My First (Jason & Katie)

by Melanie Shawn

  It had been the silent treatment since then.

  He had known that she would be pissed when he sent everyone ahead so that she would have no choice but to ride back to Harper's Crossing with him. And she had every right to be. No one liked to have their choices taken away.

  He also recognized how selfish it was of him to co-opt the opportunity to have a long, unbroken conversation with her when he knew how badly she must want (and need) to talk with her mom and her aunt.

  He also knew that this wasn't the right time to have the “Define The Relationship” talk. DTRs were stressful enough under normal circumstances, and 'immediately after having found out that your dad that abandoned you went on to have a family with 4 kids that he DID stick around for and take care of' was far from being normal circumstances.

  He knew all of that. Logically, anyway. Unfortunately, no one had sent his heart the memo. He was sure, somehow, that if he didn’t get another chance to talk to her before she got on that plane to head back to California, the walls she would put up once she was back in her comfort zone would mean a life-sentence of heartbreak for him.

  Well, he figured, I better get the ball rolling. Every mile that passes is one less minute we have together.

  “I don’t know what I like better, you pretending to be asleep like you did on the drive up here, or you sitting there pouting like you are now,” he teased lightly. He glanced over to her to gauge her reaction and saw her jawline flinch.

  “Look, Kit Kat,” he continued in a sincere tone, “I know you need to talk to your mom, and I am going to drop you off there, you’ll have hours to talk to them before you need to catch your flight.

  “But I just wanted...no, needed...to make sure that you were OK. That we were OK. I knew that if I didn’t drive you back, I would lose my chance.”

  “I’m fine,” she replied flatly.

  Well, at least she was talking to him. He noticed that she did conspicuously leave out any clarification on whether or not ‘they’ were fine. Damn, she could be stubborn when she got annoyed!

  “So, how did things go with CJ? Was he able to shed a little light on the bombshell he dropped?” Jason asked.

  Katie shook her head, sighed, and pulled her knee up onto the seat so that she was facing towards Jason, “You’re not gonna drop it are you?”

  He didn’t answer, just smiled.

  She turned back to face forward, “He said that about a year ago his parents - my dad and his mom - moved to Florida, and they had a storage unit that they kept in Iowa. They asked him to pack it up and send the contents to them in one of those portable storage containers.

  “He did, and while he was loading the container, a box broke. Inside, he found several pictures of me and my mom with Craig. He also found divorce papers and several other things that made him suspicious.

  “I guess he hasn’t always had a great relationship with our dad so he asked his mom if she knew anything about it. She said she didn’t, and then immediately said that she needed to go. Her reaction made him even more suspicious, so he decided to hire a PI to find out anything they could.”

  “Wow. That's a lot to take in. So you have three brothers and a sister, huh? Do they all live in Iowa?”

  She smiled, softening a little as she got further into her tale and forgot about Jason's ruse, “The boys do, but get this - Carrie is in California. She goes to UCLA. How crazy is that?”

  “Are you going to look her up? Are you planning on keeping in touch with CJ?” Jason asked. He knew that his voice sounded tense, he couldn’t seem to hide his concern. He didn’t want to see her get hurt.

  “Well, I'm definitely going to keep in touch with CJ. He hasn’t told his brothers…er…our brothers and sister about me. I guess he wanted to meet me first, you know, to make sure he wasn’t inviting crazy into his family. That’s why he didn’t come right out the first day he saw me at the bridal shop, he wanted to watch and see what I was like first. And, also, I think he was nervous, you know?”

  “I still don’t like it, but I guess I can see where he was coming from,” Jason paused for a moment, looking over at Katie with concern, “So how are you doing with all of this? Not just CJ, but the whole...coming home, seeing everyone...us?”

  Jason tried to make his voice sound casual, but he realized he was holding his breath waiting for her response.

