Is It Wrong to Try to Pick Up Girls in a Dungeon?

by Fujino Omori

  Becoming an adventurer was perfect for me because it’s a good way to make money. Okay, okay, I had a few more romantic reasons for wanting to be one, too. But I’m not trained to do anything else.

  Here I am, walking to the left down Main Street, thinking about how I’d look working in one of these shops… Ha-ha, don’t think so.

  “……”

  Getting close to the good weapon shops now. There are some really strong-looking adventurers around today. Ah! There it is!

  The weapons shop in front of me is twice the size of its neighbors.

  Not only that, it’s painted to look like an inferno. It’s impossible to miss this place.

  There is a strange-looking sign above some really thick doors. “Hφαιστος”

  I can’t read those characters, but I know their meaning. It’s the logo used by a world-famous Familia of smiths.

  I don’t think anyone’s watching me… Let’s have a look-see at their display window.

  One sheet of clear glass is between me and all sorts of sharp, shiny objects. Oh yeah, they make weapons, good ones. That one’s got an emerald green blade! Those twin swords look awesome! The reach on that buster sword… it’s huge! There’s even a rapier inlaid with gold plating!

  Ohhhhh, there it is!

  This display is genius. The tip of the dagger’s white blade is thrust into the center of a treasure chest–like box. Magic stone lamps light it up from the top down. It’s like that dagger itself is the treasure, and I just found it. Its finely honed edge looks just as potent as the claw it was forged from. Not only is the blade a thing of beauty, it’s just as powerful as the longer blades on display.

  That’s a lot of zeros on the price tag…

  I would look so awesome with this…

  Kind of sad to admit, but I’ve been coming by this window on my way home for a while now. Just to look at this work of art.

  It’s a top-class weapon used by the average adventurer.

  I know, I’m a dirt-poor adventurer using a weapon purchased with money borrowed from the Guild, but I want to touch that one. Just once, just to see how it feels.

  … I want it bad.

  I’m sure other adventurers would laugh and say, “Yeah, in your dreams!” if I told them I want this dagger.

  If I keep trying to catch up to Ms. Wallenstein, maybe the day I can hold this amazing weapon will come.

  With that dagger in my hand, I’d be unstoppable. Slash this way, cut that way, monsters dropping like flies.

  I’ve been staring into the glass for so long, I’m surprised it hasn’t started melting…

  “How long do you plan on doing that?”

  “……”

  While Bell was drooling over a weapon on display on the first floor of the weapons shop, a very irritated red-haired goddess was sitting behind a desk on the third floor above him.

  Hephaistos, dressed in her Familia’s uniform, had had enough. Her frustration poured into every syllable of her words.

  The source of her annoyance was on the other side of her desk, a goddess on her hands and knees with her face pressed onto the floor. It was none other than Hestia.

  They were on the third floor of Hephaistos Familia’s main store located on Northwest Main.

  The store was the base of operations for her Familia’s world-famous brand. The third floor was devoted to management and currently packed with tension.

  “You realize I’m very busy?”

  “……”

  “You may be very quiet, but I can’t concentrate on paperwork with you there. Don’t you get it?”

  “……”

  “Hestia?”

  “……”

  “… haa…”

  Hephaistos could only sigh at the lump of a goddess on the floor, at her friend who had not moved from that position.

  For an entire day.

  That’s how long Hestia had kept her head down, plastered to the floorboards.

  On the night of the Celebration, Hestia had asked her to have her Familia make a weapon for one of her members. Hephaistos dismissed it immediately.

  Even though she didn’t brag about it, the smiths of Hephaistos Familia were known as the best in the business. She had a reputation to uphold. Run-of-the-mill adventurers and Familias didn’t have the resources to buy her weapons.

  To have her smiths make a weapon just for a friend was out of the question. To request her smiths’ sweat and blood to produce anything under those terms would be an abuse of power. Completely taboo.

