F*CKING AWKWARD HOLIDAYS: 25 Short Stories of Awkward Holiday Encounters

by Plendl, Taryn

  “Sure. Sorry,” I apologized and spun on my heel feeling like a huge ass. I left them, stepping slowly, the strained muscles between my legs were tender.

  I hoped she was breaking up with him.

  In years, or maybe sooner, we’d all have a good laugh about it. But, at the moment, I just wanted to get through dinner and to my appointment.

  * * *

  I placed my phone on the table, took a seat with my plate, and watched the door as I picked over my food, waiting.

  After a few minutes, Katie came in looking drunk but not even a little upset. In fact, she didn’t seem bothered at all.

  She sat next to me, and after I swallowed a mouthful of green bean casserole, I asked, “Where’s Ryan?” as casually as I could.

  She opened another beer and answered, “I broke up with him. He went home.”

  I kept my head down and cut up my turkey.

  “I want what you have with the Mayor, Lena. I want that excitement.”

  I nearly choked for the second time that day and chugged my water to clear my throat, then mentally kicked myself for ever using that pet name for him when I confided in her.

  “Yeah,” I croaked like one of the smoky old aunts from the Simpson’s cartoon. “I know what you mean.”

  She nudged my elbow and spoke with a slight slur. “I don’t think you do. You need to get a hold of that guy before you let him get away. Or else you’ll be shit out of luck.”

  As weird and awkward as it was having her tell me to go after the guy she’d just broken up with, I couldn’t have agreed with her more. I ate faster than I ever had before.

  Don’t get me wrong, I still had seconds, but I wolfed them down ready to get back to school and lay claim to the guy who not only rocked my body, but who had managed to rock right into my heart.

  I cleaned up my plate, moseyed out to my car for to-go containers, and then stuffed them full of food for Ryan. I couldn’t wait to get to him.

  “Oh my God!” Katie screamed walking into the kitchen holding my phone, effectively killing my excitement. “Ryan is the Mayor of Pussyville?”

  Oh shit.

  “Um…” I placed the lid on the last dish and scrambled to think of what to say. My jaw hung open and nothing came out.

  “Why didn’t you tell me?” she squealed. “I’m so sorry, Lena. I didn’t know he was your secret fuck buddy.”

  My dad walked in, looked at both of us then turned around and left the room.

  Katie’s hand went over her mouth. From behind her fingers, I heard a muffled, “Oh. My. God.”

  I couldn’t believe she was apologizing to me. I certainly hadn’t seen that coming. That Thanksgiving was certainly one for the books.

  “You don’t need to be sorry. You didn’t know.”

  “We never,” she began to say and shook her head, truly apologetic. “He’s a great guy, but totally wrong for me.” After she finished speaking, she stood in a daze, her half-drunk eyes glassy and spaced out in thought.

  “Are you okay?” I asked.

  She blinked. “Yeah, I’m just shocked. I was dating the Mayor.”

  “I know.”

  “Lena, he told me he was relieved I didn’t want to see him anymore. That he was in love with someone else.”

  In love? Holy shit.

  “I’ve gotta go,” I told her then quickly told my parents I’d talk to them later.

  I made it back to his place in record time, only to be slowed down by my achy legs as I went up the stairs to his apartment.

  My fists banged on his door over and over.

  “Let me in,” I shouted, knowing no one else would be around to care because I was the only other person who lived on that hall besides Ryan.

  He opened the door and tipped his head to the side. “Well, hello there,” he said.

  “Last night you didn’t say you loved fucking me, did you?”

  “Nope,” he answered, his brown eyes doing the smiling for him.

  I shoved past to get inside and threw the bag of containers on the counter in his small apartment that mirrored my own. He followed me after shutting and locking the door.

  “What did you say?” I asked, feeling the limb I was standing on grow more solid beneath my feet.

  Was this really happening?

  His arms reached around me and his hands crept up my back into my hair where he pulled it tight, tipping my eyes up to his.

  “I said I fucking love you.”

  Heat spread through my body, like it always did when in contact with his, but Ryan’s expression shared with me that there was something else.

