The last room was the food/eating room. I glanced round but it looked like there was no food left open. I couldn't smell anything anyway. They had probably put it in the white box that blows cold over food. Shame as I would have checked that there was nothing gone off for them. My glance round the room told me something wasn't quite as usual but I couldn't place it at first. I decided to look a second time more carefully and there it was. The box that has the fish in it was open at the top. Well part of it anyway. Whoever had given them their food ( fancy eating flake) had left it open. I thought that might prove dangerous so I decided there and then to close it. Up I jumped with the balletic poise with which I'm gifted. On to the side of the sink, across the place the water drains off their cups and a quick jump up onto the box. I know you can see through all sides of the box but it was strange to see them from up top. I decided to watch them for a minute and leave the top open. here we're quite a few fish in there and they came in all shapes and colours. One in particular was quite big and a very bright colour was swimming very near the surface. You don't get a clear idea of the fin from above so I just put my hand down to try and turn it over for a small time. I suppose I moved quite fast because I know the fish are fast. My paw missed but the water splashed and it was funny seeing the fish all dart away. As the big fish edged back towards me I repeated the move but this time my paw caught it. Instead of turning it over I must have jerked my arm back in shock and the fish came out at great speed, left my paw and flew across the room to land on the floor at the far side. It flopped for a small time then lay still.
It was at this stage I knew I'd never be able to get it back up here to the box. Being a thinker I decided to leave it alone until 'The Her' arrived back and she could do it for me. I decided to get back down from the box and head off to take a quick nap. Before I did so I remembered why I'd got up in the first place and shut the lid with my paw.
It was a short time later they returned and I heard as 'The Him' entered that room,
"Julia, one of your fish has learned to fly. I'm afraid it's dead. How strange, I've known fish jump out of an open tank before though never so far, but this is very strange since the tank is closed."
"That is strange David" she replied. "you fed them this morning, it must have jumped out while you had the lid open."
" That's all I can think of too darling. Don't worry, I'll buy you a new one to replace it."
So a lesson has been learned today. If someone tells me to behave when I don't need to be told, they end up getting paid back for it. And they're so silly as to think there are flying fish like birds. Sometimes I despair of Longlegs.
(back to the top)
Ding, Dong, Dell
You could say I've had my up's and down's recently. Possibly you could say Pride goeth before a Fall, though I really wouldn't recommend it since saying it could prove painful..
Faithful Old Ginger had stood on the gate to catch my attention, Gizmo lying at his feet until he did so. Since My 'The Her' was asking My 'The Him' why he couldn't stop the caterwauling he finally did and I was able to hear Ginger. Why My 'The Him' tries singing I don't know since everyone says the arrow of tunefulness missed it's mark by a mile when aimed at him.
I went out through the open clearway. The skywater had stopped and the light was just warming everything up. As I approached the gate Ginger jumped down on the other side next to Gizmo who now stirred himself and in an excited mew told me to hurry up and see what they'd found. Temporarily forgetting that I don't hurry for anyone, I jumped up onto the gate and over to join my friends. "So what have you found"? I asked.
"A big hole" Gizmo replied. "A well" said Ginger, "and we've not seen this one before".
I followed my friends through the village, letting them set a brisk pace so no-one else got there before us. Not that it really mattered to me if they did since wells aren't something I especially claim an interest in. We reached the Church and all in turn jumped over the stile and headed for the path. Ginger and Gizmo walked on the grass beside the path on either side of me who sauntered gently along it. At least I did at first because you will remember the Church path is very steep and it had been collecting a lot of skywater . Though most of it had run away along the sides , some had remained in the soil. My feet were becoming quite muddy and I was starting to slip and slide.
Eventually we reached a point where the slip and slide couldn't be stopped and my body picked up speed. "Hey, wait for us" called Ginger rushing along beside me.
"Sorry Ginger, I'm just so interested in seeing your well" I said rather than admit I had no choice since even putting my front paws down hadn't slowed me. On I went gathering speed and leaving my companions behind until my forward motion was checked suddenly and my feet felt nothing. I was just congratulating myself when my motion took a different turn, downwards. Judging by the bricks I could see before me I guessed I had now found the well.
The journey downwards took a long time it seemed and when the landing finally came, fortunately for me in water, the light seemed a long way away. I heard Gizmo call "Are you alright Oscar?" to which I replied as nonchalantly as possible, having just lost at least one more of my nine lives "Yes, thanks Gizmo. Just wanted to see if there's anything interesting down here. There isn't so you can help me out as soon as you like."
There was a lot of muttering from above until Ginger finally leaned over and said " We have no way of helping , Oscar. Gizmo will have to go and find a Longlegs to help." I told him "Not one of my Longlegs please" but Gizmo had already gone.
Time passed with Ginger asking me what I could see down there until I finally convinced him that he had the light up there and down here it was still dark time. Soon enough I heard voices.
"Sorry Vicar" said one I recognised as 'The Him' this damned cat seemed to be wanting me to follow so I did. I was just going to show Mellors where to plant my rhubarb too."
