Is It Wrong to Try to Pick Up Girls in a Dungeon?

by Fujino Omori

  This is so awkward. I can’t look her in the eyes, just drop my head and nod.

  I see a little light flick on in her eyes. She suddenly turns and runs quickly to the café, her boots clopping on the Main Street pavement. She disappears into a side door and returns almost as quickly as she left.

  She has a charming little basket clutched in her arms. Bread and cheese are sticking up from the brim.

  “If this is okay… I mean, the café isn’t open yet, so all I can offer is my morning rations…”

  “Eh? No, no, no. That’s your breakfast! I can’t accept it!”

  She looks a little bit shy and bites her lip.

  Whoa… She’s one of those inner-beauty types.

  When I see Ms. Wallenstein or the goddess, I get butterflies. Not so much with this girl, but the more I talk to her, the cuter she looks…

  The goddess would call her a “good girl next door” type of girl.

  “I can’t leave you hungry like this. It would make me sad as a person to do that. So please, Mr. Adventurer, accept it, for me.”

  “How can I say no to that…?”

  How can I possibly refuse something offered up like that? I don’t have the guts to say no to that smile.

  She closes her eyes for a moment while I search for my next words. When she opens them, a mischievous smile creeps over her face. She leans forward until her face is just a few inches from mine.

  A little too close…

  “Mr. Adventurer, I’m making this sacrifice for you. So in exchange for the bread and cheese this morning…”

  “In exchange…?”

  “You have to eat dinner tonight at the bar I work at.”

  “……”

  It was my eyes’ turn to get wide.

  I slowly chew over her words.

  This girl has completely destroyed the ice. This is the first time we’ve met, and she’s laughing like we are old buddies.

  “You don’t play fair, do you…?”

  “Hee-hee-hee. Here you are! Don’t worry about it because I’m sure I’m going to make a lot of money today!”

  Basically, “spend a lot of money tonight!” Great.

  What’s with her? Isn’t that a lot of pressure to put on someone you just met?

  “… Well then, I’ll be seeing you tonight.”

  “Yes! I’ll be waiting!”

  She laughs for me as I leave. Sure, I feel a little manipulated, but I also feel good, kind of like we just had tea together or something. Why am I suddenly so shy?

  I hold the basket in one hand as she sees me off.

  I look down Main Street, toward the tower at the center of the city. Lines of tall buildings pierce the morning sky, but the center tower looms over all of them. The Dungeon is waiting below it.

  Something very important pops into my head as I take my first step. So I turn back to her.

  She looks a bit confused. I take a deep breath.

  “I… I’m Bell Cranell. What is your name?”

  A heavy second passes as I squint my eyes waiting for her response. They pop open when she smiles at me.

  “I’m Syr Flover, Bell.”

  We exchange names, laughs, and waves before I set out.

  The Dungeon was here before the gods came down to our world.

  There was a city above the Dungeon, too, just much smaller than it is today. I’ve heard the Guild was there as well.

  What I’m trying to say is that there were people who joined the Guild and fought monsters without receiving a blessing.

  “Gwyaaa!”

  “Haaaa!!!”

  Part of me doesn’t believe it was possible. The other part of me is completely awestruck with admiration for the adventurers of old. I have a blessing, but I only recently got strong enough to slay kobolds. Those guys fought and slew monsters that were far more powerful in this very dungeon.

  “Shyaaa!”

  “Hyaaa?!”

  “Gyuee!”

  What if?

  What if those adventurers were here now, in the present?

  What if a warrior who could dominate enemies with pure power was here?

  If that warrior were in my situation, he could mow these monsters down and pick his nose at the same time.

  “GRUOOOOOR!”

  “There’s just no way!!”

  I can’t do this.

  “Damn it, you coward!!!”

  “GRAAAAAA!!”

  I turn my back to the group of kobolds and run like hell. The six of them shoot out after me, all of them tenacious fiends.