  “And?” I led him to continue.

  “And next year we’re going to my family’s house for Thanksgiving. Mayor’s orders.” He leaned forward and bit my bottom lip. “Now are you going to tell me you love me back, or do I have to fuck it out of you?”

  I did love him back, but I chose the latter. In turn, he gave me something to be thankful for…his fucking love and three orgasms.

  The End

  * * *

  About the Author

  M. Mabie lives in Illinois with her husband. She writes unconventional love stories and tries to embody "real-life romance." She cares about politics, but will not discuss them in public. She uses the same fork at every meal, watches Wayne's World while cleaning, and lets her dog sleep on her head. She has always been a writer. In fact, she was born with a pen in her hand, which almost never happens. Almost.

  M. Mabie usually doesn't speak in third-person. She promises.

  Visit M. Mabie:

  Signup for her newsletter, get linked to all of her social media, and more. www.MMabie.com

  Join the most random Facebook reader's group http://www.facebook.com/groups/takethebait

  Other Titles:

  Fade In

  Bait (Wake, 1)

  Sail (Wake, 2)

  Anchor (Wake, 3)

  Roots and Wings (City Limits,1)

  Knot (Wake Family, 1)

  Coming soon:

  Sunshine and Rain—Fall 2016 (City Limits, 2)

  The Very Second Time

  Part Of Me - A Friendship, Texas (Awkward) short

  Magan Vernon

  The Conti Christmas Eve festivities were always the highlight of my year.

  My best friend, Lia Conti, had been inviting my parents and me to Christmas Eve at their house since I first sat next to the Sicilian girl in circle time in kindergarten.

  Things had changed a lot since that first Christmas Eve, when we had no idea Lia's creepy uncle Guido was who wanted us to sit on his lap and not the real Santa. Now, it was just my dad and me. My mom had passed away my sophomore year of high school from bone marrow cancer. And, of course, my best friend, Lia, who was always perpetually single with me and would have her older brothers sneak us eggnog. But now, she was arm-in-arm with her boyfriend, who also happened to be Olympic swimmer Jay Morningstar.

  "You jealous of Lia's golden boy?" Lia's brother Sonny knocked me out of my haze.

  I shook my head, looking up at the six-foot-two Italian stallion with his slicked back hair and panty-melting smile. I’d had a crush on him for about two minutes—until he gave me a wet willie the first time I met him—and then I was quickly over him.

  "Uh, no, I was just, something..." I said, not thinking of a good excuse at all.

  Sonny handed me a plastic cup, almost filled to the top with eggnog. "Drink up, Sofie. If you're gonna be stuck here like the rest of us, you can drink and pretend to enjoy it."

  I tapped my glass to Sonny's, and we both said, "Salud."

  I downed a few big gulps of my drink before licking my lips and turning back to Sonny. "At least, Lia seems happy. Jay really is a good guy."

  A good person who took my best friend with him to California. Sure, she’d always planned to go to USC, but now, she’d been gone since August and planned to stay there with him and his Olympic friends and famous family. I...I would probably never leave Friendship, Texas. The closest
I came was attending UT Dallas, which was literally not even an hour drive from my house.

  Sonny nodded. "Yeah. I'm happy she's happy."

  Somehow, I doubted that with the way Sonny's dark eyes shifted as he sipped on his drink.

  People had been coming in and out of the Conti house all night. The place was always a hangout for the misfits who had nowhere else to go. Mama Conti made a feast of food, and Lia's oldest brother, Nicky, manned the bar to make sure everyone had enough booze to go with their food. Of course, only those who weren’t driving.

  But the guy walking through the door wasn't just another misfit. This guy had Lia and Jay standing up.

  "Johnny, you made it!" Jay said, doing some weird bro-hug with the tall, spiky-haired beefcake of a man.

  Once upon a time, I had a long make-out session with Johnny Laughlin, World Record holder in the backstroke. That was almost a year ago when I still had braces and really needed to wax my eyebrows.

  It was a group date to a bowling alley, and I really thought I wouldn't see the guy again. Now, I was wishing I had dressed better.

