The First Love Edition

by Jennifer Bernard

  He drew in a deep breath. “Remember when I first asked you to the movies? How shocked you were?”

  “Yes. I wasn’t exactly your type. You usually liked the fun girls, not the geeks like me.”

  Jack shoved his hands in his pockets and looked up toward the faraway ceiling of the auditorium, where all the lifts and pulleys were located. “The day before I asked you out, Nick had gotten named as the starting pitcher on the baseball team. I was pissed. So, I asked you out.”

  She stared at him blankly, then looked over at Nick. An expression of horror was dawning on her friend’s face. “I don’t understand.”

  “I knew that Nick had a crush on you. I’d known it ever since middle school. Remember when he sat behind you in Civics class? I saw how he looked at you. He liked you all through middle school and high school. That’s why he worked so hard to get good grades, to catch your attention. But you had your head in your books and never even noticed.”

  A strangled sound came from Nick’s direction, but Peyton was too stunned to look his way.

  “I knew you two were perfect for each other and would figure it out eventually. But when he got the top spot on the roster, I couldn’t handle it. I decided to hurt him where he’d really feel it. I figured, he hadn’t made his move, so why shouldn’t I? You were cute, you were smart, you were the real thing. I’d been noticing you for a while, but I didn’t want to step on Nick’s feet.”

  Jack’s expressive blue eyes were filled with remorse—but was it genuine? Or just an act? He was a movie star, after all.

  “But then I got pissed off at Nick and I asked you to the movies.”

  A chill trickled down Peyton’s spine. She couldn’t believe this was happening. One of the best moments in her life…was actually a lie? She tightened her grip on the scenery flat, as if a piece of a fake town could keep her grounded. It couldn’t. “You asked me out to hurt Nick?” she managed.

  “Partly. Just partly,” he said quickly. “I also thought you were cute, like I said. And that’s not why it kept going, I didn’t really know you at first. But as soon as we went out, that changed. I really dug you, Peyton. I had a great time with you. When I look back at my high school years, you were just about the best part. You’re amazing, and I was lucky to date you. And I’m sorry I was so selfish in how I ended it. I was just so ready to get on with my life, to get out of Everton—”

  “Shut up. Just shut up.” Peyton clapped her hands over her ears and squeezed her eyes shut. She could still remember that amazing moment when Jack had stopped her in the hallway on her way to debate practice.

  A bunch of us are going to Blades of Glory this weekend. Will you come with me?

  And how her entire life had shifted at that moment. She’d gone from thinking of herself as a boring nerd with a flat chest and no feminine appeal, to feeling like a goddess. Jack Cooper had asked her out.

  But it was all a lie. She hadn’t caught his eye. He’d just wanted revenge or something. Because Nick…liked her?

  Impossible. She would have known. He’d never said anything. Not even when he’d found her sobbing on this very spot—

  The thunk of flesh hitting flesh snatched her back to attention. She opened her eyes to see Nick looming over Jack, fists clenched, poised to strike again.

  “What the fuck is wrong with you?” he growled. “How is that supposed to make amends?”

  Jack worked his jaw back and forth, one hand upraised in a defensive gesture. “I don’t want to fight.”

  “You mean you don’t want to get your ass kicked before your wardrobe fitting.”

  Peyton had never seen Nick like this before. He was usually pretty quiet and easygoing. But right now, he looked as if he could beat Jack to a pulp and not look back.

  “No, I don’t care about that. Fuck, I’d probably get more street cred if I showed up with a black eye. I don’t want to fight you because I’m doing this for you too.”

  Nick wound up to launch another blow. “Fuck that.”

  “It’s true! I screwed things up for you. Look at you, Nick! How long have you been in love with Peyton? After I left, you could have swooped in and healed her broken heart, but that’s not what you did, is it? You became friends. And you’re still friends. And you’re still in love with her, aren’t you?”

  Another punch came like a freight train, the weight of Nick’s entire body behind it.

  As Peyton shrieked, “No, Nick!” Jack dodged the blow, causing Nick to stumble forward, out of balance. Nimbly, Jack spun around and grabbed Nick from behind. Nick broke the hold in one quick move, and the two faced each other again.

