The House in the Clouds

by Connelly, Victoria

  Ellen frowned. ‘But he hasn’t said anything to me.’

  ‘No, he wouldn’t,’ Abi told her. ‘He just wants you to be happy.’

  Ellen sighed. ‘But I can’t give up our home, Abi! Don’t ask me to do that!’

  ‘You’d rather give up your marriage?’

  ‘No!’

  ‘And that would amount to the same thing anyway – if you and Douglas split up, you’d have to sell the house.’

  ‘Don’t talk like this! Why are you torturing me like this?’

  ‘Because something’s got to change – that’s why! You can see that, can’t you? The pressure’s he’s under and how miserable all this is making you and the girls?’

  Ellen stared down at the floor, not answering for a moment. Abi reached for her tea again and handed it to her.

  ‘Do you want another?’

  Ellen shook her head.

  ‘Why don’t you go home, okay? And call Douglas and just talk.’

  ‘I don’t know what to say. I feel so embarrassed. I really shouted at him!’

  ‘Just talk. Tell him how you feel. Calmly, though, okay? And listen to him. He’s in so much pain over this.’

  ‘Really?’

  ‘Of course he is!’ Abi said, feeling a little frustrated at how very focussed Ellen was on herself. ‘He doesn’t want to live like this. He’s miserable in his job the way it is at the moment.’

  ‘Is he?’

  Abi nodded. ‘You need to talk to him.’

  Ellen seemed to understand at last. ‘I don’t want our girls growing up not knowing their father like we did,’ she told Abi.

  ‘I know.’

  ‘And having him around is more important than having expensive things, isn’t it?’ she asked, as if she needed confirmation that this was true.

  ‘I think it is.’

  Ellen nodded. ‘I think we might have taken on more than we can cope with – the house, the new car…’ her voice petered out. ‘I thought I wanted those things. I thought they were important, but they’re not, are they?’

  Abi shook her head and they sat in silence for a moment.

  ‘Do you remember our parents?’ Ellen suddenly asked, surprising Abi.

  ‘I was too young when Dad left,’ Abi told her, ‘and I’ve only a vague memory of Mum. Sometimes, she feels more like a dream than someone who was really in my life.’

  ‘That’s sad,’ Ellen said.

  ‘I guess it is,’ Abi agreed. ‘There’s just this big gaping hole where my parents should be.’

  ‘And I’m afraid Aunt Claire didn’t fill that gap very well, did she?’ Ellen said with a tiny grin.

  ‘She certainly wasn’t the parental type.’

  They smiled at one another. It was good to see Ellen smiling again.

  ‘Listen, Ellen–’ Abi began as they left her apartment.

  ‘What?’

  Now that they were talking – really talking – Abi was thinking about something that Douglas had told her. Something about Ellen saying she was protecting Abi. Was now the right time to broach it – while they were being so open and honest with each other?

  Abi looked at Ellen’s face. It had been so red when she’d first arrived and while she’d been crying. Now, it looked pale. She looked exhausted – as if life had wrung every little bit of strength out of her, and Abi’s concerns about what Douglas had told her suddenly didn’t seem important anymore.

  ‘It’s nothing,’ she said.

  ‘No?’ Ellen said. ‘Are you sure?’

  ‘Another time.’

  Ellen nodded and the two of them embraced. It was nice to feel this closeness with her sister again. It didn’t happen very often and Abi didn’t want to ruin it by bringing something up that might cause friction between them.

  ‘Let me know how it goes, okay?’ Abi said. ‘And send my love to Douglas.’

  ‘I will. I think I’d better send him some of mine too,’ Ellen admitted.

  Abi hugged her again. It was rather miraculous to get this self-recognition from Ellen and Abi only hoped that it wasn’t too late.

