Renegade Reborn

by J. C. Fiske

  “Of course.” Rolce said.

  “Then go. I will give you first question.” Purah said. Rolce didn’t even take time to think.

  “Why? Why do all those things?” Rolce asked.

  “So, you wish to know the answer to, ‘why’ rather than ‘how’? A good start, and also a hint at the way your mind works. But, why should I bother answering a question you already know the answer to? I do what I do, did what I did, for the greater good, and the greater good is the world Drakearon wants . . . a world without pain, without suffering, without sin, and without loss.” Purah said.

  “You say greater good while committing evil, but, we will get to that down the line. I first want to say that the world that you want, will also be a world without freedom, without choice, without love, without life! To take away free will is to take away what makes us human! To take that away, is to, is to . . .” Rolce started.

  “Exactly. I want to make us something more than human. Make us something where murder, rape, sadism, theft, violence, greed all becomes obsolete. Under Drakearon, we shall become new beings, and all that is wrong, will be made right. Is that not what some believers in IAM believe as well? That we die in this world only to reborn as new beings in the heavens? Free from such afflictions and desires that I mentioned? Why wait for a life that is not a guarantee, when we can have that now? Why take something on faith, when we can take something on fact? I believe that you should never sacrifice what is, for what could be.” Purah said.

  “I’ve seen what we become under Drakearon. The weak, become Drakelings. The strong, become Drakeknights, but in the end, all they will be is mindless monsters, all of them, lashing out at everything and anything that moves, and all apart of Drakearon’s will, rather than their own. That’s not life. Free will won’t go away, Purah. It will only become exclusive to one man playing at God.” Rolce said.

  “Ah, but the definition of life is relative, isn’t it? Not one life is lived the same. Some pursue worldly pleasures, while some pursue pleasures of the heart. You want to decide life for everyone?” Purah asked.

  “Of course not. I want to give them the option to choose for themselves! And Drakearon wishes to take that away!” Rolce said.

  “But what about those who choose to join Drakearon willingly? What of those who want to become a Drakeling or Drakeknight or delight in the Black High?” Purah asked.

  “All it leads is to destruction for themselves and more power for Drakearon.” Rolce said.

  “But isn’t that their choice?” Purah asked. “And the only reason the Drakelings lash out is because they are at war. They do not lash out at one another. Do they? They lash out at those such as yourself, who cling to their humanity as if it were something special, when it is only a flawed existence. You’re selfish. If you would only join with them, the war would end.”

  “How can you defend this? What about, ‘I think, therefore I am?’ We will be puppets on strings, just, living to exist, not existing to live,” Rolce said. “That’s not life! Life is nothing without choice!”

  “There you go again with the sweeping generalizations! Being a Drakeling, it is still life, but from your selfish mindset, you believe that not all life is created equal, and rather than try and fix it, you would rather leave it. Do you think all the poor and afflicted got where they are because they chose to be that way? Where there is rich, there will be poor. Where there is success, there will be failure. Where there is predators, there will be prey. Under Drakearon, however, plants, mammals, invertabrates, all and everything will be equal. All life will be one. The lion will lie down with the lamb. One is all, all is one, as The Holy Chosen say.” Purah said.

  “I cannot put the thought of intelligent life, my life, our life, on the same level as plankton, Purah,” Rolce said.

  “Then you admit that I’m correct in saying life is not all equal?” Purah asked.

  “I do. It is how it is designed,” Rolce said.

  “I find it amusing you say designed, rather than grown, or evolved. You are so sure it was designed? Created?” Purah asked.

  “Of course I’m not sure, but the alternative is a life without meaning, without purpose.” Rolce said. “And whether IAM created Thera in a matter of days, or we grew over a period of millions of years, or it’s some mix of the two, or none at all. Either way, neither of us can know for sure. Science is a tool for observing what we can see, not what we can’t see. That’s what Philosophy and Theology are for, to fill in the gaps. We need them all, but, that’s not the point of our discussion. We both know IAM exists, as well as Appolyon, and I don’t know where these voices or visions in my head come from, but I can’t deny they’re existence. All I can do, for my own sanity, is believe that I was put on Thera for a reason.”

