by Sansa Gold
During dinner he thought that he had made some progress. That he would be able to forgive her without her needing to say anything. He tried to reassure her about her eating, giving hints that her body was right for him. And all his feelings of hurt might pass over. Might have past if it were not for her so-called apology.
When he heard her chair fall onto the ground and her shouting his name his heart ached. It ached for her like nothing he had ever felt before. He wanted nothing more than to go down those stairs, two or three at a time, and hold her close. He was just about to do just that, until she started with her apology.
It was clear that she was bullshitting him. Her apology was too generic. Those two words meant so little to him. His body told him because before he knew it his head was already shaking from side to side. He didn't mean to be so straightforward with his disapproval. It had burned him on the inside and it was hard to hold back everything that he felt. Didn't she feel the same about him? Had the year apart completely broken what she felt for him?
When she dropped him at the bus stop over a year ago he was sure that he feelings for her. Before that he was had always been unsure. He hoped that by going away he could put his feelings for her on the back burner. Maybe, he could find someone else to fall in love with. Anyone else besides his sister.
During war he faced a multitude of life-threatening problems. Bombs dropped around him all the time. He was always at a constant battle with the turmoil around him. Each day he felt ripped in half between his ideas and the army's. Through all that one thing was consistent; his feelings for her.
As time past he kept going back to the night she dropped him off. How she wanted to tell him something, only he had interrupted her. The more he thought about it the more clear it became. She had feelings for him. In an instant everything changed.
He still wanted to change the world and help those in need. The army just wasn't going to do that for him. For some reason, something pulled him back home. Back home to her. There he felt like he could bring the best change to the world. With Ashley by his side.
Every time the sun set and rose he knew that he would have been one day closer to seeing her. To holding her against his body and letting her head nestle up against his neck. His chin pushing down on the fluffy hair. Her small, petite, curvy, body molding against his. Almost like the last piece of the puzzle that was his life. All that time daydreaming had been completely crushed by her reaction earlier today.
Denon hopped off and walked toward his window. Out of the corner of his eye something caught his attention. At the bottom of his door was the corner of a piece of paper. He could see words scribbled across the side of the page. He walked over and grabbed it. He didn't have to read it to know who it was from. It had Ashley's fragrance all over it. The edges of the paper curled and all around were wet splotches. Did she write this while she was crying? Denon felt a tightness in his gut. He didn't want her to cry. He opened the piece of paper.
It read:
Dear Denon,
There are two things that I'm certain right now. I know that you don't want to see or talk to me. I know that your hurting on the inside. I don't know why your upset with me. I've been racking my head all day trying to figure it out. I want you to talk to me and make me understand the hurt that you are feeling. One last thing I'm certain of. You are mean the world to me and I don't want to lose you.
Meet me at our hang out spot after the party.
Sincerely,
Ashley Johnson
P.S. The weird vein is back on my forehead from all the stress.
He chuckled at the last note. That vein had haunted her throughout high school. It always popped up when it was close to finals or an important deadline. She had it more than anything and would always try to cover it up. She mentioned how the other girls would always tease her about it. But, to Denon it was one of his favorite imperfections about her. It was the little things that he loved about Ashley.
He let the piece of paper fall to the ground as he sunk into bed. When reading her letter he could almost feel the hurt in her words. The yearning to make it all good with him. Denon wanted to make it right with her. He didn't travel back all these thousand of miles for this. He came back to fight for her love. He wasn't going to give up by one failed attempt.
Chapter 5
Denon
"Do you need any help with that?" Denon raced over to his father who was trying to move one of the bales of hay by himself. His father's cheeks bulged out and completely red, his eyes red from the strain.
"I-I've got it." He pushed the hay onto the back of the truck and sat down. He pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and wiped the beads of sweat. He patted down at the spot next to him. Denon sat next to his father, the truck sinking with their weight. He wrapped his arm around Denon and brought him closer, "Its real good to have you back son."
"Thanks, Pop."
They bought gazed up at the stars. There was one thing that Denon appreciated the most as he traveled the world. That was one thing that was similar no matter where he went in the world. He could sit back in an open field at night and just stare at the sky. On his back, he could always find a constellation that reminded him of home. Sometimes, he dreamed that Ashley would look up at the same time.
"So, what's this I hear about a fight?" His palm fell off Denon's shoulder and pushed the handkerchief back into his pocket.
Denon could feel the tension in the air. Guess the yelling between Ashley and him hadn't gone unnoticed. "Its just a small misunderstanding."
*Smack*
Denon grabbed the back of his head. A set of stars danced on the outside of his vision that were much brighter than those above. "What the hell was that for?" He ran his palm through the back of his head trying to massage the hurt.
"Fix it," his father grumbled. He didn't turn his head to face Denon. Instead, his watchful eyes were on the black horizon. His father was always a man of little words.
"But.."
