by Jill Kemerer
“You came in here and acted all innocent.” Belle advanced on her, finger pointing. “But I’m on to you.”
“What are you talking about?” Ainsley handed Raleigh a pacifier. He held Grace wrapped in a towel to his chest and gave her the binkie to quiet her.
“It’s bad enough you’re turning my babies against me—”
“Stop it, Belle.” Raleigh gave his wife a warning look.
“Don’t tell me to stop.” She pointed her finger at him. “You’re as bad as she is.”
“I’ve never tried to turn your children against you.” Ainsley stayed calm. Was it even possible for someone to turn tiny infants against someone? She doubted it, but Belle was clearly in a bizarre state of mind.
Belle flicked her hair behind her shoulder. “And now you’re trying to steal my husband from me, too.”
“What?” Ainsley and Raleigh said simultaneously.
“Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about. I know you met him at the stables. I found the texts. And all week he’s been here helping—” she jerked her fingers into air quotes “—with the babies. You both disgust me.”
“Those are ugly accusations, Belle.” Raleigh shifted Grace to his other arm. His cheekbones jutted against tight skin.
“Yeah, the truth hurts, doesn’t it?” She glowered at him like a bomb about to explode.
Ainsley stood as tall as she could muster. This was her thanks for nonstop infant care? Being accused of trying to steal Belle’s husband? Hurt and anger pooled in her gut.
“I texted Raleigh because I’m leaving soon, and someone will have to take care of these children.” Ainsley leveled her with a stare. “These babies deserve to have loving, hands-on parents.”
“Liar!” Belle shouted. “You wanted him here for yourself. You’re a terrible person. I can’t believe I trusted you with my children. You hate them. And you hate me!”
Ainsley debated her next move. She would not engage with this woman any longer. And this environment had grown too toxic for her to stay.
“I don’t want you near my babies or my husband!” Belle yelled. “You’re fired. Get out!”
Ainsley blinked her eyes wide as her mouth dropped open. All she could do was shake her head back and forth. Was this really happening?
“That’s enough, Belle!”
All three of them turned to look at the kitchen. Marshall stood at the edge of the dining room. His legs were wide and his arms locked down by his sides, his hands balled into fists. His entire body seemed to throb with energy.
“Apologize to Ainsley. Right now.”
* * *
“If you think I’m ever apologizing to that home wrecker, you’re out of your mind!”
Marshall could hardly control his temper as anger pumped adrenaline through his veins. He’d walked in as Belle accused Ainsley of trying to steal Raleigh from her. What a joke. And then to accuse Ainsley of hating the babies...
“If it wasn’t for Ainsley, these children you wanted so desperately wouldn’t be as healthy and happy as they are today.”
“I should have known you’d take her side.” Belle spun on her heel to flee to her room, but Marshall ran over and blocked the hallway.
“She has done nothing but sacrifice for you and your children, and you are really going to stand here and say such nasty things?”
Belle tried to push him out of the way. He didn’t budge. Tears began to stream down her face.
“Aw, Belle—” he took her by the biceps “—I hate seeing you like this. Something’s not right. You’ve got to see a doctor. You need help.”
“Get out,” she whispered, as a sob erupted. “Get out! You aren’t welcome here anymore!”
He let her go and stepped back. A lifetime of empathy for her filled him, but he couldn’t make this better for her. Not this time.
“I said to get out! Both of you.” She pointed to him and then to Ainsley.
Ainsley’s face was pale and pinched. Marshall would do about anything to take away the pain his sister had caused her. She met his eyes briefly and gave her head a slight shake.
“Now!” Belle shook with fury, then ran to her room.
Ainsley approached Raleigh. She looked shattered as she put her hand on Grace’s head. “Take care, little Gracie,” she whispered. “You’ll always be the one your siblings go to when they have a problem.”
A lump grew in Marshall’s throat. He didn’t know what to do. What to say. This couldn’t be happening.
“Ainsley, wait,” Raleigh said. “Let me talk to her. I know she didn’t mean it.”
“I can’t.” Her voice cracked.
“Yes, you can,” Marshall said. A frantic energy built inside him, like a storm gathering power. He couldn’t let her go. “She’ll calm down. She’ll apologize.”
“I’m done, Marshall.” Her eyes pleaded with him to understand.
Marshall shadowed Ainsley as she padded over to the other three babies in their bouncy seats. She kissed her finger and touched Ben’s cheek.
“Stay fierce, Ben. And, Max, always have his back, but don’t let him get into too much trouble, okay?” She hiccuped, a trail of tears running down her cheeks. She kissed Lila’s forehead. “And you, sweet sunshine, be the light.”
“Ainsley...” Marshall couldn’t find the words. He tried to swallow the lump in his throat. Watching her say goodbye was killing him.
She rose, wiping under her eyes with the backs of her hands. She collected her coat and hitched her chin to Raleigh, whose face was ashen. “It was good to know you. Take care of them. Please, just love them and take care of them.” Her voice broke, and she ran outside.
“Wait—” Raleigh called.
But Marshall was already chasing Ainsley. He had to apologize. Had to fix this.