"Interesting "said the Vicar, "I thought he'd be the one to know the right spot since I gather he did a lot of planting with Lady C."
“Hello”, I thought, I'm down here waiting..........
The Vicar stuck his head over the edge of the well. "My word, there's a cat stuck down there My Lord, and I think it's yours."
Joining the Vicar in blocking out what little light there was came 'The Him' and stating the obvious said "Yes, that's Oscar, in trouble again I see."
The heads disappeared for a moment then I heard the Vicar call out to his verger "Hoskins, be a good chap and bring me a rope and a bucket." then turning to 'The Him' said "They only found this well yesterday, I think it dates from before the civil war and I wanted to see if there were any marking on the wall to date it. Maybe it could be brought back into service, even as a wishing well for the children."
"Interesting Vicar " said 'The Him' "but I don't think it's that old since there were no buildings here then. I'd say Victorian."
I let out a mew to remind then I was there and they shut up. Just at that moment Hoskins returned with the rope and bucket. In short order they had the bucket on it's way down to me and I was able to stop pedalling water long enough to climb in. In less than a minute I was back on dry land and able to say thank you to my saviour. "Well done Gizmo" I said "I'm very grateful. I entwined myself round the ankles of the Vicar and of My 'The Him' as a small thank you for the part they'd played but 'The Him' jumped back saying "Oh no Oscar. You're not sending me down there. Back away."
I did so reluctantly.
Later on, back at home safely I cringed when 'The Her' saw me and started singing, "Ding, Dong, Dell, pussy's in the well."
I tried to tell 'The Him' that he was right as coming up in the bucket I'd seen scrawled on one brick in the well, Joe Bloggs woz ere 1839, but as usual he didn't understand me.
(back to the top)
Manners. Oscar Cogitates
It was the size of a small town. Clouds didn't hover above it as much as veer round it and it was at my dish eating my meal. Fortunately when I sank my teeth and
claws in it's back leg to explain the obvious error the jaws couldn't reach me.
"Oscaaar, play nice" I heard.
Who's playing?
"You really should control your animal Lady Julia" she was told by the angry owner.
Well no actually Madam. You should instruct your pet it is manners to wait to be invited to eat before ploughing into someone else's dishes. And furthermore, if it does so uninvited perhaps you should be exercising a little control. Lady Julia who you know is 'The Her' is a lot more polite than I though and said nothing.
It's strange how many visitors bring their pets with them when they come to call. No-one would dream of taking a cat on a visit, not that we're pets of course, and not that we could actually be taken anywhere anyway.
It was this train of thought that led me to contemplate the differences between the races while I lay here avoiding the skywater this light. We cats, though once considered as Gods are the most easygoing of the races despite our demotion in the eyes of the world. Longlegs appear to be able to think, though they need a lot of feline guidance, while the rest are usually just pets or wild animals waiting to be made into pets by someone with more money than sense. We cats are superior in every way and yet we don't actually rule. That's probably because, and I hate to admit this, we're a little lazy sometimes. Don't misunderstand me though, the sight of us lying about with whiskers quivering isn't a sign of inactivity, just of our languid method of thinking.
Longlegs on the other hand seem to rule most everything else and spend an inordinate amount of time fighting each other to do so. Yet even as they fight each other there are still manners of a sort. Sometimes they allow time for each other to change their minds about actions before declaring open warfare on each other, whereas we cats act there and then to what happens instead of wasting valuable time, like in allowing our dishes to be emptied. Longlegs say " Stop eating from my dish or we are at war." Cats say "Stop eating out of my dish, grommmph."
On the boxes they keep in the corner of their rooms the Longlegs are currently at war again. I see it all the time at the Holimpics that people chase each other and try to outshine each other. Whereas the occasional "Would you like to go first" or "no, I don't mind if you jump into the water before me" might go a long way to stopping these situations getting out of control. It all boils down to manners and it's my thought that all young should be taught these. Cats don't really need them of course but it's good to set an example.
Now if you'll forgive me, I understand the Fursty Ferret has chicken today and I want to see if I can borrow some. That's manners see.
(back to the top)
Oscar in the Wars Again
I'm in the wars today and feeling rather sorry for myself. I wasn't getting much sympathy because 'The Her' was getting cross at my talking all the time when I was only trying to tell her what was wrong, but since she found out at least all is well there and I'm allowed to sit in 'The Him's' chair without being made to move.
It happened last light time. I had gone out through the clearway for a stroll. I had taken a short cut through the trees because it was a little wet from the sky and I tend to think water is just for drinking. I hadn't noticed the vixen nearby or her cub playing almost in front of me. I don't know how I missed it since they do have quite a smell. Anyway, before I could back away the vixen jumped and bit me in the top of my head. I know the tooth penetrated the skin and felt it scrape against the bone. She also bit my ear, though that's fairly mangled an I'm not sure how you'd tell. I should have backed off then but I'm a little awkward sometimes and had to fight back. I gave her an almighty swipe across the muzzle with my claws it stopped her in her tracks. That was an appropriate moment to back off which we both did and I turned away and left.
