hand. “Let’s go on that carousel you’ve been waiting for, then we’ll go back to yours and make sweet—er, love?”
I scoffed indignantly. “I’m done with that terminology, Eric. That’s who I was with David, but I’ve changed now, and if he doesn’t like it, too bad. I can’t just stay his ‘sweetheart’ for the rest if my life.”
“Oh, ho-ho.” Eric bounced on his toes a little. “What’s this I hear? Spite? Is our Ara-Rose becoming jaded and resentful?”
Dark Secrets Box Set Page 83