  Hephaistos had told Hestia many times, and as directly as possible, to come back with some money if she wanted to make a custom order.

  However, Hestia hadn’t given up and kept on asking. Every time she asked, her head bowed lower and lower. She’d been persistent since the start of the Celebration, and Hephaistos was at her limit.

  Hestia showed no signs of giving up, or of even raising her head.

  Hephaistos had told her to do whatever she wanted and gone back to her Familia’s home base. She’d been planning to ignore Hestia until she gave up. Hestia was bound to get hungry and go home at some point.

  That was two days ago.

  Hestia was still pleading.

  Why is she doing this…?

  Hephaistos looked down on her with a questioning eye.

  She couldn’t understand what drove Hestia to keep that pose, even while Hephaistos was trying to sleep. It was quite a shock when she woke up. She nearly fell out of her bed.

  She’d asked for many things before, but something was different this time.

  Hestia’s strong will, her obsession, was shining through.

  “Just what is that pose? You’ve been doing it since yesterday.”

  “… Dogeza.”

  “Do-ge-za?”

  “Také told me this pose has the power to make people forgive whatever you have done and grant any request.”

  “Také…?”

  “Takemikazuchi…”

  “Aaa…,” said Hephaistos as the face of the god in question floated into her mind. She knew that if Hestia was taking his advice, this could be a real pain.

  I can’t take this anymore…Hephaistos sighed. She couldn’t focus on her paperwork. So, she set her feather pen on the side of her desk and piled up the papers that still needed her signature.

  The sun cast long, golden shadows across the room. Night was almost upon them.

  Hephaistos glanced outside before straightening her always perfect posture. Taking a deep breath, she cast her gaze onto the back of Hestia’s head.

  “… Hestia, tell me. Why are you going this far?”

  Her finger lightly scratched her eye patch as she posed her question.

  “… Because I want to help him!”

  Hestia didn’t look up, only raised her voice loud enough to be clearly understood.

  “He’s changing, and quickly. He—Bell has a goal, and he’s chosen the hardest path to follow. It’s a dangerous path, that’s why I want to help! I want to give him the strength he needs! A weapon that will clear a path for him!”

  Hestia kept talking with her face to the floor, never looking up.

  A god asking another god for help. Hestia had to reveal her true intentions. It was impossible to hide anything from a god. She bared her entire being in an attempt to persuade Hephaistos to change her mind.

  “He is always helping me! I feel like I am living off his hard work! I’m his goddess, but I haven’t done anything godlike for him!”

  Hestia’s whole body tensed as she squeezed out her next words:

  “… I hate being useless…”

  Her voice was weak, but it was enough to reach Hephaistos’s ears.

  At that moment, the truth in Hestia’s words convinced her to act.

  “… All right. A weapon shall be made for this… boy.”

  Hestia’s eyes shot open as her head popped up. Hephaistos shrugged.

  “If I didn’t say yes, you’d never move.”r />
  “… Yes. Thank you, Hephaistos!”

  Hestia tried to jump to her feet, but after spending a day facedown on the floor, her limbs weren’t ready. She fell back to her knees, an innocent smile on her face. Hephaistos sighed again, but this time it was lighthearted.

  She knew she was being too nice to her, but Hephaistos saw a change in Hestia. She felt no animosity helping her like this.

  At least Hestia wasn’t shut up in a room in her shop anymore. Thinking of the difference between those days and now made her smile despite herself.

  “But let me say this: You will pay back every single val, understood? I don’t care if it takes one hundred years, you will repay me.”

  That didn’t mean she was going to give the weapon to her for free.

  Even though Hestia was taking advantage of her own resources to get what she wanted, the world-famous Hephaistos Familia was taking action. Hestia had to work for it.

  However, Hestia had shown resolve. Hephaistos nodded to herself as she stood up from her chair, walked over to the still-kneeling Hestia, and softly poked her nose.

  “I know, I know. I can do it if I try. And I’ll prove to you that my feelings for Bell are the real thing!”

