'The Her and The Him' returned. He walked in first and stopped, he looked around and gasped, "Oh no" he said "burgled." The Her walked in and getting her priorities right came to check on me. Seeing me there on her bed, on guard of course, she dashed off to check on the rodents.( As if someone would steal them when they could kidnap me for ransom.) Anyway, next thing they were on the phone thing and men in blue fur came. I could hear the questions.
"Was anything valuable taken?"
"Of course officer. Lots, but the most valuable was my clock."
" Do you know anyone with a grudge against you Sir ?"
"No, I'm afraid not officer."
"Well, write me out a complete list sir. Beggar off cat, you're getting under my feet."
"I'll do that officer. Oscar, come here boy."
I went and had my ears scratched. I was desperately trying to tell them something but couldn't get them to understand. Scratching my ears seemed to be distracting me, but I knew I could solve this case for them since I know who did it.
One of them was called Sharpish as his friend had let slip when calling him. But the other one, the rogue, Oh I know who that was. It was Procrastination. Many's the time I've heard 'The Him' witter that procrastination is the thief of time and since the valuable clock was stolen it must be him. If only these Longlegs could think like a Superior there's be much less crime.
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Oscar and the Day of Accidents
Things happen. They can't always be helped and sometimes there's no avoiding them.
I may have been having a time where my attention was not as it should be but personally I don't think any of this was my fault.
I shall start from the beginning.
I yawned and stretched as I started to come awake and my tummy began to tell me it was time to be fed. I did consider speaking to 'The Her' since I was lying on her sleeping place close beside her head. But past experience tells me waking her would be difficult and certainly not as much fun as I could have. Accordingly I jumped down from my warm place and went to check my dishes. Yes, there was food in there but it had been placed there last light time and I'd slept since then. So, time for fresh then.
'The Him' was uttering little burbling noises as I went to him and I could see a little trail of drool from his mouth running down the side of his face as he lay on his back. It was quite sweet. Of course it couldn't stay like that so with one of my more sensuous leaps I landed on his stomach. The burbling stopped and much of the breathing did too I think and a series of little whoops ensued as he tried to catch his breath, it was running too fast to be caught though. A little tear formed in his eye and it was quite interesting so I moved my head in for a closer look. It was pure accident that my paw happened to step on his nose at this point. With a loud gasp he drew air into his lungs and started to cough. It made standing on his stomach difficult so I showed my disapproval with a light swipe to his reddened nose. His eyes opened wide and now sure he was aware of me I smiled and said hello.
"Oscar" he croaked, "I'm sure you know exactly what you're doing. What on Earth do you want at this time of the morning. It's not five o'clock yet."
It wasn't worth answering him since I knew he'd work it out eventually and get up. He did, for some reason grumbling all the while. My food dish was washed, dried and refilled. I didn't feel as hungry then as I heard a sound that was most annoying. The damn cock started to crow outside. I moved away from my food dish leaving it untouched and listening to 'The Him' grumble about cats that get people up for no reason. I went and sat by the clearway patiently. As he started to go back towards his room he opened the clearway and let me out.
The cock was out of sight but not out of sound since I could still hear him bragging about whatever it was they brag about. Quietly and with guile I crept around the house until I could see him. Keeping low to the ground I crept towards him. I was almost there and ready to pounce when he saw me and with a flutter of his wings he ran. So did I. This was fun. The hedge came in sight and I was sure I had him then but with an almighty leap he was up and over. Just at that moment the big chariot that carries hay from the fields came round the corner and the cock landed straight on the back. The last I saw of him, he was sailing away in the distance to stunned to brag. It was a laughable sight.
Feeling cheered and now hungry again I decided to eat. There was a small clearway left open for me so up I jumped onto the sill. Unfortunately I must still have been thinking of the cock as I didn't notice the vase placed in my path as I entered the house. Down it went with a huge crash and shattered into quite a few pieces. There was water everywhere and flowers strewn across the floor. I removed myself from the scene rapidly and went to my dish.
From where I was I could hear the commotion. Voices from both 'The Her' and 'The Him'.
"How on Earth did you manage to break such a valuable vase David?" she asked.
"It wasn't me" he said,"I just came through when I heard it. It was probably that damned cat of yours coming in again."
" Don't try and blame Oscar" she said "I can't see him, can you? Oh well, accidents will happen I suppose."
I decided at this point it would be a good idea to lay low for a while and under 'The Him's' duvet seemed a good idea.
It was some time later that I came out after a good snooze. Everything had been cleared up and there were no raised voices.
I wandered through to the seating room just as the ringing started. 'The Her' picked up the small box and put it to her ear. "Hello" she said, and I could hear a faint sound from inside the box in return. "Really !" I heard her say a few times before saying thank you and putting the box down.
"David we have to go out. That was Major Summersby at Langholme Farm in the next County to say he's just found our cockerel strutting about his yard."
"How the heck" he started to reply but looking at me "did it get there when I heard it here earlier this morning."
I just jumped up beside 'The Her' and lay my head on my paws to allow her to scratch my neck and said nothing. After all, it wasn't my fault the chariot had come when it did any more than it was my fault someone put that vase in my path.