  Katie was silent for a moment, and Jason glanced over at her with trepidation. To his relief, he saw that she didn't look tense or angry or sad or anything negative – she just looked thoughtful. This was exactly how she had always looked in school when she was trying to choose exactly the right words to express her point. He felt a sharp stab of love for her, his girl, the one who always wanted to say and do things exactly the right way.

  “About CJ, I don’t know. To be honest, this whole thing kind of has me feeling a little disconnected, you know? Like an out-of-body experience. I mean, growing up all I wanted was to have brothers and sisters. You remember that.”

  Jason nodded his agreement and encouragement.

  “I would have done anything to have had them then. But how do you form bonds as adults? I mean, the best part of having siblings is your shared childhood, right?”

  When she was silent for a few beats, Jason realized she might be waiting for a response, and that her question wasn’t rhetorical. He said, “Uh...yeah...I guess.”

  He loved his brothers, but Seth and Riley had got the hell out of dodge the instant after graduation. As far as Alex and Bobby went...well, they were great, but they had also been a lot to deal with as teenagers. If he were honest, though, he would have to admit that he wouldn’t know what to do without them.

  Katie sighed and looked out the window, “And it was great seeing everyone again. It really was. I don’t think that I ever stopped long enough to really feel anything since I left. Now that I’ve come back, it’s like...it's made me realize how much I have actually missed everyone over the years. I know that sounds weird, I don’t know how to explain it.”

  “No, I get it. The same thing happened to me when Alex came home after being gone for six years. I'd been so busy while he was gone, helping raise Bobby and keeping the business running, that I didn’t even realize how much I'd missed having him around.”

  Jason was trying to keep things light and breezy. He knew she would get around to ‘them’, but he had to let her do it in her own time. She didn't react well to being pushed, never had. Also...he wasn’t sure he would like what it was that she said when she did, so now that the ball was rolling, he wasn't going to be overly eager in shoving it down the incline.

  “As far as us...I mean, honestly, it’s still weird that there even is an ‘us’ Jas.”

  OK, he told himself, that's not a particularly auspicious beginning, but it could go either way.

  “I mean I know that maybe it shouldn’t be, and maybe I should be adjusting to it better, but every time you touch me in front of Grace and Mike, or kiss me in front of God and everyone at the reception, I feel weird. Like we’re doing something wrong.”

  “You feel like you're cheating on Nick,” he said, unable to completely keep just a trace of the bitter irony he felt from his voice.

  “Not just that!” she protested, “We also have real lives, Jason. Separate lives. Ones that I don’t know if an ‘us’ fits into.”

  She took a deep breath, and when she continued, her voice was a little shaky, “I do love you, Jas. I always have...and this weekend with you, when it’s just us, has been amazing. But I just don’t know...I don't how this will work, logistically.”

  He looked over and saw tears falling down her face. That was like a punch to the gut. He could barely stand to see Katie cry. The last thing Jason wanted was to be the cause of those tears. He knew that Katie was a ‘processor.’ She needed time to put things in their places, to organize her feelings. He didn’t want to upset her by pushing the issue, but he also didn’t want her to think that he was giving up on her, on them.

&nb
sp; He reached over and rubbed her knee, trying to comfort her, but immediately he felt desire rise up in him. He knew that as long as he was drawing breath he wouldn’t be able to touch Katie and not be affected by it.

  “Look, we don’t have to decide anything today,” he said soothingly. And that was true, even though he had already made his decision. He would do anything it took to be with this girl. “Today all you have to worry about is talking to your mom, and getting your cute little butt on that plane. The rest will take care of itself.”

  Or he would take care of it, but either way. She certainly didn’t need to worry about it.

  She nodded, and – to Jason's eye at least – it looked as if she felt better, more secure, less tense.

  As they turned onto Harper Lane, his chest ached. Even though she was still sitting right beside him, he was already feeling the loss of her leaving.

  “No, Jas,” she said with quiet resolve, “I don’t want to bail on you again. I know we need to talk, to figure stuff out…”

  He interrupted her as they pulled into the driveway of Katie’s childhood home, “Katie, I have loved you and waited for you for almost twenty-five years. I’m not going anywhere.”

