by SE Jakes
Cole might not know for sure that Marcus had money…but he’d seen the beach house and, hell, he probably recognized what he considered to be Marcus’s type.
Well, Marcus thought he’d recognized Cole’s type as well. But he’d let himself be taken in. Now, it was time for both of them to pay the price.
Marcus called his name, and Cole got a chill from Marcus’s tone. Marcus’s expression was worse. Fuck, it stopped Cole cold. It was worse than it had been the first time Marcus had looked at him in the diner. Suspicion was now mixed with such anger.
Unfortunately, Cole knew all too well what’d brought it on. He’d been waiting for it to be revealed, all the while praying it wouldn’t be. He’d been second-guessing his decision to leave that part of his life and his past out, arguing with himself that he was allowed his secrets. That what he was hiding didn’t have anything to do with his current situation.
Unfortunately, in Marcus’s eyes, it had everything to do with what was happening between them.
Nothing stays hidden forever.
Cole hadn’t given Marcus or the others his real name—they assumed he’d never hidden it because he’d had no reason to. But he had several friends he’d made when he’d spent that bit of time in prison, unable to make bail, and those contacts were helpful when it came to starting over the way he had. Obviously, those documents had been worth their weight in gold, since several ex-CIA guys plus a former cop hadn’t been able to ferret them out.
Not until Marcus had decided to dig. Or maybe…
Maybe your stalker’s known the entire time.
“Hey,” Cole started hesitantly. Marcus was coming at him fast, but Cole didn’t shrink away, met his fury head on. Because he was done with being afraid, done with being judged…done with all this shit. He’d never asked for promises and he’d never given any.
“Why didn’t you share the fact that you had a record?” Marcus demanded.
“I didn’t think it was important.”
“Really? The fact that you did time in jail for theft isn’t important to share with me…because of the case? Or on any level?”
Cole straightened, his anger rising quickly, as it always did when the old accusations reared their ugly heads. “I was in prison, not jail. I didn’t steal anything. And don’t tell me they don’t put innocent people in prison.”
“I never said that…but I figured you’d be honest with me. Your fucking life’s on the line. Mine too, along with Styx’s and Law’s and Paolo’s.”
“Don’t. Don’t you dare do that to me. My prison time has nothing to do with this stalking.”
“Maybe it’s someone who knew you in prison.”
“And maybe it’s some random person who I met in a grocery store!” Cole shouted. “You said it yourself—there’s no rhyme or reason to this sometimes. And I don’t know you well enough to tell you everything about my life.”
Marcus’s eyes flashed.
Cole pointed. “Tell me about your life, Marcus. You’ve told me some really specific shit—I’m the master at knowing when someone’s only telling me a slice of their life. But the difference is, I don’t find the need to pry into it. Secrets are secrets for a reason.”
“You don’t deserve to hear about more of my life. It’s not putting you in danger. And what you did…” Marcus was so angry he couldn’t even finish, Cole realized, and his own anger and humiliation and self-doubt slammed into him head on.
“What I did? Last I looked, I fucking survived. We’ve had this discussion.”
“No we didn’t. We didn’t go over how you stole from your johns and your boss, or the part where you went to jail for it.”
“I didn’t fucking steal anything,” Cole said through clenched teeth.
“Right. But the charges were dropped so you didn’t have to prove it, one way or the other. You also conveniently forgot to mention that your name isn’t really Cole.”
“Yeah, it is. I don’t answer to any other name these days.”
“Using a false ID is illegal. With your record—”
“Fuck you. Like you’re so worried about me? Like this isn’t just some attempt to back away from me as quickly as you goddamn can? Basically, Marcus, you’ve been looking for an out the whole time. I’ve tried to prove to you that I’m not that guy, whoever he was. But you’re always going to look at me like that.”
“Can you blame me? You did the same thing to me that he did. You used me and you lied.”
Cole’s suspicions were confirmed—he didn’t need any further details. “I didn’t ask for anything from you. You know that. I didn’t want to accept this help.”
“But you did.”
Cole’s face felt hot from shame. He’d never thought anyone could make him feel like that again, least of all somebody he was falling in love with. Yet, here he was. And so he charged at Marcus like a raging bull, and Marcus’s rage met his head on. All he could do was take the pain and anger out on Marcus and let Marcus take it out on him. He heard fists hitting flesh and they were both grunting, but there was none of that sexual energy that always happened when they were play sparring. No, this was all too real and it could get ugly fast.
Uglier, anyway. But maybe this was the best way to let things end, the way Cole knew they would from the start. Because if they ended on a slightly sweet note, or with Marcus pitying him, he’d never be able to live with himself. No, this way was better, with painful bruises and some drawn blood and cursing, until strong hands tore him away.
Styx was holding on to Marcus, who was staring at Cole with a coldness in his eyes that Cole had actually never seen. It spoke of his pain and made everything just that much worse, made him sick and dizzy, to the point where suddenly the hands that had been holding him back were holding him up.
“Fuck you for not trusting me,” Marcus told him.