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Penny and the Day of Reason
The humans ( whom that daft cat calls Longlegs) went out quite early this morning. It's possible they had something on their minds since it seems they forgot to feed Oscar before they left. We could hear him bemoaning the fact for a long time. It doesn't matter quite as much for us since the houses we have inside the cage are edible and we can go longer without liquid refreshment than a camel. Two minor points here I should mention, don't expect your rats to exist on anything but edible houses any more than you'd like to exist on a diet of nothing but potatoes, and, don't think because we can do without liquids that you shouldn't offer us a cup of tea when you have one. I enjoy one anyway.
Oscar's moaning was getting beyond a joke so when he wandered close enough I called him.
"What d'you want Rat" ? he asked.
"Now now pussy-cat" I replied, " just wanted to know if you need help."
"I'm hungry" he said, "what can you do about that"?
"Well, remind you that the housekeeper Grizelda will be here in an hour" I said.
"But I'm hungry now Amy and I can't open the packets myself" he whinged.
"I think we can help then" I told him, "but you'll need to open the cage door since the catch is on the outside."
"I can do that" he responded "but can I trust you, and what would you want in return"?
"You can if you behave, and how about peace between us." was my answer.
Oscar undid the catch on the door at the bottom end of the cage. Since it was a simple hook it didn't tax his brain too much. The door being open it was but a short jump to the floor. I told Priya and Bernie to stay and guard the cage and took Penny with me. This concordat may have been reached with Oscar but I wasn't sure he could overcome his base instincts and Penny was my watchdog. As Penny hit
the floor Oscar reached out a paw and clamped it on her back. "And you Rat had better behave or there'll be trouble.
I was ready to pounce and tell Oscar this wasn't a good idea when Oscar removed his paw and started walking away. "Follow me rats" he said.
I heard Penny mutter something about payment and the Pied Paper but didn't quite catch it. We followed the cat. It was a short distance to the room where his dishes were.
Once there Oscar pointed out a box full of foil sachets. "I need one of those" he told us
"and I prefer the ones that are the colour of apples."
I jumped up onto the small table where the box was and checked inside. Oscar wasn't much help since there was a red beef one and a green rabbit one inside. With a 50% chance of being right I pulled out a beef one. "Is this it" I asked.
"Yes, that's it, like an apple as I told you." he said.
I dropped the sachet to the floor in front of Penny and asked her to open it which she did with ease using her teeth to cut away the top. I picked it up and held it over Oscar's dish where it slid out easily. He moved towards the dish without a word and started eating. Penny moved forward and nipped Oscar's tail.
Oscar leapt a foot in the air and almost choked on his food. "Why?" he spluttered.
I looked at Penny for an explanation, "Yes why?" I asked," I thought this was a day of reason."
"It is " said Penny, " and the reasons were he put his paw on me and he didn't say thank you for opening the food."
As we walked back to the cage leaving a bemused cat behind us, I decided maybe I should re-evaluate my opinion of Penny.
We shall have to see if the agreement between Oscar and I stands.
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Honest Oscar. Would you buy a used car from this cat?
I'm not quite sure what Ginger means when he says of me "Would you buy a used chariot from this cat". Everyone knows I'm the very definition of probity. I confess there are times it pays to bend the hard angles of truth a little or exaggerate slightly but that's about it. I do after all have a reputation to uphold. To prove it I'm going to share a little secret but if it should get back to Ginger or one of the others I'll know where it came from. I've been a bit down in the dumps . Only three of the rodents came out to be fed yesterday morning. My 'The Him' does it religiously every morning AFTER he's fed me of course. He issues them cornflakes and then toast. It's actually quite funny to see them trying to pinch the cornflakes off each other or drag his fingers into the cage as their next course. I noticed just three of them on the cornflakes and thought it odd but expected number four out when the toast arrived as they love the butter. It just didn't seem right that he's cut four pieces of crust and yet only three of them were there to eat.
What's most odd about this situation is that the missing one is Penny, the one who causes me most trouble. I even went to the trouble of trying to wake My 'The Her' though if an oaf like HIM can't do it how could I? Anyway, eventually he got her up and she came through. Always following their food My 'The Her' has them out to play two at a time which is usually the time for me to show discretion and retire to doze or perhaps eat. Penny is always first out and out longest. It wasn't looking good. But, she put her hand in the cage and picked up Penny's house and brought it out then went back for Amy who is their chief negotiator of the current truce. Penny came out of her house when Amy was placed on the long seat they run about on. She was definitely sluggish and seemed to be coughing as though she wanted to be sick. ( Rats can't be sick. Just thought I'd impart a little knowledge). That lasted a few minutes until finally she jumped up and ran up the back of the seat and buried herself in the throw that's kept there. Since she didn't seem to want to move she was put back in her house and the house placed back in the cage.