  An expression crossed her face that he couldn’t quite place. It was gone before he was able to pinpoint it.

  He opened the door and got her suitcases from behind the seat. As he came around the truck to head up to the front door she flung her arms around his neck and buried her face in his shoulder.

  He immediately dropped the luggage and wrapped his arms around her while lifting her off the ground. He held her with all of his might, hoping foolishly that somehow that would give her a reason not to get on that plane.

  He knew he was being delusional.

  After she gave him one last squeeze, she lifted her face and pressed her lips to his.

  It was a sweet kiss, a kiss that felt like it held a promise. It didn’t feel like a goodbye kiss.

  He set her down just as Aunt Wendy made her way out of the front door, followed by Pam.

  “Your mama and I have been on pins and needles to find out what happened with Motorcycle Man.”

  “C.J.” Katie corrected as they made their way into the house.

  Aunt Wendy waved that aside, “He'll always be Motorcycle Man to me.”

  Jason set Katie’s bags down, “Alright, Kit Kat. Have a safe flight, and call me when you make it home.”

  Katie turned and looked at him with those big blues that had always done him in, and she smiled. Then, with a twinkle in her eye, she said lightly “I will, and thanks Jas, for…everything.”

  Then, she got on her tip toes and kissed him, right in front of her mom and Aunt Wendy. It might not mean she was staying, or even that she had worked ‘them’ out in her head...but he did take it as a very good sign.

  Chapter Twenty-nine

  Katie felt the wind whip past her face as the moisture from the damp grass seeped through her jeans at the knees.

  She was freezing but going back to the car to get a jacket just didn’t seem like an option.

  She simply could not tear her eyes from the tombstone before her.

  Katie wasn’t sure if her legs would even work at this point. Her body felt almost as if it was a foreign object that she didn’t know how to control.

  She had no idea how long she had been there. It could have been an hour, but it just as easily could have been three. She had yelled, cried, laughed, cried, talked, cried...oh, and cried some more.

  Emotionally, she felt better. Physically, she felt like a wet rag doll.

  Through her mental fog, she heard a voice break through the rustling leaves behind her.

  “Well now, what’s my girl doing out here all by her lonesome?”

  The voice penetrated her malaise, and she turned to see Grandpa J walking towards her. She smiled through the tears that were still falling down her face.

  He knelt beside her, “Is this the first time you’ve been out to visit Nick?”

  Katie nodded her head.

  “Did you need some more privacy or do you think you could stand the company of an old man?” Grandpa J asked gently.

  Katie didn’t trust herself to form words so she just laid her head on Grandpa J’s shoulder.

  He wrapped his arm around her and the chill that had been seeping into her bones was replaced by a feeling of warmth and comfort.

  “So, you’ve had quite a couple of days. I’m here if you want to bend an ear.”

  Katie took a deep breath, “I don’t even know where to start.”

  “Well, from what I hear, you found out my grandson here,” he motioned towards Nick’s headstone, “was skirtin' around on you, both of yall's best friend is in love with you, and on top of all that, you found out you had kinfolk you didn’t know about.”

  Katie looked up at him in disbelief. First of all, she had not known that he had been aware of all of those facts, and secondly, she couldn't believe that he had been able to sum it up so succinctly.

  “Yep, what you said,” she smiled, and tears continued to flow down her face as she laid her head back against his wide comforting shoulder. She sniffed and was immediately handed a worn handkerchief by Grandpa J. She blew her nose. The handkerchief felt so soft against her skin, and it smelled like home. She held it to her chest.

  “Well, young lady, as far as my grandson goes - there is no excuse for his behavior. All I can say is that he was young, and while he did love you very much, he was just too stupid to act right.

  “Now as far as Jason goes, now that boy has loved you somethin’ fierce for as long as I can reckon. He’s a good boy, Katie girl. He would take good care of you.