*Smack*
Denon almost lost consciousness for a second. The slaps from his father hit harder than some of the drill instructors back at base.
"Do you want to lose her?" His voice broken. After he rubbed his head Denon looked up at his father, his mouth opening wide. His father was staring at him. He wasn't staring at him with anger or frustration. It was something else. Something that Denon had never seen from him before. Sadness? Hurt?
"No, I don't."
"Then make it right." He grabbed the end of the truck and threw himself off. The back of the truck bounced up and down a couple times. Denon sat there letting his father's face sink into his head.
"Do you need help cleaning up?" Denon threw himself off.
"Nah, we can do this tomorrow." He flung open the door to his car. The engine roared alive and the door shut. With one hand out the window and other on the steering wheel his father waved at him. All Denon could do was stare as his father left him alone at the barn. Well, not completely alone.
Denon couldn't forget about the letter that Ashley had left of him. The letter that told him to meet up with her at their spot at the end of the party. Well, there was no one else in sight.
Red plastic cups were all scattered all around the barn. On the tables remained some stall chips and empty platters. Tons of people had come to welcome Denon back, it had surprised him. He was happy to see them all once more, but his mind was too occupied to completely enjoy the day.
All night his eyes scoured the room trying to find Ashley to no avail. She had kept to herself the whole night. Leaving Denon to figure out what was going to happen at their spot. After all, it was her that had arranged all this for him.
He headed to the back of the barn. There was hardly any light at the back of the barn, which was perfect. Many people didn't know about the ladder back there, except close family members. He grabbed the rungs and hoisted his body up. It had been ages since he had been up here. A piece of plywood covered the hole to the roof. He pushed it aside and
poked his head out.
Darkness in every direction. Out in the distance to the east he could make the faint lights from town. Each flickered every couple seconds trying to get the attention of anyone out there. The brightest ones were from the movie theater. Many summers spent at the old crumpling building after practice.
To the west was tree line as far as the eye could see. That was the benefit of being one of the furthest farms from the town. They had all those woods to take in without any distraction of lights.
"The view is much better out here." Her soft voice suckled at his ears. It sent a welcoming shiver down his spine. Denon turned around and behind him Ashley sat at the top of the barn. Her green eyes seemed brighter than any of the lights from the town. Her smile beamed and it somehow made him smile. His dad was right. He needed to make this right between them. His life was worthwhile without Ashley in it.
He hoisted himself up and set next to her side. The barn creaked at their every move. He lost track of time. He just listened to the nature around them. Although, his eyes were on the horizon his concentration was on her. He was taking everything in that she had to offer.
The way her wavy hair flicked to the side when she exhaled. The slight smell of berries as the warm summer air blew north to south. How she rubbed her hands together and played with her fingers. Even, looking at the small vein on her forehead brought a yearning in his stomach. He almost lost it when she put her head on his shoulder.
"So, where were you all night?"
"I've been up here all night." Her head tilted and her eyes looked into his. She was giving him her undivided attention.
"Didn't you want to say hello to all your friends?" He had to look away before he would do something he would regret. Something that had brought him to this whole mess.
"My most important friend didn't want to see me so I stayed up here."
"About that..." Denon struggled with the next couple of words. He had to be careful about how he said this. He needed to fix the misunderstanding. "I think I'm too blame for all that."
Her ears perked up and she moved from her spot. Her shoulders turned until she faced him. "What do you mean?"
He ran his hands through his hair. Explaining to her everything about the last year was going to be hard. There wasn't enough time in the world for him to do that. "There isn't enough time to explain everything."
"Then give me the basics. Anything to make me understand and for you to feel better."
"The kiss," he said as he tried his best not to throw himself off the top of the barn. The embarrassment he was feeling was beyond anything he felt before. He was going to be talking about kissing his sister. A topic that she was trying to avoid as much as him.
"What about it?" Her hand traveled up the side of his leg and grabbed hold of his. Her warm touch spread to every part of him. Thoughts of inappropriate behavior streamed inside his head. Dirty thoughts that had plagued his mind for the better part of the year. Thoughts there weren't right between a brother and sister.
"It was a mistake." Her hand left his.
"What do you mean it was a mistake?" Her voice wavered as it reached a higher pitch.
"I shouldn't have kissed you. It wasn't right of me to put you in that spot."
"It wasn't right of you?" she stammered out as she rose from her spot. She rubbed at her eyes as she made her way toward the ladder. "I'm sorry that it wasn't right for YOU!" She moved the plywood to the side and bounded down the ladder.
Chapter 6
Ashley
How could he say something like that? Didn't that kiss mean anything to him. Ever since he slammed that door shut on her she had been trying to put her feelings for him into words. Trying her best to make him understand how she felt for him. Now she was telling her that it was all a mistake. That it didn't probably didn't mean anything to him.