  Since seeing her sister waiting for her on the doorstep of Winfield Hall, Abi hadn’t had time to think about what had happened to her in the garden at Ronnie’s, but that’s what her thoughts turned to as soon as Ellen’s car was out of sight. She’d blamed the heat and Ronnie had found that easy to believe. After all, she’d been walking in the sunshine for hours and her fair complexion was apt to make her a little more vulnerable to sunshine than some. But it hadn’t been the sun, had it? Well, maybe that had played its part, but Abi knew what had cut into her with such precision. It had been something Ronnie had said.

  Abi closed her eyes now as she remembered it, seeing once again the pain in Ronnie’s face. She’d recognised it because she’d seen it in her own face all too recently, hadn’t she?

  It was the pain of loss that no amount of time can erase.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Something felt different that night in London. That was Abi’s first instinct although she wasn’t at all sure what it was that felt different and so she ignored it. She went about her daily tasks, getting up, making fresh orange juice, walking along the river to the tube and going to work, and yet the space she inhabited in the world, the space within her was changing.

  She was pregnant.

  Her initial response had been one of joy because, somewhere in her future, Abi had always known that she’d wanted children only the future had hijacked her and arrived a little earlier than anticipated. For this had not been planned. She and Dante had been so careful. At least, they thought they had, but these things weren’t one hundred percent, were they? Life could sometimes surprise you no matter how many precautions you took.

  Abi tried to be philosophical about it. It might not be planned, but some of the greatest adventures in life weren’t planned, were they? And, yes, it was going to be difficult running her company and being a mother, but it wasn’t impossible, was it? Women had babies all the time and still managed to work and Abi was young and fit.

  ‘And determined,’ she whispered to herself. Yes, she was determined to make this work.

  For those first few heady hours after finding out for sure that she was expecting, she carried her secret with her, sitting in meetings at work, wondering what they’d all say if she told them. Her head of marketing would be thrilled as she’d just had a baby. But her account manager was likely to complain and tell her it wasn’t advisable – it was the wrong time, the wrong season. She should really have planned things better. This wouldn’t make financial sense. Abi couldn’t help smiling inwardly at that.

  A baby. She was going to be a mother. Ellen would be thrilled too, wouldn’t she? Abi couldn’t wait to tell her sister although she knew Ellen would be full of warnings too – warnings about what she should eat and what she should and shouldn’t do because, when Ellen was pregnant, she’d read every single book and blog on the subject.

  Abi waited a few days before telling Dante. She wasn’t quite sure why. They didn’t see each other every day and perhaps she felt it was the kind of news one didn’t send in a text or via a phone conversation. But there was something else which held her back if she was being absolutely honest: she wasn’t sure how he would respond.

  They’d only been seeing each other for a year and it still felt so early in their relationship. Certainly rather early to turn them from a couple into a family of three. They weren’t even living together. How would it all work? So many thoughts and fears swirled through Abi’s mind, but the overriding one was of joy because she felt that this was meant to be happening.

  When she called Dante, he was in a good mood and she suggested meeting at hers after work. It seemed funny that he arrived carrying a large bunch of flowers. It was as if he knew they had something to celebrate. She listened to him telling her about his day as she put the flowers in a glass vase and placed them on the coffee table in the living room. There’d been some mishap with one of his s
tudents, apparently.

  ‘Got herself pregnant, the idiot!’ he laughed. ‘In her final year too. Can you believe it? What a waste. Why do they do that, huh? Start a course and put all that work in, wasting their time and money and the resources of the tutor if they’re just going to go and get pregnant?’

  Abi didn’t say anything. Instead, she went through to the kitchen to put the kettle on.

  ‘It’s so commonplace, don’t you think? Anyone can have a baby, but an education, study, following your passion – now that’s something to strive for.’

  Maybe now wasn’t the right time to tell him, Abi thought. Maybe she’d wait. Maybe…

  ‘You okay, Abi?’ he asked, making her jump as he placed his hands on her shoulders from behind her.

  ‘I’m pregnant!’ she blurted, her eyes wide.

  ‘What?’