“Ainsley!” He caught up to her as she reached her cabin. “What happened back there—”
“It’s okay. I’ll be fine. And the babies will, too. Raleigh knows their schedule, and he can handle it.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
“I don’t know what you want me to say.” Her eyes were filled with anguish. “I have to go.”
“You can’t leave.” He opened his hands, wanting to pull her to him, stroke her hair and promise her he’d make it all better. “Can we go inside and talk about it?”
Her shoulders drooped as she sighed. She opened the door and let him in. They took off their coats. She took a seat on the couch, and he sat on the chair. The ticking of the clock on the wall echoed.
“I’m sorry.” He leaned forward, knees spread, hands clasped between them. “I don’t know why Belle said all those things.”
“It’s not your place to apologize for her.” She had a fragile air, like a porcelain doll.
“Maybe not, but after all you’ve done for us—”
“Us?” A frown formed. “I was doing it for her. And the babies. I wanted them to have a better life than I did. Parents who cared. And after the way she just yelled at you, I can’t believe you’re still putting her in the category of us. You need to get away from here, Marshall.”
He bristled. Maybe he deserved that, but he had to believe it was the aftereffects of her anger. “My sister will always be on my team. I’m not cutting her out of my life.”
She looked like she’d been slapped. “You mean the way I cut my father out of mine?”
“No, of course not.” He leaned back, not knowing how to talk to her. “It’s just...different.”
The gleam in her eyes sent warning signals to his brain.
“Take the job in Laramie, Marshall. Do what you love. Leave this ranch. Your sister doesn’t want you here, anyhow.”
He was having a hard time getting air to his lungs. Leave the ranch? “You know I can’t do that. Not now.”
“Especia
lly now.” She stood. “Take a chance.”
He gaped at her. She walked over and held her hands out, drawing him out of the chair. He wanted to sink his hands into her silky hair, but he stood like a statue.
“I love you, Marshall. I took one look at you holding the twins the day I arrived, and I’ve been fighting a losing battle ever since. I love you, and I want you to have a good life. A full life. Your own life. Come to Laramie. Call your old boss and take the job.”
His mind raced. She loved him? And wanted him to move? The thought was sweeter than he cared to admit.
But it was unthinkable.
“I left my sister at the most vulnerable time of her life, and I barely had a relationship with her for five years. Things went bad for her. And I wasn’t around.” His throat grew tighter and tighter.
“I know. I get it. I do.” She squeezed his hands, staring up at him with so much love it took his breath away. “But she’s got Raleigh now. And the babies. And she’s grown up. This isn’t the same.”
He pulled out of her grasp. He couldn’t make her understand. “I can’t leave her. Not now. Not until she’s better.”
“Not until she’s better,” Ainsley said softly. “I used to tell myself I’d go to college when my dad was better. I’d find a boyfriend when he was better. My life would start when he was better. But he never did get better.”
“It’s not the same.”
“Your sister and my dad aren’t the same. You’re right about that. But you and me—the way I was—that’s the same. I put my life on hold to fix my dad. And you’re putting yours on hold to fix your sister. It’s called codependency, Marshall, and I don’t play that game anymore.”
He massaged the back of his neck. “I disagree. I don’t see what’s wrong with being there for her.”
She stepped closer to him and placed her hand on his cheek. “I know you don’t.”
He covered her hand with his, leaning his cheek into it. “Stay. Through the holidays. She’ll get over it. She’ll calm down...”
She slipped her hand from under his and took two steps back, shaking her head.
“You can’t leave, and I can’t stay.” She stood tall. “Do you know how much I wanted to be number one in my father’s life? More than anything. But alcohol always held the top spot. And here I am in love with a man who will always put his sister first. I’ve been a distant second my entire life. I’m worth more than that. I’m not staying here.”
“It wouldn’t be like that.”
“It already is. You know your way out.” She crossed her arms over her chest and stared at him through those green-gold eyes. They were strong, determined, beautiful.
He opened his mouth to say something, but she walked to the door. With each step a piece of his heart broke off.
“Take care of yourself, Marshall.” She held the door open, and he had no choice but to grab his coat and leave. The door shut behind him as soon as he crossed the threshold.
The events of the past hour swirled. He had to do something. If he made Belle apologize...
Nothing would change.
If he went back in there and told Ainsley he loved her...
Nothing would change.
If he waited an hour, would things cool down? Could he reason with her?
He stood on her porch, the cold seeping into his bones.
He needed to tell her he loved her. He couldn’t let her walk out of his life.
What if he took the job and left Belle to—
No, I can’t. I can’t live with myself if Belle’s life falls apart again. This wasn’t supposed to happen!
He faced the door and closed his eyes, whispering, “I love you. Don’t make me choose. Don’t leave.”
Then he bowed his head and plodded next door.
Telling her he loved her wouldn’t change anything.
She was right. She deserved to be number one, and he’d filled that spot long ago.
