Letting You Down (An Allie Down Mystery Thriller Book 4)

by PJ Fernor

  “Got a cut,” I said. “Ben freaked out and made me go to the hospital.”

  “That’s because he loves you,” Lo teased.

  “Maybe. How was your day?”

  “It was a day.”

  “I heard you sat in glue.”

  “What?”

  “Nothing,” I said with a smile. “I’ll leave you alone. Just wanted to let you know I’m home.”

  “Can we order a pizza?” Lo asked.

  “No.”

  “Oh.”

  “We can order two,” I said.

  “That kind of day for you?” Lo asked.

  “Yeah, just a little,” I said.

  I shut the door and took out my phone to order Lo and I some dinner.

  It was hard to mentally adjust from the fact that just hours ago I was tied to a chair with my hand about to be cut off.

  I ordered the pizza and there was a knock at the door a minute later.

  It kind of freaked me out.

  There was no way it was the pizza…

  I approached with caution and slowly opened the door to see Ben standing there.

  “Ben?”

  “You okay?”

  “What?”

  “I’m just making sure you’re okay, Allie Down.”

  “You drove back here for that?”

  “I never left,” he said.

  “What…”

  “Sometimes you need a minute alone to process it all,” he said. “And if you processed it and had a breakdown, I didn’t want you to be alone.”

  I opened the door and hugged him.

  He hugged me back.

  We stood in silence for a few minutes, letting the world melt away.

  Eventually I told him to leave.

  I only ordered two pizzas.

  And those pizzas were for Lo and me only.

  Chapter Seventy-Eight

  I made sure to hug Lo a little tighter the next morning before we both left to go to work and school.

  My morning into the afternoon was filled with nothing but questions. I had to tell the same story twenty-five times, which under normal circumstances would have been fine with me, but in this case, there were a couple pieces to the story I had to leave out.

  Lying wasn’t my strong suit, but it now existed as a means to an end.

  When the time came and The One was finally stopped, I would tell the truth and hand in my badge and my gun and find something else to do with my life.

  Believe me, I knew what was at stake.

  Forgiveness was something that only went so far in life.

  Speaking of which, I rose from my desk as Ben stood in the doorway.

  “Long day?”

  “Long day,” I said.

  “You should leave,” he said. “You did what you needed to do here. You should take some time off. Reset.”

  “Are you telling me what to do, Ben?”

  “Just merely offering an observation.”

  “Which I appreciate.”

  “But you won’t listen to.”

  “I’m listening,” I said. “I’m just not complying.”

  Ben took a deep breath. “Wow, I can’t believe how much I like you, Allie Down. How much I like this. How much I like looking through that glass window and seeing you. All of it. A to Z. Everything in between.”

  My cheeks felt warm. “Thanks, Ben. I feel…” I swallowed hard. “Thanks.”

  Ben smiled and went back to his office.

  The man had patience like nobody I ever met before.

  His patience was a virtue and a flaw.

  If he had only said something to me sooner… years ago, actually… my entire life could have been on a different path.

  I was never the type to think about the what ifs in life, but I caught myself sometimes wondering about things with Ben.

  If he and I had gotten together when we were teenagers.

  Would we have stayed together? Would we have gotten married? Had kids?

  Or maybe it would have been the opposite.

  What I did know was that I couldn’t go back in time and change the past.

  Nor could I race forward into the future and see what was going to happen.

  I had the present, just like everyone else.

  And presently, I was on my way to Laura’s office.

  When I knocked on the door and opened it, she was on the phone, but waved me in.

  She ended her call and pointed to a chair. “Have a seat.”

  “I’d rather stand,” I said.

  “Okay. Then stand.”

  “I wanted to apologize to you.”

  “For?”

  “My handling of Lori Trenzler.”

  “Okay.”

  “She came to the station looking for help. I was distracted and sent her away. Muldavey was the one who followed her. He trusted his instinct and his gut. He saved her life, Laura. On top of that, he got a good enough look at Timothy that we were able to ID him through surveillance footage from where he worked.”