  ‘We’re going to have a baby,’ she said, feeling her heart racing wildly. ‘You and me.’ She wasn’t sure why she added that. She just wanted to make things absolutely clear.

  Dante stared at her, his dark eyes not giving anything away.

  ‘Aren’t you going to say something?’ she prompted him.

  He nodded, but didn’t speak.

  ‘Dante?’

  ‘You’re sure?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘How?’

  ‘I did three tests,’ she told him with a little laugh, remembering her own disbelief as she’d done test after test.

  ‘Have you seen a doctor?’

  ‘No. Not yet.’

  ‘I think you should. To be absolutely sure.’

  ‘I am absolutely sure.’ Abi was starting to get a little anxious now. ‘You are happy about it, aren’t you?’

  ‘No, no,’ he said. ‘I mean – of course.’

  Abi looked closely at him and could see the fear in his eyes which looked darker than normal. He said he was happy, but they were just words and they felt empty and hollow.

  ‘I know we didn’t plan this,’ she said as calmly as she could, ‘but we can make it work, can’t we? I mean, people have babies all the time. How hard can it be?’

  He nodded, but he had a faraway look and Abi had a feeling that he wanted to be far away too at that moment.

  ‘It’s just… unexpected,’ he said at last.

  ‘I know it is.’

  ‘How did it even happen? We’ve been so careful.’

  ‘We’re a blip,’ she said. ‘A blessed blip!’

  Dante walked through to the living room and stood looking out of the window towards the Thames. Abi left him for a moment as she made the tea and then joined him.

  ‘At least we have a few months to prepare,’ she told him, ‘and to get used to the idea. I think that’s why pregnancy takes so long. It’s so that the parents are totally ready for when the baby arrives.’

  ‘Parents,’ he said. ‘I’m not even used to being a partner yet.’

  ‘Dante!’ she said, shocked by his admission.

  ‘Sorry,’ he said quickly. ‘I want to be honest with you. I can, can’t I?’

  ‘Yes, of course.’

  ‘Because I don’t want to lie to you, Abi. This is a shock.’

  ‘I know. It is for me too.’

  ‘I’m just finding my feet here in London. My teaching…’ he paused and gazed out across the river again. Abi wished she could read his mind although perhaps it was best that she couldn’t. She might not like what she’d discover.

  ‘I very nearly didn’t tell you,’ Abi said.

  ‘What do you mean?’ He sounded angry now.

  ‘I was scared of your reaction.’ She gazed up at him. ‘Tell me I was right to tell you because you’re making me nervous.’

  He raked a hand through his dark hair. ‘Of course you were right to tell me. Just give me a little time, okay?’

  She nodded. ‘Okay.’

  He glanced around the room as if looking for an excuse to leave.

  ‘Why don’t you go home?’ Abi said gently, giving him the excuse he needed. The truth was, she couldn’t bear to look at him when he was like this. It was better that he left.

  He walked out of the room, stopping at the front door and then returning to kiss her cheek as if in afterthought. Not once had he asked her how she was feeling. It just hadn’t occurred to him. Her being pregnant was totally about his own response, wasn’t it?

  She watched him from her living room window, his shoulders sagged in despondency as he walked along the river towards the tube and she felt as if something had closed inside her. She had been anxious about telling Dante the news of her pregnancy, but she had kind of hoped for just a little bit of elation. Was that so totally unreasonable? She was carrying a new life inside her. Surely that was to be celebrated for the miracle that it was.

  As Dante disappeared round the corner, Abi stepped away from the window, her hands instinctively touching her tummy although there was obviously no physical change as yet. But there would be, she thought, wondering how soon the changes would come.

  I’m going to be a mother.

  She smiled at the inner voice that kept repeating those words. Even if Dante wasn’t smiling at the thought, she absolutely was.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Edward had had a good morning. He’d hired somebody to design and set him up with a website, he’d been in touch with several of his former clients and had secured two new clients as well from word of mouth. It was all looking very positive. He could make this work, couldn’t he? He didn’t need a big company behind him. He was all the company he needed. It just required a little bit of confidence and a good input of time and effort.