  “Ha-ha, I’m looking forward to it.”

  Hephaistos was only half listening to Hestia’s bold words as she walked over to a shelf at the other side of the room. Mostly used for decoration, the shelf held a line of brand-new short hammers of varying colors.

  “What does he use?”

  “Umm… He uses a knife…”

  Hephaistos muttered, “Is that right,” under her breath as she picked up a vermilion hammer from the display shelf.

  The hammer had no useless decorations or markings—it was designed to be used, not seen. Hephaistos slid the tool into a pouch strapped around her waist.

  Next, she walked farther down the shelf to a clear crystal case and opened the lid. The case contained a mix of assorted metals and alloys. She selected one that sparkled a light silver hue, mythril.

  Lighter and stronger than iron, mythril was also far more malleable and easier to work with.

  It was the best metal for a female blacksmith’s thin arms, with no special abilities, to shape.

  “H-Hephaistos? Are you going to make it yourself?”

  “Yes, of course. That should be obvious. This has nothing to do with my Familia. It’s a private request between us. I can’t let them get involved.”

  This was the main store of her Familia’s business, but it was equipped with a rather small forge and workshop on the first floor. Hephaistos was planning to go there to make the weapon herself.

  She shot Hestia a look with her good eye as if to say, “You have a problem with that?”

  Hestia shook her head and arms, indicating, “Not one.” Her face beamed with youthful energy.

  “Why would I have a reason to complain? Bell will get a weapon made by the most famous blacksmith in all of Tenkai! In fact, I couldn’t ask for more!”

  “Have you forgotten? This isn’t Tenkai, I can’t use my ‘power’ here.”

  The gods and goddesses had a mutual agreement. All of them were forbidden to use Arkanam while on Gekai.

  Hephaistos had made hundreds of weapons and pieces of armor for gods while living in Tenkai. But down here, the Goddess of the Forge was on par with an unblessed child, just a human in terms of strength.

  “You think I care? I’m so happy you’re doing this!”

  “……”

  She didn’t doubt Hephaistos’s skill. Accepting her work with no conditions still made Hephaistos uneasy. It was written all over her face.

  What bothered her most was that she didn’t care.

  “… You will be lending me a hand. I’m not going to let you just sit around.”

  “You can count on me!”

  Hiding a small smile with her fingers, Hephaistos turned to leave.

  Hestia followed her, bouncing up and down like an excited puppy.

  Got to follow the customer’s wishes, don’t I?

  Hephaistos was changing her mind-set from the leader of the Familia to that of a craftsman.

  The blade that Hestia desired…

  A blade that would clear the path for an adventurer.

  A blade worthy of the name “Hephaistos.”

  … Easier said than done…

  Hephaistos dug through her memory to recall as much information about the boy as she could.

  Bell Cranell. Human. A barely fourteen-year-old boy.

  He was the only member of Hestia Familia. He’d received his Falna little more than two weeks ago.

  Basically, he was a greenhorn as far as adventurers were concerned.

  A high-quality blade useable by the most inexperienced of adventurers…

  This was a very difficult problem.

  Adventurers who tried to use too strong of a blade suffered for it. Their growth stopped as they tried to master the weapon. They couldn’t wield it in battle. To put it simply, they were not ready.

  On the other hand, if she made a poor blade, it would damage the name “Hephaistos.”

  Hephaistos considered herself a smith before a god. She took a lot of pride in everything she made. She wouldn’t allow herself to produce anything less than the best. It was her policy.

  Anything worth making was worth making well. She decided to put her heart and soul into making the perfect blade.

  She was between a rock and a hard place.

  Well… how shall we do this?

  She called on the knowledge that came from making countless other pieces.

  It may be for a friend, but this order is a real pain in the ass…

  Hestia looked on with bubbly eyes as Hephaistos went to work, cursing the whole thing.

  The goddess left three days ago. She’s still not back.