  “Okay,” Laura said. “I appreciate you saying that.”

  “I want to make sure Muldavey is given credit for this case. The only reason Timothy attacked me was because he knew I was working on the case. He saw me in the hallway with Ben. He was lurking around. I know I fought back and put the guy in a coma, but this was all Muldavey. If he hadn’t followed Lori, Timothy would still be out there. You’d still be under a lot of stress over the case. I just want to make sure he gets credit.”

  “I respect that, Allie,” Laura said. “I really do. I know things have been hectic around here. We’ve all kind of hit our breaking point more than once. I will be sure to handle Muldavey personally. Anything else I need to know?”

  “I don’t think so,” I said. “Now it’s just a waiting game to see if and when Timothy wakes up. What he said to me…”

  “Allie,” Laura said. “I have to tell you something about Timothy Perkins.”

  I lowered my eyes to the floor. “He’s dead.”

  “No,” she said. “He’s awake.”

  I looked at Laura. “What? When?”

  “This morning,” she said.

  “And…?”

  “He’s not really talking.”

  “Brain damage or…?”

  “Allie, he’s of no help to us,” Laura said. “According to him, he doesn’t know who The One is. He knows nothing of that. He’s confessed to killing four people. Jessica. Harold. Victor. Wendy. I know there are some serious ties to some of those murders, but according to him, they were completely isolated and done on his own. He called them opportunities. He saw someone alone and took a chance. We know what happened to Jessica and Harold. With Victor, he said he was driving near the lake and spotted Victor. So he parked on the other side and snuck down. As far as Wendy goes, she was some young woman living on the street. Sad.”

  My heart twisted and ached for Wendy.

  Laura didn’t know what I knew about Wendy.

  There was a lot Laura didn’t know as she spoke to me.

  “I don’t get it,” I said. “He spoke to me about The One. He told me…”

  Laura put her hand up. “Look, Allie, I’m going by what’s he saying right now. Maybe he’s scared. Right? What I know is this… if and when he gets fully better, he’s going to spend the rest of his life in jail. If he says anything about The One between now and then, I will make sure the information is passed along as needed.”

  Passed along…

  Meaning I would never know the truth of Timothy and The One. Other than what he said.

  “Allie, I know what it means to you,” Laura said. “I’ve stayed patient. I’ve kept quiet the best I could with it all. But you know what’s at stake here. The case isn’t yours. It’s not ours. We don’t know if he’s out there or where he is or what he’s doing. If anything. I’m pretty sure with what happened before, this area is fine. This goes way above all of us. I need you to understand that. Our focus has to be on this town, our people, a
nd keeping everyone safe.”

  “We agree on that,” I said. “I’m happy Timothy is off the streets. I’m sorry to those who lost their lives. That always sticks with you. You know? I always wonder what I could have done to stop him sooner.”

  “Doesn’t matter,” Laura said. “It’s done. You did good surviving. And I will make sure Muldavey gets all the credit he deserves. Thank you for telling me everything.”

  There was nothing left for me to do but nod and leave Laura’s office.

  I stayed composed until I got to the stairwell.

  There I stood alone and put my back to the wall.

  I shut my eyes.

  I pictured Lo in that cage… and the smell of the chemicals that almost took her life…

  If Timothy was going to keep his mouth shut about The One, that just meant he was afraid and that The One was closer than any of us could really know.

  It meant my work was from being over.

  Chapter Seventy-Nine

  Lo read the text message from Trevor a dozen or so times.

  To her, it was all one big step forward. To finally feel something that was - again, to her - so real. In the beginning, Allie didn’t quite understand Lo’s feelings for Trevor. But Lo knew Allie had once had a high school relationship that was very real too.

  Lo knew the future wasn’t written in stone for her and Trevor. There were three million things that could go wrong, at any time.

  But if there was one thing Lo had learned, time was precious.

