(back to the top)
A Time for Change
I have often heard Longlegs say change is good or a change is a good as a rest. In truth they don't know what they're talking about. I don't care for change and I don't mind letting them know it. After all, as a Superior it's my job to educate isn't it?
Last light I heard 'The Him ' and 'The Her' returning from wherever they disappear to when I let them go. As usual there was a rustle of bags and I hoped there was something for me in there. I even risked an eye to check in case one of them came to offer me a treat. It happened. 'The Her' was thrown a bag which she opened near me and oh what a smell, it nearly drove me mad, I had to have it. All I actually got was three very small pieces of it but I know that I want more and I shall have it.
The clearway was left open as there was heat and I was able to go out to relieve myself. It was just as well because I noticed my toilet tray had gone from it's usual place to be replaced by a large box with a cover. It looked just like the box they put me in to carry me to the white fur person who puts needles in me. If they thought I was falling for that they'd have to think again. This was not a good change.
Later that light they went out again. It's like they have an itch to scratch and they must go out to do it. Still, they have to play I suppose. But as they went the clearway was closed. That was fine then....but a little later I needed some relief. I checked and my toilet was still not there. It was old, it was tired and tatty but it was MINE. To put this box in it's place was plain wrong. I searched but mine toilet was not to be found. This is where my famous teaching skills came into play. I found my relief in the shape of the foot furs 'The Her' wears on her paws. They were comfortable and left on the floor so it must have been for me. But if not, this was my lesson, ' Don't remove my toilet without putting a replacement there for me.'
They returned a while later and I heard a shriek. It was 'The Him' moaning at the puddle on the floor whereupon he picked me up and placed me outside the now open clearway. Why? I had no further need to relieve myself just then. 'The Her' attacked the floor with a mop and her foot furs went into the bin for some reason. When I wandered back in she picked me up and carried me to the new box. She pushed open a flap and pointed to the inside, "Cat litter " she said " your toilet". Now why hadn't she told me this before and said there was a change. After all, a change is as good as a rest and this one to give me more privacy was good change as I always say.
(back to the top)
The Trouble With Birthdays
Happy Birthday to me. Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday Dear Oscarrrr, Happy Birthday to me. I fully intend this to be true.
On Wednesday August 29th I become 18 in the eyes of the Longlegs. In cat terms you don't want to know my age. Suffice it to say I'm no spring chicken any more. Not that I have ever been a spring chicken of the avian variety you understand, it's just a term.
When the day arrives I shall celebrate it as I always do, very quietly. You may think that we Superiors are unaware of such thing as birthdays but you'd be wrong. We have great expectations of the day in terms of what gifts the Longlegs present us, especially in view of the fact that sometimes their health depends on it. This being quite a significant day for me, I shall expect lots of attention and many gifts of toys , catnip and my chocolate drops. I shall be hoping that no-one makes the error of trying to buy me clothes as the Longlegs kitten once did. I am a Superior, I have my dignity and wearing a knitted jumper with a witty term on it is only going to get me into fights when someone laughs at it.
No, the main reason I shall be spending the day quietly has to do with my friends. Ginger, Gizmo and the rest. If they find out it's my birthday they'll want to come and hold a party at which all my food and treats would be eaten. Selfish? Maybe. Survival? Maybe not, but it feels like it. Some of my friends have voracious appetites and I doubt My 'The Her' would welcome having her food stocks disappear, actually I doubt she'd be pleased to find my gang in the house together at all. There have been one or two other occasions where some of them have been here and she was not impressed. Some of them are a little more casual than I about toilet needs.
'The Him' found that someone had tried to scent mark a few corners in some of the rooms and for a while thought it was me. Of course he eventually realised I don't do that and since this is my home I don't need to claim ownership. I think the problem was that I had to try and erase the marks with my own smell while he was scrubbing to get rid of them himself.
So, I'm reminding all you Longlegs out there that you're welcome to wish me a Happy Birthday at the right time and letting you know that pieces of beef or cooked chicken are always welcome. I would ask though that you please keep quiet in front of your own Superiors in case the word gets out. I shall take the gang on a walk and check to see if the Fursty Ferret has any food left to cool near an open clearway so my pals don't go hungry but I shan't be telling them why until afterwards when it's too late.
(back to the top)
The Birthday Surprise
Oscar made it quite clear yesterday that his birthday was his alone. That wasn't very kind towards the others who live here. I confess I'm not too bothered about the degu and her children as she is treated constantly to make up for feeding time, but there is me and the rest of the girls, Penny, Bernie and Priya.
My natural inclination is not to get Oscar anything to celebrate his day, but never let it be said that I, Amy am churlish. As it happens, the human woman who lives here didn't make a great job of locking the cage door last night so with a bit of effort I was able to extend the spring enough to squeeze out of the door. It was a short hop from there to the arm of the settee and hence to the floor. Since I know Oscar was locked in the kitchen there was no chance of him coming out to spoil our surprise.
