How I Learned to Love the Walrus

by Beth Orsoff

  "Then it’s settled," he said. "Sydney, why don’t you go get us a couple of glasses?"

  "Why don’t you go get them yourself."

  "She must be saving all her charm for you," he said to Blake, as I stomped out of the room.

  I slammed the office door so hard the bookcase shook.

  "Problem?" Jill asked, swiveling her desk chair to face me.

  "I thought you went to bed with Jake?"

  "I tucked him in," she said, "then I came back down to work. What’s wrong?"

  "Nothing," I said, as I threw myself into the other desk chair and folded my arms across my chest. "Everything’s fucking wonderful."

  "Not just wonderful but fucking wonderful?"

  That was the first time I’d ever heard Jill curse, and it sounded odd. She looked at me expectantly, waiting for the inevitable explanation, and I didn’t disappoint.

  "So are you upset because Blake disagreed with you or because he did so publicly?"

  "I’m upset because he doesn’t give a damn!" Clients yelled at me all the time. I stopped getting upset over that years ago. "He’s the one who wanted to save the walruses to begin with, and now it’s like he doesn’t even care."

  "And the problem is now you do?"

  "What do you mean now? I always cared." She was as bad as Ethan. "Just because I didn’t come to the island with a deep and abiding love of walruses, doesn’t mean I haven’t always been one hundred percent committed to this project’s success."

  "I know but—"

  "But what?"

  She gave me an odd stare. "I don’t know. You seem different since you got back. You and Ethan."

  "Ethan’s no different. He’s exactly the same jerk he’s always been."

  Jill smiled. "Maybe. So where is this script of yours?"

  "Why? You want to read the world’s worst screenplay?" Too bad they didn’t give out Academy Awards for that. We’d be a shoo-in.

  "If you and Ethan wrote it, I’ve no doubt it’s wonderful. But I assume we’ll need it to—what did you call it? Scouting?"

  "I told you, they already started drinking. The evening’s shot."

  "Sydney, you certainly don’t need Blake’s help to find the best places on this island to shoot."

  Chapter 49

  I hung back by the cabin door, but even from twenty feet away I could see that they’d already reduced the level of whiskey in Ethan’s bottle by several inches. Sean was dealing a hand of cards around the dining table, whose ranks had now swelled to include Duncan and Brie too, when Jill said, "Would you mind keeping it down? I’ve got a little one sleeping upstairs."

  "Consider it done," Blake stage whispered and gave her his million dollar smile, which, for some inexplicable reason, caused Duncan to burst out laughing, which quickly spread to Guy, then Tony, and finally Sean too. Brie merely smiled and shook her head, which probably meant she’d passed on the shots and was content with her beer.

  Jill sighed and turned to Ethan. "I’m going out for a walk with Sydney. Can you keep an ear out for Jake?"

  "Of course." I was sure he’d had as much to drink as anyone else but there was no slur to his words. He looked over at me and I glared in return. Blake had spent forty hours traveling to get here, so I could forgive him his moment of pique. Ethan, on the other hand, had no excuse. Nor did I believe for one second his offering Blake that bottle was some sort of spontaneous gesture of good will. Ethan had a reason. I didn’t know what it was yet, but I intended to find out.

  "C’mon," Jill said, grabbing my arm and pulling me out the door. "You can ream Ethan later."

  It was eerie how she could read my mind sometimes.

  We circumnavigated the island in the gray evening light, Jill pointing out her favorite spots—those with the prettiest views of the island, and the ones that offered the most visibility of the walrus haul-out sites below. By the time we completed the loop, I’d chosen locations for every scene but one, which would depend on the weather. If the sun came out for a few hours, I wanted to shoot Blake on the lookout point above the sea lion beach to take advantage of the wild flowers and the stunning ocean view. But if it started raining the mud would make it too hard to reach and we’d have to find another spot closer to the trail.

  "Do you think they’ve all gone to sleep?" Jill asked, as we approached the silent cabin.