  Lia excitedly motioned me toward their little group, her dark hair bouncing against her shoulders in excitement.

  "Friend of yours?" Sonny asked.

  I downed the rest of my eggnog. "Fill me up before I have to go over there, Sonny."

  Sonny ladled until my glass was full. "I guess that answers my question. Pull down that sweater a bit and shake that ass. He won't know what he's missing."

  I rolled my eyes and took another step before I walked toward Lia, Jay, and Johnny, ever so slowly swaying my hips a bit.

  "Are you okay, Sofie? You're rocking a bit. That eggnog’s pretty strong," Jay said, arching an eyebrow.

  "What? Yeah. I'm fine. Totally fine," I said, trying to appear cool as I leaned against the leather sofa.

  "Is that what's in your cup?" Johnny asked, pointing his chin toward my glass.

  "Yeah, you want a sip? I don’t have any teenage diseases or anything." I blabbered, practically shoving the drink in his face.

  Johnny smiled, taking my cup. "Me neither. At least not on my mouth."

  "So..." Lia said, clasping her hands together. "Sofie, did you know Johnny is working with a coach at TCU in Fort Worth? He couldn't make it home for the holiday, so we invited him here. Maybe you two can hang out sometime now that he's so close."

  Jay laughed, his ice blue eyes sparkling as he put his arm around Lia. "Way to be subtle, Lia. If you were going to go that far, you should have just told them to go behind Capra's pen and bone."

  I choked on my own spit and coughed, smacking my chest so I didn't die.

  Johnny handed me back my drink. "Are you okay? Do you need water?"

  I gulped the rest of my drink, the cool liquid burning down my throat. "No. I think I may need more alcohol, though, if this is going to get any more awkward."

  "I think Dana and my ma made some anisette in the bathtub if you wanna do shots," Lia said.

  "Is that supposed to be enticing?" Johnny asked.

  Lia shrugged.

  "I'm in," I blurted.

  Johnny smiled. "I guess I am too."

  * * *

  We sat at the big dining room table. Lia couldn't find any shot glasses, so she filled up espresso cups and set them in front of each of us. "So do we make a drinking game out of this?" Lia asked.

  I smelled the clear liquid, taking in the hint of black licorice that burned my nose hairs. "I say we just drink it as fast as we can and get it over with."

  Johnny clinked his cup with mine. "I'm with you on that one."

  I went to tip my drink back when Johnny put his hand on mine. "Wait!"

  "What? Am I drooling?" I asked, wiping at the corners of my mouth.

  He laughed, shaking his head. "No. You have to look someone in the eye when you do a shot, or it's seven years of bad sex."

  All of the heat gathered in my cheeks and between my thighs. I could barely look at anything but the guy’s dimples, let alone look him in the eye.

  "Okay," I managed to get out.

  I met his light green eyes and downed my shot. Then the next one. And the one after that. By the time we hit number four, all reason had left my body.

  I found myself slumped over the dining room chair and the only thing holding me up was the oak arms of the chair that looked like a lion. The Contis had eccentric taste, even more than mine did.

  I was starting to regret the sweater and sparkly gold skirt with tights outfit. I was burning up from the alcohol and the fact that the more we drank, the closer Johnny's body drifted to mine.

  I always thought Lia was crazy when she told me that Jay always smelled like chlorine and being around public pools weirdly turned her on. That was before I was crossing my legs tightly and getting a big whiff of Johnny’s woodsy cologne and chlorine smell. "Is it hot in here?" Is anyone else hot?" I asked, fanning myself with one of the cloth napkins that just fell limp.

  "I think I need a walk. Or to get some fresh air or something. Lia, do you want to go outside with me?" I asked, looking across the table at my best friend who had a far-off look on her face. That or maybe she was about to orgasm. Jay only had one hand on the table, so they could have been doing some finger banging, but I didn't want to look and see.

  "I'll go outside with you. I could use some air and maybe see that goat you guys have been talking about," Johnny said with an even bigger grin on his tanned face.

  "Yeah, Sofie, show him Capra's pen," Lia said, giving me a wink.