  So, you believe, or want to believe, your life has purpose? Tell me, Rolce. Where does this purpose come from? From IAM? If so, then don’t you need religion as well? With purpose, doesn’t there come rules? Rules such as no homosexual relations? No red meat? No sexual relations before marriage? Need I go on with these silly rules IAM related religions have mustered? And why are some rules different between the religions? Why follow them in the first place? Because, IAM says so? Sorry, but I want more. I want to make rules that actually make sense in order to fix this flawed existence we call life. You’re right. I know IAM exists. So does Drakearon, but the average person hasn’t seen what we’ve seen. They have to take it on faith, and faith, is such a fragile thing when put against reason. Don’t you see the brilliance of Drakearon now? Just with his existence, his power, his words, he gives faith to the realist, and reason to the faithful, leaving them conflicted, and eventually, controllable. This is why they are coming to us willingly, and making our side more powerful by the day. But you, Rolce. You’re different. Tell me, just what are you?” Purah asked. Rolce thought on that for a moment.

  “I consider myself a believer if I must claim a title or name. I’m not an IAMst, or an Orthodox IAMist, or consider myself attached to any other branch. I believe that one can believe in a higher power without believing in religion. Man creates religion. Religion doesn’t create man. Religion is man’s way to IAM, and faith is IAM’s way to man. Once you believe in a higher power, believe that every action is preordained, leading to a big picture, then, at least for me, I have purpose. As I said, I believe my life exists for a reason, and part of the fun and mystery, has been discovering what that purpose is.” Rolce said.

  “Ah, but if everything is preordained as you say, if IAM exists, and if he knows your every choice before you make it, then, by reason, you do not have free will, do you? Free will, it is but an illusion.” Purah said.

  “Not at all,” Rolce fired back calmly. “Just because IAM knows what we are going to do, before we do it, doesn’t erase our free will. Instead, it proves it. You say you believe in IAM, and yet, you continue to do what you do, wanting to use Drakearon’s free will to erase free will.” Rolce said.

  “Ah, yes, as I said, I know IAM exists, but, not for a moment do I believe him to be omniscient, or omnipresent. There’s a difference, and yes, I see the irony of using free will to erase free will. Don’t think I don’t, but what I also see is a flawed design, that needs fixing, but please, do continue. Tell me how free will isn’t illusion. Tell me how my questionable actions could both be my own choice, and IAM’s design. You can’t have it both ways here. It’s one or the other. Fate, or choice.” Purah said, leaning in and listening intently.

  “The way I see it, is horrible things happen everyday, and yet, IAM doesn’t interfere. I hear the argument thrown around a lot, that if IAM existed, he wouldn’t allow this or that evil to exist, or this or that tragedy to happen, but remember, it’s not IAM who does evil. It is us. Men choose to rape, to murder, and bring tragedy.

  Maybe an evil force influences these men when they make such choices, but we all, we all hear that voice, and we make our choices regardless. For IAM to intervene, is to stop free will in its tracks, and free
will is the cause of everything in existence itself. If there is but one thing that I have learned of my maker, it is this. He may be a jealous lover, but he is not unrealistic. He will not force you to love him. If he does, then it is not love. Love must be free, and only when it is given and accepted freely, is it love.

  For instance, if a King loved a beautiful woman, by right, being king, he could force any woman he wished to be his wife. But would that wife really love him? You can force people to do many things, but you cannot force someone to love you.” Rolce said.

  “Hm,” Purah said.

  “For argument’s sake, let’s say that the King instead of forcing someone to marry him, decides to allow other, lesser lovers to become available for that beautiful woman to choose from. What if he instead comes to the girl, woos her, offers her a choice, and she decides to love him freely. Wouldn’t that be best? Wouldn’t that be real? He may know what we are going to do, and like every good father, he wants his children to make the right choice, but despite all his power, he allows us to make the wrong choice. I believe love itself proves that free will is not just an illusion, it is real . . .” Rolce asked. Purah smiled.