  I’m still in lower Level One of the Dungeon.

  All I can see are the dark blue walls and ceiling as I run by. The floor spreads out in all directions in this sky-less maze. The path forks suddenly; there are many intersections, and even some slopes in here. I’m pumping my arms as I run back the same path I always take through this level.

  It’s still morning, and I’m pretty sure I’m the only one here. I was playing it safe, staying on Level One, and had the luck to run into a group of these bastards.

  There were eight of them at first. By some miracle, I took out two before I got surrounded. But when the rest spread out like a net, I had no choice but to run away.

  Kobolds don’t do that—at least they aren’t supposed to. Usually the dog-headed beasts wander around alone or in pairs and attack with sharp claws and fangs. I realize I’m a newbie and all, but I’ve never seen kobolds act like this before.

  The Minotaur yesterday, and now this.

  I must be cursed or something.

  “Huh?”

  That’s it! This part of the floor is a loop! I jump behind two corners and hold my breath.

  Run around forever like yesterday or ambush them. I choose ambush. As soon as they turn that corner, I’ll make my move.

  I may have a plan, but my heart is still testing the limits of my rib cage. Damn, I’m nervous.

  If other adventurers were here, they’d laugh through their noses and call me an idiot.

  However, the halls of lower Level One are wide. Going against a group of enemies isn’t a good idea; you’ll get surrounded. No matter how much you run around, a one-on-one battle will never happen. So says Dungeon theory, anyway.

  There’s also a risk of being caught in a pincer between two enemies.

  If I’m going to survive this, I have to attack.

  “……!”

  Clop, clop, clop. The thumping sounds of their feet are closing in.

  I look down at all five of my fingers, clenching ever tighter to my dagger.

  I, Bell Cranell, am a dagger wielder. This particular dagger is about twenty celch long and is my only weapon.

  My sweaty palm grips even tighter, and I try to focus through all the beasts’ howls echoing through the corridor. Forcing my heart to be quiet, I take a deep breath.

  The second I see their bloodshot eyes turn the corner, I spring the trap.

  “Yaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!”

  “Gehh?”

  Time slows down. I lock eyes with their leader. Jump!

  My reflection grows in its eyes. Strike!

  Direct hit through the heart. That’s one down.

  The remaining kobolds round the corner half a breath later and jerk back in surprise. But I can’t let up now! I grab the body of the dying kobold still on my dagger and charge headlong into the horde, using it like a shield. Two of them get bowled over by my surprise attack.

  “Ga-ghaa?”

  “Whaa!”

  “Gyoogu?!”

  I roll over the body, coming up clean and withdrawing my dagger from the first kill. The two kobolds I hit fall flat on their backs.

  That one’s close! Dive, slash down! Through the throat! That’s two.

  “Gyaoooo!!!”

  “!”

  “Gyo!”

  The last three are moving! Coming right for me!

  Duck, roll back. The one above me, it’s wide open, but my dagger won’t get there in time! I do the next
best thing: kick. I bury my boot in its mouth.

  Snap!

  It crashes to the floor above me, its neck angled in a direction it’s not supposed to go. Third one gone.

  “I win!”

  “Kyaaann!”

  I declare this battle mine.

  The three left can’t surround me. Kobolds aren’t too bright. They won’t figure anything out. Especially now, since my dagger found the gut of the next jumper. Four down, two to go.

  I see fear in the last two’s eyes. But I’m not stopping now. Two steps, two slashes, and the last two bodies hit the floor.

  “Haaa—haaa—I… won.”

  I sit down on the dungeon floor for a breather.

  Did I just do that? I’ve never faced that many before, but somehow I did it.

  Not even a scratch on me… Not bad at all!

  There might have been a better way to face them. But I’m solo. There’s no one here to tell me how or give me orders.

  Hell, I’m the only member of Hestia Familia. Without any veterans or allies to show me the ropes, I have to do things my own way. Do things “my own way”… Sounds nice, but I’m still just a newbie making things up as I go along. I’m not good for anything yet.