  She thought about her mother every day. All the small moments that led up to her mother’s death. Then the whirlwind of Allie showing up to take her to the city, where living there just did not feel like a home at all.

  Sometimes if she thought about it too much, she would get emotional.

  Love u 2

  She sent the text to Trevor and smiled. Even as tears filled her eyes.

  Of course, this was the exact moment Miss Kesslier decided to walk into the bedroom.

  Miss Kesslier had been wandering around the apartment, finding odd jobs. Cleaning the corners of the kitchen that nobody ever noticed to clean. Cleaning the area where the faucet attached to the sink because when water dried, it would leave a calcium buildup. And that over time not only looked bad, but it could eventually cause problems.

  The least Miss Kesslier could do was help Allie with that kind of stuff. She understood the pressure Allie lived under. While not understanding it directly, she could see it in Allie’s eyes and sense it. The woman was a detective. Chasing down murderers. At which point, who really cared about a small piece of ziti stuck in the corner of the kitchen from a month ago?

  That’s where Miss Kesslier felt she could be part of something greater.

  As she opened the door to Lo’s room and saw her crying, her heart sank.

  At the exact same moment, Lo’s heart began to race.

  One person thought Oh, no. The other thought Oh, shoot.

  “I’m fine,” Lo said in a hurry.

  “That doesn’t look fine to me,” Miss Kesslier said.

  “I promise. I’m fine.”

  “Do I need to make a batch of chocolate chip cookies to get you talking?”

  “Well… I’m not going to turn that down…”

  Miss Kesslier smiled at Lo.

  Maybe they weren’t family by blood or marriage, but it sure felt like family to both of them. Miss Kesslier sometimes pictured Lo in a few years, a woman still growing into her body and mind, hopefully in college or pursuing a career.

  And, in a greedy way, she hoped to be part of it all.

  Lo felt the same way, even if she didn’t express it all the time.

  Miss Kesslier’s food… the comfort and love…

  “I’ll get baking,” Miss Kesslier said.

  “Mind if I help?” Lo asked.

  “A sixteen-year-old teenage girl asking to help with something? Are you feeling well?”

  “Now you sound like Allie.”

  “Can I ask, why don’t you call her Aunt Allie?”

  “I never had to as a kid,” Lo said as she swung her legs off the bed. “She was always Allie to me. I don’t mean it in a disrespectful way. I think Aunt Allie would make her seem like… I don’t know… like she was a fill-in. You know? But calling her Allie makes me think that at any time she could leave.”

  “She would never.”

  “I know,” Lo said. “But it keeps me humble.”

  “That’s a bold statement,” Miss Kesslier said. “And since you’re talking, I guess we can skip the cookies.”

  “I take it all back,” Lo said. “Forget I said anything. No more words until I get some raw cookie dough.”

  “You know, that’s got raw egg in it. You can get very sick.”

  “I don’t believe that for a second,” Lo said. “Just like parents telling kids they can’t swim for twenty minutes after they eat. You adults just want to torture us. You keep us from swimming and eating cookie dough.”

  “Adults are the worst, huh?” Miss Kesslier asked.

  They shared a laugh and went to work in the kitchen.

  Side by side, Miss Kesslier guiding the way, teaching Lo the secrets of her famous chocolate chip cookie recipe. Lo smiling the entire time, knowing she needed to mentally capture the moment and hold it with her for the rest of her life.

  Lo got to scoop some raw cookie dough out of the mixing bowl with a spoon. When Miss Kesslier told her that was enough, Lo took one more scoop, just for fun.

  Miss Kesslier made coffee while the cookies baked.

  Lo sat across from her at the table.

  They remained silent until the first batch of cookies finished baking.

  Miss Kesslier placed the warm, gooey cookies onto a plate and slid them across the table.

  After Lo took her first bite, she knew it was time to talk.

  To keep her end of the bargain.

  “They were good tears,” she confessed.