Control is what' s needed on an expedition like this since though we are very intelligent creatures it's easy to get sidetracked for some. Bernie is a case in point. She's a very friendly girl but bares around like a 'Sherman tank' to borrow a human phrase and she's very inquisitive too. That was almost our downfall when Bernie jumped up on the arm of the settee after I'd released her, and tried to pull a bag of treats within reach from a side table. The treats came alright, but so did a solid ashtray that didn't bounce as it hit the wooden floor. I hear Oscar's claws scrabbling at the kitchen door and was worried one of the humans would come and spoil our surprise.
At last we were all out and I had us down on the floor ready to go. I'd seen the human woman put Oscar's gifts in a corner of the room. We edged over quietly. I set Penny's jaws to eating through the paper and cardboard until the contents were exposed. Oh YAY it was full of cat chocolate drops. We're quite partial to those too so I pulled some out and set hem in little piles on the floor. " Here you go girls" I said, "let's give Oscar his birthday treat." Without hesitation the girls and I dug in. I replenished each pile as it got low until we were all full and the box was all but empty.
Gathering the girls and their satisfied smiles together I herded them back to the cage.
Freedom had beckoned for a moment but I knew it would be difficult through closed doors. Back in the cage Bernie turned to me and asked " But what have we got Oscar for his birthday since we've just eaten his treats?"
"Ah, I answered, the best one of all. Since he's getting larger as he's got older, we've given him a diet." With that I closed the cage door to so our little enterprise wouldn't be discovered. and thought that maybe next year he'd learn to share.
Amy.
(back to the top)
Good Day Dawning
My day started really well. As the light first grew through the small clearways I jumped up beside 'The Him' on his sleeping place and made my whiskers tickle him under his nose until he woke up with a mighty Aaatishoo. Startled he looked at me and I told him my food dish was empty. "It's not even 5 o'bl**dy clock he growled swinging his legs out and heading for my dishes. I occupied the warm spot left by him for moment-just to show I could- and then heade
d off to my dishes, letting the warm spot get cold before he returned.
Eating finished it was time to survey my domain. I intended asking 'The Him' to open a small clearway but when I returned to his room he'd already done so before snuggling back down in his bed furs. I decided to let him sleep. Jumping up onto the sill I exited the room through the clearway and leapt down to the garden. The flying things were all waking up and starting to sing but there were none on the ground for me to pounce on. The ones that don't get caught are quick learners. I could see them in the branches spreading their wings to descend after I'd gone. Some of them are very pretty.
All was quiet in the village itself. No Longlegs moving around yet, perhaps because it was only 5 o'bl**dy clock? I heard the dog from the Fursty Ferret that they'd bought after someone had been in and stolen a full salmon one one occasion and some ham on another. It must have been at times other than when they'd left them as gifts for me to take. It was a bit pointless to get the dog since she was very shy and hid in a corner if a Longlegs came too close. Since none of my friends were out and about I decided to have a word with her. Jumping up on the wall at the back of the Fursty Ferret I looked down at her.
"Good new light Rover" I said, " have you caught any thieves."
With a look of derision on her face she answered " My name is Lassie not Rover, and I don't like cats very much so come no closer."
"Fair enough" I replied, "I know when I'm not wanted."
"Wait" she called, "I haven't spoken to anyone all dark time. A cat's better than nothing."
My hackles started to rise at this but I know not all dogs are blessed with manners any more than they're blessed with sense. "What do you want?" I asked.
" Tell me all about where we are and what it's like." she responded.
So after reminding her that it's good to have manners, I did.
"Ah" she said "If only I could see it."
Biting my tongue to stop the remark that was about to appear I suggested that she could. It was just a case of moving a few beer crates a little closer to the wall with her teeth. They were empty so not very heavy and moved easily when she tried. As soon a two together were there and then a single I suggested she could use them as steps. It scares me that something as simple as this defeats even a dog but I must be kind.
Lassie used the crates as steps and appeared next to me at the top of the wall. I wasn't too worried since ( a) I'm very fast when needs be and (b) I don't think she took being a dog very seriously in the traditional sense.
It took very little persuasion for me to get Lassie to join me in my walk and get to know the village a bit better. Since the Fursty Ferret is open so late I didn't think anyone would be awake to miss her at this time of the day. My biggest fear was of one of my friends seeing me walking around with a dog. I'd have to claim I'd trained her or something but I'm not sure I'd have been believed. Anyway, by luck we saw no-one and after a good tour we headed back to the Fursty Ferret where she mounted the wall easily from my side and was able to use the steps to get down her own side. Before I left she looked up and thanked me. Said I was her only true friend there and she hoped I'd come by for another walk sometime. "Hrumph" I answered and headed off home for breakfast and to play alarm cat again if My 'The Him' wasn't up. Well, I have to have some fun don't I?
(back to the top)
Degu or Not Degu. That is the Question
I was locked out of the room with the seats. Me! Kept away from the seats. And I could hear the scrabbling on the floor of things I should have been catching. I could also hear 'The Him' and 'The Her' calling to them and cursing their speed. If only they hadn't closed the clearway I could have put a stop to that straight away. The only place they'd be going to fast is my mouth.
