by Jill Kemerer
He bit the corner of his lip.
“The ranch will be okay for two hours.” She clasped her hands. “Having you at the house might even push Belle to get involved more...and I think it would help you to resent Marshall less.”
“I don’t resent him,” he said too quickly.
She wrapped her coat more tightly around her body. “I’ve got to get back. Thanks for listening. And for caring.”
“Ainsley?”
She paused.
“Thanks for taking care of my children.”
“You’re welcome. It’s been an honor.”
A blast of wind hit her as she left the stables, but she barely felt it. She’d accomplished what she’d set out to do. She just hoped it worked. It would be hard enough leaving soon. She couldn’t bear to go without feeling assured the babies were being taken care of by at least one of their parents.
* * *
“Why is she taking so long?” Marshall held both twin boys on his lap. “Not that I don’t love you two. I do. You know it.”
Ben smiled at him. Marshall’s mouth dropped open. He’d smiled!
He couldn’t wait to tell Ainsley.
“You guys like me, don’t you?” He kissed their foreheads. “I expect to see more smiles, Ben, and, you, Max, need to get on board, too.” He craned his neck to address the girls on their activity mats on the floor. “Same for you, little ladies. I want everyone to smile for Uncle Marshall.”
They gurgled and stared at the toys dangling above them. Max rolled his lips, his tongue darting out.
“Your mama is going to be so...” He frowned. So...what? Belle showed no interest in these kids. Would she care Ben had smiled? Would she watch the other babies in breathless anticipation of catching their first smiles? He didn’t think she would. Maybe he was wrong.
As if on cue, Belle breezed through the front door, her arms loaded with packages. She kicked the door closed. “Oh, hey, Marsh, would you give me a hand?”
He looked at the babies he held, then back at her. “My hands are kind of full at the moment.”
She set the bags in the hallway and took off her coat. “Where’s Ainsley?”
He almost blurted out that she was talking to Raleigh, but he doubted that would go over well. “She’ll be right back.”
“You mean she just left you with the children?”
The statement struck him as odd. Belle left Ainsley with them all the time. She left him with them, too.
“Hey, Ben smiled at me.” He hitched his head for her to come over.
“Oh. Good.” Her eyelashes fluttered. “I’d better put this stuff away.”
“Don’t you want to come over and see if he does it again?”
She picked up the bags and made her way through the living room. “I’ll see it later.”
“Belle...”
“Not now, Marshall!” She slammed her door.
He took in the living room, the happy babies, the undecorated tree, and a wave of sadness crushed him.
She was missing it. All of it. His sister was missing this once-in-a-lifetime experience. And she didn’t know it. Didn’t care.
The back door opened. A few minutes later Ainsley appeared, her cheeks bright pink from the cold.
“Thanks,” she said. “I can take it from here.”
He rose, hoisting the babies with him, then setting them on their activity mats next to the girls.
“What did he say?” He wanted to get closer to her, to take her by the hand and press his lips to the back of it. He wanted to ask her to forgive him.
He wanted her to stay.
“He agreed. He’ll be coming up to the house for a few hours each afternoon next week.”
Marshall was taken aback. Raleigh—the tough rancher—was coming over to help with the babies?
“What about...?” He shifted his eyes to the hall where Belle’s room was.
She shrugged. “I don’t know. He seemed open to talking to her. It’s a start.”
He didn’t know what to say. So many thoughts ran through his head. He wanted to relieve the pressure on his heart and tell her the truth. That he thought about her day and night and couldn’t seem to stop. That he’d fallen for her. And life on Dushane Ranch was going to be lonely and unbearable after she left.
But he just stood there, his thumbs hooked in his belt loops.
“Like I said, you can take off.” She pushed past him to get to the babies, but he caught her by the arm and lightly caressed her sweater with his thumb.
“Why don’t you come over tonight for dinner?”
She hesitated. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”
“Look, I’m not going to attack you or anything.” He tried to laugh, but it fell flat. “I miss our time together. I know you have to leave, but in the meantime, can we go back to the way it was?”
She licked her lips, dropping her gaze. Then she met his eyes. “Sure. Why not?”
He should be glad, but she seemed less than thrilled at the prospect.
She got on her knees to engage with the infants, and he couldn’t help but watch her for a few moments. She’d been so good to the children, to him, to his sister and even to Raleigh. She was the most giving, brave woman he knew.
And he could feel her emotionally distancing herself from him more and more with each passing day.
“I’ll see you tonight.” He waited, hoping she’d give him that big smile he’d grown to love, but she merely glanced up and nodded.
As he powered through the wind, he tried to ignore the emptiness in his heart. It wasn’t as if he’d expected Ainsley to share his feelings. And it was better she didn’t. They didn’t have a future.
Several cows lowed from the nearby pasture. I feel the same way, fellas. It wasn’t just Ainsley getting him down. He missed his sister—the sassy, fun, sweet woman who’d gone missing ever since the babies arrived. He didn’t know how to get her back.
Was he even trying? Ainsley was the one bending over backward to help Belle. And Belle didn’t appreciate it at all. Did he for that matter?