  Peyton covered her face, too shocked by the whole thing to know what to do.

  “I’m sorry I acted like an ass back then,” Jack panted, fists guarding his face in wary self-defense. “You think this is easy for me? I shouldn’t have done it. I was jealous, and I didn’t know how to handle it. Everything always came easy to me, except when you got in the way. I was an idiot.”

  “I hated you, too, jackass. But using Peyton to get at me is way out of bounds.”

  “You’re right! It was. I’m not arguing. I’m apologizing. If you want do this Fight Club style, we can. But maybe you should ask Peyton what she wants.”

  Peyton’s eyes went wide above her hands. She didn’t want Nick to hurt Jack, and she definitely didn’t want Jack to hurt Nick.

  Of course she wouldn’t mind giving Jack a punch of her own.

  And then the decision was taken out of her hands as Nick let fly with a right uppercut to Jack’s face. He went down fast and hard, arms flailing, blood streaming from his nose. He crashed backwards into another painted flat—this one with a row of bushy hedges. It wobbled precariously, but Nick jumped to grab it and keep it from tumbling onto Jack’s prostrate body.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  Peyton rushed to Jack’s side, instantly sober. All personal feelings aside, she was a doctor and he was a potential emergency patient. She dropped to her knees next to him and felt his pulse. “Jesus, Nick. You knocked him out cold.”

  Nick was staring at Jack in shock. “Oh shit. I…I didn’t mean—shit, is he going to be okay?”

  “Pulse is fine. I need a towel or something.”

  “Here.” Nick stripped off his jacket, then unbuttoned his dress shirt and thrust it at her. “Take this. It’s softer than a towel.”

  She glanced up at him, suddenly very aware that he wore only an undershirt, which showed off the well-cut muscles of his arms and shoulders. “I can take it from here, Nick. He’ll be fine.”

  Nick hesitated, lingering, then plunged a hand through his thick hair. “Damn, Peyton, I just—I lost it there. That’s not how I like to do things—”

  “Forget it,” Jack croaked. Peyton swung her attention back to him. He was conscious again, that was a relief. She held Nick’s shirt against his nose, careful not to press too hard, as he kept talking past the fabric. “Long time coming. I deserved it.”

  Peyton looked from one to the other of them, utterly exasperated. “Seriously? Violence is supposed to solve this? Weren’t you guys supposed to ask me what I wanted?”

  “Yes,” Nick said quickly. “We were, before I temporarily lost my mind. What do you want, Peyton? Name it. Want me to call 9-1-1? I can take care of Jack, I have basic first-aid training for the team. You can get back to the party if you want.”

  Peyton chewed on her lower lip. Really what she wanted was another bottle of Riunite. Or maybe a way-back machine to rewind the past ten minutes. But that wasn’t possible, and maybe it was for the best anyway. “Can you get me an ice pack, Nick? And then go. I need to talk to Jack.”

  Nick dropped his head, then nodded slowly. “Be right back.” He wheeled around and disappeared in the direction of the teachers’ lounge.

  “I’m sorry, Peyton,” Jack murmured. “Did I fuck everything up?”

  “No. I don’t know. Maybe. What’s everything? The fact that the peak of my high school experience turned out
to be a big fat lie?” She blotted the blood still trickling from his nose. Swelling had set in, but if she could get some ice on it quickly enough, he could probably escape without any real damage.

  Which was, come to think of it, the story of Jack’s life. Always skating over the rough spots. Like when he’d broken up with her. He’d taken the easiest possible way out, short of disappearing without saying goodbye at all. He wasn’t cruel; just lazy.

  Nick reappeared at a jog with a sealed, refreeze-able ice pack in hand. “I got some ibuprofen, too,” he murmured, digging a small pill bottle from his pocket. “And a water bottle.” He grabbed a bottle from another pocket. “Anything else?” He reluctantly dragged his gaze to Jack. “I’m really sorry, man.”