  I felt a little lonely eating breakfast in an empty room this morning. Going back to the Dungeon again today.

  I have a job to do; it doesn’t matter if she’s here or not. Besides, I want to surprise her with a big pile of loot when she gets back. “Hey! Look how much I earned while you were away!” I can see her face now… Got to get the loot first, though. Quick check in the mirror; everything looks in order.

  My leg holster has the two potions I got last night. My dagger is strapped to my lower back. Slip the backpack on over my armor, and I’m ready. Come on, Bell, you can do this!

  “I’m heading out.”

  There’s no one to hear me, but I feel like I should say good-bye anyway. Here I go.

  My leg’s back to normal. Today’s the day I go back to the lower fifth.

  A few days ago, I got carried away and went down there. It didn’t turn out so well. I ran away crying, literally. It’ll be different this time. I don’t know exactly how much, but my status is much higher now. Well, just to be safe, maybe I should talk with Eina before going into the Dungeon today…

  Before I know it, I’ve climbed out of the hidden room under the church and walked my usual path through the ruins. I love how morning feels, so fresh and ready. Ah, already on West Main. Time is flying this morning.

  Should loosen up a bit before getting to the Dungeon… A morning jog sounds good. This morning looks a lot like the morning I met Syr. The sun is in the same place, people are going about their business. I can run faster than this—speed up, man, speed up.

  Yep, there’re the same two animal people talking on the corner. Someone’s setting up the terrace. The girl who was in the second-floor window of that shop isn’t here today, though.

  “Oi! Wait up nya, white-head kid!”

  White-head kid…? I haven’t heard “kid” since… Where did that voice come from?

  Isn’t that The Benevolent Mistress? And that’s the catgirl waitress. Running over, her thin tail swishing, waving her arms like a maniac…

  … Behind her, isn’t that the elfess who works there, too?

  I remember the voice that called me “kid”
all too well. It was that or “tomato boy,” and other things I’d rather not think about.

  Is she really talking to me…? I returned Syr’s basket on my way home last night…

  I point at myself and mouth, “Me?” The catgirl is still coming this way at full speed, nodding.

  “Good morning, nya! Sorry to call nyou out like that, nya!”

  “Ah, um, morning… Can I help you…?”

  She’s bowing to me. Okay, I can do that, too…

  That’s a very rehearsed bow, must be for work. She’s about to say something.

  “Got a favor to ask nyou. Here, nya!”

  “?”

  “Syr is nyour friend, white-head kid. So I want nyou to give this to her, nya!”

  It’s a cloth coin purse with a metal clasp. I’ve seen this style before. It’s popular.

  There’s an unfamiliar emblem engraved on the clasp, and I can tell right away it was made by one of the Familias. The purse itself is purple, kind of cute and girlie.

  Yeah, it’s cute and all, but I don’t understand…

  Give this to Syr? What’s going on?

  “Ahnya. You are not being clear. Mr. Cranell is confused.”

  Ah, the elfess. She was the one on the terrace this morning. Maybe she can tell me what’s up…

  … Hang on, she said, “Mr. Cranell”! She remembered me. Me!

  “Lyu, nyou’re stupid! Syr forgot her wallet, playing hooky to go to Monsterphilia, nya. She nyeeds it, so I’m asking him to take it to her. Nyou knew that, right, white-head kid?”

  “That is how it is. I apologize for the confusion.”

  “Ah, no, I got it now. That’s what’s going on.”

  The elfess named Lyu ignores her coworker’s pouting face and gives me a short, repentant bow. I lower my head, too; she sorted it all out for me.

  The catgirl looks dejected, like she was left out in the cold. Her tail hangs limp, and she looks at the ground. I hear a small “hm” come from her nose. Is she angry at me?

  “Please pay her no mind. Are you sure it is okay to accept our request? Ahnya, the other employees and I are too busy preparing to go after Syr ourselves. I know we are interrupting your plans for today…”