Back out of the trees in the green the sky water must have helped wash the blood away if there was any. I had a terrible headache though. I curled up under a tree outside the Fursty Ferret for a while. I'd not been there a few minutes when there was a loud rumble in the sky after which a huge spike of hot light flew down and hit the tree. Such a smell it left. There was a creaking sound followed by a thump. The thump was on me. Right on my back and head came a branch from the tree. Oh, my head, it really hurt.
I crawled out from under the branch and in pain made my way home. I didn't think I could jump through the open clearway as usual so I stood outside the large clearway that was closed. I asked to be let in. I asked again and again and again. Eventually My' The Him' came and opened up. " Oscar, stop being so damn noisy" he said, "use your window in future"
I went in and crawled beneath 'The Hers' bed and stayed there telling myself it wasn't fair. A few times they came through and told me to "Shhhhh" or tried to persuade me out but it was a long time before I did come out and then just to lie on her sleeping place. I wanted the pain to go away.
At some stage I fell asleep but when I woke the head was still hurting and so I tried to call for attention. I got a few more hushes from ‘The’Him’ and ’The Her’ but eventually she came through to see me. As she attempted to stroke my head I'm afraid nature took over and I tried to bite her. Luckily she's quick and I was slow. She realised there was a problem and had felt a lump on my head. She walked away.
Before I knew it the white skin man was there and he was touching me everywhere and moving my legs. Then there was a sudden sharp pain in my head followed by some relief followed by another short sharp pain in my neck area. I knew he'd just put a needle in me.
'The Her' came through and the man removed his white skin and rolled it up. " Well" he said " it looks like there's been a bit of a battle. I've just removed half a tooth from his head and he seems to be quite badly bruised along his body. He's had an injection to stop infection from the head wound and I'd keep him in for a few days to rest."
"Poor old Oscar" she said, "I knew something was wrong. I'll keep him in for a couple of days to give the antibiotic time to work." Even the rodents are going to feel sorry for me
The white skin man left. My head has started to feel better over the dark time, and this new light here I am enjoying being able to sit where I like and having my dish brought to me instead of having to go to my dish to eat.
Really, it's what I deserve anyway for wresting that tooth from a vixen and driving it away. A few more days of this and maybe I'll venture out again.
(back to the top)
Oscar and the Degus
I've been very glad of the warm weather recently where there has been little or no sky water. That's because things inside my home have become very stupid. I think the heat may effect Longlegs quite badly. What drove me out of the home eventually took place a few lights ago. I've mentioned before the uneasy truce the rodents and I have and part of that is based on them not inviting more to come. A while ago they broke this though I'm not sure I can blame them since the new one who came doesn't look like they do, and doesn't seem to like them any more than I do. I was there one light when 'The Her' had my bitterest enemies Penny and Amy out on the seat with her and stealing things from my 'The Him's' pockets. She brought the new one, Saffy by name' out to meet them and Penny flew at her. Saffy did stand her ground and hissed at Penny like a Superior would. Though I'm not the Superior in question since I know how hard Penny can bite. 'The Her’ scooped Saffy back up and placed her in the cage again. I don't know why she insists on letting them out at all.
Anyway, a few lights ago I had been asleep when I was woken by a loud noise from 'The Him' shouting for 'The Her'.It really sounded important. I ambled through and they were standing over Saffy's cage. Saffy was rolling round the floor in her ball at this time. " It's moving and trilling I tell you. It's Gremlins."
"Nonsense David" she said, "don't be silly. Oh, you could be right though. Oh look David, Saffy's had babies, I can see two, three no four heads. Oh CLEVER Saffy."
I'm not sure what's clever about it but that means four more rodents in the house, and since then Five! It's not right, they're taking over my world.
Every light since then I've woken to find them leaning over the cage to look at these babies. I don't understand why. Still, I'm a very tolerant Superior and I'll sort of forgive them if my food's not late. I guess they won't be keeping these rodents when they get bigger though I have seen a new box brought by the post person which looks like another cage.
Because the weather has been kind I've been out during the light. At my age I don't do much in the dark any more. So I've been spending a lot of time with the gang. We've had a good time mooching round the village trying to steer clear of the Longlegs kittens now on holiday, and lying in the shade under the trees by the Fursty Ferret. Someone even thought to place a saucer of water outside in case we got thirsty but no food in case we got hungry for some reason. This light the weather changed a bit and there was some sky water. I have been out and was careful to stay away from the tree in case of more accidents but when the warmth same again I went back there. Ginger was there and I said hello. He looked daggers at me but only hissed. I was a bit taken aback since we sorted out our problems long ago. When I asked what was wrong he told me My 'The Her' had offered his Longlegs one of the babies for their kittens when it gets older. He blames me for putting rodents in his house. It appears he's not the only one either since they've done it with Gizmo's Longlegs too.
I had to stifle a laugh since they won't be able to laugh at me any more as they have but I do understand how they feel. I think we parted on good terms when I offered to bite my Longlegs when I get home though I must be honest I'm not sure whether to bite them or rub their legs for stopping the teasing.
Memoirs of a Superior Page 19