  Jack nodded, tilting his head back so Peyton could apply the ice pack. “Call it even?”

  Nick’s jaw clenched, giving the impression he had more to say on this topic. “Sure,” he said finally, then turned to go. “Call me if you need a ride, Peyton.” And he strode away, disappearing stage left.

  With one hand, Peyton fumbled with the ibuprofen. It was pretty thoughtful of Nick to bring it, especially considering how furious he’d been. If what Jack said was true, he’d been keeping his feelings for her secret for years and years, only to have Jack blurt out the truth. Not cool. She’d be angry too.

  Except…maybe it wasn’t true. Nick hadn’t confirmed or denied it—he’d just flung a badass punch at Jack.

  “It’s true,” Jack murmured, almost as if he could read her thoughts. “I can see you doubting it. Believe me, he wouldn’t have swung at me if it wasn’t true.”

  Peyton stared at him. “Are you saying that you didn’t know for sure until he punched you? Here, hold this against your nose.” She maneuvered his hand against the ice pack. “I’ll get the ibuprofen out.”

  “I don’t need a painkiller. I want to feel the pain. I’m tired of skipping the hard parts, you know? Nick punched me, I deserved it, now I’m going to live with it.” He winced as he pressed the ice against his nose.

  “Whatever you want. But you still haven’t answered the question.”

  He sighed. “Did I know for sure? Not necessarily. I knew for sure that he was in love with you back in high school. As soon as I saw you walk through the atrium, I was ninety percent sure he still had feelings for you. But the punch proved it.”

  “What is wrong with men?” Even though Peyton grumbled, her mind was whirring with this wild new possibility. “Why does a punch prove anything? You know what? Don’t tell me. Let’s leave Nick out of this for now. Go back to the first part, the apology.”

  “I apologize,” he said promptly, struggling to sit up. “I should never have left the way I did. I should have stayed for graduation. That was your moment to shine and I stole that from you.”

  “But you would have ended it soon afterwards anyway.”

  “Yes.” He winced as the ice shifted against his nose. “I wasn’t ready for a real relationship. You know that. We were kids. At least I was. I didn’t take anything seriously.”

  Now that was for damn sure. He’d always been lighthearted and exuberant; it was a big part of his appeal. Drawing her lower lip between her teeth, she thought back to those intoxicating days with Jack. “I did. I took it seriously. I thought about you all the time. I loved you.”

  Jack cringed, as if her words gave him more pain than his possibly broken nose. “I should have known that. I was pretty selfish back then. I swear, I’m trying to be better, for what it’s worth.”

  But Peyton was still focused on the past, the past she’d avoided even thinking about since graduation. “I was in way over my head with you. Dating Jack Cooper was like a fantasy come to life.”

  “Yeah, well, fantasy is the right word. You put me up on a pedestal that I didn’t earn. And I liked it. My ego ate it up. I’m grown up enough now to admit that.”

  Now that she’d unlocked the door to the past, the memories were flooding back. She thought back to certain key moments of their relationship. The time he’d given her a kitten—which her parents had gotten stuck with. The time he’d surprised her with a moonlight picnic for her birthday, which had caused her to nearly fall asleep during a chemistry final the next day. The time he’d serenaded her outside her window with a complete reenactment of Gene Kelly’s “Singing in the Rain” routine—it was all like a dream.

  No, a fantasy. One she’d committed to with every cell of her body. “I learned to knit for you, dammit.”

  “And that hat you made for me was amazing. I still wear it on location.” He reached for a strand of her hair that had come loose. “I care about you, Peyton. I loved being with you. I will always think of you with tenderness.”

  “But you didn’t love me.” The words hurt to say, which seemed ridiculous. It had been ten years, after all.

  “Not the way I should have. Not the way you deserve. But Nick—”

  “Don’t talk about Nick,” she said fiercely. “Don’t even say his name.”

  “Okay, okay.” He flung up his hands in self-defense. “Not going there. But just do one thing. Not for me. For yourself. Don’t take any of this out on him. This is all my fault, right from the start.”