He moved faster and almost bumped into Raleigh in the barn.
“Sorry, man, didn’t see you there.” Marshall stepped out of the way.
“Not a problem.” Raleigh didn’t make eye contact.
Marshall took a deep breath. He wanted to help, too. And not by sticking a bandage over the problem.
“Raleigh?”
“Yeah?” He looked vulnerable. Marshall had never seen this side of his brother-in-law.
“Ainsley said you’ll be helping with the babies next week.”
He flushed. “That’s right.”
“Leave me a list each day before you go, and I’ll make sure your work out here gets done.”
His jaw dropped. “That would be a big load off my mind.”
“I know it would.” Marshall shifted from one foot to the other. “Can I ask you a favor?”
“Shoot.”
“I don’t know how much Belle has told you about our childhood.”
“She’s told me enough.” His tone hardened.
“Just be gentle with her, okay? We both got knocked around as kids, and I can’t speak for her, but I know arguments bring out parts of me I wish they wouldn’t.”
“I’ll take that into consideration.” Raleigh strode away.
Marshall watched him, not knowing if he’d said the right thing or the wrong one. It was a sad day when he couldn’t trust his own mind anymore.
He didn’t know who he was. Belle’s brother. The quadruplets’ uncle. Raleigh’s ranch hand.
None of them seemed to add up.
His cell phone rang, and he answered it. “Marshall Graham.”
“Marshall, good to hear your voice again.”
“Mr. Beatty, w
hat a nice surprise.” His mood lifted as he thought of all he’d learned from his old boss. “What can I do for you?”
“You know I don’t go for formal stuff. Call me Bill. And it’s funny you should ask, but Peter and I are branching out. We’re opening a repair shop in Laramie, and we think you’re the guy to run it for us. Of course, you’d be the head repairman, too, so it would be an increase in pay from when you last worked for us.”
He almost dropped the phone. Working for the Beatty brothers again? In Laramie?
Visions of complicated machinery filled his mind. He missed the challenge. Missed the work. Oh, man, he missed it. And to run their shop? What a privilege.
It didn’t escape his attention that Laramie was where Ainsley was headed. He could picture himself getting off work and picking her up from the hospital to grab a bite to eat. Her big smile would be an everyday event for him.
A moo brought him back to reality.
“Wow, I’m honored.” He tried to find a polite way to turn him down.
“You were the best we ever had, Marshall.”
The words filled him with pride—not in himself—but that Mr. Beatty would think so highly of him.
“I can’t tell you how much that means to me.” Marshall wasn’t going to beat around the bush. “I would like to say yes, but I can’t. I’m not available.”
“I was afraid you’d say that. Your sister is mighty blessed to have you around.”
“I’m blessed to be here.”
“Listen, Marshall, why don’t you take the holidays to think about it? No rush.”
He’d be thinking about it, all right, but only as a fantasy.
“Oh, Marge is calling. I’ll be in touch.” Mr. Beatty hung up before Marshall could reply.
He pocketed his phone and stared ahead at the pregnant cow confined in the barn. An endless string of days paraded before him—all the same. Chasing down sick calves. Feeding healthy cows. Tagging during calving.
What was the alternative? Sure, he could enjoy pretending life would be sugary sweet in Laramie with him fixing farm equipment and seeing Ainsley, but that’s not how it would go. It would be a frantic call in the night from Belle saying one of the babies was sick and she didn’t know what to do. Or if she didn’t call, he’d worry something else was wrong. There would be no winning.
Where did he belong?
Here?
In Laramie?
At least here he could live with a clear conscience. He’d be available at a moment’s notice if anything were to go wrong.
Living on Dushane Ranch was the right choice.
* * *
Ainsley had been counting down the hours until she could eat dinner with Marshall, and the time had finally arrived. Ever since talking to Raleigh earlier, she’d felt more peaceful about leaving the babies after the holidays. But leaving Marshall? She didn’t feel peace about it at all.
She took a minute to get her bearings before knocking on Marshall’s door. She’d done so well pushing away her feelings for him. Since she’d barely seen him this week, she’d done her best to pretend she didn’t love him. She’d failed.
But she’d keep trying...after tonight.
Marshall opened the door, and she just stood there staring at him. His stubble was trimmed, his brown eyes gleaming, and his flannel shirt and jeans beckoned her to come in. She did.
An awkward silence fell.
“Should I—”
“Why don’t you—”
They laughed. He looked flushed. Excited.
“Everything okay?” she asked.
“Yes. Let me get the food.” He pulled chicken breasts out of the oven and placed them on a platter. Then he tossed a hot pad on the table and brought a pot of pasta over.
She resumed their previous routine and took the silverware and napkins out of the drawer. Then she set two plates at the table, took a seat and watched him serve the meal.
“Something good happened to you today,” she teased, waving her finger. “I can tell.”
He raised his eyebrows, grinning. “My old boss called. Wants me to come work for him.”
“Marshall, that’s terrific! Would you move back to Cheyenne?”
“Not exactly. They’re opening a new shop in Laramie and want me to run it, but I said no.”