  “I am enjoying this conversation, Rolce. I really am, but there are many holes in your logic. You cannot have free will, and also have destiny.” Purah said.

  “That’s true, I’ll give you that, but isn’t the word ‘destiny’ just a fancy term for admitting you believe in a higher power? That your life is out of your control?” Rolce asked.

  “Exactly my point, Rolce. It has to be one, or the other.” Purah said.

  “Why can’t it be both? Can IAM not control nature’s surroundings? Like, the weather? Perhaps it’s a rainy day outside, and, in one time line, I die by being struck by lightning. Perhaps, down the road, a greater evil happens, because I was not there to stop it, because that lightning blast killed me? We both know how Time works, Purah. I believe that we make our choices, and IAM, does his best to work around them for the all around, big picture, the greater good, and at the core of it, love, is the greatest good of all! We, as people, run on love! It was from love we were born, through love we are sustained, and because of love mankind continues to exist!” Rolce asked.

  “It’s in the realm of possibility. Your argument is sound, if not a little mushy, but this opens up a new question. Why is it, that when we lose love, we feel the worst pain imaginable? There’s a limit to how much pain a man can take, and the loss of love? It’s enough to make a man go mad, lose purpose . . .” Purah said.

  “I thought purpose doesn’t exist?” Rolce asked.

  “It does. I’m not debating the rules of our world. Purpose exists. What I’m saying, is that I wish to change the rules. There was a time where we as men could picture perfection, yet, not achieve it. Now, through Drakearon’s power, we can.” Purah said.

  Rolce fell silent at this.

  “I don’t want to fight you, Rolce. I really don’t. We have come to a drawing of the line in the sand. It comes down to this. You want the rules to stay as they are, and I wish to change them, and to do that, I will need warriors, as will you, if you wish to stop me.” Purah said.

  “All to erase the pain of losing your family, and your guilt?” Rolce asked. Purah then looked surprised.

  “I know your whole story. Your wife, your child, killed in the Renegade Civil War.” Rolce said.

  It was now Purah’s turn to fall silent.

  “By your silence, I know you’re in pain, but you cannot even know pain, without pleasure. Can you? They go hand in hand. To embrace one, is to deny the other. You really want to be rid of all your memories? The good times you had?” Rolce asked.

  “I do. So I no longer have to feel this way.” Purah said.

  “But, what Drakearon offers, as I repeat myself, it isn’t life!” Rolce said.

  “But neither is it death,” Purah said.

  “We can go back and forth for eternity like this Purah and that’s just what I’m fighting for! I enjoy debating, I enjoy coming to a table, on a level playing field out of respect and free from prejudices and bias.

  Let’s be honest for a second and cut to the chase. People are coming to you now, sure, willingly enough, but what happens once they stop coming?” Rolce asked. He then paused a moment, and looked Purah straight in the eyes.

  “This may come out wrong, and however it sounds, I don’t mean it this way. Think of it as a “what if” scenario, but, why be so selfish? Not everyone is in pain. Are they? Some people are happy. People, when in your case, usually take their own lives when such inner, uncontrollable pain becomes unbearable. Maybe our minds, our chemistry are different, but I run on hope, the hope to see the sun again, to hold Kinny in my arms again, to grow old, have children with her, but, I want to ask this . . .

  If you’re so filled with pain, why haven’t you just ended your own life? Why do you feel the need to bring down the rest of the world with you? Why do you want to force them to see things your way? Purah, please, you’re a good man deep down, I know you are, you’ve just let your circumstances get the better of you, you’ve let your pain twist your . . .”

  “See, that’s where you’re wrong, Rolce.” Purah said, suddenly, his eyes taking on a very different gleam. “I’m tired, Rolce, so very tired of this world. Maybe, if others were like you and your father, life would be more enjoyable, but it isn’t. Maybe, it took such circumstances, such pain, to break my false self and reveal whom I was all along?