  "Not all of them," I said, as I pushed open the door and surveyed the scene. Guy was lying on the couch, drool dripping from his open mouth, Tony was curled up in the recliner, and Duncan was passed out on the rug in the middle of the living room floor. I didn’t see Brie, so I presumed she’d gone to bed. Blake, Sean, and Ethan were still sitting at the dining room table playing cards and drinking beer. From the mountain of chips in front of Blake he appeared to be winning. Sean still had several stacks of reds and blacks, but Ethan was down to his last few.

  As I approached the table, Blake smiled at me through glassy eyes. "Hey, babe. How was your walk?"

  "Productive. How’s your game?"

  His eyes narrowed into slits as his smile widened. "I’m up three hundred bucks."

  "Good. You can donate it to the foundation."

  Blake smiled again. "That’s what I love about you, Syd. You always know the right thing to do."

  Ethan coughed loudly, but I ignored him.

  "I’m glad you think so, because the right thing for you to do now would be to go to bed."

  He reached out and hooked his finger through my belt loop and gave my jeans a tug. I stood firm so instead of pulling me closer, he fell off his chair. Sean burst out laughing and even Ethan smiled and shook his head, but Jill came running to my side. "Is he okay?"

  Since Blake was still smiling and I didn’t see any blood, I said, "I assume."

  "Syd, you gotta get down here. You’re huge, like one of those Amazon women."

  Jill sighed and turned to Ethan. "I expect you to clean up this mess, and that includes getting everyone to their respective tents." When he nodded his assent, she said, "Good, then I’m going to bed."

  I helped Blake off the floor while Sean woke Guy and Tony, and the three of them roused Duncan and pulled him to his feet. I held the door open as the four of them staggered outside, but when Ethan tried to follow, I blocked his way.

  "You’ve got some explaining to do first."

  "Moi?"

  "Yes, you. What exactly was the point of all this?"

  "No point," he said, but gave me a mischievous grin. "Just a bunch of guys kicking back."

  "Oh right. Since when are you Mr. Sociable?"

  "I thought you’d be happy I was being nice to your boyfriend."

  "You weren’t being nice. You just wanted to get him drunk. The why is what I don’t understand."

  He smiled again and leaned in. I was sure he was going to kiss me, but at the last moment he moved his lips to my ear and whispered, "You will." I shuddered involuntarily, which only seemed to amuse him more. "Good night, Sydney," he called out to me as he disappeared into the starless gray night.

  Half an hour later, when Blake and I were naked and he swore this was the first time such a thing had ever happened to him, I finally understood.

  The next morning after Blake promised not to spend any more nights drinking with Ethan, I agreed to hike up to the cabin to get him a handful of Tylenol and two cans of Coke. I found Jill in the office talking on the VHF radio.

  I waited until she signed off before I asked, "Can I steal a few aspirin from you?"

  "That depends," she replied. "When were you going to tell me you invited two more people to the island?"

  Chapter 50

  "Excuse me?" I said.

  "That was Captain Lyle," Jill said, motioning toward the radio. "Your colleagues will be here within the hour."

  "My colleagues?" I had no clue who she could possibly be referring to since all of my co-workers were thousands of miles away.

  "We had a deal, Sydney. It was only supposed to be the three of you."

&nbs
p; "Jill, I swear I have no idea what you’re talking about."

  "You mean you don’t work with someone named Lindsay Holt?" she asked before stomping off towards the kitchen.

  "I do," I said, following her, "but I never asked her to come here. Lindsay would be the last person I’d invite to Wilde Island." Or anywhere for that matter.

  "Well, if you didn’t, then who did?"

  I unzipped the flap of my tent and found Blake still dozing in our combined sleeping bags. I nudged his foot until he opened his eyes. "Tell me you did not ask Lindsay to come here?"

  He looked around the tent as if he didn’t know where he was then said, "Who’s Lindsay?"

  "Lindsay Holt. You’ve only met her a dozen times."

  His blank stare told me he still had no clue who I was talking about.

  "From my office. Tall, blond, big boobs."

  "Oh right." He smiled. "Lindsay."