No? Her joy for him popped. “Why? I know how much you loved your job.”
“Doesn’t matter. It was nice to be asked, though.” He gestured to their plates. “Why don’t you pray before everything gets cold?”
Frowning, she bowed her head and said the prayer. When she finished, she watched Marshall cut his food into precise bites. Was he declining the job because it was in Laramie, near her? Or was it something else?
Of course it was something else—it was Belle. Always Belle.
“You can have your own life, you know.” She used her least threatening voice. The one she wished someone would have used on her when she was convinced she had to keep her dad’s life together. “It doesn’t have to be either-or.”
“I’m not following you.” He briefly met her eyes but quickly refocused on his food.
“I attended Al-Anon meetings for over two years. It helped me understand myself. I believed I was responsible for my father. I wanted to save him. I thought if I could control everything, he’d finally quit drinking. But I wasn’t responsible for him, I couldn’t save him, and the more I tried to control everything, the worse he drank.”
“Okay.” He sniffed, fork in hand. “I don’t see what this has to do with me.”
How could she get through to him? In a way he’d actually accept?
“Whether you’re working on Dushane Ranch or living in Laramie, Belle is going to go through whatever she’s going to go through.”
“You lost me.”
“I guess I’m saying you can support and love Belle from Cheyenne or Laramie as good as you can here.”
“Let’s drop it.” He pushed away from the table slightly.
Frustrated, she sighed. Why did she always jump into situations where her help wasn’t wanted?
Was she still in saving mode? Saving Belle. Saving the quads. Saving Marshall.
Hadn’t she learned the hard way the only person she was responsible for was herself? She took a bite of the pasta, barely tasting it, but trying to reclaim the good mood. “Mmm. This is delicious.”
“Look, Ainsley, I don’t mean to sound like a grizzly. It’s been an odd day. I appreciate all you’re doing with Raleigh and Belle. I offered to do Raleigh’s afternoon chores next week while you show him the baby ropes.”
“You did?” Her spirits brightened.
“Yeah. It’s the least I can do. You might not believe me, but I really do want Belle to get better. Did I tell you Ben smiled at me earlier?”
“And I missed it? Aw! Tell me everything. What were you doing? Did the others smile, too?”
“Just him, and it tickled me. Cutest thing I’d ever seen...”
Ainsley kept her spirits up with Marshall throughout the rest of the meal. Her heart kept hitching, wishing he would change his mind about taking the job. Wishing he would put himself first and get off the ranch. But she knew he wasn’t going to.
She’d enjoy him as much as she could before driving back to Laramie. The memories of these nights would keep her warm whenever life was cold. She just hoped she’d be able to keep a level head when it came time to leave. Giving up her dreams for a man overly devoted to his sister would never make her happy.
Chapter Thirteen
“This baby is slipperier than a wet calf. How am I supposed to keep her from drowning?” Raleigh’s scared, screwed-up face was priceless. Ainsley couldn’t help it—she laughed.
She pointed to the washcloth near his right hand. “Just keep a firm grasp under her shoulders and use your othe
r hand to clean her. Gently.”
This was their fourth day of baby training, and he was getting the hang of it. She’d been trying to get him to bathe the dears all week, and today he’d finally agreed. They stood in the dining room, where she’d placed towels on the table, then the baby bathtub on top of the towels. At this rate, Raleigh would be more than comfortable taking on any baby task after Ainsley left. With less than two weeks before the end of the year, it left enough time for him to gain confidence in his growing baby skills.
“Go ahead and talk to her.” Ainsley stood to the left. “She wants to hear her daddy’s voice.”
“Ah, okay...you’re getting clean, Grace.” He sounded like he was giving orders to one of the cowboys.
“Um, I was thinking maybe a little more, you know, cutesy? Baby talk.”
His neck grew red and he flashed her a glare, but he bravely returned to Grace. “How do you like your bath, sweetheart?”
“Much better.” She pretended to clap. He gave her a resigned look.
Grace splashed her legs and blew a raspberry.
“See? She loves it. Keep talking to her.”
“Who’s the little cutie?” Raleigh cooed. He quickly washed her body. Then he turned to Ainsley. “Now what?”
“You’re going to lift her out of the tub and set her on the towel I laid out. Then wrap her up, take her to the changing table and put a new outfit on her. I’ll get Lily ready for her bath.”
“Thank you.” He nodded, his throat working. “I don’t suppose there’s any way we could convince you to stay, is there?”
Why his words touched her, she couldn’t say. But the tears pressing against the backs of her eyes couldn’t be denied. She was really going to miss this family.
“I can’t stay, Raleigh, but it means a lot to me that you asked.”
A door slamming made them both jump. Grace’s startled face quivered and she began to cry.
Belle stormed into the dining room, popped her hands on her hips and glared at Ainsley.
“How dare you!” The words were low, venomous.
Ainsley tried to figure out what Belle was upset about. She’d been hot and cold all week. One minute yelling at Ainsley for no reason, the next sidling up to Raleigh. It had been extremely strange.