  I stood up, a little wobbly. God, I hoped I wasn't going to puke. Last time I was this drunk was my freshman year of high school when Lia and I got into her dad's homemade wine. We thought nobody knew, but then her mom offered us milk and cookies. We were up puking all night.

  Before I could topple over and knock someone out with my kitten heels, Johnny's arm was around my waist. I leaned into him, inhaling his scent on his sweater. "You smell good. Like I would imagine the beach smells like if the beach had chlorine and was sprayed with boyness."

  "Thanks. You smell like hairspray and licorice," he said with a laugh.

  "That sounds like the name of a drag queen," I replied, looking up at him with a furrowed brow.

  "If this is how you two do foreplay, you'd really better take it outside," Jay said, throwing a piece of salami from the dish on the table at us.

  The salami barely hit Johnny's elbow, and he dusted it off. "You know I don’t like sausage, Morningstar."

  "I do!" I said, raising my hand for who knew why other than the room was a little spinney, and it felt like a good idea.

  "Johnny probably has some in his pants you'd like too." Jay wiggled his eyebrows.

  "As long as it's circumcised, I'd eat it," I said before thinking of what I was really saying.

  Everyone in the dining room went quiet. I put one foot in front of the other and pointed at the door to the kitchen. "Yeah, I'm going to go get some air. Or maybe throw up this word vomit. Or both."

  I scampered off, getting out of Johnny's arms as quickly as I could, and pushed through the crowd of people who all smelled like leather and bourbon.

  It wasn’t until I opened the back patio door and took in the cool night air that I could finally breathe again.

  My dad's house was tiny. The whole place could’ve fit inside the Conti's living room, and that included our postage stamp of a backyard.

  The Contis had an acre of land full of different fruit trees and a big covered patio with a pergola that held all of their grapes.

  The temperature had dropped to around forty degrees, but with the alcohol burning in my system, it felt refreshing instead of freezing.

  My shoes crunched on the grass as I made my way past the patio toward Capra's pen.

  It was actually a two-story chicken coop that Sonny had found on a local for-sale site, but it worked for the fickle goat that I think Nonna liked more than she did most people. Surrounding the wooden playhouse was a fence made of chic
ken wire and wooden beams. I didn't doubt the goat could’ve probably escaped, but since he lived on a healthy diet of pasta that Nonna fed to him, I didn’t think he’d ever want to leave.

  "Hey, Capra, you in there?" I whispered.

  The goat snorted loudly, and I turned toward the corner of the pen where she was passed out on her back with her hooves in the air.

  "Gawd, that looks nice. Can I just crawl in there with you, Capra? I'll even let you be baby spoon?" I asked, leaning my head against the cool metal of the fence.

  "I'm willing to be baby spoon," a low voice said near my ear.

  Without thinking, I threw my hand back and met something hard before I heard a crunching sound and then a muffled yelp.

  I whirled around to see Johnny, bending at his knees and holding his nose.

  "Holy shit, are you okay?" I asked. Staring at him wide-eyed, I was unsure of what to do.

  He stood to his full height and pulled his hands away, studying his open palms as if he was mining for precious jewels. "It doesn’t look like there’s any blood."

  "Sorry. You shouldn't have snuck up on me like that,” I said, folding my arms across my chest.

  "I was trying to pull something sexy. Obviously, you'd rather smack a guy in the face who talks to you than respond to him." Johnny rubbed his nose again and took a deep breath.

  "Um, we haven't really talked for like, what, years now? Not like you called after our one-night make-out session. You didn't even add me as a Facebook friend. That's just rude," I said, trying to sound tough, but I still had too much alcohol in my system, and at five-foot-two and a little over one hundred pounds, I wasn't that intimidating.

  He took a step closer, his toes almost touching mine. "First off, I don't have a public Facebook profile. Secondly, I didn't have your number since you ran in the house after that little bowling excursion, and third ..." He held up a third finger. "Okay, I've got nothing for three."

  "If you really wanted my number, Lia had it," I said, narrowing my eyes.

  He laughed, taking a step closer and leaning down. "You're cute when you're mad."