  I kicked him again, harder this time. "Why on earth would you ask her to come here then not even tell me? You know I can’t stand her and now Jill’s pissed too."

  "I didn’t ask her to come here. I didn’t even remember her name."

  "Then who did?"

  "How the hell should I know. Hey, did you get my aspirin? My head is killing me."

  After I questioned Guy, who claimed he’d never met Lindsay, which I believed since he was only a cameraman and therefore not worthy of her schmooze, the three of us traipsed up to the cabin together. After I handed out aspirins and cans of Coke, I introduced Blake to the island’s outdoor shower. When I returned to the cabin Guy, with assistance from Duncan and Brie, had located the cereal and coffee.

  "Anybody seen Jill?" I asked. She wasn’t in the office or the loft.

  "She went down to meet the new campers," Duncan said.

  "Already." I thought I’d at least have time to change my clothes and brush my teeth. I ran to the kitchen sink where I splashed water on my face and pulled my unwashed hair into a pony tail. I was about to head to the office for my sat phone (maybe Megan could tell me why Lindsay was here) when the door swung open and a blast of cold air rushed in, followed by Jill, Lindsay, and a stunning redhead who I’d never met but looked familiar anyhow.

  "Surprise!" the two women screamed. Then the redhead, who was more auburn than carrot top, glanced around the small cabin and asked, "Where’s Blake?"

  I ignored her and focused on Lindsay. "What the hell are you doing here?" I wasn’t happy to see her, but I couldn’t help but take some pleasure in her inappropriate attire. Her previously beige Ugg boots were stained black, and even if she did have the forethought to wear socks, her feet had to be freezing. I was also positive she had no room for long underwear beneath those skin-tight jeans. Her puffy white winter jacket looked like it might be waterproof, but since it barely covered her midriff, I knew that if the lower half of her body wasn’t numb with cold already, it would be soon.

  "Nice welcome," Lindsay replied.

  "I’m serious, Lindsay. Why are you here?"

  "Lindsay told me you asked her to come." It was obvious from Jill’s hostile tone that she believed her.

  "No," I replied through gritted teeth, "I most definitely did not. Lindsay?"

  Lindsay turned to Jill and shot her a fake smile. "Did I say Sydney? I meant to say Sydney’s boss."

  "You expect me to believe that Rick asked you to come here?"

  "Yes," Lindsay answered calmly, "because he did."

  "You’re so full of it. Why would he do that?"

  Before she could answer, the door whooshed open again, and a shivering, wet-haired Blake rushed in. "Syd, you—" was all he managed before he spotted the redhead, or before she spotted him.

  "There you are you silly bastard," she said, in an Australian accent so thick she left no doubt where she was from. Blake remained rooted in place and she added, "Well are you going to stand there like a wanker or come over here and give me a proper hello?"

  That seemed to break him from his reverie. "Sheena, I’m just surprised to see you," he said, as he walked over and gave her a kiss on the cheek, which seemed to surprise her too.

  I’d never met Sheena Tyler before, but her face had graced the cover of countless magazines. She was even more stunning in person. Sculpted cheekbones, puffy lips, and a long, lean body that looked good in anything, including the pink and brown polka dot rubber boots she wore with leggings, a chocolate mini-skirt, and matching coat, scarf, and beret.

  The next few seconds passed in awkward silence until Blake realized we were waiting on him. "Sheena’s my co-star," he said, as if I didn’t already know. When they’d met he’d described her as a "stuck up bitch." Obviously their relationship had improved.

  "Nice to meet you, Sydney," she said, as she slipped her arm through Blake’s. "I’ve heard a lot about you."

  "Really?" I said, and turned to Blake, who managed to subtly disengage his arm from hers by pushing his hands into the back pockets of his jeans. "What did he tell you?"

  She gave me an odd look and seemed on the verge of answering when Blake said, "I’ve really got to get out of these dirty clothes," and practically sprinted for the door.

  I started to follow, but Jill said, "Sydney, I need talk to you."

  "Can it wait?" Blake had a lot of explaining to do. A LOT of explaining.