  He was just about reward himself with a pub lunch when his mobile rang. He looked at the screen and saw the name. Oscar. For a moment, Edward debated ignoring the call, but he knew his brother would only persist and he didn’t want to run the risk of him actually turning up at Winfield Hall again for fear of him running into Abigail. Abi was just the sort of sweet and trusting person that Oscar would prey on and he didn’t want his brother to have anything to do with her. So he took the call even though speaking to him was the last thing he wanted to do.

  ‘It’s Dad,’ Oscar said without preamble.

  ‘What about him?’ Edward said, equally abruptly.

  ‘He’s in bad shape.’

  ‘He’s always in bad shape.’

  ‘This is worse than normal.’

  ‘Tell him to stop drinking then.’

  Edward heard Oscar swearing.

  ‘I can’t get to see him. You should go over.’

  ‘Don’t ask me to do that,’ Edward said.

  ‘I’m asking. You need to check on him. I spoke to him on the phone and he sounded odd and he was crashing around the place before.’

  Edward sighed. He might have known that his good morning was too good to last.

  ‘Are you going to go or do I need to phone a neighbour to break in?’ Oscar threatened.

  ‘I’ll go,’ Edward said and Oscar hung up.

  Edward ran a hand through his hair. He was feeling wretched and he hadn’t even left the safety of his home yet. This was not something he was looking forward to, but he’d do it. What choice did he have? Derek Townsend was still his father.

  He picked up his car keys and the key to his father’s home and left the hall, driving the short distance to the old family home. Parking outside and getting out of the car, he walked quickly to the front door and inserted his key.

  ‘Dad?’ he called as soon as he was inside. The hallway was dark and there was a dreadful noise coming from the front room. Edward stumbled in the dark, treading on something as he made his way to open the curtains which were still shut even though it was midday. As soon as they were open, he walked towards the television which was pumping out some dreadful chat show where one of the presenters was shouting his opinions and his colleague, even more intent on being heard, was shouting hers right back at him. Edward switched it off and a blissful silence descended, and that’s when
he began to survey the room. It was not only filthy, but the coffee table had been knocked over and there were cans, bottles and fast food cartons littering the floor, one of which he’d stepped inside. He checked his shoes now and, sure enough, his right shoe had half a slice of pizza stuck to its sole. Edward grimaced as he pulled it off and wiped the sole with an old piece of newspaper he found. How could anybody live like this, he wondered?

  The smell of stale alcohol hung in the air. It was a far cry from the light and airy rooms at Winfield and the world that Edward was trying to create for himself there.

  His father had always enjoyed a drink, but he’d never held it well. It made him angry and, on occasion, violent. And he liked it. For him, it was his right at the end of each day’s work. Edward had once challenged him about it and had been soundly cuffed round the ear.

  ‘Let him be,’ his mother had said and not in defence of her son. She knew when to leave Derek alone with his drink.

  Then Linda had died and Derek had gone downhill fast, sinking his sorrow in bottle after bottle. She hadn’t been there to give him her gentle guidance. It hadn’t always worked, of course, but at least she’d had some influence over him and had stopped some of his scenes in their tracks before they’d escalated out of control. Like the time Oscar had come home late from a party at sixth form. He’d been exactly ten minutes late, and Derek had worked himself up into a good alcoholic lather about it. If Linda hadn’t been there that night to literally hold her husband back while Oscar ran up to his bedroom and locked the door, Edward dreaded to think what might have happened.

  ‘Dad?’ Edward called now, making his way upstairs and passing the very room Oscar had escaped to that drink-fuelled night. Sure enough, his father was in bed or rather on it – face down, his hair a sweaty mess on the pillow. The room smelled awful and Edward moved to open the curtains and then the window, letting in a blast of much-needed fresh air.