  What if I asked someone from another Familia to train me up a bit? I mean, I don’t want to die doing things “my own way”… but wait. If I did that, I’d be a laughingstock. My goddess, too. What would the god of the other Familia think if I did that? Things would get way too complicated.

  Any way I look at it, I’ll be better off alone.

  As long as I “don’t go on adventures,” I can fight and win.

  Do whatever it takes to fight against one monster at a time.

  Stay in the upper levels.

  Use the surroundings to your advantage.

  “… All right.”

  Time to stand up and get to work on those bodies. One of the slain monsters’ tongues is hanging out, like the kobold’s still trying to breathe. I don’t feel sorry for it but can still help it along. I raise my dagger over its body.

  Flesh tears apart as I plunge the blade deep into its chest. Its body flinches and blood squirts everywhere, but that doesn’t matter. I’m after the small, shiny, bluish-purple shard in its chest.

  The magic stone.

  It’s a crystal with magical power; all monsters in the dungeon have them. I know I’m always saying this, but I don’t know much more than that. Maybe I should break down and read a book like the goddess is always telling me to do.

  Anyway, the Guild pays cash in exchange for these beauties because of their magical properties. This is how I make money, collecting magic stones to trade.

  The magic stones are used for many things through human engineering, like the lamp back at my room. The stones can be used to power stoves for cooking or even to freeze foods to keep them fresh. They are a valuable resource. Orario sells the stones to other cities and countries for big money, or at least that’s what I’ve heard. I think the Guild should get the credit, though, not the city.

  The stone that I took out of the kobold is actually just a shard.

  Only about the size of my fingernail, it’s not worth that much money. So far, the monsters I’ve slain on lower Levels One to Four have all had this kind of shard. The Guild pays more for bigger shards and full stones.

  The kobold’s body starts changing the moment I pull out the shard. At first, it flattens out like strings had been cut, and color drains from its face. Then without warning, its entire body turns to ash and disappears without a trace.

  All monsters disappear after their magic stone is removed.

  Eina said that the magic stone is a monster’s core, its power source. The magical energy of the stone gives them life. Eina also said that a good strategy for taking them down in a pinch is to aim for the stones. If the stone gets damaged in battle, the Guild won’t buy it. But I don’t think anyone would complain about losing a little cash if they’re about to get slaughtered.

  I watch the last of the body dissipate, but I can’t relax yet. I’ve got five more shards to collect here, and two back where I first ran into the group. I don’t have time to let them just lay around.

  Cut, slash, grab, pull. Walk to the next, repeat, walk farther still, repeat.

  “… Huh?”

  I just pulled out the magic stone of one of the kobolds, but one of the claws on its right hand didn’t turn to ash. It hit the floor with a plop and rocked a bit. The claw isn’t going anywhere.

  Looks like this is a “drop item.”

  Sometimes a piece of a monster’s body stays behind even after its stone has been removed. It just means that particular monster’s stone stored energy in a different part of the body. So that part of the monster has enough independent energy to stay behind even after the stone is removed. It also means this kobold had a very sharp claw…

  I can sell this, too. The Guild will sell it to the blacksmiths, and they will make it into a weapon or something. If this is high enough quality, I might get more for it than the magic shards!

  “Finally! A little luck!”

  I put the shards into my pouch, but I put the kobold claw into my black backpack.

  My backpack may look bland, but it has a few secrets. It was made with high-quality material and woven with magic. It can hold more than your average sack. It’s not perfect, though. If it gets too full, the seams will tear. And of course, the weight. There really is no perfect item, is there…

  Usually a “supporter” travels with adventurers and collects all the magic stones and drop items. But Hestia Familia doesn’t have any supporters, just me. I have to carry everything I pick up, and all that stuff gets pretty heavy. Ah, soloing in the Dungeon…

  Maybe I should hire a free supporter, someone not in any Familia. Eina’s been disappointed with me recently, so a supporter might help.