  "No," she said in a tone that let me know it wasn’t up for debate. "Duncan, would you mind taking our new guests on a tour of the island?"

  He was out of his chair before Jill had even finished asking. "Love to," he said, and ran to Sheena’s side. Surprisingly, or maybe not, Brie didn’t follow. She stayed seated at the table with Guy, who’d developed a sudden fascination with the inside of his cereal bowl.

  "Can we stop at the ladies room first?" Lindsay asked.

  "Of course," Duncan answered, as he held open the door.

  If Jill wasn’t so angry I would’ve followed them. I was dying to see the expression on Lindsay’s face when Duncan showed her the outhouse. But I waited for the cabin door to shut behind them before I turned to Jill. "You can’t be mad at me for this. I didn’t invite them."

  "Your boss sending them here really isn’t much better," Jill replied.

  "Don’t assume that’s true either. I’m going to call my office right now and find out what’s really going on." Cheryl would tell me the truth.

  "What about the permits? We charge extra when you don’t obtain them in advance."

  "Don’t worry, Lindsay never leaves home without her check book." As I said it, I realized there was another solution, one that solved both of our problems. "Actually, I have a better idea."

  "What?" Jill asked.

  "Don’t issue the permits. Tell them the quota’s been filled. Then they’ll have to leave, right?"

  "Sydney, I can’t do that."

  "Why not? Lindsay knows the supply’s limited. She’d believe you if you told her there were none left. Besides, there’s nowhere for them to sleep. We’re out of tents." They probably could’ve squeezed in with Guy, but I wasn’t about to offer that up.

  "For one thing, they don’t need camping permits, just day passes."

  "You mean they just came for the day?" It hardly seemed worth it with all the travel time involved.

  "No, because they’ll be sleeping on the ship."

  "What ship?"

  Chapter 51

  I followed Jill down to the boat cove. I didn’t need her binoculars to see the yacht anchored a hundred yards off shore.

  "That boat must be fifty feet long."

  "Sixty," Jill replied. "It sleeps six, and that’s not including the crew."

  "It comes with its own crew?"

  "Of course," Jill said. "You need one for a boat that size."

  "And people sail out here just for the day?"

  "Some people," she said. "Usually it’s an organized tour, but occasionally we get charters too."

  "How come you didn’t tell me about this when I got here?" The foundation never could’v
e afforded a boat like that for a whole month, but I might’ve been able to rent it for a few days when Blake was here.

  "Because yacht charters start at $12,000 a week, and that’s just for the ship. The food, fuel, and crew are all extra."

  Okay, maybe not. "Then who’s paying for this one?"

  We caught up with Sheena and Lindsay on the trail. Sheena had her scarf wrapped around her nose and mouth. Duncan had given Lindsay the bandana he’d previously been using as a sling, and Lindsay had it tied around her face bandit style.

  "Oh my God," Lindsay said when she spotted me. "How do you stand it here?"

  I’d smelled worse days. "You get used to it."

  "I doubt that," she said and turned to Duncan. "Can’t we go back to the cabin?"

  "I’ll take you," I said, before Duncan could. It was time the two of us had a chat with our boss.

  I pushed the speaker button on the sat phone. "Rick, it’s Sydney, and I’ve got Lindsay here too."

  "Good," he said, after a two second delay. "You made it."

  "Told you," Lindsay mouthed so Rick couldn’t hear.

  I clicked the speaker button off and held the receiver to my ear. "I can’t believe you sent Lindsay here to check up on me. And who’s paying for that boat? There’s no way the foundation can afford that."

  "You let me worry about that," he said. "And I didn’t send her to check up on you. She’s traveling with Sheena."

  "Why is Sheena here?" I had intended to ask Blake that question, but he ran out of the cabin too fast.

  "Because she wanted to go. That’s our job, Sydney, to give the clients what they want."

  "Since when do we represent Sheena Tyler?" I didn’t even know her name until three months ago when she was cast opposite Blake. Before that she was just another model.

  "You might try reading the trades every now and then. As of last week, she’s the new Bond girl."