  We’re both beyond clever, Rolce. We’re geniuses really, and everyone in this world, is just . . . so, so terribly boring! The love of my wife and child brought me a distraction, but, when they were taken from me, my distraction was gone. I don’t know how you stand it, Rolce, standing among these, these imbeciles, or why you fight for those who cannot even fight for themselves. They are a blight upon this world, with no strength, no will, always choosing the things worse for them, drinking, eating, drugging, and smoking themselves into oblivion! But worse than them, are the ones who cannot even think, or reason for themselves . . . the ones who would rather have somebody else reason for them! The ones who hold to one political party with religious fervor, all while calling the opposing side ‘extreme’! They don’t even see the irony in front of their own faces!

  The amount of naiveness, bigotry, and blind faith in this world is enough to start three new religions or cults based solely on those three flaws. Oh, wait. My mistake. They already do exist! They're called the Purist and Freeist Party! And like a religion or cult, they listen to their voted leaders without question! When their leaders say ‘swallow’ they ask how much? When their leaders say ‘bend over’ they ask how far? These . . . sheep . . . they cling to these leader’s simple logics, and it’s all my fault . . .

  You’ve heard their naïve phrases; Love is all you need. Give peace a chance. End war. Love is between a man and a woman, IAM is all you need, etc. These are but surface truths, but beneath, lies the hidden iceberg, and the iceberg is what the clever see, the truth beneath the truth, where the imbeciles would rather cling to the surface, cling to what feels good, rather than open their minds a little and dive deeper!

  Doesn't it just drive you mad, Rolce? People unable or unwilling to see what you and I can see? I should be thankful, thankful for the sheep. Without them, Drakearon would have no power, but truly, I’m not . . . these sheep, Rolce, they disturb me, and in the end, death isn’t good enough. I’d rather them suffer as eternal batteries for Drakearon!

  I will enjoy changing this world, and when the silence comes, I will revel in it, live in peace, true peace, until my own end comes, and I cannot wait! Death, death will be my next great adventure, my only excitement, my only goal beyond the silence, and I welcome it! Even if hell takes me!” Purah said.

  Rolce stared at him, trying to keep his composure upon hearing the rampant rant Purah just unloaded on him.

  “Do not give me that unapproving look, Rolce. You asked, why don’t I just kill myself? Because, I
don’t want what happened to me, to happen to anyone else! Someone needs to make the hard decisions to solve our world’s problems, but nobody will!

  For instance, overpopulation? We kill the leeches! Crime? We cut off the hands of thieves, cut off the heads of murderers, cut off the tongues of slanderers, cut off the scrotums of rapists, and watch as crime plummets!

  These are called complicated problems, but they are only complicated because of the rules of this world. But take away the rules and complicated problems become simple. Because of the guilt, we halt ourselves, but even guilt, our moral compass, can change over time. Do something evil long enough and even guilt can turn numb. People, at their core, are evil, Rolce, and they are only getting worse by the minute. Their hearts are black as the sky above us, and their minds, oh, their idiotic minds are starved from lack of use. It just, drives me rightfully mad when people just can’t bring themselves to stop, and think! Just, THINK! THINK!” Purah said, his head raised back, yelling the word, before coming back down and giving Rolce a long look. “And then there’s you, Rolce,”

  Rolce lifted an eyebrow, but held his tongue.

  “In all my years upon Thera, your friend, Gisbo, has to be the most idiotic person I’ve come across, and yet, you call him not just friend, but best friend? And even worse, deep down you want to be him! It boggles my mind! Why? Are you that lackluster in confidence that you want a companion with the IQ of a mongrel to make yourself feel better? Is that it? And, Man-Phoenix? HIM! Over Jackobi? He, Gisbo, is the one IAM chooses? I cannot even fathom . . . that alone should cause you to question IAM’s omniscience and yet, you don’t. One of the biggest power sources on Thera, and it’s given to the biggest fool upon Thera? I, I can’t even dwell on this anymore . . .”