I was out all day with the gang. We were in the woods since it was water from the sky time again. This is the time the Longlegs laughingly call Summer so perhaps the water was expected as it's done little else for ages. When I came back home to eat, the rodents were back in their cage ( where they belong to my mind) so I thought no more of Penny until dark time. That's the time they rouse a little again and sometimes come out to play again. There was no Penny coming out and I remembered she seemed ill. Again My 'The Her' put her hand in and brought Penny out. She just lay there being stroked and things just don't seem right. She had to go back in early and everyone seemed subdued taking the whole sparkle out of the day.
Today it's too early for their breakfast and playtime so I'm worried about what will happen when the cornflakes arrive. Two days without trading insults is just too much.
So now you know a secret and that I've shared a truth. But, don't misunderstand me, if you tell anyone I'll say you're lying and my record of probity will stand me in good stead. After all, you've never heard me tell fibs on my blog yet..........Have you ?
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Oscar and the Hangover
For once I have to admit what happened was my own fault. I'd been catnapping most of the bright time and only realised I hadn't been out to take my exercise until the dark time had almost come. I roused myself, stretched and wandered through to see what I'd been given to eat. It was beef, and though I normally enjoy beef it just wasn' t what I wanted today. So I wandered in to say hello to 'The Him' and 'The Her' and perhaps show him a little of my displeasure that the meal I wanted wasn't there. As it happened they were in the eating room and doing just that. It was chicken and I could smell the aroma as it tickled my nose.
'The Her' held a piece of chicken below the table for me to take. I did and it was delicious. She is very kind like that. 'The Him' hadn't noticed so I sat beside him looking up to see what he'd do. After telling me to stop staring which I ignored, he finally passed a small piece of chicken down. I forgave him for the beef and wishing them both well decided to go out for a stroll. My usual clearway was open and I hopped up to the sill and out into the garden.
Everywhere seemed quiet and none of the usual gang seemed to be around. I decided to visit the village and see what was going on. I'd gone as far as the Fursty Ferret before I spotted signs of life. I knew there were Longlegs inside as I could hear them but had no way of getting in since the clearways were all closed. But, round near the back there was a hole in the ground. Close by stood a wagon with two great big horses to pull it. A Longlegs was taking large barrels from it and rolling them down a slope in the hole. It looked interesting. While he was looking away I decided to investigate. There were four barrels lying in a row at the bottom of the hole and I nearly lost my tail as another one came clattering down behind me. Then all of a sudden the hole was no more. It was closed.
As I moved to look around the room I was in I saw other barrels and crates of bottles stacked up. One of the barrels was dripping brown water and as I was a little thirsty I lapped at it. What a strange taste. Still, I lapped until my thirst was gone. I carried on looking around but all of a sudden my legs did not work properly. Knowing I'd been poisoned I made myself be sick then lay down to rest. I must have nodded off because I was suddenly awoken by the sound of a door squeaking. Feet appeared at the top of some steps I hadn't noticed and started descending. At the bottom one stood in my sickness and slipped, "What the....." I heard as a female Longlegs landed on her bottom beside me. I jumped up in case she landed on me and she screamed. Realising I was not a monster she said "Why you......." which I didn't stop to hear her finish. Up the steps I ran and through into a room full of the Longlegs I'd heard earlier. They all turned their heads in my direction. Not wishing to be rude I greeted them and as one stood up to leave and opened the clearway I bolted through the gap between his legs. I think I was lucky not to bounce off him as my legs were still not working perfectly.
I went home. That was enough exercise for me today. I slept and woke up to find my head hurt but my legs were working fine again. From now on I decided, I'll only drink water that is clear.
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Oscar and The Flying Fish
First of all I want to get things clear. If I'm to tell you my story you have to promise not to repeat it. It's not that I really did anything wrong, it just that there may be some misunderstandings and though the Longlegs are here to serve, I'm well aware they do provide some food. Not that I can't get my own you understand, but perhaps not the same variety. Mouse gets a bit boring after a time and frogs taste awful.
So, I was around at early light time enjoying a snack after a hard dark time getting comfortable. 'The Him' and 'The Her' came through to where I was and told me to behave today ! I know, it was really cheeky but sometimes you have to let some things pass. They told me they were going out and would be back later. Since I let them come and go as they like ( not like some owners who follow their Longlegs everywhere), I raised an eyebrow in goodbye. Well, I was busy eating wasn't I. After they left I finished eating and went to have a short nap. That's always fun since I can pick and choose where I go. This time I settled on going to 'The Him's' sleeping place and napping on his nightskin. The smell is sometimes strangely comforting.
Rousing myself from the nap later I found myself still alone. Being fearless I decided to make sure the property was safe by checking each room. Most of them seemed OK and with just two left to do I went into their sitting place. On the arm of her seat I spied a bag of the odd colourful things she likes to eat. They're very small and round and very, very, light. I haven't tried one but they did look interesting and I wanted to make sue no-one had touched them while she was out. There may be peace between those rodents and I for now, but I don't trust them. Anyway, as I pulled at the top of the bag to open it the bag tore a bit and quite a few fell out. They were all over the floor. I picked one up with my teeth and they felt strange and tasted a little funny. I think she'll be grateful I threw some way when she gets back.
Memoirs of a Superior Page 18