Chapter Fourteen
Ainsley shoved the last of her sweaters into the suitcase, then looked around. The bed was made. Closet empty. Bathroom cleared. Sink wiped out. She zipped the suitcase and brought it into the living room to stand next to the others. Her laptop, tote bag and chargers were packed away. The only things remaining were the contents of the fridge, which she was leaving, and the Christmas decorations. She contemplated leaving the decorations the way they were. Let Marshall or Belle or Raleigh clean them up behind her. But that’s not how Ainsley Draper did things. No, she finished what she started.
She found a large bowl in the kitchen and took all of the gingerbread ornaments from the tree. She refused to think about how she’d baked them with Marshall and then hung them with so much joy. Instead, she chucked them into the bowl. She didn’t bother unstringing the lights from the tree, just unplugged it, picked the entire thing up and took it straight out to her car, shoving it into the back seat.
On a surge of adrenaline, she dragged the suitcases out one by one and hauled them into the trunk. Ran a dust mop across the floor, turned off the lights and glared at the bowl of gingerbread. The birds could have them. She swiped up the bowl, ran out to the back of her cabin and flung the contents into the air. They flew, some cracking, others breaking as they landed in the snow.
The sight broke her heart even more, but she forced herself to look away and marched back into the cabin. After putting the bowl in the sink, she slipped her arms into her coat, grabbed her purse and did one more walk-through. On her way out, she paused and exhaled.
Goodbye, pretty cabin.
She blinked away tears and left. Her car started right up, and she wasted no time leaving. She tried not to look at the main house. The thought of never seeing the babies again was killing her. She’d never hold them or kiss them or change their tiny diapers.
She wouldn’t see their smiles. Wouldn’t be able to give them the ornaments she’d bought them.
Their sweet baby smell was gone...forever.
The car bumped and jolted as she pressed the gas, and finally, she turned onto the main road. Instead of seeing miles of pasture and distant mountains, she could see only Marshall’s face.
She’d told him she loved him. And he didn’t love her back.
Don’t cry. Don’t you dare cry, Ainsley!
All the awful things of the day flitted through her head. Belle’s terrible accusations. Grace’s cry when Belle stormed in. Raleigh’s stricken, angry face. Marshall confronting Belle... Hearing, “You’re fired.” Having to say goodbye to the quadruplets.
You’re stronger than the tears. You did the right thing.
Had she done the right thing, though?
Maybe Marshall had been correct to stay. To help Raleigh and Belle until she—until she what?
The woman needed professional help, not the two men in her life to tiptoe around her and pretend everything was fine.
Ainsley gripped the steering wheel and pressed the accelerator. The sooner she returned to Laramie, the sooner she could immerse herself in reality. Not the isolated atmosphere she’d been in—the one that made her doubt herself. She’d meant it when she’d told Marshall she wasn’t sticking around to be number two.
Unfortunately, the only person who considered her number one was herself.
Well, that wasn’t true. She was always number one in God’s eyes. She sniffed.
The road to Sweet Dreams came into view. She shouldn’t detour. She should stay straight and take the shortest route back to Laramie. But the tug of the town pulled her, and she made a right.
The houses on the outskirts stood close together, and soon she was rolling slowly past the cute shops and Dottie’s Diner.
No more breakfasts with Amy and Lexi. No more coloring with Ruby.
No more cozy dinners and laughter and movies and happiness with Marshall.
The town
faded away, and it felt as if she was saying goodbye to her entire life.
It was going to be another lonely Christmas.
* * *
Marshall heard Ainsley’s car drive away, and as the crunching of her tires faded, he felt sick to his stomach. Letting her leave felt...wrong. Worse than wrong. Terrifying.
A memory latched to him, and he tried to shake it off, but it clung. It was his mother’s face the night he’d tried to convince her to leave Ed. Marshall had just showed her the welts on his back and begged her to open her eyes, to see what was happening.
Horror had flashed across her face. And she’d seemed like she believed him. But then he’d blown it. He should have stopped while he’d been ahead. He’d thought telling her about Ed’s inappropriate feelings for Belle would clinch it.
But something in her eyes had shut down. She’d brushed his words aside, reverted to her oblivious self, the one who refused to acknowledge what was happening in front of her. She’d turned away to keep making dinner. So he’d pressed harder. Told her he’d seen Ed standing too close to Belle, leering at her. And she’d waved him off, told him he’d misunderstood.
He’d known he was losing the battle, but had he backed off? No, he’d grabbed the knife and held it in front of her. And he’d uttered the words that had sealed his fate. “So help me, if you move us into his house, I’ll kill him.”
She hadn’t said a word.
A pounding sound came from his cabin door, and he shook the memory away.
“Marshall? You in there?”
He swayed as he stood, the blood rushing to his head.
“Just a minute.”
Something important teetered at the edge of the memory. Something having to do with Ainsley. He balled his hands into fists and pressed them to his eyes. Forget it. Forget your mother. Forget Ainsley. Forget everything.
“Marshall?”
He crossed the room and opened the door. Raleigh stood there. “Can I come in?”
“Yeah.” He should ask how Belle was. He should be worried about the babies. But he felt empty. Done.
Raleigh headed straight to the kitchen table and took a seat. “I saw Ainsley’s car drive away.”