“Your reaction is exactly why I never trusted you to begin with,” Cole heard himself say, and maybe it was the truth or maybe it wasn’t, but he couldn’t have stopped himself from saying it. And that was all it took for Marcus to yank himself out of Styx’s arms and walk out the door.
Cole jerked away from what turned out to be Paolo’s grasp, half noticing that Law wasn’t anywhere to be seen, and resisted the urge to follow Marcus. What could he say? That he was sorry? In his estimation, words were never enough. In this case nothing would be.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Paolo
Paolo only caught the tail end of the argument, but that was enough. The last thing he heard was Cole telling Marcus that he didn’t believe his stalker was from his time in prison.
“Yeah, I made tons of friends in prison who were released at exactly the same time.” Cole rolled his eyes. “I wasn’t in long enough to be in with the general pop. That wouldn’t have gone over well.”
Paolo knew a young, handsome guy like Cole would’ve been bait. He could fight, but eventually…
Paolo shook his head to shake the what-ifs. He’d seen more than his share of young kids pay the price of “should’ve known better”.
“You’re a million miles away.” Styx’s hands were on his shoulders.
“Back at the precinct,” Paolo offered, looking up at the man he’d hated on sight, on principle. Although that thin line between love and hate had really been thin as hell.
“I heard it got rough here today.”
“Marcus called you?”
“Cole did. He felt like shit that he didn’t tell us.”
“And what did you tell him?”
“I told him we’d talk about it, but that he knows we don’t judge. Honestly, I don’t think it’s anybody that he met during that time. He wasn’t in long enough, and since we cleared that Marine and his boss from the agency… Hell, it could be anybody. It could be somebody he met on the street last week.”
Paolo nodded, because he knew that. But he couldn’t shake the feeling that he was missing something—a big something. He hadn’t realized how tense he was, not until Styx�
��s strong hands kneaded his shoulders. He practically groaned as the knots began to loosen. “I was thinking…”
“Always dangerous,” Styx said seriously.
Paolo ignored him. “What if we were slightly off track? We know this guy is good. What if he’s a dropout?”
“That makes him even more dangerous.”
A lot of the men who didn’t make the cut for the Academy, whether police or FBI or CIA—or even military—were still as highly trained. Sometimes they got all the way through training before the cracks showed through. Not everybody failed their psych test at the beginning. “It’s still a long shot, and it still leaves us a hell of a lot of guys to look at.”
“It’s a shorter list than agents and retirees.” Styx was rubbing his hands through Paolo’s hair, and, damn, the men had good hands. He knew it too because there was a slight chuckle in his voice when he said, “I’ll get right on that after I finish here. We could start with a sweep of police in the precinct where Cole was arrested.”
“Yeah, I think that’d be best,” Paolo mumbled, dropping his head a little lower to give Styx access. This scalp massage felt incredible.
Marcus walked away, out of the house and probably out of Cole’s life for good. And while Cole really couldn’t blame him, a big part of him did.
It was only when he’d gone upstairs and the anger began to subside slightly that he realized they’d had an audience, no doubt an unwilling one, but hell, it was their house. And he didn’t want to turn around to face Paolo or Law—especially not Law, because even though Law knew better than the others, well, Law probably would’ve told him not to lie in the first place.
He’d let Marcus down, and Law and the others. And so he’d called Styx and confessed because that had been easier than a face-to-face. Now, he stood in the middle of the room he’d been staying in with Marcus, trying not to look at the bed or Marcus’s bags, not sure if he was supposed to leave.
Just as suddenly as he began to think about that, he was surrounded by the three large men, their stances surprisingly comforting, especially when Cole got up the nerve to look in their faces and found compassion. Compassion but not pity.
“I’ll call Marcus back. Or maybe you should,” Paolo told him.
And just like that, the anger welled up again. “Did you not hear him?”
“I did,” Paolo said evenly. “But I still think that you calling him back would mean a hell of a lot.”
He opened his mouth to say something like “you’ve got to be fucking kidding me”, but then he heard Law say instead, “I’ve got this, Paolo.”
And when Cole looked at Law, he noted that the guy looked as haunted as Cole felt.
“Law…” Styx said with a gentleness in his voice that tugged at Cole.
But Law waved Styx off, motioned for Cole to follow him. Once they were out of Styx’s earshot (if that were even possible), he said, “Is that everything? All the cards on the table?”
“It is.”
Law nodded. “You guys said some pretty terrible things to each other.”
All Cole could do was shrug, although the pain of those words felt like a knife in his chest. In fact, he was finding it a little hard to breathe and he just didn’t want anyone to have to deal with one of his panic attacks. Not now, after such a freaking scene. Not after they just found out that he’d been arrested, accused of stealing. “I didn’t steal from anybody. Ever. But he doesn’t believe me. He doesn’t want to believe me.”
“Breathe, Cole.” Law’s words were more like instructions, and it helped Cole to tamp it down, the same way he had for Marcus. Except that made him think of Marcus, which made him sad, and mad all over again. Which made the panic worse. For a little while everything kind of blanked out, and he supposed it was better that way. He couldn’t talk or deal with any of this shit, and maybe now everybody would just leave him alone.