  “I’m not arguing,” she told him. The bottle of ibuprofen rolled off her lap, rattling. She should take it back to Nick. He’d offered to give her a ride home, which would be convenient since she’d driven here with him.

  But she didn’t want to face him just yet. This was all so confusing and new. Was it true that Nick had feelings for her? Real, enduring feelings that had survived her heartbreak over Jack, ten years of absence, and their recent “friendship”?

  This required some serious thought.

  “Nick’s a great guy, Peyton. Now that I’ve seen more of the world, and how shitty people can be, I have even more respect for him. If I hadn’t interfered in high school, maybe you’d be together by now.”

  Peyton let out a sigh. “Shut up and let me look at your damn nose.” He let her peel the ice pack away. The swelling was already down. She touched the bridge of his nose, watching for sensitivity. No reaction from Jack. “You got lucky. It’s not broken. They’re not going to kick you out of the People’s Sexiest Man issue. And your movie career is safe.”

  His grin reached all the way to those magnetic blue eyes of his. Once upon a time, she would have practically hyperventilated in response. But now—she checked, then double-checked.

  Nope. They simply didn’t have the same effect.

  Just out of curiosity, she put her hand on his chest. She used to love how that felt. Touching him, being caressed by him, would send her into a trance.

  But now—nothing. Her pulse didn’t even pick up. In fact, she flashed on something else entirely—Nick’s hard muscles and lean torso, revealed in all their splendor by that undershirt.

  Wow. My God. Nick. Nick. Jack Cooper was practically lying in her lap and she didn’t want him—she wanted Nick.

  “I have to go,” she told Jack. “My medical work here is done. I recommend ibuprofen and regular icing for the next twenty-four hours, but after that you should be good.”

  “Thank you. I guess I really lucked out, you being a doctor.”

  She smiled at him. “You know, you’re really something. You get punched in the face and nearly get your nose broken, but all you say is how lucky you are that I’m a doctor. You always did look on the bright side.”

  He gave her a cautious look. “Are you saying that as a good thing? Just making sure.”

  “Yes,” she answered firmly. She glanced at the now blood-stained apron he was wearing. “Your superpower is definitely not cupcakes. It’s making people happy. You’re a good person, Jack Cooper. You paid attention to me at a time when I really needed it. You were sweet to me. I’m grateful for that time we were together, no matter how it started. So don’t beat up on yourself too much, okay? Maybe everything works out for the best.”

  He cocked his head at her with a knowing smile. �
��Go get him, girl.”

  CHAPTER NINE

  Nothing cleared Nick’s mind like pounding around the reservoir trail until his joints felt as if they’d fall apart. Night runs were especially satisfying. Occasionally a branch would whip across his face and that felt even better. Like a wake-up slap. You idiot. It’s always been Jack for Peyton and it always will be. Give it up already.

  Just when it had seemed that maybe Peyton was starting to look at him differently—she’d held his hand at the reunion, and there were glances; secret “interested” glances, unless he’d lost his mind. Of all times, Jack had to reappear and mess up all his progress. Because not only would Peyton now be thinking about Jack, with all his charm and charisma, but she’d be questioning everything about their friendship.

  What was she going to think about the fact that he was—just say it, Nick—in love with her? That he’d been in love with her for years, even though he’d tried to deny it?

  And what would happen now? Would they be able to stay friends? Did he want to? What would she want? It might make her feel awkward, knowing how he felt. She’d probably let him down kindly then urge him to move on. And he’d have to smile and act like that was fine.

  It was time to let this crush go. Jack’s return was a sign. It was a good thing. First thing in the morning, he’d cancel that climbing trip to the Fingers they’d planned. He’d pack everything they shared into a box—Scrabble game, her favorite lemonade mix, the extra dose of allergy medicine she kept at his house, the Sriracha he kept just for her because he hated the stuff. Time to make a clean break.

  Then he’d start seriously thinking about asking out Janine, the Biology teacher. After all the times she’d shared her hazelnut coffee with him, it was a safe bet that she’d be interested. They could have a happy life together, two teachers raising a couple of kids. Perfect.