  “Good tears are okay,” Miss Kesslier said.

  “Really good tears,” Lo said. “Thinking about my mother. Allie. You. Trevor.”

  “It’s good to see it,” Miss Kesslier said. “I know it’s been so hard for you. Hard for Allie too. I sound like an old woman, but sometimes in life, it all comes rushing at you at once. You feel like you’re in this storm that won’t end. Or worse, you feel like you’re being punished. I’m here to tell you, Lo, that’s not the case at all. What feels like forever is usually just a small portion of your life.”

  “Like these cookies,” Lo said.

  “What do you mean?”

  “There’s a cookie,” Lo said. “And you take a bite and don’t taste any chocolate chips. That doesn’t mean the cookie is wasted. It was just a not so satisfying bite.”

  Miss Kesslier smiled. “You are one smart young woman. I can’t wait to watch you grow up. And neither can Allie.”

  “You’re going to make me cry again.” Lo bit her lip. “Can I ask you something?”

  “Anything.”

  “Trevor…”

  “Advice on a boy?” Miss Kesslier asked.

  “No. Permission.”

  “For?”

  “Can I go for a walk with Trevor?”

  Miss Kesslier took a deep breath.

  “It’s still light out,” Lo said. “We’re not sneaking away. We’re not running away. He’ll come over and we’ll walk around the block a few times. He’s not allowed near the building. The apartment. I know all of that.”

  “I guess this is the part where I can extend some trust your way.”

  “I promise, Miss Kesslier,” Lo said.

  “Bundle up,” Miss Kesslier said as she stood up. “It’s getting cold out.”

  Lo jumped, ready to scream with delight.

  “I want you back before it gets too dark,” Miss Kesslier said. “Okay? That gives you a little time.”

  “Just a little time…?”

  “Text me,” Miss Kesslier said.

&nb
sp; “You text?”

  “I’m old, not dead,” Miss Kesslier said. “I can text with the best of them. I know all the cool phrases and cartoon things.”

  “Emojis.”

  “Emo-what?” Miss Kesslier asked.

  Lo smiled. “Never mind. Thank you for letting me do this.”

  Miss Kesslier smiled.

  She tended to the rest of the cookies that were still baking while Lo rushed around her room to find the perfect shirt, coat, and scarf. Everything had to be perfect when it came to Trevor. Only because he would never care what Lo wore, that made her want to make sure she looked perfect for him.

  Both Miss Kesslier and Lo ended up at the door to the apartment.

  Lo went out into the hallway and Miss Kesslier stood with a smile on her face.

  “I promise,” Lo said. “I will text. We’re just going to walk. I will not be far.”

  “I trust you,” Miss Kesslier said. “Go have fun. Tell Trevor I said hello.”

  “Can you let Allie know…? I don’t want her to think this is some secret, you know?”

  “I’ll take care of it,” Miss Kesslier said. “Go be a teenager. But not too much.”

  Lo rushed down the stairs and disappeared.

  Miss Kesslier remained in the same spot, slowly nodding.

  It had been a long time since she felt this close to anyone. To having a sense of family. To having a purpose. To having a sense of home.

  She couldn’t wait for Lo to get back and hear all about Trevor.

  Chapter Eighty

  The hours seem to fly by.

  At some point it went from daylight to dark and I felt like I had gotten nothing done.

  Which was far from true.

  I ate some greasy fast food as dinner, and on the way back to my office I saw Muldavey.

  I called his name.

  He rushed over to me.

  “Detective,” he said. “I’ve been hoping to see you.”

  “Likewise,” I said. “I wanted to thank you for the work you did. You saved Lori. And countless others. You broke the case open. You did this. Not me. I was just lucky. I was the fool who ended up tied to a chair.”

  I stuck my hand out and Muldavey shook it, smiling ear to ear.

  I could tell he had never come close to anything like this in his life, and it was something he probably dreamt of since he was kid chasing around imaginary bad guys in his backyard, using his fingers as a gun.