  “Now your kin, well...I see how that one could throw you for quite a loop, but look at it this way - you got off that plane a few days ago not knowing that you had a good man that would do anything for you, and that you had siblings to call your own. Now, as hard as it is to wrap your head around, ya gotta admit, it’s not all bad.”

  “Well, yeah, when you put it like that,” Katie sniffed again, and hugged Grandpa J tight once more before sitting up straight and wiping her face.

  “So, what's holding you back, Katie girl?” Grandpa J asked gently.

  Katie shook her head, “I don't know how to put it into words. I just...I want to be with Jason, I do. But every time I'm with him, especially if anyone sees us, I just feel so guilty. So ashamed, almost. I mean, God, especially Grace and Mike! I just don't...” she shook her head in confusion.

  “You feel like you're cheating on Nick,” Grandpa J stated matter-of-factly.

  Katie whipped her head up, surprise written all over her face, “Oh my gosh! That's exactly what Jason said!”

  Grandpa J smiled, “Well, it makes sense you would feel that way. You're a good girl. You like to follow the rules.”

  Katie nodded her head vigorously.

  “So, being with Nick's best friend feels strange to a small part of you, but Katie, honey...there's no truth in it. Nick's gone, sweetheart. He's been gone a long time. And he would want you to be happy every bit as much as Grace and Mike and I do.”

  Katie started to cry again, “That's what Grace said, too!”

  Grandpa J chuckled sadly, “Honey, that's because it's true. Now, listen here. Do you know what the first thing Grace said was when Sophie said she was going to ask you to be her maid of honor?”

  Katie shook her head.

  “She said, 'Hmmm...maybe on the same weekend that you and Bobby consecrate your love, a new love will bloom between the maid of honor and the best man,' and Sophie replied, 'Mama, you read my mind,' Now does that sound like people who don't want you to be with Jason?”

  Katie shook her head, amazed.

  “Besides,” Grandpa J said with a twinkle in his eyes, “Not that I'm trying to rush anything or put pressure on you, but I would just remind you that by virtue of the knot that my beautiful granddaughter Sophie just tied with one of the Sloan boys, they are now my g
randsons by marriage. If, say, a pretty blonde happened to marry one of them, she'd technically become my granddaughter, if you look at it a certain way. Now you wouldn't deny an old man the hope that one of his favorite people might still become his granddaughter one day would you?”

  Katie laughed and threw her arms around him, hugging him hard. “I love you, Grandpa J,” she whispered.

  “Love you, too, Katie girl,” he said affectionately. When she pulled back, he said, “Now, not that I’m complainin’ mind you, but shouldn’t you be up in the sky headed back to California right about now?”

  “I missed my flight,” Katie said as she blew her nose again.

  “Well now, I ran into your mama and she said that she and Wendy dropped you off at the airport in plenty of time.”

  Katie sighed, “I know, I just...I couldn’t…leave.”

  A wide smile spread across Grandpa J's face as he stood and pulled Katie up into a bear hug that felt better than Christmas morning, her birthday and anything chocolate combined. He said happily, “Welcome home, my Katie girl, welcome home.”

  Katie smiled. It really did feel like home when Grandpa J said it. They stood for a moment in silence, looking at Nick's headstone and paying their respects, until Grandpa J spoke again.

  “Well, speaking of home, honey...you ready to get out of here and head there now?” he asked and Katie nodded. As they left the Harper's Crossing cemetery, Katie felt like a huge weight had been lifted off her shoulders.

  She was, really and truly, home.

  Chapter Thirty

  Jason laid in bed looking at the blinking red light on his nightstand. It read 3:16, exactly four minutes later than the last time he had checked. He looked at his phone again to make sure that he hadn’t somehow missed Katie’s call. He had been tossing and turning for hours now, waiting to hear that Katie had made it home safe.

  He climbed out of bed and headed to the kitchen to finish off the leftover pizza from dinner. As he opened the fridge, he heard a small knock on his front door.