It took a long time but finally the clearway opened and I was allowed in. I was disappointed to see the rats were still in their cage but oddly enough the degus weren't. They were in a small carrying case on the seat. I went over to check on them and they 'chittered ' at me and hissed. I ignored them since I have the last laugh, they're in a carrier and I'm not.
'The Her' put her fur on to go out and 'The Him' picked up the arm sticks he uses and followed carrying the degus. It looks like they're taking the new rodents away and I'll just have to cope with the rats then, unless they're next of course. It was quiet at home since the rats make most noise at night so I left through one of the small clearways left open for me. I strolled towards the village and met Ginger. He told me there was a lovely smell coming from one of the houses at the bottom of the hill. It had to be worth a closer look. As we approached we could see there was a clearway open and on the ledge inside were two plates with a fish pie gently steaming. Though these had probably been left as gifts for us I was still careful in my approach since the Longlegs can be moody creatures for no reason. Proof of that came as I got close to the sill and the Longlegs inside saw me. She shouted 'Oi' or something and pulled the plates out of reach. Strange behaviour. Stranger still was her next move which was to throw a jug of water, complete with jug, at us which drenched poor Ginger and missed me. He was not happy and let out a screech which said so before he ran off. I chose the same moment to beat a hasty retreat too.
Since Ginger wasn't in sight and the Longlegs had withdrawn her gift ( perhaps it was not meant for Ginger to share) I headed for home to eat. I had just got there when 'The Him and Her' arrived. They still had the carrier which I guessed was now empty and ready for the rats. But as we got inside I saw it still contained rodents. Less of them to be sure, but they were still there. Only three now instead of six as before. It was a blow but it was a better situation than before. I heard My 'The Her' saying she hoped they'd go to good homes so I guess she'd given some away. I went to eat to ward off my disappointment in the day. I heard the head rat Amy saying she was cross that some had come back. I guess they don't get on. But then, who gets on with rats anyway?
(back to the top)
Talent Will Out
It's obvious that my talents are recognised. 'The Him' and 'The Her' left laden with bags while it was still dark. He carried in one hand that silly tall head fur he wears sometimes that he always thinks makes him look tall. And she had a fur that was too bright to be near. I know their kitten was getting 'married' which means living with someone I think and they try to be smart for them, but really I keep the same fur all the time even at weddings that I go to in the local church. That's what I would have advised if asked, plain fur. But of course they never ask.
Anyway here I am. In charge of the place and it's contents which I suppose means the rats and the degus too. I strolled casually into the front room ready to give them my rules for the day and no-one was up. I decided the best thing to do was go to bed for a while myself. So that's what I did. Taking myself off to 'The Hers' sleeping platform Is settled down.
It's possible I might have dozed for a while because when I woke, the light time was here. It was time to eat. And there was my first shock, someone had forgotten to leave food other than the remains of last nights food, and a dish with a few biscuits. I hoped they wouldn't be out for long. In an attempt to concentrate my mind elsewhere I went back through to the front room only to find all the rodents in both cages were eating.
Priya was eating corn and when she threw some at me it bounced dry and hard. I don't know if she threw it as a gesture of kindness but knowing the rodents that's not the way my mind would go. None of them spoke to me. I wished them all a good-day because I'm obviously polite but Penny was the only one to answer saying " What do you want cat we know you're no friend of ours?"
"Just being polite" I said "and reminding you I'm in charge so if I ask you to jump I'd like to hear. How High?.
The sound of laughter was irritating so with tail and head held high I left.
It's a real talent I have for sleeping so when I next woke the dark was slowly returning. I wandered through to look at the fish who were aimlessly swimming around their tank. Such a boring life. Then I heard the ca
lls." Hey cat, where are you"? and "Oscar, can I have a word" from Bernie and Penny respectively, or in Bernie's case dis-respectively. ( I know this isn't a word but Oscar doesn't). I went back through to them.
"What is it rats" I asked. " The man and woman forgot to feed us before they left and we're peckish" said Amy. "Us too" squealed Saffy.
"And what do you expect from me" I asked.
"Well you can let us out to help ourselves " said Penny, "after all, we know where it is".
"OR"? I asked.
"Well perhaps you can pass some food up to us" said Penny "It's only under the table beneath us.
Starting with the degus because I knew Penny would be cross, I did just that. I passed up some hay and some biscuits, then little pellets that took an age one at a time. Finally Penny asked me to pass up a bag from the table which was a horrible medicine the humans made the rats take. I liked the sound of that and did so. I was tired enough for a nap after that and returned to 'The Hers' bed to relax.
A noise woke me. It was dark, it was late dark I could tell. The front clearway opened and in they walked. The him was still laden down and still carrying the head fur. But now they were both wearing bright skins full of strange patterns.
"Hello Oscar my baby" said 'The Her' to which I responded with a purr as I went to greet her. " I bet you're hungry since we forgot to leave food today." Well that wasn't in doubt.
Memoirs of a Superior Page 20