  Then again, we’re broke. How can I hire someone when it’s all I can do to buy food and items?

  “UAAHHHH!!!!”

  “Gyaaaa!!!!”

  “… Round two?”

  Come on! Give me a break!

  The Dungeon is a weird place, even if you ignore the magic stones.

  This is the only one in the world. Like I said earlier, it’s been here since before the gods arrived on Gekai.

  There are legends about the bottom of the Dungeon. They say it’s connected to Hell or some magical world. You’d think the gods would be able to tell us what’s down there, but they never give us a straight answer.

  “The Dungeon is a dungeon. What else can you find there other than a dungeon?”

  Words of the wise for sure. The gods really must like this place.

  I was shocked the first time I heard that the Dungeon itself is “alive.”

  It’s not like the walls are made of muscle and chase you around; they don’t move at all. In fact, adventurers have mapped out many of the floors. The maps are for sale at the Guild. I heard that the farther down you go, the floors get mind-numbingly huge. So the maps are less and less complete the lower the floor.

  When I say alive, I mean it heals itself. If a wall is damaged or destroyed one day, it’s back to normal the next.

  The magic stones may not be that impressive, but the dungeon itself is made from something really special. Even our best scientists can’t explain how or why these things happen. All they can do is watch and marvel at it.

  The walls have to be made of something a lot like magic stones. Sunlight never reaches inside, and yet it’s always bright enough to see. The ceiling of the first floor is speckled with tiny lights like sparks all over the place. No matter what time of day it is outside, it’s bright in here.

  Let’s not forget the monsters. They’re born in the Dungeon.

  Literally, in the Dungeon. They hatch from the walls. I’m not kidding. Many adventurers have seen it firsthand. That’s why no matter how many monsters are slain, their numbers never go down.

  But they don’t hatch just anywher
e. Each floor bears different monsters. Sure, some irregulars might go up or down a floor or two, but most stay on their birth floor. On a side note, the deeper the floor, the stronger the monsters.

  The floors themselves are connected by stairs, slopes, what have you. If I make a mistake and get lost, I can’t warp to the Dungeon entrance. No one can. We’re not gods, you know? Adventurers and monsters can only rely on their feet when in the Dungeon.

  Monsters are only born in the Dungeon.

  So if the Dungeon is contained and managed, there is no threat living above it.

  That’s how the first guild was formed. Now the benefits of the Dungeon and the Guild go hand in hand.

  A goblin nearly killed me several years ago when I was a kid. Most likely it descended from goblins that escaped from the Dungeon before the Guild was here. Monsters live far and wide across the world as well.

  So yeah, they can breed just fine.

  A place that spawns prosperity and danger, very mysterious…

  It’s kind of scary to think about, but I think that the Dungeon isn’t originally part of this world, just like the gods and goddesses weren’t. There is no way humans and demi-humans built it.

  Of course, there’s no way to confirm that, it’s just my gut feeling.

  “—seeh!”

  “Gobbyaaaa!”

  How did I not see that goblin in the middle of the hallway?!?

  Direct hit to my stomach, his foot got inside my ribs!

  I catch a glimpse of his bulging eyes as my body folds under the force of his kick. I roll backward.

  Those eyes… I can still remember them from when I was attacked. Add in the pasty green skin, and you’ve got a good idea what haunted my dreams for years. But now that I received a blessing, I can kill them in a heartbeat, just like this. What a difference…

  I remember when I first saw one in this Dungeon my first time here. I was so scared I couldn’t move. Feels like ages ago now.

  “Oh! Another drop item!”

  This time it’s a goblin fang.

  I put it into my backpack, but the extra weight is really getting to me. Feels like I’m carrying bricks in that thing. My spine itself is talking to me—that’s not a good sign.

  There’s still plenty of room in the bag, though… If I’m fighting goblins like that one, I can still move like normal. I think…