The corner of her vision grew blurry by the time she reached the end of the ladder. The lights in the barn had gone out, but she could find her way out blindfolded. She wanted to get as far away from him as possible. There was no reason to tell him anything anymore. It would only break her heart even more.
"Ashley, wait up!" His voice bellowed behind her in the dark. Red plastic cups crunched under her footsteps. There were too many for her to avoid. She didn't bother to answer him. She just wanted to go back to her room. There she could lock herself away for the rest of the summer or until she forgot about him.
"Ashley, can you please hold on?" His voice was closer than before. She rounded the corner and made her way out the barn. If she went straight home she knew that he would catch up to her. There was no way that she was going to get away from him, not when he was in such good physical shape. She turned around the next corner and headed for the woods. She could loose him in there. It was the best place to hide especially in the darkness of the night. Before, she could get out to the forest she would have to run through the crops.
She dug her shoes in the ground and ran as fast as she could. Her head shook from side to side with each step. The soft fertile ground gave way with each step she took. With her arms at her side she pushed aside the crops, making sure not too damage them too much. Mom and Howard had worked too hard for her to mess them up.
"Ashley!?!" She heard his voice somewhere behind her. His voice coated in frustration and anger. Her chest heaved as she saw the clearing in front of her. A couple more strides and the darkness of the forest would welcome her. In there she could sink down against a tall oak and let her emotions overwhelm her. She would be able to let them soak out of her and curse into the night without anyone hearing her. The solitude of the forest was best for times of heartache.
She broke through the corn crops and pushed herself into the forest. She grabbed at the low hanging branches pushing them aside. They were more rigid and harder than the crops, but she tried her best. Before long she found herself in the air. Her foot had caught on one the tree's roots. With her hands in front of her preparing for the point of impact she feel.
"Ow," she screamed out in pain as all her weight came down on her left hand. She had not expected the ground to be so uneven out her. She had spent days out her in the forest, but she still didn't really understand it. She was better suited out there on the farm. This was more something suited for Denon, he always seemed to know his way around here.
"Ashley?" His voice shot through the darkness. He couldn't have been more than a couple of feet. Ashley covered her mouth with her other hand. Should she call out for him, after all it was her fault they were both here.
"Ashley, where are you?" His shouted over and over, his voice growing desperate.
"I'm over here," she shouted back.
There were several snaps of branches as Denon broke through the clearing. His blue eyes scoured the damp forest floor for her body. Almost like a lighthouse looking for a damaged ship on the horizon.
"Where are you?" His thick voice moving through the forest.
"Over here," she whispered back. She was still torn about him finding her. She hurt and brought him through all this trouble.
His eyes locked onto her and he hurried through the forest. The branches broke as his hands grabbed hold of them and twisted them to the side. In his wake a gaping whole remained, lifeless branches hanging to the side.
Panic. His eyes looked every part of his body. He touched the top of her forehead with his palm and other parts of her body. "Are you okay?" The worry in his voice was clear. She was lucky to have a brother like him. A brother who would charge after his headstrong sister into the dark forest.
"My wrist is hurting me."
He grabbed it and moved it from side to side.
"Ow."
"It's fractured. Lay your arm on my thigh." He grabbed a couple twigs from the side and set them by her wrist. He took off his belt and wrapped it around her wrist and twigs. He tightened it until she felt a slight pressure on both sides of her wrist. "That should help for the time being." One of hands held my back while the other wen
t under my knees.
"I can walk."
"No, you can't," he answered.
She didn't argue with him. There was something about his voice that told her not too. As he walked through the open path of destruction he left behind she nestled in his chest. Her head rested against his pecs and she could feel the slow rhythmic thump of his heart. Shouldn't his heartbeat be a lot higher after all that? Hers certainly was. She wrapped her hands around his chest and neck making herself more secure.
"So now that you can't run away do you want to talk?" His arms tensed around her body. He wanted to make sure that any attempt to run away remained hindered. He didn't need another midnight run through the countryside.
"No." She pressed her head harder against his chest. Her teeth bit into his skin and he howled in pain.
"What was that for?" He rubbed with chin on the spot.
"The kiss didn't mean anything to you? Do I mean nothing to you?" she shot back.
"Do you really think I would have kissed you if I didn't have feelings for you?"
Ashley let the words simmer inside her, "What feelings?"
He exhaled, "Feelings that aren't right for a brother and sister. Feelings that have grown each day and came flooding out when I saw you at the barn. Feelings that I should have controlled."
She placed her arm on his chest letting his heartbeat flow through her. With the words he confessed his heart seemed to pump like never before. She was sure that his heart wasn't beating this fast before. Was it possible that he was telling the truth?
She moved her hand and touched his cheek guiding it toward her face, "I feel the same way."
She moved her hand to the back of his neck bringing his neck in. Their lips touched once more like earlier today. Her body began to shudder as his lips traced hers. The top of mouth tickled as his hot breath circled around her face. His hand pushed against her back bringing her deeper into the kiss.