But…no such luck. Because when he blinked and realized that he could breathe and see again, Law was still sitting there, concerned but yet unmoved. “Give Marcus a chance.”
“I get that he’s a friend, but—”
Law interrupted. “I lost ten years I could’ve had with Styx. It wasn’t my fault, but if there was something I could’ve done to stop him from disappearing, I would’ve.”
“I’m not you. Marcus isn’t Styx. We’re not…”
“Bullshit. You’re both so far gone you can’t see straight.”
“Sometimes that’s not enough. Don’t you get it? Just because you got lucky doesn’t mean all of us do.” He heard the coldness of his own voice, saw Law recoil, almost as if he’d been slapped. But Cole was too far gone to care. He didn’t have strategies to get through this shit. His strategy had always been to run, and so far that had worked for him. It kept him from making connections that would hurt him, like these had. And it had stopped him from hurting people, the way he had Marcus…and now Law.
“What I get is that Marcus didn’t grow up like us. Not even close. Did you ever stop to think that maybe he’s been hurt by guys like us, but not us? Because I’m damn well sure that you’ve been hurt by guys like Marcus before.”
How Law managed to sound so calm amazed Cole. “I never had something like this with any of the guys I fucked for money,” he said bluntly. “You have no idea how much I opened myself up to him.”
“It’s scary. It’s always going to be scary until you two put it all out on the table. You need to know that you can get to a place where neither one of you is going to run…at least not very far or for very long.”
“What you went through…how do you not let it bleed into everything you do?” Cole asked.
Law considered that for a long moment. “I’ve had longer to deal with it, for one thing. Jesus, Cole, you’re still right on top of what happened to you—I’m surprised you have as much perspective as you do. Also…it does bleed into things. I almost lost the best things that ever happened to me because I didn’t want to deal with any of it. But they won’t let me get away with anything.”
Cole wanted Marcus to not let him get away with things…to not yell at him for everything. “Marcus isn’t like that.”
Law smiled. “I didn’t say that I didn’t do anything for them. That’s what love is. It’s give and take. And I get it. With your dad, it was mostly give on your part. You need to learn balance.” With that, Law got up and said, “I’ll call Marcus, okay? Go try to get some rest and get your head on straight.”
Cole didn’t know what else to say, so he did what Law asked of him.
Marcus got the call when he was three blocks from the house. He knew he shouldn’t be away from the men for any length of time, for all of their safety, no matter how angry he was. But he didn’t stop driving as he took the call.
A black-ops job. A high-paying one, just like the many he’d turned down countless times since retiring. He wasn’t sure why he was considering it this time, because he knew better. He knew that those kinds of jobs were certainly not an escape from real life. But somehow, he felt like the pain of that past might somehow override the pain he felt right now.
“I’ll think about it and I’ll get back to you in twenty-four,” he told the man on the other end of the line.
“We’d love to have you, Marcus. You’re always high up on our list.”
Marcus supposed that should make him feel good, but it was exactly the opposite. And as he turned the truck around to head back to the house, Law called him.
“I’m going to be pulling into the driveway in five,” he told Law.
And when he did pull in, he wasn’t surprised to find Law covering him with a shotgun. He hadn’t felt the stalker’s presence, not before he left, not when he was gone and certainly not now. Which was odd.
And when he walked with Law back into the house, all he said was, “This is supposed to be a job, not drama.”
Law snorted. “Welcome to my world.”
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Styx ran a hand through Paolo’s hai
r, massaging and caressing. Law watched the scene, an outsider looking in, if only for the moment. And he was strangely okay with that, with watching something he’d never thought he’d have but somehow did. There was something comforting about knowing Paolo and Styx genuinely loved each other, that they weren’t just doing it for him. Some guys might’ve wanted the opposite, might’ve been jealous as hell. But not him.
It had been hard enough thinking, at one point, that he’d have to choose between those two men. He knew now that he couldn’t have made that choice…and he was thankful he didn’t have to. This love was simply right, but that didn’t mean it was easy. It was just that, with love, you didn’t mind making the effort.
The two men sitting in the kitchen definitely made the effort with him, and he knew he hadn’t been easy to live with these past weeks. Or…ever, really.
He also knew that Styx was watching him without watching him, even right now while all his concentration seemed to be focused on Paolo. Indeed, at one point he looked out and caught Law’s eye. Smiled. It was an invitation to join them, but there was no pressure. Law gave a slight nod. He would join, but sometimes just watching was also nice.
He’d thought about going upstairs to talk to Cole again, numerous times, to make sure he and Marcus didn’t butt heads immediately. But Marcus had gone to a bedroom on the first floor instead. He and Cole both needed a cooling-off period. In truth, Law did as well. It hadn’t been easy to hear Marcus confront Cole about his past, even though Law had long suspected that Cole was holding something back. It was inevitable, and no one could ever be sure what another person’s personal shame might be.